Twice More

Elder Bednar, in April General Conference, told a story that has stuck with me these past few weeks.

"I have a dear friend who, in the early years of his marriage, was convinced he and his family needed a four-wheel-drive pickup truck. His wife was sure that he did not need but merely wanted the new vehicle. A playful conversation between this husband and wife initiated their consideration of the advantages and disadvantages of such a purchase.

“Sweetheart, we need a four-wheel-drive truck.”

She asked, “Why do you think we need a new truck?”

He answered her question with what he believed was the perfect response: “What if we needed milk for our children in a terrible storm, and the only way I could get to the grocery store was in a pickup?”

His wife replied with a smile, “If we buy a new truck, we will not have money for milk—so why worry about getting to the store in an emergency!”

Over time they continued to counsel together and ultimately decided to acquire the truck. Shortly after taking possession of the new vehicle, my friend wanted to demonstrate the utility of the truck and validate his reasons for wanting to purchase it. So he decided he would cut and haul a supply of firewood for their home. It was in the autumn of the year, and snow already had fallen in the mountains where he intended to find wood. As he drove up the mountainside, the snow gradually became deeper and deeper. My friend recognized the slick road conditions presented a risk, but with great confidence in the new truck, he kept going.

Sadly, my friend went too far along the snowy road. As he steered the truck off of the road at the place he had determined to cut wood, he got stuck. All four of the wheels on the new truck spun in the snow. He readily recognized that he did not know what to do to extricate himself from this dangerous situation. He was embarrassed and worried.

My friend decided, “Well, I will not just sit here.” He climbed out of the vehicle and started cutting wood. He completely filled the back of the truck with the heavy load. And then my friend determined he would try driving out of the snow one more time. As he put the pickup into gear and applied power, he started to inch forward. Slowly the truck moved out of the snow and back onto the road. He finally was free to go home, a happy and humbled man.

I pray for the assistance of the Holy Ghost as I emphasize vital lessons that can be learned from this story about my friend, the truck, and the wood. It was the load. It was the load of wood that provided the traction necessary for him to get out of the snow, to get back on the road, and to move forward. It was the load that enabled him to return to his family and his home.

Sometimes we mistakenly may believe that happiness is the absence of a load. But bearing a load is a necessary and essential part of the plan of happiness."

Today, we have had another Redwood size load placed in our "truck."  Dr. Hawkins realized he is going to be out of town the next two weeks, so he called me personally to tell me of the options.  He had dissected the results from the latest study on Undifferentiated Embryonal Sarcomas.  Of all of those, Liver responded better than any other.  This was news that we had heard before, but it was nice to hear it again.  However, of all of the studies done in the United States and Europe (remember this is such a rare cancer without many case studies in the United States alone) 80% of patients did not have a recurrence if they had 2 more Rounds of chemo after the surgery.  This is the best scenario.  And since we want the best for our son, we agreed to two more Rounds.  Six more weeks.  Four more weeks without seeing my little ones daily.  One Round will be the two drugs he's had for the other four Rounds- Ifosphamide and Doxorubicin.  The second (and LAST) Round will only have Ifos.  Dox makes him the most sick, so I'm glad he only has to have it one more time.

Just like the truck needing more load to gain traction to make it out of the snow, Caden needs more chemo added to his "load" to make sure that he gets out of the hole he is in...and will never get stuck again!  I believe he will be in the 80% that does not have a recurrence!  I have to believe this!   Otherwise this would be much harder to comprehend than it already is.

Caden is taking the news like he takes everything else- with undying courage.  In fact, he's more worried about that darned feeding tube than the chemo itself.  Just like I said- chemo isn't as bad as the side effects.  He was a little concerned that his hair was going to take longer to grow back.  And was super sad to realize that he was going to miss Scout Camp this year.  Cancer ruins everything!  But where I want to just crawl in bed for a few days of rest, he's stuffing his face with carbs to gain extra weight.  He's ready to fight!  And so we fight!  My fight will not include as many carbs as his fight, I'm sad to say. 

As more and more is added to our load, we hope to one day prove our worth.  We want to return to our Heavenly Father with a load successfully carried; our arms are strong from lifting our load and lightening the load of others.  To show that we really lived.  And loved every minute of it!  Together!