Whispers

January 5, 2014, I was inspired to bear my testimony about a song by Jenny Philips, Live Like you Believe. 

You have felt the warmth of the fire.  You have seen a glimmer of light.  It's something that you have been missing inside, something that you have been longing to find.  Hold on to the yearning.  And wherever you are on the journey...  There are things you have to let go, you might feel you're just hanging on.  When you find yourself alone and afraid, questioing all the choices you've made.  Hold on to the burning, He's leading you on through the journey.  Live live you belive, live like you know, it's one sure way your faith will grow.  Listen to your heart, search in your soul and you'll find the strength that you need: His light, the gift of His peace, when you live like you believe....

Three days later, Shelby and Caden both got sick with a viral infection.  Shelby got better.  Caden kept recovering then getting sick.  Three and a half weeks later, Caden was diagnosed with Cancer.  I spent that entire year, and all the days since, growing my faith by giving all of my hope and trust to my Heavenly Father.

January 10, 2016, I was asked to give a talk in Sacrament meeting about Finding the Silver Lining.  Two weeks later, to the day, Caden started throwing up violently.  The cancer was back, as large as the first tumor, and, "Whoops, we thought your scan was clean in October, but now we can see that that is not bowel, but in fact a tumor.  Sorry."  And we spent the next six weeks enduring the worst chemo he would ever experience.  Truly, the hardest, most heinous six weeks of his, mine, and Randy's life.

June 4th, 2017, I again felt inspired to bear my testimony.  This time I sat in my seat as long as I could.  When I could take the insistence of the Spirit no more, I grudgingly went to the pulpit, even saying that I tried to stay silent because every time I got up to speak, something bad always happened.  I bore my heart out about the tender mercies shown to us through Caden's birthday party and him catching that fly ball on his actual day.  Truly, we were lead to those seats, that ball was meant to come to him.  Our Heavenly Father gave me the thought, "I see you.  I have heard your prayers that he have a good birthday in Seattle.  I'm here with you."  ...

Two days later, I write on my blog about not knowing how I would be able to handle the news a friend had just received that her son had no more options.  The next day...

June 7th, 2017-- The immunotherapy did not work.  His previous tumors have grown, and we now have four tumors, two inoperable.  We have no more options to cure him. 

As I was watching my son break and bless the Sacrament on Sunday, I was struck by how regal he looked, and how grateful I am that he was able to participate in that sacred ordinance.  I could not control the tears.  My heart was full to bursting, coming out as soft, soft sobs.  I had tears and snot smeared all over my face and I tried and tried to stop, but couldn't.  I was just so overcome with love, and looking back now, the Spirit, telling me to "look and remember."  That night I wrote my feelings on here.  It was almost a deep need to get them out, like I was lead to write them...  The next day...

Caden started feeling pain on Monday.  He'd been telling us for a few days that he wasn't feeling quite right-- he thought it was extreme allergies.  Then we got the garage sale guitar, so he thought the cramping in his back was from the position he needed to be in to play (and he played a lot over the next few days!).  Then the normal muscle soreness from going on the tube behind the boat.  But it was more.  And the muscles didn't get better as the days passed, they got worse.  Much worse.  Enough for him to say he wants a scan.  So we're waiting for our cancer scheduler to get us scheduled for one next week.  And I just know, deep in my heart, that these little nudges (and many others I have had, but didn't feel as big as these examples) are whispers from my Heavenly Father, giving me time to process and prepare for the news that was, and is, coming. 

This is the beginning of the end.

Party?

*Caden's is darker than all the rest because they needed to leave for school at 6:20am for their zero hour class at 6:55am.  Caden drove!

 *Keilie's was taken on her first "official" day of school yesterday.  Different clothes today, same gorgeous smile.

1st official day for everyone.  It's my party, I can cry if I want to.

Freshman Only Day

That moment you realize that your baby girl is going to her first day of High School looking prettier than you did at Senior Prom.....

Symptoms

We had such a nice weekend!  Good company, good food, good weather, good boating on good water, good garage sale find that the kids have not stopped arguing over and playing with from the very second we got it home.... This was a good, GOOD weekend.

The only problem is my mind.  Things are going along great, I am having an ok time forgetting our reality and BOOM, Caden says he's not feeling well, that his stomach is hurting, that it is different pain than he's felt before, and my mind careens down the Is This the Beginning of the End? slippery slope.  No matter that two Tums and Ibuprofen took care of the pain, that it could possibly be a radiation side effect, I can't shake the gripping fear in my heart, or the shallow breaths that make me dizzy.  He tells me that he's feeling more fatigued than normal, but it can't just be that he's had crazy insane allergies like everyone else in this house town, that we're all feeling more sluggish, oh no, it's fatigue because This is the Beginning of the End.  Oh, you stayed up until Midnight and feel exhausted today?  You must have Cancer raging through your body right now!  I'm back to symptom-diagnosing Caden at a molecular level, waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop, for the last beating that is going to name freaking cancer champion over Caden's physical body.

I am sick to death of clocks and minutes and counting.  I used to be so excited for my kids to go back to school.  I remember the days where I was ready to basically drop them off at 6:00am on the first day, making that the only day where waking up that early sounded like fun!  Disneyland Fun, I tell you.  But not this year.  This year I feel like the School Clock and the End Clock are ticking, ticking, ticking, stealing my time with my little family.  I am not ready, dang it!  I. Am. Not. Ready!  But I am not going to be the one that tells him that the reality for him is that school doesn't matter one bit, so stay home with your mom while you can.  I feel like the mother hen from the story I heard a few years ago.  After a massive fire, firefighters found a mother hen charred and burned, with her sweet chicks alive and safe under her.  I am the mother that knows the fire is coming, that wants to hide and protect her chicks at the expense of all that she is.  My son is dying and I have to let him attend hours and hours of school each day, for as long as he is healthy, because that is what will make him feel most normal, make him most happy.   Who am I to shove reality in his face?  I know how it feels.

I think Jerry Spinelli got it right in his book Love, Stargirl:

Who came up with minutes, anyway?  Who needs them?  Name one good thing a minute's ever done.  They shorten fun and measure misery.  Get rid of them, I say.

Clocks- that's the problem.  Every clock is a nest of minutes and hours.  Clocks strap us into their shape....  Clocks lock us into minutes, make Ferris wheel riders of us all, lug us round and round from number to number, dice the time of our lives into tiny bits until the bits are all we know and the only question we care to ask is, "What time is it?"  As if minutes could tell.

What time is it?  It's Back to School time.  And it breaks my heart.  I wish we could just play with abandon until...

Keilie Ann Dirks (14)

Keilie started her big day with Shelby making up a scavenger hunt for her birthday gift.  This reminded both Brennon and Tyson that they could do the same thing, so Keilie spent a lot of the early morning going up and down the stairs for three different hunts.  The kids didn't use money for their gifts, instead giving her each of their favorite things they made from Side-by-side.  Caden also gave her a gift that didn't cost money, but was from his heart and something that she really wanted: his bedroom that shares the Jack-and-Jill bathroom separated by Shelby's room.

For the next four hours, we switched their rooms, organizing the furniture and all of their stuff.  Keilie helped with what she wanted to but was not expected to do any of the work, since that was a stipulation of the gift.  It was fun seeing Caden painstakingly organize that closet of dreams with all of his Legos and collected treasures, while Keilie just half-haphazardly put stuff wherever, caring more about her electronics, just getting stuff off of the floor and out of the laundry baskets we used.  Typical differences between Caden and Keilie!

We gave her the option to either go to lunch with Dad, or go to the nail salon with me.  She went to A&W with Randy, very pleased with her Drumsticks and Root Beer Freeze.  I'm glad she chose to carry on a tradition that I loved having with my own dad on my birthday.

As soon as she got back, she was ready for shopping.  Since her birthday is so close to school, we decided to save her back-to-school clothes shopping for her birthday date.  I was a good mother, not suggesting a single scrap of clothing, knowing that they would immediately be hated if I did.  She surprised me though, choosing shirts that I myself would have chosen for her body type, pants preferences, and skin tone.

We came back in time to grab the family for our tradition out-to-eat dinner.  She chose her favorite place: Old Country Buffet.  However, she said that this was the last time she'd choose to eat there.  We couldn't be more thrilled-- that place is not worth the $10.00/person price tag!  Especially when the kids want to eat just one tiny main course meal portion and then spend the rest of the time at the cookies, cakes, brownies, and frozen yogurt bar.

We came home to watch a movie together.  Her choice was Mirror, Mirror.  Since we hadn't seen that one for a while, it was fun to laugh together at all of the silly parts.  Randy and Caden, included!

We ended the night with a Badminton challenge.  And, let me just say, if our neighbors only knew us from our backyard squabbles, they'd think we were bullies.  At one point, Randy, in the spirit of competitive sportsmanship, yelled at Caden, "YES!!  TAKE THAT!!  IN YOUR FACE!!"  And I mean yelled.

Keilie's choice for her birthday dessert is always the same: Cheesecake with strawberry topping.

Happy 14th Birthday, Keilie Ann!  

High School is gaining the cutest, most unknowingly witty cutie, ever!

Fairest Maiden

It's been a busy day celebrating Keilie's 14th birthday (more on her birthday tomorrow, when I get a good picture of her), so I was almost too tired to put the babies to bed.  Since cancer care, my kids have needed me to put them to bed more than ever-- I think it is their "security blanket."  I almost told them that I couldn't do it tonight, that I was just too tired.  And then Tyson whispered in my ear as he snuggled into my neck, "Goodnight, fairest maiden in all the land!," and I almost wept in gratitude for my motherly guilt that urges me do things for my kids that I wouldn't normally do. 

I heard this the other day and had to laugh:

Why did the Lord bless us with five?!
Because he knew we would have been just fine with four.

Tyson is the perfect Caboose to our runaway train.  I sure love my kids!  My heart is so full.

Smooth Talker

Richland High School had a mini-registration today.  Don't ask me why they chose to have it on the same day as the Great American Eclipse-- it's not like school begins tomorrow, after all!  Anyway, Keilie's was at 8:00-9:00am, while Caden's was at 10:00-11:00am.  Caden confidently told us that he was going to ask for his early.  "I am not going to miss the eclipse for this!"  His wish was granted.

It was so nice to have Caden as our guide.  Not only is he super handsome, but he is super knowledgeable about everything.  He knew all answers to our questions, knew how to help Keilie navigate her schedule into walking paths instead of just course names and class hours, and helped get us into lines in a fast and efficient manner.  Richland High School's campus is probably four times what Randy and my high school campus was/is.  I'm not sure I will ever refer to RHS as Richland High School without first slipping and calling it Roy High School.  Go Royals Bombers!!

As we were standing in line to sign up to meet with Keilie's counselor (her schedule is a mess!), we were able to quickly sign up to meet with Caden's.  Before you could sign up, they had a paper that basically said, "Don't waste anyone's time.  If your concerns are for any of the reasons below, you are not going to get what you want.  Save us all the time, and just deal with it."  Caden was not worried.  Freshman Counselor was booked until 10:30am on Wednesday.  Junior Counselor had time today at 1:15pm.

Here's the thing:  The only reason that Caden wanted to meet with this woman was for the number one reason posted on the Do Not Even Ask paper!  He walked in there, cocky and certain, basically daring me to contradict him in his requests.  I zipped my lip and watched my son at work.  It is no doubt that Caden has learned some skills from Randy.  Plus, like I said before, he is freaking handsome.  He has mastered the tone and the demeanor to command the audience's attention.  I say this, because I know for a fact that this was not a cancer perk.  To this woman, he is no different than any other student. 

1.  We will not change you into a class simply because you have a friend in it.  *He asked to move his Seminary hour from 1st to 6th, because his best friend has that hour.  "Absolutely."

2.  We will not change a class for you to have a teacher of your choice.  *He commented that he was really hoping to have Senior Krauss-- she immediately changed him to the other class.

"I never signed up for this class.  I'm not sure I would really like that one.  Could you put me in this one instead?"  "Oh, Sure!  What were you thinking?"  And Caden basically told her where and when he'd like to have each class on his schedule.  We were in and out in 7 minutes, despite the 15 minute window.

"I kind of got cocky in there, didn't I?"

But I couldn't have been more proud.  Caden knew what he wanted, he reasoned with someone that actually could listen and grant his requests, and he got exactly what he wanted for the upcoming school year.  For someone that has had all options ripped away, this felt like a massive win.

To my son, the cocky Junior, both paternally and academically speaking,  Huzzah, Huzzah, Huzzah!!!

No Bubble Buts

Remember the Saturday where we had the dead battery just moments before getting the flat tire?  Well, it seems that our summer is going to be the time of Twos.  Friday night, after Randy got all finished up with work, we decided to quickly get packed and head out on the boat.  We got an impromptu dinner prepared, got all of our snacks and drinks in coolers, grabbed sunscreen and towels, and headed out.  Just as we were prepared for the fun to begin, we realized we'd forgotten a very important component of boating: Life jackets.  We made it home, and found them on the top of our camper, remembering that we'd put them there the night before we left for Side-by-side while we frantically packed for the following week.  Ironic thing was that I'd looked on the floor as I was grabbing the bag with our sunscreen.  If I would have looked up just 5 feet, I would have seen them and we would have been out on the river for some fun.  Once all packed, again, Randy said he'd felt a stirring, maybe suggesting that we not go out with the boat.  Follow the prompting, we parked the boat to go the next day.

Since we were all in our suits, we suggested that we should go to the pool.  However, time was ticking before the 5:00-6:00 Adult Swim hour.  We decided that swimming for a few minutes, then grabbing a pizza for dinner and going back sounded like an OK thing, so we headed over.  We arrived at 4:30 to be told that the pool closes as 4:45, to clean up and prepare for Adult Swim.  We'd taken more time to get there than we'd have time to swim.  Our Friday felt like a bunch of hurrying to end up doing nothing at all.

Saturday, we woke early to go to the church for our scheduled cleaning rotation.  We got there early to get the easiest option available for kids.  They may want to be in charge of the massive vacuums, but it doesn't mean they should do it.  As soon as we were done cleaning all of the windows (Keilie was adamant that she wanted to do that one, agreeing that it was probably the hardest of all the jobs after we finished) and all chalkboards (my choice-- totally loved by all that helped me), we headed for the Columbia River for some exploration.  The kids are all tired of being thrashed around on the tube, so they have asked for a "straight ride."  Since we haven't explored the rivers much, it was time for a nice straight line down the river, seeing all of the massive homes from the water instead of the walkway paths we always take as a family.  Even from a further distance on the water, some of those homes still feel like they are too big to be practical for a one-family residence.

Things were going along great.  The weather was perfect, the water gave off a nice breeze, our lunch was eaten when everyone was hungry (10:20am) and we were all enjoying Mira on both the boat and on the raft. 

She sure makes our lives so much fun, including her in all that we can.  When we made it down to where the Columbia River meets the Snake River, we noticed what looked like a state park.  We'd been to Sacajawea State Park, which was across the river from this new place, so we decided we wanted to check it out and see if it could be another great picnic spot, or even a boat drop.  However, without warning, our boat launched forward, almost propelling Shelby off the front, coming to an abrupt halt.  Immediately, Randy turned off the boat as I scrambled to pull the raft in.  We'd hit a rock bar.  Not one sound was heard from our depth finder, not one warning was given that boats should not enter, nothing.  And, poor Brennon, he'd been doing so much better on the boat, was now frantically bawling because we'd crashed.  It was awful.

Honestly, it could have been much worse.  It trashed our propeller, but not enough for us to be stranded.  We felt a definite wobble as we rode straight back to our car, but we were profoundly grateful to be using the motor rather than our arms and tiny paddles.  Our fun ended as abruptly as our boat being slammed into that rock bar.  But it gets even better...

We have a system down to get in and out of the water.  It always has Randy backing into the water, me always going straight and forward.  Caden always drives the boat to and from the trailer, which makes it so we can be fast getting in and out of the water.  I'm actually pretty proud of us for figuring out the perfect system (for us) to make this new-to-us adventure run a little smoother.  Randy, being a seasoned boat guy, may think differently, but for someone that had been on a boat maybe 4 times tops when we first got the boat, doing things as quickly and efficiently as we do them, in such a short amount of time, makes me feel very accomplished. 

So, Randy left us roped to the dock to grab our Yukon and back the trailer down the ramp.  Once the trailer is in the water, I guide Caden to the center of the trailer, hook up the boat and winch it to the trailer, and then I drive it out as Randy centers the boat back-end on the trailer.  However, 10 minutes pass without seeing Randy getting in the long line of trucks putting boats in the water, or getting them out.  Then 15 minutes.  Confused, I walked up the dock to see what was going on.  As soon as I saw him stalking our way, I knew something was wrong.  His gait screamed aggressive rage, ready to explode.  "We're blocked in!"

After Randy drops the boat, he walks it to the dock while I drive the Yukon and trailer to park it, meeting them back at the dock with everyone ready for me to push us off.  I didn't realize that I hadn't pulled it all the way forward, so some {"kind" word} backed in in front of me (I admit there aren't enough parking stalls for single cars at this park, but still), and someone else {again, "kind" word} pulled in behind me.  Both were parking illegally, in stalls that were clearly marked for trailers, totally knowing they had blocked me in.  During the time we were wondering where Randy was, he was walking throughout the park (filled with all sorts of activity), asking if it was their cars that were blocking us.  No one came forward.  We were stuck for an unknown amount of time.  Randy called the cops as I walked between boat and car, checking on everyone as often as I could.  Awesome!

Long story short, Randy used his mad driving skills to get out.  Another illegally parked person left (They may have thought I was squinting at the sun, but I was totally giving them the stink eye, big time!), so Randy was able to do a masterfully beautiful 60-point turn and squeeze out diagonally from a space others wouldn't even dare to try.  Many people stopped to watch, powerless to help, encouraging us in our efforts.  One guy actually told us that we should just hit the car in front, since our Yukon looks like a beast.  It is-- remember when Randy, Jackie, and the kids were rear-ended while driving on the Interstate going 80 MPH?!  Not a scratch on our bumper, I kid you not.  Believe me, I really wanted to, but not really.  But kind of.  But we didn't need to, because Randy's got skills, that's why!

As we were driving home, thinking back on our day, on our weekend, on our summer, we kind of felt a little beaten-- Why does this summer have to have trials at all?  Haven't we been tried enough?  Don't we already have enough to worry and think about while we play so hard to forget?  Can't we just play in the time we have left?  And then Randy mimics Siri, and our car explodes into laughter and giddiness, and I realized this:

The more you get out and do and see and experience, the more chances there are for things to go wrong.  Our summer has been riddled with problems because we are out, every single second we can be, doing things together.  We have not been seriously hurt, we haven't been kept from fun when we could get out, we are still together trying to fit everything we want into this unknown amount of time.  We refuse to live in a bubble, so we risk little things here and there.  It's just a touch of difficulty to enhance the delight.  Life is sometimes arduous because we play so hard, but it's because we play that life is wonderful.  Take that, Life!  If there is fun to be had, we Dirks' are gonna chase it, caution thrown to the wind, guns a-blazin', screaming like maniac banshees, always terrifying the children and locals!  You've been warned! 

Sassy Pants

While coming home from many failed attempts at family fun (forgot our life jackets on our way to the river after packing and preparing for more than an hour, discouraged we changed our plans to go swimming, only to be told the pool closed in 15 minutes instead of our assumed 30 minutes) I used one of my favorite iPhone features: Hey, Siri. Moments after I said it, Randy mimicked her response in an annoyed voice and then said, "Wouldn't it be funny if you could change Siri's attitude, not just her accent and gender?" We have come up with what we think would be a FUN addition to the Siri feature: Sassy, teenager Siri.

"Hey, Siri?"

"You're ruining my life!"
"You're not the boss of me!"
"It's not my turn."
"I did it last time...."
"Whatever."
(Huffy breath) "fiiiinnnneee."
"Maybe later, kay?!"
"Just a minute."
"Why me-e?!"
(Annoyed, disgusted mimic) "Hey, Siri!"
"WWWHHHYYY?!?!"
Interrupting the request by snoring
(Annoyed) "WHAT?!"

We were all laughing as we came up with more and more responses that would be perfect for Sassy, teenager Siri. And then I praised my teenagers for giving me great ideas, that the best writing is pulled from real-life and they rolled their eyes, and in tandem exclaimed, "Whatever!" And we all laughed and laughed.

Our Journey

While at camp, the five o'clock hour each day was set aside for Chapel.  This, they said, sounds more official than it really is.  For this hour, we were split up as follows: Elementary age in the Lanai, Teenagers at the Gazebo, and Adults in the actual Chapel.  During this hour, I heard that the Elementary kids basically just colored and the Teenage kids played games.  They all kind of balked at going, but didn't really put up too much of a fight, other than to quietly complain that it was kind of a boring hour.  After the jam-packed afternoons that they had, I can see how sitting down for an hour would feel very boring.  As an adult, though, this hour was refreshing.  We always sat in a circle and basically had a Support Group Meeting.  Like February, I really enjoyed hearing more about other's stories, thus helping me cope with my own.

The leaders of the Parents Chapel was a couple that lost their 10-year old son in 2004.  *Side note: his cancer was growing undetected in-utero, eventually succumbing to a secondary cancer*  They told us before we even made the decision to attend Chapel that they understand that they stand for all of our worst fears, that they would completely understand if we all just steered clear of them the entire week.  I'm sure that not every single couple came each and every day, but we always had to extended our circle.  Maybe everyone there looked forward to this time the way we did.  It was a very healing hour each day.

They began by telling us that this last year they took a 550 mile trek across Spain.  Regardless of the weather conditions, they walked each and every one of those 550 miles.  They used this trek as a theme for our hour, using different aspects of it as our topic each day.  Like the first of our own 'Journey' they looked at it with the attitude that they had no idea how the heck they were going to even take the first step, it was just so overwhelming.  But you just have to, there is no other option; you just put your head down and walk.  And then you see the mountain ahead and think, "I am never going to make it.  It's too high, it's too hard, it's too much."  But you keep going, step after step, head down, shoulders hunched, breath becoming more difficult with exertion and elevation, back becoming heavy from the burden you carry with things necessary to survive.  Once at the top, you of course look ahead to what's coming next, but you also need to take time to look at where you came from, look over what you've just accomplished, be grateful you've made it this far.  And then you turn back towards the path you still need to take, and you take another step.

I don't know how to clarify where on the path we are right now.  I don't know if we are really on the downhill because Caden is feeling so, so, so much better than he was even just one week ago, whether we are on a peak or plateau, or if we are already on the uphill, just taking slower steps.  I can't see if we have more mountain to climb, if there are multiple hills, if we have a plateau to rest on, a meadow to rest in, or if we are racing to our end.  (I almost used 'dead end' and stopped myself.  I can't breathe.  I can't even say that word without feeling like I need to vomit.)  In essence, we are blindfolded for this portion of our journey, we have no idea what's coming or how quickly, we just have to trust and hope that we make it to our destination as best we can.

But as I look back at where we've come even just this last month, I can't help but feel proud and emboldened.  It wasn't as big of a mountain as some we've climbed before; some may even classify it as a large hill.  But we climbed that large hill, pushing our child in a wheelchair up the uneven, rocky ground.  At times we ran, others we were able to saunter, but we were always going uphill.  Together, hand-in-hand, we've taken those steps, traversed that path, and conquered something that felt too high, too hard, and too much.

 At one point, our Leaders came to a tent on the side of the road that had refreshments set out, free of charge, for those that walked the path.  As you can imagine, they were blown away by the thoughtfulness and generosity of these beautiful people.  It was not only the refreshments that gave them strength, but the loving encouragement from these amazing people that bolstered them as they placed one foot in front of the other.  As I look back, I see many such tents along our route, and they shine like beacons even now as I look back over this beautiful heartbreak we call a journey.  I will never be able to repay each kindness, I have to keep going on this journey-- I cannot stop, but I can collect the memories for encouragement to keep going when I want to stop, to face my fears with courage and conviction, and to lift me up until the time that I can be an encouragement to others on their own difficult journey.  This journey is hard, but we are making it step-by-step.  Together.

The Date

Saturday, August 12, 2017

The Boy in the Bed Goes on a Date

Well, it's happened, the event we have all been waiting for: Caden Randy Dirks, 16, went on a date.  Jennifer waited until she got the green light from me to ask him.  Rebecca, Jennifer's mom, checked in one or two times during radiation, to see how Caden was coming along.  Once I knew that Caden could participate in the activity, I said it was alright to start the final planning.  August 4th, Jennifer came to ask Caden on a date.

She didn't want to miss us, since she was asking him in person, so she asked if she could set up an appointment for us to be home for her to drop something off.  Since our days were getting just a bit more adventurous out of the house, I told her that she should tell me a time she could come and that I would make sure we were home.  She sent me a text as she was on her way, so I knew that when the knock came, Caden should answer the door.

We were just sitting down to dinner when she arrived.  Not wanting the kids to interfere, I made sure to threaten them with enough of The Tone, yet the right amount of quiet severity that they stayed in their seats and listened without a single sound.  I think we all may have held our breaths to better hear the exchange.

I love that both moms were excited to capture this moment.  Rebecca got pictures of Jennifer at the door, I got pictures of Caden with his cake.  Can we take a moment of silence for the beautiful cake, I ask you.  Caden got the first bite, but he did share with us.  And let me just say-- YUMMO!!!!!  In case it wasn't obvious enough-- He Said YES!!

Jennifer picked Caden up on Saturday afternoon.  Randy didn't want me to embarrass them, so he told me that I shouldn't take pictures.  We were putting down the last of the rock to finish up some landscaping projects (more on that soon) when she arrived.  I was massively relieved to see Jennifer's dad, Doug, had come to get pictures.  My phone was inside, and not wanting to delay them and make Caden even more nervous, I didn't make them wait while I ran in to get it, but you better believe I asked Doug to send them to me!

I can tell that Doug didn't want to make them super embarrassed either, because he didn't make them stop in front of the car, but he did get her cute, excited face as they were ready to leave.  We reminded Caden to open her driver's door, watched him walk around to his side, and then watched them drive away.  My heart soared as I thought, "My son is going on his first date!!!"

Rebecca told me we could be as involved or separated as we wanted to be.  Randy and I both agreed that we would stay back to let him have this without us.  So much of his life is lived with us watching him like a hawk, taking a million and a half pictures of him simply sleeping sometimes, that we wanted him to feel normal doing a normal teenage thing.  But it doesn't mean I didn't think about him every single second while he was gone.  It was amazing getting the pictures they sent!

 *Hopefully the only time my son tries to put on pantyhose!*

(Caden on Jacob Kreutz, Ariana Jones, McKenzie Ostrowsky, Devin Smith, Kesley Powell, Nathan Haggard, Jennifer Elsberry, Julia Johnson on unknown, Megan Kraus on Zachary Graves)

Jennifer brought him home around 7:45pm to get ready for a church dance that night.  Since it was in Eltopia, WA, 30 minutes away, Doug and Rebecca drove them to and from.  When he walked in the door close to Midnight, I had to smile-- my son went on his first date and stayed out until Midnight!  He's since brainstormed a few idea for dates that he initiates.  All I can say is: I was born to help my kids plan dates!  This is a FUN aspect of the teenage years!!!

Today while walking around Hobby Lobby, Caden saw some stickers packaged for Junior Year.  One of the stickers said PROM, to which he replied that he probably wouldn't go to Prom.  I told him that he better go to Homecoming, that he should not deny a cute girl the opportunity to go and dance with him.  He quickly said, "Well, if you ask the girl, I'll go.  Wait, what?  No, that's not what I meant."  But I quickly said, "DONE!"  You better believe I'm going to start researching cute ways to ask a girl to Homecoming!  I'll prepare the ask, he'll execute the rest.  I just hope he feels well--  My Son May Go to Homecoming!!!!!  Stay Tuned!

Baptism Choice

As Tyson and I were driving to his friend Ben's baptism today, our windshield was unexpectedly being washed by much-needed rain.  We've been having some severe smoke cover in the Tri-Cities and across the entire state of Washington for weeks now, so we didn't realize that there were clouds in the sky-- it all just looked like the white smoke we've had for a long time.  Tyson is usually shocking me with his understanding of many things, so when he said this, I was almost startled to remember that he is just a little boy, with little boy understanding.

"Mom, why would Ben choose today to be baptized?"
"Because it must have been the first Saturday after his 8th birthday, is my guess."
"Yeah, but why would he choose a day that it was raining?"
".......uh?..... hm......"
"I want my baptism to be a sunny day, kay?"

I think our discussion helped him realize the ever-changing, unpredictability of weather, but I do hope that October 14th at 10:00am is a sunny day!

Punk with the Pranks

We just got home from the most exhausting, most beautiful, most amazing week-long camp of our lives-- Side-by-side Summer Cancer Camp.  We have a TON to unpack, plus an extra TON that the kids acquired while we were there, so I only have a second to write, but I couldn't wait another moment to remember just one teeny-tiny thing that made me smile this week.  There will be so many more examples, you'll feel for yourself how blessed and fortunate we feel to have been invited to attend.

One of the shows that we got to see each day was two "classily-dressed" women that loved "telling people what to do" asking campers to write questions of "love, life, and glamor" for them to give advice on.  They would read them out loud and then give the funniest "advice" you could ever think up.  It was a BLAST to hear what they came up with on the spot to make each one make you cry, because you were laughing so hard.  Then came this one...

"Dear Miss Missi Ssippi and Miss Ali Bama,

How do you make a man fall in love with you?

Love,

Shelby"

Turns out, Tyson put pen to paper, asking words shelby herself didn't know she even wanted to ask. The camp ERUPTED in laughter and applause when Shelby jumped up and adamately proclaimed, "I DID NOT WRITE THAT!!!!!" and Tyson started laughing and jumping and clapping and taking full credit.  That's right, my friends, he's seven.

My heart is SO full thinking on every single thing we go to see, experience, and do.  We DID.NOT.STOP a single minute from Sunday at 4:00pm to today at 11:00am.  And that was just the times we were actually on the camp grounds, let alone drive time and pack/unpacking.  And the laundry.... 

MORE THAN WORTH IT!!!!!

Stay Tuned: More fun than you could ever imagine being shoved into one week remembered in text and pictures over the next few days.  Camp Side-by-side, you are tied for first with Make-A-Wish and Ronald McDonald Charities as our favorite non-profit organization.  Our lives have been made better because of your enormous and beautiful generosity and kindness!!!

Side-by-side Thursday

Sir Tinley A. Goodnight was banish to the stocks and Dragon were still in danger in Arnoldia.  However, Queen Beatrice promised that she'd consider changing things if her heart could be melted with our brave display of courage at Battle Ball, but be warned that she is not easily enthused.  So we played our hearts out to soften hers.  We, the Dirks, were Knights that played against the Dragons!

Because of the horrendous smoke, Brennon's asthma was horrid-- he chose not to play.  Not to worry, he was an amazing cheerleader for our team/family.

Yep, that's right, I ran around bases like a pro.  It was only after that I realized that the poop I stepped on may have been the force behind my speed.  Cause I don't run fast.  The first and last word from that last sentence can be erased completely.

We, the people of Arnoldia, softened her heart-- Sir Tinley A. Goodnight was freed and Dragon are now considered friends!

Because we were all so hot from a morning running bases in the full-on sun, they decided we needed to cool off, so they brought in some water fun...

 It started with kids holding the hoses, and ended with Brennon, Tyson, and Pedro (along with some other Buddies/Dads) being sprayed.  We had to warn everyone not to spray them with the big hose, though.  Even the Buddies were being bashed by that big water spray!

 After lunch and the Family Hour/Buddy Break...

We were released for our last afternoon of activities

The last hour of this activity time was set aside to shoot off the rockets our kids got the chance to make.  Caden and Randy got to the bleachers early to save the best spot for our family, and to allow Caden to shoot his off first.  We Dirks like to be first, I tell you!

After dinner, they told us to get into our armor and any other Medieval costumes we may have brought to get ready for the last night we had together.  I'm just going to get this out now: I cried many different times tonight, not because our time together was coming to and end, but because it was so huge, so explosive, so amazing, I just couldn't stop feeling so absolutely blessed, my heart was bursting and burning out of me.  This night was so huge, it felt like the biggest portion of our whole week.  And our week felt MASSIVE!!!

 They got an entire 6' table FULL of noise makers for us to begin our parade.  We walked from the dining hall to the amphitheater in a large group, making a ton of noise!  Once we made it to the entrance, it was the volunteers turn to make the noise, welcoming us to the Feast.

As the 147 volunteers lined the sides of our route, the noise and cheers struck me deep.  They were cheering for us.  We were the ones that are loved.  We are the ones that they came to see and be with.  My heart was so full seeing my kids treated in such a way.  We were royalty all week, but with them cheering us on tonight, it felt much more personal and spectacular.  We were no longer the Loyal Subjects, but the Royal Family.  So Beautiful!

We were treated to a show, including a real-life professional sword swallower.   I only took videos, sorry no pictures of swords down his throat!  You wouldn't want to see it, anyway.  Believe me!

  

Like always, we ended with dancing.  And I joined in this time!  Tears may have been trailing down my cheeks, but I danced my heart out.  My 14 year old cheerleader self would have been proud!

But that was not all...

Camp Side-by-side literally went out with a BANG!  A 15 minute firework show JUST FOR US!!!!!

Can you feel it?  Have you seen the love, and joy, and happiness, and fun, and laughter, and excitement, and absolutely amazing togetherness we have shared this week?  Can you see why we come to love our Buddies?  Can you feel what I feel as I say that I cannot believe how much they shoved into one week-- a week just for us?  Can you see how it was SO EASY to forget our reality for these few days?  Can you see why our kids counted down for six whole months to attend this amazing camp?  Can you see it?  Can you feel it?  There are hardly words adequate enough to express how grateful I am for these people that give up and give us so much! 

Camp Side-by-side:  THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF OUR HEARTS!!!!!