Strong?

The kids are making their own flavored water from mix-in packets that I don't really like. They thanked me for sharing with them. I am so generous, giving them something I purchased for myself. 

Tyson asked if he could add a little more water. 

Randy: "Tyson, is it too strong for you?"

So, naturally, he lifts the cup above his head to see if it is too strong for him. 

"Nope!"

And then he added more water. 

Matter of Facts!

Our meeting went so.much.better than I could have ever imagined.  In fact, I was the least anxious walking into that hospital than I have been since he was actually in cancer care.  The peace we all felt still brings me to tears.  We were strengthened. 

First and foremost: Caden's cancer is so rare, there is absolutely no data about anything.  Truly, we were given NOTHING.  This should make us terrified (when is it going to come back, how long are we going to have to fight this, is he going to die from this tomorrow or in 80 years?) but instead, without a negative prognosis, it was a very positive meeting.  We are starting from scratch.  We have no preconceived notions about deadlines or deathbeds.  We are making our own history.

How rare: In Dr. Hawkins' recent years of study, he's done a nationwide case study of sarcomas.  Remember, he is the number one sarcoma doctor in the nation.  A few years ago, there was a study of 600 patients.  Of those 600 patients, 39 had Undifferentiated Embryonal Sarcoma of the Liver.  Of those 39, only 6 had recurrences.  Of those 6, five had recurrences in their liver and only ONE had recurrence in the lungs.  Of those 600 patients, only one was like our Caden.  This proves that my son, The Boy in the Bed, is a unique, special Child of God.  Dr. Hawkins said he believed it was unlikely that Caden would have a recurrence, that it came as a bit of a shock that he did.

Ruled Out: There are three things that have been ruled out as possibilities for Caden's case.  1- Radiation.  It is most harsh on both the lungs and the liver.  Caden will never be a candidate for Radiation.  2- PET and MRI scans to detect cancer.  While they are amazing for diagnosis on many forms of cancer, they are not good indicators for Caden.  We will continue to get CT scans every three months.

CT Scans: Here is our miracle.  The tumor that they found this time was actually smaller than they originally thought from the scan on the 7/17/15.  Why?  It was surrounded by inflammation.  The miracle is this:  Because of the smallness of the actual tumor, without that inflammation, they would not have been able to see it in the CT scan.  Because it had inflammation, we were able to find it three months sooner.  We were able to ressect it three months sooner.  We were able to positively diagnose the cancer three months sooner.  We will be able to move forward the next time we find a tumor.  And we will.  It is almost a 100% guarantee that it will come back.  Soon.  We have been carried through our trials.  Because it has to be a certain size to be seen on CT scans, Dr. Hawkins said it wouldn't be necessary to have him scanned monthly, since this small tumor was only found after the three month scan because of that inflammation.  Our next scan is in October.  We have been given an amazing gift: Three months to live our lives to their fullest.

Options: We were given many options.  Some of which scared me as soon as he spoke them, but all of them sound optimistic now that he has explained them all.  It is important to realize this: He has ZERO data on Caden's particular cancer.  He can't tell us survival rate, likely possibility of it coming back, how scary it is that it has come back, where we should go from here, which option we should choose.  All of the options he gave us have been found to work for other sarcomas.  We just don't have any data for his.

~Resection- We would just wait for it to come back and cut it out, like this time.  I gasped.  Being so fresh off of the worst surgery he has ever had (It still strikes me that he was in more pain after this surgery than his 11-hour one in May 2014) I couldn't imagine having him go through that multiple times in his life.  Yikes.  No!  However, he said that with osteosarcomas, this is the thing he would have told us to do.  We wouldn't have an option.  That is the only option.

~Wait- He began this line with, "I know it can scare some people to just do nothing..." this is where my hand shot up.  I was overcome with emotion at the thought of just letting the cancer continue to grow.  I was all pumped up to prevent it.  As it turns out, this is the choice we are taking.  I'll explain later.

~Chemo- In this, there are three different types of options.
*Aggressive- He would get five Rounds of intense Ifosphamide.  This is the drug that he had last time.  Where I thought he was resistant was actually not quite true.  While it didn't prevent him from ever getting it again, it did kill that massive tumor.  DEAD!  The higher doses have been shown to be a very effective option for other sarcomas that have a high likelihood of returning often.  However, we know what that means: hospital stays, inpatient, low counts, more hospital stays, loss of hair, nausea, crazy mind warping.  With Caden's insistence that he will NOT get another feeding tube, this one is pretty much our last effort.  Nausea means loss of weight which means NG tube.  Not unless it is absolutely necessary.  He is old enough to make that kind of decision.
*Out-patient- This would be one option where he would get different chemo drugs intravenously a couple times a week in the clinic for as long as it takes.  He would be needed in Seattle a lot, but he wouldn't be in-patient as much.
*Pill- This would be taken each day.  He would have a lot of blood work needed here in Richland, but he would be able to be home.  The side-effects are just different.  Not as nauseous- that sort of thing, however, it would turn his hair white.  Snow white.  After time- it would begin to change his skin tone, as well.  Sue had a mixed-race patient that made the comment that "she was starting to look more like Sue's daughter," because her mother was African-American.  Truth-be-told, I believe this is the one that sounded the most desirable to Caden.

~Case-Study Trial: Seattle Children's is one of only three hospitals in the nation that is trying a new kind of therapy.  It is one possibility that may end up being an option for us when his cancer returns.  We have consented to send in a sample of Caden's tumor to be tested by Merck to see if his cancer has a certain kind of protein.  If it does not, that option is not viable for us, ever.  If it does, Caden could, potentially, be a candidate to be included in the trial.  The catch...he has to have an active tumor.  They have to be able to track and measure the progress of the trial-drug.  If he has that protein, it will be one more option in our back pocket.  We are all fairly certain that his cancer will return.  This option may end up being our modern-day miracle.

These were the options that we were given.  Dr. Hawkins told us that we could choose any one of the Chemo options and begin tomorrow (today).  However, without any known cancer in his body (He told us Cancer Free, by definition, is the lack of visible, known cancer.  I may be paraphrasing, just a bit) we wouldn't be able to really track.  What if it never came back, yet we had him taking that daily-pill?  What if it didn't recur for another 14 months- like our last resection to recurrence?  However, maybe it was the extra two Round that kept it away for a year, who knows.  There is just no right option to choose.

Our Choice- We have chosen to wait.  We know it will come back.  We now have proof that it is cancer, so we won't have to have any more proving- we can just begin therapy.  Our plan is to find a tumor, choose one of the Chemo or Immunotherapy trial drugs, see how the tumor reacts to the option, KILL it, and then get.it.out.  With this option, it has been helpful in other cancer cases that once you find what kills the recurrences, you kill the cancer.  You just have to have an active tumor.  Which he does NOT at this time!!!  Wahoo!!  Oh, yeah!!  Par-Tay!!  There is no guarantee that Chemo would prevent it from coming back.  I want our lives to go on as "normal" until it does.  And when it does, we feel more prepared and assured, than ever before. 

It is quite liberating to remove the "what the heck would we do if it did come back? Please, please, please don't let it come come," from our lives.  We know it will come back.  It will be a pleasant surprise in three months if it hasn't come back, yet.  Our lives will go on as it has for a year- living three-months at a time.  But during that three months, we are going to LIVE!  We are going to take each day as it is: A gift to be alive, 'healthy,' and together.  Oh, and listening to my kids, at this very second, I guess we are going to argue, scream, and cry, too.

I appreciate all of the love, support, and prayers.  I am telling you, they were felt yesterday.  The Spirit was in that room.  It was calm, peaceful, and encouraging during a scenario that should have been anything but.  We don't know how long we will be able to dodge the 'cancer bullet' this time, but for now, I am content.  My Caden is bragging about winning an Uno match against Keilie.  Shelby, Brennon, and Tyson are standing up for the sibling they think should have won, or did win.  I have a three-month break (hopefully longer) from witnessing the physical suffering of Caden, and the emotional suffering of my other kids.  My Mister is out working to provide for our comfort, selling his goods to make the law enforcement industry a safer place. 

Our home is still our Heaven on Earth.  

We have everything we could ever want.  

We have each other.  

Now, and for Eternity.

Lions' Den

I received an email last night from one of my good friends.  She had seen the blog post, and thought of me.  I think it perfectly describes what I have been through, what I will go through, and what I am about to do today.  It is from www.lessonsofamother.blogspot.com

~If Daniel was a man of great faith, and faith produces miracles, why didn't the angel just take him out of the lions' den?  He could have.~

Because if he did, Daniel would have missed the whole experience of being IN the lion's den but not being eaten alive.  He would have known God's power to deliver him FROM difficulty, but he wouldn't have experienced God's power to deliver him IN difficulty.  That's a whole different level of power and requires a whole different level of faith.

There was not just one single lion in that den.  There was a whole group of lions ready to rip Daniel apart, but his faith was sufficient, and God's power was sufficient, that none of them got a single bite.  At times in our lives, we feel like we've been thrown to lions- lots of them- all ready to eat us.  But instead of spending our energy wondering why God isn't taking us out, we can step back and realize, "I'm not being eaten alive in here... even though I should be.  Somehow I am going to come out of this alive."  Then look around and see God's angels who are holding back your lions.

At times I've begged to just be taken out of this.  But look at what I would have missed!  I would have missed the angels, on this side of the veil and the other, who have literally held back the lion's jaws.  I would have missed a deeper relationship with God, and I would have missed the person I've become.

So take another look at your lions and be grateful for them.  When you experience deliverance IN the lion's den, suddenly your faith and trust rise to a whole new level- one that never would have been possible had you just been delivered FROM it.

 We are headed into a 'den' today.  The words we are going to hear, the realities that Caden will have to face (as a 14 year old boy), and the possibilities placed before us feel like larger-than-normal lions.  I am trying to show faith.  But, in reality, I am scared.

I have used the story of Lazarus in a different analogy in my life, but I think it applies to this scenario, too.  Jesus knew what would happen to Lazarus.  He could have prevented it.  He could have been in the town and healed him.  But he didn't.  He needed to have a way to prove his power.  However... When Mary and Martha were in utter despair, crying, yet showing their faith that, 'If thou had been here, our brother would still live," He cried with them.  He knew it was hard for them.  He felt their sorrows.  He knew their sorrows.  He came to earth to experience our emotions.  He knew what He was about to do, yet he allowed them to cry.  He comisserated with them, loved them, and then showed His power.

I am not saying that He will save my son because I believe He can.  His will is the only thing that will determine the outcome.  No, I am saying that He knows I am scared.  He knows my sorrows.  He has heard my prayers.  He has seen my gallons and gallons of tears.  He knows today is going to be hard.  It is OK to cry.  This life was meant to be hard.  I am going into my den today with my hands full of my husband's hand on one side, and my son on the other.  But, more importantly, with my Heavenly Father in my heart.  I know He will guide us which option to choose.  He loves us that much.

Confirmed

It is confirmed.  Caden still has Undifferentiated Embryonal Sarcoma of the Liver.  He has never truly been Cancer Free.  We meet with the team of doctors tomorrow to be given our options.

We expected this news, but it doesn't make it any easier.  It still feels like I have been stabbed in the gut.  With a flaming sword.  With a poisoned tip.

I sent an email to Sue last night at 11:04PM, telling her that we had been down the road where they waited until they had all of the answers before giving us any type of news.  We were not interested in waiting until they had every detail, we just wanted an idea as soon as she knew anything.  They gave us little snippets last time, things like, "It does show malignancy," and the such, so they knew it was cancer before they knew what kind it was.  We just wanted that kind of news as soon as possible.  She sent me an email response at 7:21AM saying that she had already checked with Pathology, that the news had not posted yet, but that she would check throughout the day and let us know the prognosis as soon as she could.  She even promised.  She is a great comfort to me.  And as it turns out, they had the exact diagnosis.  Mostly because they already had the samples from before.

My heart is broken.  But I feel a kind of peace, too.  I can only attribute this to the many, many prayers and fasts on our behalf.  Thank you all for that!  They are being heard by a loving Heavenly Father. 

I truly feel that I was given months of depression/PTSD to be able to handle this right now.  I struggled so hard for so long.  However, I had a sort of coming around a few weeks before we went in for that scan.  It was heaven to feel like myself again.  I was giddy with relief.  It's as if I had had time to come to grips with the scenario before it even truly happened.  I have not felt the anxiety and intense urge to run, like I felt at Brennon's ear-tube surgery, and many times after.  I have not felt the absolute despair I have felt the last few months.  I feel as if my mind is able to accept/process/handle more than I could since January.  I know my mind is in fight vs. flight mode with this all, but I had a turning around a few weeks prior to all of this.  I can look at the past months and be grateful that it happened sooner, rather than later- which is NOW!  I have been carried and strengthened for this outcome, for months.  It is a confirmation that He knows me.  He loves me.  That although things are hard, I have not been left alone.  It was my little nudge- the way Heavenly Father has always prepared me for hard things.

STUPID CANCER!!!

STUPID CANCER!!!

STUPID CANCER!!!

My world

We busted out at 10:00AM. We made it home by 2:30PM. We have been zombies walking around in our slice of heaven. Kisses and hugs have not stopped. My lap has not been empty from the moment we walked in and sat down. My heart overflows with love and happiness tonight. 

I already have plans for tomorrow. Uno!! And Skip-Bo!! And board games!! And movies!! I don't want my kids out of my sight for a single second. I have missed them!! Starting tomorrow...

My family is together, under one roof. All is right in my world tonight. 

Dear Marvel

Dear Marvel,

My name is Stephanie Dirks. I am contacting you with a new character idea. This will sound way too good to be true, but I promise you, it is attainable. I have seen it. And to those grounded in reality, this is what a true Hero looks like. 

I present to you:

Caden!!

This hero needs no special medicines/potions/experimental drugs/iron suit/magic weapon to make him tougher, more buff, larger in stature, or physically able to dominate situations by becoming a rage monster of a peculiar color. He has that kind of strength on his own. Without the color issues. 

Like Iron Man, he needs something extra to keep him alive (Iron Man has that magnet thingy, Caden has chemo and surgeons) but that is not what makes them stronger, it is just what helps them continue to show their inner-strength. 

While he has not saved someone's life in the way you deem movie-worthy, his strength, courage, testimony, and attitude have touched many. He has given them things that they needed, at a time that they needed them. Which, in this world, is said to be a life-saver. He has proven that strength is needed when you have little to give, courage is shown when things look the most terrifying, testimony can be gained and strengthen by sharing it with others, and attitude makes all the difference in the world. He may not be a hero to the world, but this hero means the world to me. 

Feel free to contact me to further discuss this character that will revolutionize the Hero industry. In this awfully-beautiful place called Reality, he is a strong person to look up to. 

Sincerely,

Stephanie Dirks. 

My hero had the chest tube pulled today. It was an extremely rough night- second only to the night before he was life flown to this necessary torture chamber. In all honesty, it was hell. They were finally able to get on top of the pain by around 4:00AM. Oxygen was needed because he fell into such a deep, blissful sleep that kept him from taking deep breaths. He didn't even notice them hooking him up. He didn't really even wake for them to give him his x-ray, needed to make sure the lung was properly inflated. However, 8:00AM came with a painful-vengeance. 

The face you just saw...you know what? Let's, see that face one more time, shall we?!

Is my Hero's determined face. The doctor was peeling away the sticky tape, snipping the sutures, and telling Caden that this would feel differently than the two tubes he had pulled after his liver resection. She told him to take a deep breath and hold it, which is a painful thing to do when you have a tube shoved in between two ribs. Then, on the count of three, another doctor quickly pulled it out. The only difference to that beautiful face was the steady stream of tears slipping from those beautiful eyes.

Considering all that Caden has gone through, his pain level has never gone above an 8. Even when he had internal bleeding, a massive tumor pushing his insides, and diminished lung capacity that had ICU concerned, this Hero has never gotten to a Ten on the pain chart. Until today. Not one sound was made, however. He is that strong.  

Because of the pain he has been experiencing, the doctors seemed certain that we would be staying another night. It is 100% completely up to Caden. I will do anything to make sure he is comfortable. Even if that means sleeping in a chair to make sure he can always see me, and that I am always close at hand. Or rubbing his feet to distract him from the pain, even though I am dizzy tired with a bobble-head. Or when I try with all of my might to stay awake and talk with him during his only 30 minutes of pain-free night at 2:30AM. Or constant wet-hands to continue to pat his face with a cold compress. Or back-breaking bending to ensure that his face is patted just so. 

It is my pleasure to serve him. In truth, I do it for me too. It is what makes a mom feel wonderful. I don't have the knowledge or tools needed to save his life. But I do have the tools to make his life more comfortable. I would do it for anyone that I loved. 

I get to take care of my Hero. I am the luckiest girl in the world. 

Work

This is our FIGHT shirt!! Let's do this!! 

Please pray for my son!!!

3:30 PM Update:

Surgery didn't get under way until noon. Radiology took longer than expected, yet the surgery took less time than expected. All-in-all, it took two hours. 

I just got word from Randy: he's good. Tired, but good. There was a mix-up, and I was never taken back to see him. While I was out, demanding to be taken to my son, Randy was given the easy route and taken to him by a sneaky nurse. Lucky!!

After the ok was given last year, I ended up deleting my room tracker. Hopefully this is the last room we need to track this time. We are in RC5.806. I can't wait to see my Caden. It has been a long wait!

My first glimpse. 

He is SO thirsty. 

He was even awake long enough to give me a smile. I was surprised to see it so soon. He is always reassuring me. I love him so much!! 

He is resting now. Oh, how I love that morphine. I would do just about anything to keep him from feeling pain. 

On May 7, 2014, Randy, Caden, and I took a picture just before him going into the big surgery. I don't have access to it right now, but I did take one today as kind of a then-and-now picture. When I saw it, I almost asked to take another one. But, to tell you the truth, it is absolutely perfect. Randy and I are on either side, supporting our beautiful child. We look haggard. We are tired, worried, worn-out, just trying to send him off with our dignity. But on the inside- we are screaming. We want to run him away from all of this necessary torture. But all that we want him to see, is smiling. Even when we feel like crying. 

Stupid cancer!

Hero

Some people have to wait their entire lives to meet their Hero. I'm raising mine. 

It's a go for tomorrow. Check in at 9:15, surgery at 10:30. It has been confirmed to be an actual nodule, not a mistake of the machine. It very well could be a benign tumor. Oh, how I hope it is!! Caden, himself, believes it is cancer. I asked him if he was scared. 

"No. I'm ready to just get going."

Attention Grabbers

I don't have a picture (because I didn't want to attract any more attention) so you'll have to imagine.  And then laugh.  We did!

Randy technically has the whole week off.  We were supposed to leave for Boston today.  Cancer sucks.  With the extra time on our hands, and the extra thoughts in our heads, we decided to just pack up and head for a Science Museum in Spokane.  But first, we had to eat.  Here comes the comedy.

~Randy walking into the food court at the Spokane Mall with three women (one of which is pregnant), and 9 children, all under the age of 14.~

Oh, WOW, you should have seen the stares.  And double takes.  And gossip whispers between people passing by.  If we would have known those watching- say, like at church or a Halloween party- we probably would have dressed in our best pioneer garb and all held hands, or something.  But as it stands, I think Randy was all-too excited to get in our cars to go home.

Classic.

***************
We got more information about the coming days.  We meet with Dr. Realy tomorrow at 12:30.  His surgery is scheduled for 10:30 on Friday morning.  In my nerves to get everything written down for dietary restrictions and such, I never asked how long they anticipate the surgery to last.  However, we thought the last surgery would be only 6 hours, and it turned out to be 11.  I guess I would just like to know an approximate.  I hope I remember tomorrow.  One nice thing...they have us scheduled for only one night in the hospital.  Sweet!  Things are looking promising for EFY! 

Thanks for your continued prayers and support.  It has been a difficult few days.  We have learned a lot of information since Friday that is insightful, hopeful, optimistic, and terrifying.  We still don't know much, but we know, for sure, that we are loved.  Thank You!!! 

Hillview Ward Lovin

July 20, 2015

The drive to Silverwood takes three hours door-to-door entrance parking lot.  We left at 8:00AM, so naturally the kids needed a nap at 8:30AM.  Doesn't everyone nap that early?

And just to be safe, in case we crashed into the many bodies of water...

Keilie is nothing, if not prepared.

 It took us a few extra minutes.  We had to stop at our favorite: Del Taco.  It's not often that I get to sample their Grilled Chicken Soft Taco.  *Crave*  Unsurprisingly, we had some bathroom needs.  We ran in, while Randy ordered our food.  While waiting for Randy to pick us up, I got my first real glimpse of what this is doing to Caden.

He had been fighting sleep the entire drive, joking around to keep his eyes open, but he didn't have the energy to stand on the curb.  He practically melted onto the grass.  Worried, I told Caden that if he wasn't feeling well enough, we could just go home.

(Exhausted voice) "I want to use that free pass at least once!"

My heart broke for that boy.  I'm so scared for what's to come.

While Randy parked the car for us, I got the kids together for their required picture.  Or pictures.

Man, I love those kids!

Since this was the first time we'd been here, we headed for the one ride that looked the biggest.  We got a bit sidetracked when the kids saw cars that they could drive.  Our first ride of the day.

 The red car you can see coming toward us is Caden, Keilie, Randy, and Tyson.  Brennon chose the correct number between one-and-ten, so he got to drive.  I was on my best back-seat-driver behavior.

 Shelby was needed to help push the pedal.  Brennon's concentration was needed for the road.

Shelby got good at pushing the pedal and looking around.  Look at that joy!!

After our Sunday Drive, we headed to the big one.  And once again, Shelby was just inches too short to ride.  Tears!  "I never get to ride with them!!!"  So we left the 'big kids' rides for the 'awesome kids' rides.

 Shelby was over-the-moon to be tall enough to ride alone.  I made sure to tell her a few times to sit 'back-to-the-back' and 'don't rock the seat.'  And then I told the attendant to tell her a few more times.  And then I reminder her once more at the top.  It's a scary thing not to be able to see your child the whole time they are riding alone.

The two tall towers was the first ride that Shelby, Brennon, Tyson and I left them.  It happened to be the wrong ride to take.  It instantly gave Randy a supreme headache, made him feel sick, scared the scream right out of Keilie (and that girl loves to scream!) and almost had Caden blacking out.  They surpassed a few of the other big rides on their way back to us.  They all exclaimed that they were done with extreme rides for the day.  

I forgive Randy for not getting any pictures.  I understand it's hard to capture the moment when you have a deep urge to share your already-been-chewed Del Taco with other passengers.

It was only 88 degrees yesterday (seriously nice after we'd acclimated to 100 degrees+ the entire month) so we decided to get a little wet.  I hate wet clothes, but I didn't want to miss a thing.

 The line was long, winding, and included stairs, so it made for another hard time watching Caden struggle to stand.  He needed to sit a lot.  We had already planned for a short day (11:00-4:00, we had an appointment at 7:00), but this sealed the deal.  We were leaving even earlier than we had planned.  No worries...we got our money's worth.  Seeing as it was free!

Do you see the radiance of my Keilie's smile.  Gosh, I think she is so gorgeous!

Bonus: I didn't get wet!

But neither did they.  And they wanted to.  So their next ride was bumper boats.  Everyone was coming off soaked.  So, I pulled the 'mama-rotzie' card, and told them I would capture their fun as best I could. 

Caden thought it would be so much fun to get close and spray me.  Haha, it was so enjoyable to feel my jeans sticking to my legs.  Epic eye-roll.  The pictures stopped, immediately.

Did we play hard enough?

You be the judge.

But our day was about to get even better.  Our "appointment with the Bishopric" turned into...

The Hillview Ward bringing their love, support, and strength to our street.  

All for The Boy in the Bed!

The Bishop asked Randy on Sunday night if he, and his counselors, could come visit us before we headed to Seattle for the surgery we thought would be on Wednesday (but is now on Friday).  He had other plans in store.  He sent out 12 texts, asking everyone to spread the news.  They met at the church behind our house at 7:00.

And walked down our street, following the ice cream truck rented just for the party.

The owner of the truck told me this story: They don't usually answer calls on their one day off- Sunday.  However, she happened to be near her phone on Sunday night at 9:30 to answer the call from a private number (which she never does, thinking it is always telemarketers) for a request to help with a party the following day- less than 24 hours from the call.  Amazing!  She actually thanked Bishop Kreutz for letting them be a part of our night.

 The woman in black, with the boy on her shoulders, is not actually in our ward.  However, her little Joshua has been battling cancer a few months longer than Caden.  It was her story that I heard, weeks before our story began, that got me mentally thinking what I would do if I had to leave my family for weeks at a time.  They went to Give Kids the World just a few months before us.  They wore their "fight" clothes and walked with our ward family.  We are so loved!  Each and every person here chose to come, with more that wished they could have come.  This was not a planned activity.  This was not something that was required.  This was something that was sent as an invitation from one man's cell phone, to twelve other cell phones, that fanned out to this one event for us.

It was SUCH a surprise.

 "MOM!  There is an ice cream truck coming down the street!!"

 "AND A PARADE!!"

 "THE BISHOP IS HERE!?!"  Wait, what?

 And just like that, our 'appointment' turned into so much more.

 It was absolutely overwhelming.  It is one thing to have emails, letters, cards, fundraisers held in your honor, presents sent, meals brought, hugs given, calls made, heads shaved, etc., over a period of stress and agony.  But it was something else entirely to see the love in front of our home, hung from our trees, draped over our front porch, piled into our arms, during one surprise party. 

It was SO much!

 I couldn't take it all in.

 This was all for this boy!

Look at him looking at me.  That handsome face!  I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

Do you see that girl just inside the door?  The girl that shares my same childhood?  Oh, yeah, she knew this was coming...and kept the secret perfectly!  She was blessed with all of the secret keeping genes.  I always seem to ruin the surprise.  However...

We nearly gave the Bishop a heart attack!  I got a text offering help and swimming.  I made the comment that we were 'living it up in Silverwood, having such a great time.'  And boy did the texts start rolling in.

Bishop: Are you guys in town?

Us: We're headed home now.  We remember our meeting.  We'll be there by 7:00.

Mary McDaniel: Hey, I have the fabric cut for Caden's Eagle Project.  Kevin and I have some errands to run around 7:00.  Could we drop it by?

Me: Yep.  We have a meeting with the Bishopric at 7:00.  We'll be there.  Just stop on by.

Jamie on Sunday night: Hey, what do you guys have planned tomorrow?

Me: Since we can't go to Lagoon, we're going to go to Silverwood?

Jamie: Wanna come over tomorrow night to play games?

Me: Or watch the Bachelorette?

Jamie...(Wondering to herself)So are you going to be home at 7:00?  

Since I wasn't very specific- she got Ashlee involved.

So as I was giving Ashlee updates on our ETA, she was giving the ward updates on our ETA.  

So there!!  I can surprise people, every once in a while.  SURPRISE!!!  Haha, I am so funny!

 This is the view I was met with.

This is the love of our ward family.

 This is the place we were lead to- leaving our beloved Casper, WY after 7 wonderful years.

Even though this post is full of words, full of description, full of amazement, still, there are hardly words to express it all.  I tried to give everyone I saw a hug.  I even gave some hugs to men that offered me their hands.  Um...I'm a hugger.  And a crier.  I burst into tears many, many times throughout the night.  How could I not?

If I missed giving you a hug, or you weren't able to see my tears in person, please know of my heart-felt thanks.  Truly, this will sustain me for a long, long time.  I will never forget the shock.  I will never forget this night.  Thank You ALL (present or not, ward family or not, this cancer-period or last) from the bottom of my overflowing heart.  I love you all so much!!

As the ice cream truck was pulling out of our loop, a neighbor stopped to ask them what was going on.  As the truck owner described what had happened, this unknown neighbor donated money to have them come back around this week to give us ice cream once more.  Bishop Kreutz was assured that they would stop by multiple times, in hopes of catching us before his surgery.  We are so fortunate to be so taken care of.

  Which child is enjoying the ride?  

Caden is slowing down quickly.  What I thought was bi-product of a busy summer of swimming and late nights, is now known to be something much more.  He is so tired, already.  He can't stand more than a few moments at a time.  He has an ever-present cough- that we have been assured many times is not because of the cancer, but because of his lungs filling with fluids.  It's an ever-present reminder that the cancer is back.  Oh, how I hate that cough!

We are disappointed to find out that Caden will not have the surgery on Wednesday, but Friday.  He meets with Dr. Realy on Thursday, and will go in Friday morning for the surgery.  We are still hopeful for EFY the next week, although now we are thinking it will be more like Tuesday, instead of Monday.  Any amount of time is better than nothing.  

However, we have been given a gift from our ward.  We're stronger than ever, and ready to go!  What difference a day can make!!