100%

Yesterday, Shelby took her Mesopotamia Content Assessment during her lunch period, her Reading Strategies Content Assessment during her Advisory period, and her Math Content Assessment after school.  As I drove into the lot at the school, Shelby ran to the car, "Mom, Mom!!!!  I passed all of my Content Assessments with 10 out of 10!!!  And, I have an A- in Science!!!!!"  And just like that, our hours at the computer felt like nothing at all.  I now know what is expected, I now know how to navigate the Dashboard, I now know how to work with my child.  It's been a long time since I've felt this sense ownership and accomplishment.  It feels fantastic.  I'm considering writing a What I Wish I Would Have Known and What to Expect pamphlet for new parents.  Love is not a battlefield-- Libby is.

4 years ago today we left for the vacation of all vacations.

(Picture taken on the porch of our own villa at Give Kids the World) 

Thank you, Make-A-Wish and Give Kids the World!!  The memory of this trip still brings me to tears.  We will never forget.

I love you, Caden.

Leona Libby Middle School

Shelby's school is the first of its kind in Richland.  This is the third year of operation.  It's a STEAM school with everything done online.  When the internet was down for an entire day in the Tri-Cities, they didn't really know what to do with themselves.  Every single thing is done on a Chromebook.  Assignments are turned in online, so if something is due on November 29th, you have until 11:59pm to turn it in.  This is not wholly uncharted territory for us, since we've done online school from home for both Caden and Keilie, but it is new territory for public school.

I was really worried about Shelby going into Middle School for a number of reasons.  My anxiety about the whole thing grew to fever pitch that was quickly dispelled after that first day of school.  Shelby has astonished me time and time again with her ability to adapt to situations.  She came home from school that first day, sat down to her Chromebook, and has worked ever since on her homework.  Having struggled with kids doing their homework without prodding, you would think this would be a blessing.  And it is, but it's also a curse.  You see, this girl works from bus to bedtime every single night.  She works on weekends, including work on Sunday, just to keep up.  She does not have time to be a kid anymore.  But being ever adaptable, she has not complained about the workload once.  It's been me that's done the crying and complaining!

Because it is all so new, I wasn't prepared for the structure of the curriculum.  In theory, it's amazing.  You have to pass things at 80% to move on to the next skill.  If you do not pass the "test," called Content Assessments, you are required to go back, study again, and produce notes to prove to your teacher you are ready to take the test again.  You have three chances to pass the Content Assessment at 80% or above before the grade becomes permanent.  Knowing that a lot of things are built step-by-step, this sounded amazing.  But when you factor in how much Shelby has worked with tutors over the last 6 years, how we pulled her from two grade levels behind to actually at grade level at the end of last year, expecting her to get 80% on every single thing is ridiculous.  Because of this, Shelby fell behind quite fast.  Add in that I didn't quite understand my role as a parent in her learning and you have a child that was working all night to get C+ and below on her first report card.  She worked all that time to be less-than average.  It truly broke my heart.  I came away from her first Parent Teacher Conference with a new resolve: I was going to tutor my daughter until the end of this semester, guiding her towards which assignment to work on when.  If she didn't get those grades up, I would pull her from public school.

I immediately sat down with her to have her help me understand what her Dashboard looked like.  Every single assignment for the entire year is visible on this Dashboard for every single core class.  When you hover over each assignment, the deadline/due date is shown.  It became apparent pretty quick that Shelby had two past-due assignments, two coming up that week, one the week after, with four due on November 29th.  That doesn't sound like too much, right?  Wrong.  Here's how a current assignment due today looks-- one of four due today, mind you:

Mesopotamia

Objective 1

Objective 2

Objective 3

Content Assessment 

Again, you think, ok, that's just three things she needs to work on.  Wrong.  It's broken down even more.

Mesopotamia

~ Objective 1

** 9 Assignments

~ Objective 2

** 6 Assignments

~ Objective 3

** 9 Assignments

Content Assessment

I am not exaggerating it at all when I say that one of the assignments under Objective 1 was reading only.  I, as the adult that reads a book a day many days a week- meaning I do not stumble over my words- sat down with her and read out loud for FIVE HOURS.  One assignment under one Objective under one main category took five hours.  There were nine assignments in that Objective.  It is not an uncommon occurrence for an Objective to take us 10 hours to complete, with me being the reader.  With Mesopotamia having 3 Objectives, that's 30 hours for what looks like one "assignment" posted on her Dashboard.  It is much more intense for her Projects, for which she has one a month.  In each core class.  Added on top of the in-class assignments, projects, and book reports they do.  In sixth grade.

As I look over the schedule I made for November, now that we are on the last day assignments for November are due, thank goodness, I would like to document (a glorified word for validate) what we've been doing, her and I, to get her where we are today:

Past Due:
Early Humans- 3 Objectives
Area & Surface Area- 4 Objectives

Due that week:
Read 15 chapters of Holes and assemble your thoughts for Book Report
PROJECT- Weather- 5 Objectives  (more on that below)

Due the week after:
Water & Earth 2- 3 Objectives

Due November 29th:
Expressions & Equations- 4 Objectives
Mesopotamia- 3 Objectives
Reading Strategies- 2 Objectives
Imagery- 2 Objectives

All with that Content Assessment that needs to be passed at 80% to move on.

If we assume that each Objective takes approximately 5-10 hours (again, I am not exaggerating one bit!), that's a minimum of 130 hours.  With five days a week working for 5 hours after school, that's 100 hours of homework a week.  It was not difficult for her to get the other 30+ hours necessary when she worked Saturdays and Sundays as well.  There were two Saturdays this month that she worked 10 hours on homework.  We'd give her an hour or two here or there as a break, but for the most part, Saturday was just another school day.  I felt like a monster.  An overwhelmed, emotionally unstable monster.  And there was always the possibility she wouldn't pass and we would have to do the Objectives again to prove she was ready to take it a second time.

Side Road for a brief second: Her Weather Project was my first real understanding of how they expect their work to be turned in.  She had 10 questions about Marseille, France for this one Objective in the Project.  She needed to know the Latitude and Longitude, so I thought, "Easy, we'll just google that."  Wrong.  They need to site a credible, educational source for every single question.  So, when it came time to tell what people in Marseille like to eat, you couldn't just google that answer, you had to find a credible online source to back your answer.  Each question took six times longer than you would imagine, because we had to choose from a limited number of acceptable sources.  

Once those questions were answered, they had to move on to adding the answers together into a kind of skit that they recorded as if they were weather people on the news.  As we were working on that Objective, having spent 2 hours on it that day (not counting the 2 hours we spent the night before looking for the answers and sources), Shelby commented that another girl was on the assignments as well.  I was confused... "See that pink thing (cursor) right there?  That's Meytyn.  She's one of my partners."  I kid you not, at that exact minute, the entire text we had been working on for two hours went pink.  I could tell she was dragging her cursor down her screen to highlight all of the text, and then deleted it all in that second.  DELETED ALL OF OUR WORK.  Apparently, because it was a shared Project, the page we were working on was a Google Doc, which can be accessed by multiple people.  This girl had been "up till 1:00am working on that assignment" and had drafted her own words.  She deleted all of ours, and added her own.  I started shaking in rage, and then cried.

When I contacted the teacher about it, asking if the assignment was one where "two girls copied and pasted the work of another, regardless of the hours they'd spent on their own," the teacher told me she'd work with them on Tuesday.  She said nothing about the fact that this girl had erased Shelby's hard work, nothing to the fact that it "didn't matter."  Shelby's work was gone, and that was that.  What made me literally want to punch this child in the face was the point where she asked us where we had gotten some of our information.  Typing with fingers that were on fire (on the document, because we can read and communicate on that one Goggle Doc!), I told her that we'd just spent 2 hours filling all of that information in, information that was deleted by her just seconds before.  We moved on.  I still do not know what grade Shelby got on that Project.  I hope I never meet that girl in person.

OK, back to the main reason of this rant post:  Last night, as we were finishing up work for assignments that are due today, I happened to click on Shelby's Progress.  I, once again (surprise, surprise), started to cry-- happy tears this time.  Shelby's Science is Incomplete (thanks to that one Project that the teacher is still helping them on), with B's in all other Core Classes.  B's for the girl that has struggled her entire life.  B's for the girl that had many late assignments and has worked so hard to claw her way to today.  I am thrilled beyond words!  And, oh, so proud of my Shelby-kins!

It's working.  Our work together is working!!!!!  We'll see how things go from here on out, but for now we're celebrating like she just won Valedictorian.  Because if anyone deserved an award for the hours they've put into their schooling, it's Shelby Jacquelyn Dirks!  I do hope the work load calms down, now that we're not behind, but it's easier to sacrifice my nights knowing she has to potential to excel!

Look

"Kay, I'm ready."

Yes, yes he did.

I may have actually said something to him, with his three shirts, one hump-backed hidden backpack jacket, and pants tucked into his tight socks, but I don't have the energy today.  Note the angle the picture was taken from-- prostate on the couch with a head cold is the correct angle name.  Or, suffering from a NiQuill hangover and can barely lift my head angle.    If you ask me which "look" looks best, I'd have to go with Tyson's today.  I am a stunner, I tell you.  S-T-U- double N-E-R! 

*Cue audience wince and groan at first glance*

Black Friday

Keilie, Ashlee, my Mom and I all went Black Friday Shopping.  Since Walmart starts their Black Friday on Thanksgiving at 6:00pm, and because they had one item that we really wanted to get our kids, the men went last night.  Not wanting to be in the thick of the crowds, we women decided to go a bit later than the 4:00am start time of most stores.  8:00am found us at:

1. Bath & Body Works
2. Claire's
3. Target
4. Kohl's
5. Bed, Bath, & Beyond

Every square inch of space was taken in the trunk and interior of the car!  It was a fun morning for someone that doesn't like shopping or crowds or standing in long lines.

New Car

Let me just start by saying that I get attached to things.  Deeply attached.  I have cried over a ruined broom kind of attachment.  So when it comes to things as important as our vehicles, it's no wonder that I had a good sob in the bathroom of a used car dealership.

Last week our Yukon started to beep for about a minute when we turned it on, flashing Oil Pressure Low.  It would turn off after a while, only flashing a few times if we'd stopped at an intersection soon after beginning, but it still ran as it had always ran.  However, with the increased mornings of incessant beeping, Randy decided to take it in.  He knew my attachment and his own reluctance to spend money (we haven't had a car payment in many, many years), so we planned to just pay a bit of money to fix it so that we could be the proud owners of a car that reached 300,000 miles.  I loved so many features of that car, plus the many, many memories in that car, that I didn't really want to see it go.  Honestly, if it was possible, I would have rebuilt every single thing just to keep it.  Mice infestation and all.

When Randy got the call from the repair shop I knew it was not good news.  They said they could fix one thing, but worried that the added pressure would cause problems with something else.  They worried that they would do that one thing, but that it might not actually fix anything at all.  Randy kept telling them that we were leaning towards just fixing it, but he took on his "tone" and told Randy he didn't think it was a good idea.  This repair shop has been our only repair shop since they saved us thousands a few years ago, and have saved us thousands since.  They are very honest, very reliable, and always go above and beyond in their service.  He became our friend in telling us it was time to let this car go.

Looking at and getting a new car should be a really fun prospect, but it felt more like losing another family member, if I am being honest.  We thought we had at least another year, and in one 10-minute phone call we learned it was over.  I bring a lot of drama into what others would consider nothing when a car is 14 years old and has 275,000+ miles, but my attachment to this car ran deep because of what it transported between Richland and Seattle for all those years.  That car brought joy.  From February 3, 2012 to November 20, 2018, that car carried my family, my whole family, to some pretty incredible places, and brought our family together when we had to be separated for cancer care.  That is why it was so hard to leave it behind.

 We bought this car used for $10,000, with more than 100,000 miles and some pretty ugly cosmetic issues.  I loved so much of the rest of it, the cosmetic issues stopped being seen fairly quick, even though they were really stark flaws.

They must have had a dashboard cover that was secured to the dash, because there were three very large spots where the color had been pulled off.  Our car was a leper.

 

I honestly don't know what happened to the spots on the console.  But you can see just how much of a leper she really was.  Also, because this car was a 2004, I will bring your attention to the cassette player.  That was used, actually!  Tyson listened to Indian in the Cupboard in this car.  Not only did it have a CD player, but down below it had a 6 CD player.  Towards the end, the 6 CD was the only one that worked.

 Also, under the vent you'll notice two additions: the metallic disk and the oval thingy.  Randy added the metallic disk so that we could connect our phones to the radio (Which actually broke away from the black plastic and would hang with wires showing when connected to the phone cable), and the oval thingy was added by the previous owners to play the sound of the after-market DVD player through the radio.  It wasn't two years before the DVD stopped working and we never fixed it.

The only thing that ever changed on this view was those beautiful odometer numbers.  This was our final view.  278,229.  We were that close to our goal of 300,000.  We got $2,500 for her.  We considered asking more for the trade because it didn't come with dead mice carcasses.  I'm really going to miss our Mags, short for maggots.

This view will be missed.  I am crying as I blog.  I love this car so much.

I added this sticker 6 years ago, just one week after we arrived in Richland.  It meant a lot as I put it on, and has meant a lot ever since.  Even though it is severely altered, weathered and crumbling, you can still clearly see the message: Choose The Right.

As Randy researched and talked with a friend that restores vehicles, he came to realize he wanted an Expedition EL for the EcoBoost feature.  As we test drove one locally, I could hear his excitement for the fuel economy and the towing capabilities of this car.  He also liked that they keep their value, are among the top of a few lists, and that they are American made.  I like that it still has the trunk size that I have come to depend on.  Trunk of dreams, I tell you.  The only drawback to buying used is that you don't actually choose your colors.  This has a black interior and we have a white doge that sheds.  This is going to be fun... for the kids that get to vacuum this baby out after every road trip.

Purchased February 3, 2012.

2004 Yukon XL Denali. 100,000+ miles.  $10,000.

 Purchased November 20, 2018.  

2017 Ford Expedition EL Limited.  51,000 miles.  With trade-in, discount, and down payment, the total for my new soon-to-be attachment was $33,000.  

Our first family road trip is today: Thanksgiving in Mount Vernon.  I cannot wait to see where this vehicle takes us.

Check!

The boys joined the Chess Club at school this year.  They'd played a few games with Randy a few months ago, so when the chance came to join the club, they thought it could be fun.  They meet every Thursday after school for an hour, with a lesson given for the first 10-15 minutes and then enough time for about one game.  It's been fun to volunteer.

While talking with one of the other volunteer mothers, she asked if we planned to do any of the tournaments this year.  Honestly, I hadn't.  My boys just started playing the month before, and I know that some of these kids have been playing since birth.  But when she told me how her son had reacted last year, that after one he wanted to do as many as he could from then on, I thought I'd ask my boys if that was something they'd be interested in.  Brennon said "yes" immediately, Tyson changed his mind a few times, landing on "no" after I'd already signed him up.  Come Saturday morning, Tyson told me begrudgingly, as he was walking out the door, that I was ruining his Saturday.

Because Keilie had a meeting that started at the same time the tournament did, Randy took the boys while I took Keilie. 

(Oh, look, my Mister remembered to take pictures!)

30 minutes after "begin" was spoken, Randy sent me a text: Brennon lost.  A few minutes later I got another one: Tyson lost.  I really hoped that this was not how all five games would go.

I made it a few minutes before the end of the third game.  It was so much fun to look in and see them playing.

(Tyson is center table, facing me, Brennon is top left, facing away)  

It was hard to watch Brennon come out dejectedly-- he'd lost again, his third loss.  Tyson came out a little later, pretty excited-- draw.  I guess one of the judges had to come and tell his opponent that he needed to be a better sportsman.  He was angry he wouldn't be getting a medal now, and wouldn't shake Tyson's hand.  Tyson couldn't care less about the kids' poor sportsmanship-- he now had 1/2 a point!

Brennon, who was most excited about the tournament: "Mom, I'm just kind of bored.  It's not fun to keep losing and losing.  I don't want to do this again."
Tyson, the boy that sulked to the car: "Thanks for forcing me do this, Mom.  This is so much fun!"  *For the record: I didn't force him.  He said yes two times between no's!  It was after the second yes that I signed him up.*

As they left for their fourth game, their standings were:

Brennon: 32 of 32
Tyson: 47 of 52

I had just sent a text to my sisters saying they wouldn't be winning any medals that day (I am a horrible human being because I also said, "maybe never.."), when Tyson walked out and said, "I WON!"

Randy was at a car dealership (our Yukon XL is having some very real problems, so we're looking for a new vehicle.  More to come on that soon), so we called him, super giddy.  We had barely hung up with him when Brennon walked out-- "I WON!!!"

 We got right back on the phone to call Randy again!  It was a lot of fun!!

We've learned our lesson-- bring games, snacks, and lunch for the time between games.  They work as fast as they can to get standings posted and players placed with similar standing opponents based on the previous game, but everything depends on when kids finish.  As soon as the last game ends, they're rushing around to get the next round started, but there is still plenty of time between games where there is nothing to do.  Especially if you win/lose quickly!  Round 5 found Tyson by my side three minutes after they'd begun-- HE WON!!!

With his Draw in game 3, he now had 2.5 points!  About 10 minutes later, Brennon came out-- HE WON, TOO!!!

To get a medal, they had to have won 3 of their 5 games.  To win a trophy, they have to be the top 3% of the players in their grade.  They're hooked!  They obviously want to win a trophy, but they're first going to try for a medal.

We've been playing a ton of chess since, with the boys playing on a website that gives them tips and hints to help them learn.  I love that my boys have a shared thing again!  I love that I got to flash my smug face every time Tyson said he had a good time.  I love that he openly admitted that I was right.  Man, I'm good!

Funny Story: Randy and I got our first chess board a few years ago.  Randy completely underestimated me-- I won!  Little does he know it was beginner's luck.  I know how to play, but I am not strategic.  In fact, my first time volunteering had me learning a lesson from some 2nd graders when I questioned how they could have gotten pieces in a certain position-- talk about feeling like a stupid woman!  (FYI: Castling is a move in the game of chess involving a player's king and either of the player's original rooks.  It is the only move in chess in which a player moves two pieces in the same move, and it is the only move aside from the knight's move where a piece can be said to "jump over" another.  You're welcome!)  I've never won him since, but you better believe I will never let him live it down that I won him first.

Invention Ideas

While looking through Keilie's phone (which used to be Caden's) about a month ago, I noticed that it still has a few pictures that Caden took, as well as some notes he'd written.  One of which was "Invention Ideas."  Number 1 was: A robot to mow your lawn.  I am not even joking, the next morning while on a walk around the subdivision above ours I saw this...

There must have been an electric fence buried along the perimeter, because it never left the grass.  It came toward me in a straight line, turned around cleanly, and went back toward the house in a straight line, directly next to the one it had just cut.  I had to smile.  I had seen Caden's "ideas" the night before!  So, so neat.  Hi, Caden.

Wind?

When talking with some friends a few years ago about cringe-worthy anniversary gifts that Josh had gotten Kim, Josh told us that his brother had been working late on building his home one night and completely forgot that it was his anniversary.  Since he was returning home after many stores were closed, being quite desperate he stopped by the cemetery near his home and took flowers from one of the graves to give to his wife.  Sitting in my armchair, warm in my home, emotionally stable this morning, I can say at this very minute that if I knew that the flowers stolen were for that purpose, I wouldn't even care.  Especially since this happened, and I still can't stop the feelings of disappointment these many weeks later.

October 12

 October 13

 It had been quite windy, so I wondered if the wind had taken some of them.  I looked around the entire portion where Caden's is buried, but there was not a single bud.  Plus, if it had been the wind, other flowers would have been strewn about.  All around were bunches of flowers, nothing amiss, just as tall as these had been.

 But the closer I looked at them, it looked like the stems had actually been cut, not ripped at all.

 So I grabbed one of the flower heads and ripped it off.

 And found that is exactly what happened.  In less than 24-hours from the time my mom placed the flowers on Caden's grave, someone allowed their child (I hope it was a child!) to spend enough time out of their supervision (I hope they didn't actually watch it happen!) ripping the heads off of nearly the entire bouquet.

Because it was so soon to when they were going to take the headstone, I decided to take all decoration with me right then.  But if I'm being honest, I also felt a need to protect my things.  It felt a bit like a violation to see those stems stripped of their bulbs.  For a split second I wondered if it was some sort of hate crime, that's how violating it felt for a minute.  But when I spoke to level-headed Randy, he helped me realize it was probably just a little kid using their hands to see the beautiful flowers.  Maybe it was a little girl trying to make a daisy chain crown...

We do!

Tyson mentioned a bump on his finger a while ago, but I didn't really worry too much about it.  Boy, do I wish I would have worried about that bump before now.  It's now a massive wart on the middle finger of his dominant hand.  While on the way to Alma weekend, while Randy was flying back from out-of-town and I was hours away, I got a call from Tyson, "Mom, do we have any acid?"  You can't make this stuff up!  It was bothering him so much, we couldn't ignore it anymore.

Randy went Saturday morning for a freeze/acid kit and got started right away.  7 days of freezing and then twice a day burning until it's gone.  When telling him what needed to happen with the burning, he asked that I be with him while Randy cut.  When Randy said he wanted to get prepped while I took Brennon to school, he told Randy he wouldn't do anything until I was there.  I knew my Tyson was pretty scared.

Sitting up to the table, one that could rival any operating room set up, Tyson jumped up on my lap and slid his hand across the space to Randy.  Fingers gripped in his tiny hand, I could feel the sweating begin, along with a slight nervous tremble.  Randy noticed Tyson's intent stare as he sterilized the x-acto knife scalpel and told Tyson he probably shouldn't watch.  As soon as Randy said he was ready to start, Tyson did as I instructed and inhaled sharply, tensing every muscle, and held as still as possible.  After a few small cuts around the base of the crusted dome the acid creates, Tyson exhaled and asked for a pause.  During the pause, Randy doused and dabbed with hydrogen peroxide to keep it clean.  "Does the blood mean we're done?"  "No."  "It feels like dad is digging around with tweezers.  It hurts so much."

After a few more cuts and another exhale, Tyson asked for another break.  This time it was bleeding much more.  The tone Tyson used would be funny in another less-sad scenario, because it was so animated and confused (duh!- type), but I can't laugh knowing what he was going through.  "Ugh! Why do I keep looking?!"

Randy told Tyson that we could stop.  "We don't have to do this right now."  With all the courage he could force into his emotional voice, "Yes.  We do!  This needs to be done."  And Randy finished cutting the top off.

When Randy was done and Tyson was clutching a hydrogen peroxide cotton ball in his fist, I guided him to the floor.  "My head feels really weird and I feel like my stomach is sick."  Each inhale lasted about 10 seconds, and it was about a minute and a half after the last cut, so I knew this lightheadedness was due to shock.  Tyson had just sat there as Randy performed a small surgery on his finger.  It was slightly numb after using the topical cream they gave Caden, but he felt those tiny slits around the entire wart.  And he didn't move a muscle.

He's now had "surgery" three times.  Each time has been the same: Surgeon Randy with sterilized craft tools, Tyson on my lap, clutching my fingers in his sweaty hand, me holding on to my son for dear life.  "Mom, if I had one wish from the Geenie, it would be that I never have another wart for the rest of my life.  My second wish would be that I could be a billionaire."  Warts suck.

American Hero

While helping out at Chess Club this week, I found Brennon and Tyson's American Hero posters.

I love how close they were to the entrance of the school!

Our Scout Troop's Pack Meeting this month was a Veteran's Day Parade in West Richland.  Because of Shelby's dress rehearsals for the Tosca Night, she and I were not able to attend the parade.  Good thing a friend took pictures, because Randy didn't take a single one!

Brennon made a poster at one of his activities last week...

Brennon

Tyson

The one thing that made braving the absolute cold (it started snowing before the parade began) worth it was the candy throwing.

 (Brennon is far right, holding the flag with his poster at his feet.  Tyson is on his right side, with his poster at his feet, waving at the camera.)

(Brennon is second from the left in the front row, Tyson is two posters to the right of Brennon, eyes barely peeking over his poster.)

Randy said there were many times I would have cried.  There was a Veteran sitting right next to them that had many parade members come to shake his hand, thank him for his service, and give him things.  He said it was really neat.  He also said there were a ton of Corvettes, and probably six cars featured on Back to the Future (Delorian, I think it how it's said?).  He also said that Mira may hate parades more than laundry baskets, soccer games, cardboard boxes, and bath time.  She is not a fan of marching bands, whistles, or horns.  Lesson learned-- no more parades...

We are so proud of our very own American Hero, Darwin Dale Dirks!

Home of the Free Because of the Brave!

Tosca

Shelby is a member of the Mid-Columbia Mastersingers Youth choir.  Last night, the Mid-Columbia Symphony and Mastersingers combined to perform excerpts from Tosca, showcasing three opera soloists.  It was beautiful.  This was what Tyson thought of the performance...

He was so out, he didn't rouse at all during the long, loud applause, nor my face caresses while calling his name, not even after Randy bopped him on the head a few times.  It took Randy forcibly shaking his shoulders and nearly pulling him up for his eyes to roll forward in his face, completely confused and groggy.  Even then, he looked like he was walking in his sleep.  You can see the marks on his forehead from the 30 minute nap before he raised his head to his hand.  He. Was. Out!

"Why didn't I choose bed instead of ice cream?" he asked as we sat down to Blizzards at DQ.  It was a wonderful night.

Book of Alma

With the Slime Night behind me, I thought I would have a pretty relaxing few days to recuperate from the stress that began with the Alma weekend.  Then I had a feeling I needed to help at the Chess Club, which was good because two of the volunteers didn't show up.  Which then put me behind on making dinner for a friend whose daughter (I think she's 3) went in for major, major mouth surgery, so you know I became a fire-breathing beast of anxiety until it was delivered.  Then we made and ate dinner, I helped Shelby with homework until bedtime, only to wake up and do dishes that filled an entire dishwasher and counter with washed-by-hand dishes.  Once that was done, I thought, Great, I can play SkipBo and have lunch with Jamie until my Friday night full of back-to-back appointments.  And then I remembered that the boys are going to be in a Veteran's Day Parade and needed patches sewn on their shirts.  One thing after the other- all small things, sure, but still many, many things- has taken my time from pretty much morning until night until now.  I. Am. Tired.

Friday, November 2nd

With the house clean and the kids at school, I was able to finally pack my overnight bag and start finalizing my "lesson" for my teaching portion of the weekend.  At the Trunk-or-treat, Christy asked if I would be willing to lead a "family scripture study" type lesson for Alma 15, 16, and 17: 1-18.  As she was telling me a little about what they had planned, a thought came into my head, "You'll speak about this."  I said yes.  Through the week, I read the scriptures and marveled that the scriptures could easily be likened to "our day" with the story I had to tell.  I am one that learns really well when I can hear a story from someone's life and liken it to my own.  Sometimes it's hard for me to feel that was with the scriptures, so it was really cool to realize that I could liken the scriptures to my own personal story, and then maybe someone else could liken my story to their own, which then liken's their life to the scriptures.  *Phew, does that make sense?!*

As I was getting thoughts put together in my head, one impression came that I should put together a little handout with ideas for their own "impressions."  I came up with a few different ideas for them to use that could jog their memory, or even have them kind of thinking of things that the Spirit could testify to them while we were reading the scriptures and while I was telling my story.  As we were driving up, Maren and Rebecca were telling me more about what we were going to be doing, reading some of the program, which included the word "impressions."  They, too, wanted the girls to recognize the "impressions" from the weekend.  Another testament to me that what we were embarking on was going to be amazing.  The Spirit was everywhere!

Maren and Rebecca picked me up at 1:00pm for the 2 1/2 hour drive to Camp Zarahemla.  They'd planned, purchased, and packed the food for 50 people for 4 meals and 4 snacks into Rebecca's Yukon XL.  I got the easy job by just showing up and being willing to do everything they asked me to do.  We arrived, set up a circle of chairs, couches, and benches around the fire, set out enough tables to have 50 people eat at, hung decorations that the girls had made themselves, started dinner, and got our stuff taken to our cabin.  Around this time, the girls arrived.  A Spaghetti and Meatballs feast was served.  It was my first time ever witnessing Gluten Free noodle being prepared-- they do not cook like any noodle I have ever known.

Directly after dinner, Maren and I cleaned the kitchen while everyone else began their programs.  I was able to sneak out to watch Keilie's skit.

 

 Because I have medication to take at night that makes me sleep, I went to our cabin at 10:30pm.  My FitBit registered that I'd walked 20,000 steps that day, most from the time we arrived at 4:00pm, and slept from 11:00pm-5:45am.  Perfect.  Especially hearing that the LEADERS were the ones that needed someone to tell them to go to sleep.  They held a small meeting until 11:00pm and then stayed up chatting, plotting, and pranking until 1:00am.  Let me just say, our arrival at 6:00am to begin breakfast must have felt especially early for them!

Side note: Today was Jennifer's 18th birthday.  Her parents came up to celebrate with her.  Rebecca brought a MASSIVE 7-layer German Chocolate cake, 24 decadent chocolate peanut butter cupcakes, and two homemade cheesecakes!  She is THE BEST BAKER, so you know it was all delicious.  In fact, there was so much left over, we had snack time again the next day.

Saturday, November 3rd

Directly after a Pancake, Eggs, and Sausage breakfast (where I was in charge of Gluten Free Pancakes that turned out much more recognizable than the noodles the night before), it was my turn to talk.  We read a few highlighted scriptures from my chapters, having exactly the number of scriptures as people in my circle.  I then used my Reaching post and my War!! post to liken the scriptures to me.

We had to put our trust in the doctors and the medicine, absolutely, but we put our Faith in the Lord (Alma 15: 6-10).  We knew were to go (Alma 16:5).  We fasted (Alma 17:3) for his help for the doctors, and for peace for our family (Alma 17:9-10).  We fasted for a Miracle, and got one.  Maybe not the one that we ultimately wanted, but one that we desperately needed at that time.  If we use our circumstances from the time we found tumors in his pelvis to the day of his death, that's just under 4 weeks.  If the scans that we'd seen March 2016 had proven correct, we can supposed that Caden would have had about 4 weeks to live, because of the aggressive growth of his cancer.  But, because we got our Miracle, we got to keep Caden for another 19 months!  It was nothing that the doctors did, nothing that the chemo did, but what the Lord gave to us, there is no doubt in my mind.

At the end of the War!! post is a picture of the very women in that room, the very youth that ministered and supported and encouraged and loved Caden (Alma 15:18).  They're the ones that brought another facet of my story back to the scriptures.  They didn't always do massive things, like parade down our street with an ice cream truck, sometimes it was just a smile or a phone call or a text.  But always, always, these young women were there for him, carrying him during his most difficult days.  They were truly there to "mourn with those that mourn."

The Spirit was so strong as I ended with my testimony that reiterated words from the song I highlighted and played for the girls, Close Enough to Touch: "I Know 'He's Close Enough to Touch.'"

When not in the kitchen preparing Pulled Pork Sandwiches (with cake and cupcakes for dessert) or veggie tray and pretzel snacks or on-the-road pizza dinner, I got to watch the girls reenact battles from the Book of Alma, one of which touched everyone deeply because they "lived" it, not just read it.  Like many things, it is one thing to understand what you read, and another to actually live it.  Like cancer care.

 

As they left their "camps" in their tribes, called to fight for their loved ones, they knew the gathering place, the place of battle.  Screams and calls could be heard through the woods, from the three sectors that the tribes were coming from.  Upon gathering at the battle field, ready to commence the battle, the green team immediately bowed down, refusing to fight.  The Blue and Red teams came at them, but kind of sputtered and stopped seeing them bow down.  It hit them how wrong it felt to take the lives of those humble people.  While it was not a real battle, with fear and true indignation, it hit home, for both the fighters and the humble, a small portion of how it must have felt.  It got really quiet then, the Spirit bearing witness.

 Alma 26:32 For behold, they had rather sacrifice their lives than even to take the life of their enemy; and they have buried their weapons of war deep in the earth, because of their love towards their brethren.

They talked about what "weapons" they wanted to bury, to get them from their sight, to not be tempted to take them up again.  Each person was handed a popsicle stick and a marker to write their "weapons" on and then they buried them, literally, in the ground.  They committed to work on those weapons, whether they were physical, spiritual, or emotional, they will work to do and go without their weapons in their everyday lives.

 Captain Moroni

Alma 46

And it came to pass that he rent his coat; and he took a piece thereof, and wrote upon it—In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children—and he fastened it upon the end of a pole.

13 And he fastened on his head-plate, and his breastplate, and his shields, and girded on his armor about his loins; and he took the pole, which had on the end thereof his rent coat, (and he called it the title of liberty) and he bowed himself to the earth, and he prayed mightily unto his God for the blessings of liberty to rest upon his brethren, so long as there should a band of Christiansremain to possess the land—

28 And now it came to pass that when Moroni had said these words he went forth, and also sent forth in all the parts of the land where there were dissensions, and gathered together all the people who were desirous to maintain their liberty, to stand against Amalickiah and those who had dissented, who were called Amalickiahites.

Pool Noodle swords and cardboard shields, pajamas and sweatpants, modern-day wood burning stove in a beautiful lodge filled with eclectic treasures may not seem like the most spiritual setting, but it really was.  It was an unforgettable weekend, one that I was privileged enough to be invited to join.  I didn't join all discussions (most times I tried to be silent while banging around in the kitchen), but those that I did see were amazing.  How wonderful to bring the scriptures to life in so many different ways.  Reading, listening, acting and likening brought the scriptures to life in sometimes fun, always spiritual ways.  It was an incredibly beautiful weekend!