Cats & Dog

 Tyson gets asked to watch a friend's cats every once in a while.  He loves it!  I love that he gets to play with cats, but I don't have to have them in my home-- Majorly allergic to cats over here!  It works out well for all parties.

I'm not so sure Max is a fan, though.  He LOVES to go on car rides, but is always a mess when Tyson leaves him behind.  It's so much fun watching his wagging tail when we pick Tyson up, though.  I love how much those two love each other.  I'm happy to report that I am firmly Max's #2 favorite person.

Typical Tyson

 A few weeks into Summer, Tyson told me that a girl he knew was signed up to run a 1/2 marathon in town.  "I'm going to start running a mile every day to support her."  Day after day, he'd time himself and challenge himself to run it faster, getting it down to under 7.5 minutes without formal training.  Sometimes, he'd challenge himself to simply go for that run, even if it was moments before bed.  His dedication was so cute, especially knowing it was for a girl.  So, when he said he wanted to try Cross Country, I wasn't quite shocked, although it was the first time I'd ever heard him express interest in running without a soccer ball included in the sport.

Yesterday was supposed to be his first practice.  I'd done everything that I knew needed to be done, even going to the school a few times to sign papers and pay fees.  When he got home, he said, "They didn't have certain forms, so I wasn't allowed to run on the track."  I was mortified.  I'd signed some of the forms on the computer, but I did notice that something was wrong when I signed in and it didn't have ANY kids under my profile.  I created "Tyson" so he could be signed up, but it doesn't look like that worked!!  When I apologized, telling him I didn't know what had happened, his reply was typical Tyson: "That's ok.  I was told I couldn't run on the track, so I just moved over a few inches and ran on the grass next to them."

I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have such forgiving children.  I was sent a link from the secretary at RHS and got him signed up for real so he'll be able to run today.  Hopefully.  

FOUR bunnies

 On Friday, Brennon and his friends wanted to go stargazing before school started.  Brennon asked if Randy would also take them on the Rzr and make a fun date out of it.  So, at 8:00pm, they headed to to Horse Heaven Hills for a night of fun.  The wind and clouds had hung around all day, so the decision to just go was made at 7:45, even if they weren't up there very long.  That's Miracle #1.

They were all having an absolute blast.  All of them wanted to keep the night going, despite the chill of the wind.  On their last ride, Randy decided to take a different route so they could speed back to the car.  It was the only time they took this particular path.  That's Miracle #2.

As they were coming up, Randy saw something on the road that showed bright white.  As they approached, the kids yelled that it was a bunny.  Randy slowed and they all just watched the bunny for a second, sure it was going to run off.  When it just sat there, the kids were like, "I'm going to go see if I can catch it!"  And to everyone's shock and surprise, it let them pick it up!  Miracle #3.

As they cast their eyes around, they found THREE more bunnies huddled around a bush.  So, as you probably guessed, they went to see if they could pick those up as well.  YEP!  As they stood in that road, lit by the Rzr lights in the pitch black, they looked at one another in shock and glee-- Four bunnies held in their arms, not trying to escape at all!  Randy had seen a truck just a few minutes before in that area, and thought to himself that they hadn't stayed long at all.  And now he knew why-- those four sweet and innocent bunnies had been abandoned!  They packed up ALL the things and came home.

I was reading in my room with the door closed when they got home.  Randy walks in and sits down, waiting for me to notice what's in his arms.  It was so random, so exotic, so out there, that my mind literally couldn't comprehend what I was seeing.  He repositioned himself so the bunny was closer to me, and I kid you not, I almost expected the bunny to disappear!  When it didn't, my mind was so confused, I asked, "Is this real?"  It is weird how PTSD affects my brain sometimes.  It felt more real that the bunny should have disappeared than that it didn't.  It felt more real that it COULD disappear than that it didn't.

I walked out to see four bunnies sitting on four teenager's laps, not trying to get away, not being "trapped," just allowing them to snuggle. Miracle #4

In shock, I text Keilie-- she came right over even though it was 10:30.  When I told Ashlee and Danielle about the bunnies, Ashlee text back, "Don't let Keilie know, she'll hid one in her drawers."  While we were in Hawaii in 2010, Ashlee was babysitting my kids.  Keilie, the master baby bunny catcher, caught one and they hid it for days in their drawer, she and Caden.  They were so made with Aunt Ashlee found out about it and made them turn it loose.  It's a fun memory for both Keilie and Ashlee.

Saturday night we had 10 teenagers sitting around our living room, passing bunnies back and forth.  Again, it just felt so surreal that these bunnies allowed it!  At 11:00pm, Amy took home the black one, Riley Byrd took home the gray and cream ones, and we put the white one in the kennel for someone to come grab her today. Mircale #5

It was SO MUCH FUN watching them hop around the back yard.  It was SO MUCH FUN watching the dogs interact and play with them.  It was SO MUCH FUN holding them, snuggling them, and just having them.  But, the moment the last one went to a good home, I felt immense relief.  It was a blast while it lasted, but I'm not in a good mindset to add unexpected stress, no matter how cute and fluffy and snuggly that stress is.

Had they chosen not to go, Randy not taken that path, the kids not gotten out to catch the white one, not seen the other three, not brought them home-- I just can't imagine trying to live with with myself knowing I'd abandoned defenseless creatures in the harsh wild.  I'm glad those kids were lead to that mountain!

Nukes and Sandwiches

While sitting around the dinner table, celebrating Keilie's birthday, Shelby asked Tyson if he remembered walking in his sleep the night before.  He kind of looked a little contemplative and said, "I thought that was a dream!"  Then it all started to come back to him.

Tyson: "I went out to check for nukes and sandwiches, or something like that!"

Shelby: "I followed you downstairs and caught up to you as you were coming in.  When I asked you if you were sleep walking, you told me no."

Tyson: "Because I was awake then.  I'd woken up outside and couldn't remember why I was out there."

My boys have all had sleep stuff.  Caden had night terrors, and both Brennon and Tyson sleep walk.  Tyson more so, admittedly, and the only one that goes outside.

We once had to install a lock at the top of the door so our kids wouldn't go out the front door in the morning.  Perhaps we need to do that again, so our kid won't go out the front door in the dead of night...

Eagle Eye

Brennon went to a shooting range for Youth Activities tonight.  I got a video from Roman, showing me Brennon's wicked skills.  In all honesty, I had to watch the video a few times, because I didn't see anything-- he was that fast.  It was super impressive to watch.

When Randy and I were talking with Brennon about it, he told us that his instinct was to close his eyes as he was getting ready to pull the trigger, so he never knew if he'd hit it or not!  We laughed and laughed!  He truly didn't know how well he'd done, because his eyes had been closed each and every shot.

If that isn't a display of "natural talent," I don't know what is! Cutie!

Day Hike

 Randy and Tyson went on a day hike adventure with Matt Porter today.  Although I know why I didn't go-- thank you wrecked back for holding me back!-- that doesn't lessen the jealousy one bit!

Randy said the last few miles of this 8-miler were pretty steep, that he knew I would have really struggled.  But I'm wondering if these views would have negated the pain and made it all worth it!

Tyson was prepared with his swim suit.  The water wasn't as cold as he'd expected, but it was still pretty chilly he said.

I'm glad they got to spend this time together.  I hope it is a memory they'll have forever!

Mistaken Contents

 I was asked to sub for Singing Time today.  I was more nervous today than I ever was when I took that calling over when I was the Primary President, but only because I was afraid the kids would be disappointed in the girl I am these days.  We had a blast, though.  It was SO good to be back with them, to laugh and to testify of Jesus together again.

After, as I was cleaning up, Sister Nelson gave me an envelope and a cookie.  Mistakenly, I thought it was an invitation or a handout from the RS lesson that day.  I was unprepared for what was inside.

It was a card that had been passed around to the women in the ward, telling me of their love and support during these difficult times.  I was so touched, I just sat and wept.  I'm the luckiest girl in the world to be a member of the Hillview Ward.  They have been His hands since we moved here 11/2/2012!

Prison

 Since returning from Utah in July, Mira has been having some serious anxiety.  Major.  In fact, it was so bad, we took her to the vet and got her a prescription for meds.  Pacing, panting, scratching at the carpet, an occasional bark sesh, and just staring into a corner, night after night was really scaring us.  Since Randy was always the one that heard her and took care of her during the night, he began looking for a large dog crate to get, to contain her to one spot if needed.  She has never, not once, spent a night in a crate while living with us.  I was worried THAT would cause her to have anxiety.

I got a call this morning, asking if I'd help Randy bring a crate in the house that he'd purchased that morning on Facebook Marketplace.  "Now, it's much bigger than it looked online.  We'll try it for a while, and sell it if it is just too big for you."  Even I was unprepared for the size and durability of this beast!

The second I saw it, I giggled remembering Secondhand Lions for some reason.  It's not like this cage looks like the one they had on that movie.  In fact, the cage they had was a box.  But what is currently in our living room is cage enough for a lion!

Shelby wasn't home when we sent these pictures.  She FREAKED OUT!  "GET HER OUT OF THAT PRISON!"  We giggled.  "The door isn't even closed!"

And Mira loves it.  Max does as well.  Color me surprised!

I sure hope this helps our girl.  Poor thing is due a calm night.  It is hideous.  It takes up WAY too much space.  But Mira loves it, so I do too.

Crystal Clear

 August 5th-- Randy interviewed with Vector Solutions (1st interview) at 7:30am.  He also interviewed with Authorium at 2:45pm (3rd interview).  It was a good day.

August 6th-- Vector's 2nd interview was postponed to tomorrow.

August 7th-- Authorium 4th interview at 11:00am, Vector 2nd Interview at 1:00pm.  We were hoping, and fairly confident for an offer from Authorium soon, since today's interview was with the last co-CEO, which went well.

August 8th-- Vector 3rd interview at 11:00am, Authorium 5th interview with the hiring manager at 1:30pm.  At first, we were certain that he wanted the Authorium job.  He really like what he'd be selling, and loved that it wouldn't involve travel.  However, it would mean that we would move to Olympia.  We had mixed feelings about that.  However, as Randy interview more with Vector, he started to really like them, too.  We went into the weekend with faith, but also a sense of, "Heavenly Father, we'll do what you want us to do, go where you want us to go, but we really need for the decision to be clear."  While sitting in Sacrament meeting, Randy said, "Steph, I just feel like it will be made very clear next week."

August 14th-- Vector interview at 8:00am.  It went very well, and got Randy more excited about Vector.  He sent an email to Authorium, asking for an update.  They'd told him last week that they'd contact him "sometime next week," so Randy said he'd reach out on Wednesday if they hadn't reached out.  Nothing.

August 15th-- still not a word from Authorium.

August 16th-- Randy was in Costco, shopping for dog food for Mira.  We'd been on a financial fast since he was laid off, only using those things in our pantry, or purchasing perishable foods to supplement, so when we got down to the last 3/4cup of dog food, he went to spend that money.  Randy said he had the distinct impression that he was going to head back to the cake section to bring something home to announce the surprise news.  And then the phone rang...

Randy has always been one to do something for me when he knows I am struggling.  So when he placed the cake down in front of me, my first thought was, "You spent money to make me feel better?!"  When I looked up at him with what I can only imagine was guilt mingled with endearing adoration, he said, "Read what's on the cake..."  JOB!!!!!  I started screaming, clapping, jumping, and hugging.  HE GOT A JOB!!!!!

The kids heard my commotion and rushed out.  It was the best day!  After weeks of interviewing, weeks of faith, weeks of wondering if we were going to move from my dream home, from Keilie and Dallin (and future grandkids!), away from Caden, and away from Richland High School Shelby's Senior, Brennon's Junior, and Tyson's Freshman year-- we finally knew-- we are here to stay!

As Randy was telling Dallin about the whole thing, I learned what a true blessing one man-- Jonathan Mitchell- has been in our lives.

2002-- Spillman Technologies, first job right out of College.  I thought Randy just worked with Jonathan, that Jonathan went to Maui for President's Club because they worked together.  Nope!  Jonathan was the one that INTERVIEWED AND HIRED Randy!!!!!

2012-- Jonathan was the one that talked with Randy about getting out of pharmaceutical/medical device sales and coming back to the industry of Public Safety.  Because of him, Randy interviewed and was hired at New World, which moved us to Richland.

2024-- The day after Randy was laid off, Jonathan "just happened" to posted a position for the company that he is Vice-President of Sales. *quotations added because I know it wasn't coincidence that he posted that particular day* Because he knew Randy was interviewing and likely to be made an offer from Authorium, Jonathan fast-tracked the interview process, as well as offered Randy more money than he'd asked for.  Jonathan has been placed in our lives THREE TIMES and blessed us with work Randy's entire career.

After accepting the offer from Vector Solutions, he sent an email to the hiring manager (whom we still hadn't heard from in 10 days) to let him know he'd accepted and offer, and thank them for the time they had taken with him.  

"Randy, I have been out of the office on family vacation.  I'm happy for you, but if there is ever a time you are looking, please reach out to us."

Randy was correct-- the answer had become very clear.  Though it all, He knew.  We were lead.  And we are grateful!

Pool Monitors 2024

 Since buying our membership in 2013, I have chosen to monitor on the last Sunday of the season.  1) because most members of the pool are members of the church, and 2) because it is always cold.  

This year, I decided to choose a day where our kids could possibly invite friends.  If we keep our membership another year, I'll do it even earlier in the year-- it was SO MUCH FUN!!!

Shelby invited four friends, but they didn't stay long.  Tyson invited a few friends and Ryan a few (all from the same friend group), for which we got chewed out by a member of the board.  He called it "stacking memberships," but I call it FUN!  I have never liked confrontation, but I stood my ground this time.  The pool wasn't super busy, and I know we aren't the only ones that invite others when we monitor.  If we are supposed to stay from 6:00-10:00, the more the merrier.  However, we'll know for next time that we can't do that. I thought I loved the last Sunday gig, but this ended up being even better.  Minus the lecture of course...

Service Flowers

Sarah Demars offered her flowers for a service project in our Ward.  Tricia Johnson used them to bless my day.  I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have friends such as these.
 

Wake Surfing

The Davenport's invited us out for an afternoon of wake surfing.  The boy were SO excited, and, to my surprise, Shelby was as well.  She even cancelled plans with friends to come with!  It was the best day out on the water.  I was in charge of the flag, and performed my duties with exactness-- pretty much award worthy.

Shelby had been before with friends, so she knew the logistics of it and got up within her first two tries.  Brennon took a bit longer, but he did eventually get up and was confident enough that he sang along to the songs he requested.  It was so neat to watch him gain that confidence.  Tyson, being Tyson, got up his first try and let go of the rope within a few seconds.  Both Shelby and Brennon were equal parts impressed and annoyed at his display of natural talent.  Randy later told me that he'd gotten up his first try when Derek took him out a few years before.  One day, I'll try.

As fun as it was to watch my family, it was just as much fun to watch Ben (7), Nate (5), and Sarah (3) out on the water.  Ben got to show off his first time surfing alone, Nate got to show off his first time letting go of the rope, and Sarah got to show off surfing with her Dad.  He held her at first, put her on his shoulders, and then shimmied her down to stand on the board between his legs.  The smile on her face was pretty much the best part of the whole day.  The display of trust between child and father was just beautiful.

As one that has said that "Boat Stephanie" isn't fun/is the worst, I think "Wake Surfing Boat Stephanie" would be a blast.  Someday, I hope we get a wake surfing boat.  There, I said it out loud. FUN!

Raspberry Blessings

Brother Salisbury reached out to Randy.  "When thinking of something I could offer Stephanie, I thought, 'I feel peace in my garden.' So, I'd like to offer your family harvest from my garden.  I have ripe raspberries, grapes, and corn.  You may even find some apricots.  Come and pick as much as you want-- I offer it all."

Randy was able to tell him that his offer was a blessing to us both, that he'd lost his job yesterday.  So, though he was thinking of me, he was also an answer to Randy's prayers about feeding his family.  We are the luckiest people in the world to have friends such a Mike!

50 pounds of Raspberries!!!!! 16 jars of jam that will last us more than a year! SUCH A BLESSING!!!

Brennon also captured this neat picture.  You know that raspberries aren't super big, so to see this hive and know how tiny it is was pretty amazing to see.
 

Bye, Permitium

 Randy woke to a request for a meeting with his boss.  He told me later, he knew exactly what it meant.  When he arrived on the Zoom video conference, he was joined by the HR woman.  He told me that he knew even more what that meeting would be.  He was laid off at 9:00am.  After three years, they finally admitted that Civil-- the division Randy was hired for-- wasn't going to happen.  They shut down that side of the company for good to focus on the other division that Randy had worked for three years to build while developers worked on his software.  They offered him 5-weeks severance, his boss said he'd be a reference, they gave us the laptop and monitor they'd purchased for him, and asked us to send back the literature and trade show equipment.

Two hours later, it was gathered, packaged, and dropped off at FedEx.  And now the real work starts for Randy.  His full-time job now is finding a job.

While it came as a surprise, it wasn't a complete shock.  He's been feeling a restlessness for a few months.  It's hard for someone like Randy to not have anything to do.  It's even harder for a salesman like Randy not to have something to sell.  It was frustrating to him that other people were, essentially, in charge of his productivity, since they weren't doing things as quickly as he thought they would/should have been done.  Three years, waiting.

Tender Mercy-- because of that restlessness and unease, he's already applied and interviewed with two different people with another company-- Authorium.  So, even though he was laid off, he already has a leg up on the job front.  So grateful Heavenly Father prompted and prepared him, and that Randy listened to those promptings.  So, there is a gratitude and peace where there could have been blindsided fear.  We are still being carried.  He knows us.  He loves us.  And we love Him.

Spiritually Prompted

 Preface-- I had been asked to speak in church a month in advance.  My Bishopric knows all about my PTSD and wanted me to have enough time to prepare, but also to back out if I needed to.  I had had many times of praying to know what to speak on, and many times where I felt prompted to go in a certain way.  So when I sat down at the computer on Tuesday, I thought what was flowing was divine inspiration.  I took 7.5 hours to write, rewrite, edit, and finally call it good.  I checked it off of my to-do list and moved on to my next project.  Because I knew Keilie was going through the Temple on Friday, I wanted everything that could cause me stress off of my plate, so I could use that day to get myself calm and ready for such a wonderful night.

While in the Temple with her, I felt a prompting to change one aspect of the talk just a little.  So, I sat down on Saturday to tweak the talk just a touch.  But once I had written that portion, I again felt like it wasn't quite right.  Because of that small little nudge, my PTSD went into over drive.  I started to really freak out.  I considered canceling all together.  I cried and cried.  I researched Conference talks, songs, and just prayed and prayed.  I took breaks from it all, and would rush to the computer any time inspiration came.  But over and over, it just didn't feel right.  I knew I was being guided, but I couldn't get it quite right.  Until I did.  Right before bed.  Last minute.  I was a mess.

As I made my way to church, I was so full of panic, I could barely see.  I walked into the hallway leading to the chapel and just cried.  I looked a mess (no makeup, hair in slick-back ponytail) because I couldn't really function due to the shakes.  I couldn't breathe for the panic.  I was well and truly terrified that I was going to pass out at the pulpit.  And then I saw I was the last speaker.  Kill me.  As I walked up the stairs (we sat on the second row), my knees were wobbling and I saw black around the edges of my vision.  If I had prayed fervently on Saturday, it was nothing compared to those prayers as I made my way up front.  I have never been so terrified in all of my life, because of the Panic Disorder that came along with my PTSD diagnosis.  It was awful.

"In many ways, I feel like this talk mirrors my life these past few months.  I had prayed and prepared for weeks, feeling guided by the Spirit many times.  I spent many hours on Tuesday, checking it off of my mind, but also allowing for continued guidance and revisions if needed.  It was perfectly timed for the allotted 10-12 minutes, as long as my tears didn't choke off my words or breath.  Life was calm, so like was great.  And then something I cannot name and never saw coming happened to upend everything.  My mind drew a blank and my body reacted in terror because my soul knows something is not quite right with me these days, but I have no idea what to do to fix it.

Like life, I come before you vulnerable and broken, yet trusting my Savior to carry me through this talk, and my current life situation, both looking so different from what I had planned, but with desperate hope that He will make me more than I would be on my own.

In March 2022, I bore testimony after and experience at a glass class.  I was given agency to choose what I'd like to make, as well as which colors I wanted to use.  At appropriate times, my instructor would hand me the molten glass on a pipe, guiding me with either words or actions with what to do, how to do it, and what to watch for.  He'd help me take my creation from the bench, to the fire, and back to the bench, where he'd tell me what to expect and how things should look at specific times, all the while reminding me to keep spinning so the glass would stay centered.

And then it was time.  I had listened to his instructions and thought I knew what needed to happen.  I had images in my head of how I would take the tongs, and with quick motions, would mold the edges into as perfect of a wave as possible.  'Ok, are you ready?'  I was.  As I was preparing to run back to the bench, the Master pulled the beautiful disk of glass out of the fire, turned the pipe upside down, and pumped it toward the ground, effectively creating the beautiful wave without me.

I came away from that day wondering how I could have misinterpreted his instructions so completely.  Face-to-face, speaking the same language, I marveled that I did not understand one bit what was about to happen.  As a testimony to myself, I told myself that I would work harder to listen more closely to the Spirit, which speaks the language of my heart but in a still small voice, but also would allow my Heavenly Father, my Master, to help shape my life to make my masterpiece more beautiful than it would have been on my own.

One year after this experience, in March 2023, I was asked by the Stake Relief Society President to mirror my own story to that of the Woman at the Well.  As I prayed and prepared that talk, I definitely felt guided by the Spirit.  While getting ready for bed one night, thoughts started flowing into my head, which kept me at the computer during quiet hours, a pure testimony flowing from my heart to the page.  I was captured by the thought of Jesus not having a vessel to drink from... until she came along.  Just as the night I sat in quiet reverence, my heart burned with intensity as I testified, 'Our Savior knows and loves each of us individually.  He is the Savior that leads and guides, walks beside, or carries us through our triumphs and trials, our celebrations and sorrows.  Because He loved me first, I want to-- and will be-- the girl that shows up with what I have when the Savior has need of me.'

And, interestingly enough, this very March, I bore testimony about not feeling hopeless because I know in whom I put my trust.  We had just returned from a paradise family vacation, which felt like the most beautiful tender mercy after weeks spent apart while I was in-patient.  I had come back home, but our life didn't feel quite normal until we returned from 90 degree days spent on the because to the magically mundane of work and school.  But as the days moved forward, I still felt stuck.  I continued to pray for guidance to know how to navigate this new Stephanie, the Stephanie I had become when PTSD altered my reality.  But the continued frantic and fearful feelings and confusion created because of my mental illness and breakdown made it harder and harder to know if the Spirit waas speaking to me at all.

In December, I was psychiatrically diagnosed with PTSD, but with that came Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, and Depression.  I remember (sometimes discouragingly), even now, who I was, who I have always been.  Because of my anxiety and panic, I felt extreme negativity where I once felt peace, hope and happiness.  Because of my depression, I no longer felt joy in my journey or faith in every footstep, nor did I feel the excitement and love of my calling or church attendance.  In fact, there were days (such as today, I added at the pulpit) where it was tortured getting myself in the car, it was agony driving, and it was absolutely heinous walking into the doors-- it does NOT feel good in this boy to come some days.

Because of my PTSD, I no longer felt safe in my body, in my mind, or in my life.  It was for these reasons I didn't, and do not, feel like me.  I didn't believe what my mind kept telling me, sometimes screaming at me-- this isn't me!!!-- but my body felt these things acutely, intensely, and violently, which both scared me and made me feel crazy at the same time.  Life since those beginning days has improved some, but this trial has been harder than burying my son who suffered and died, and harder than burying my grief so I could be fully present and emotionally available for my four that had suffered and lived.  Professionals told me, "Anxiety cannot exist in a calm body," and I was as tense as they come.  What a paradox I have been living to work to calm down!  But the biggest lesson I learned is how incredibly difficult it is to fell the Spirit in a body riddled with anxiety and depression!  I am still learning.

So, when Bishop asked if he could meet with me about a calling possibility at the beginning of May, needless to say, I felt like a broken, unusable, undesirable vessel.  In truth, it felt like perhaps my beautiful March 2022 glass bowl had become broken because I held it too tight in an attempt to prove to my Savior that I had learned my lesson.  While speaking with Bishop, telling him how crazy I still felt each time my body reacted in frantic, panicked, or emotionally exaggerated ways without logic or thought, my mind caught on President Kreutz's parable during Stake Conference in April.  If you remember, he spoke about the Japanese art form of Kintsugi.  Instead of discarding the piece because of flaws, mistakes, or broken bits, you actually accentuate these places with gold.  He spoke about becoming whole through the healing of Jesus Christ, not because you were perfect, without flaw, but because you were perfected through Christ's grace and love.

I had heard about Kintsugi manyyears ago at a Time Out for Women even.  Calee Reed told of the many trials she had endured, but which helped her to write a song called, Broken and Beautiful.  Quote: "All the scars and spaces, where the battles hurt me, let more Light in, flood me with Him.  I'll give Him what's left of my shattered heart, he'll piece it together brand new.  And each empty space that was damaged or dark will light up with His love and truth.  Yes, that's what His healing can do."

Bishop told me to take some time to ponder and pray about accepting the call to Young Women's Secretary.  As I reflected on President Kreutz's message, which felt spoken just to me at that very time in my life, as well as my two previous testimonies of letting Christ shape and mold me and being the girl that shows up with He has need of me, I felt, for the first time in a long time, the Spirit burn in my heart, telling me He knew what I felt, He knew HOW I felt, He knew.  And it was going to be ok.

With the image of my bowl borken in pieces on the table before my Savior, I imagined His hands securing one more piece to others rimmed with gold, building me bit-by-bit with His love, so He could use me just as I am, broken but beautiful.  Because of Him.

I would like to close with words of one of my all-time favorite songs. 'I will trust in Jesus, I will hear His call.  He will never leave me, even when I fall.  Jesus gives me power, lifts and comforts me, helping me to live and grow eternally.  As I walk with Jesus to my home above, He will bless me with His Spirit, and fill me with His love.  Change my heart forever and help me clearly see.  I will walk with Jesus, and He will walk with me.'"

Live Endowment

 Keilie and Dallin's Live Endowment Session

She asked ME to be her Escort.  My heart was so full when she asked me, and even more full when we arrived.

They will be Sealed for Time and all Eternity on September 6th, 2024 in the Saratoga Springs Temple.

It was special to wait for Randy to come through as Caden's Proxy on 11/11/2017, but it was even more special to see Keilie's face and smile as she walked into the Celestial Room.  As I swept her up in my arms, I just wept, it was so wonderful.  Both Randy and I felt Caden there before the Session began.  It was just a wonderful night!

Soap Lake

 We went on an RV adventure last year while the kids were at FSY, so when I signed the boys up for FSY, I also looked for an RV vacation Randy and I could take.  About 10 years ago, I took the kids to the water park in Moses Lake and ended up talking to a woman that said they were staying at Soap Lake and loved it.  She told me that Soap Lake is Washington's Bath of Jane Austen's time, that it is filled with healing minerals.  I knew I was going to go there someday as soon as she said Jane Austen!  So, without further ado, I give you my 10-year awaited vacation to Soap Lake.

10:45 am-- All packed up and ready to go.  Randy had an hour's long call with work during the drive, so we pulled into a large parking area and once again felt such love for our RV.

2:30pm.  An hour call and a 30-minute construction stop meant we made it to our spot a touch later than planned, but still enough time to make it down for some serious soak time in the Lake of Healing Dreams.  

I LOVE that this campground has hot tub sites!  It's also the first campsite I had ever heard of that had "Glamping."  They rent out TeePee sites with A/C, and two different styles of canvas tent sites with A/C, all with comfortable beds!!  They also have a cabin and normal tent sites, with a pool, outdoor games, bathrooms, showers, and a little store.  Upon entering and seeing all of the shade trees and well manicured space, I wondered if this could be the next location of our Burrell Family Reunion!  We set up our RV, made a quick meal of sandwiches and chips, and headed down to the lake.  I was near bursting-- Finally, I was at Soap Lake!!!

3:05pm.  There was a white crust on the top off the "sandy beach" area.  Honestly, it was like no other "beach" I had ever seen in person.  The first thing I noticed was the flies buzzing just above the crust.  Millions of flies, as far and as wide as the eye could see.  The next thing I noticed was the sulfur smell.  I had expected it, so it didn't come as a shock.  And, truthfully, it wasn't as "rotten egg" as the hot springs we'd go to in Wyoming.  But the flies and the scent were a little off putting.

And then we stepped on the crust.  It didn't hold our weight, and our feet squished down ankle-deep with a loud GUSH!.  As we pulled our feet out {que the LOUD sucking sound here}, I recoiled in disgust not just because it was warm, but because it was a green color.  Flies, smell, warm squish, and green got it stuck in my head that we were walking through a poop field.  Step after disgusting step, it just kept weighing on my more and more heavily.

And then we made it into the water.  The "poop" was even more saturated, that as it squished through your toes, each step sinking you deeper and deeper to no be calve-deep, that I literally (yes, literally) asked Randy to walk back to me and hold my hand.  We made it hip deep and looked back at the shore, knowing we would eventually need to walk back out.  It was so disgusting, so sensation-intense, that we stayed in for, at most, five minutes.  My hands and arms were aching, I was holding them so tightly to my chest, I couldn't even imagine putting them down in the water.  By the time we made it back to our shoes, I was ready to run.  Anxiety has never felt so intense because of physical sensation!

We made it back to our RV and decided to soak in the hot tub.  But... it was actually a tepid tub.  As we sat there in silence, every once in a while shivering because of our disgust, we both said, "You know-- we're not going back in that water, the hot tub doesn't offer any comfort, we might as well just head home."  So we did.  

Soap Lake is NOT a place I could/would ever recommend.  I'm so glad we went first, otherwise we would have had three families drive from Utah and one from Western Washington that potentially would have wanted to leave less than an hour after arriving!  It may be a lake of "healing minerals," but I'd rather be sick than soak in that ever again!!!

Mira on the Mountain

 Randy has been hiking Badger every morning for a few weeks now.  Today, he decided to take Mira.  Girlfriend trailed behind the whole way up, and lead the whole way down.  But she made it to the top!  Mira's showing her age more and more.  I'm glad Randy thought to document her hike!

We sure love this precious creature.  

FSY 2024

 FSY at Idaho State

Tyson & Ryan Mann

Brennon & Sean Porter

Tyson

Brennon

They both said that they liked this year better than last year.  I'm so grateful that our kids have these opportunities!  They cannot wait to go again next year!