Celebrations

Thursday, January 16th (Darwin & Jackie's true Anniversary)

Leave by 8:30am

 Utah has always had the most beautiful sunsets.  After weeks without sun at home, I was soaking it all in.  I wish cameras were able to capture true color.  These just don't do the beauty justice.  I thoroughly enjoyed the clouds, and how the sun going down painted them many different colors.

We arrived at Danielle's house at 7:30pm.

Friday, January 17th

Leave for St. George with weather advisories in place for Layton down through Nephi.  Randy promised he'd go slow.  Once the weather calmed down, he was back to his 7mph over the speed limit usual.

 I realize that the snow-capped mountains are many miles away, but I love the contrast of the red mountains and the white ones that look just behind them.  I love the varying landscapes that Utah has to offer.  Truly, one of the most gorgeous states in all of the United States of America, in my opinion.

 The boys got a Nintendo Switch for Christmas.  I didn't realize that it could do this, so it was even more fun to hear them getting excited about playing together when I realized it was because they were playing on the same team against others.  Just fun!

We arrived in St. George at 2:30pm, where we checked into our hotel, freshened up after two days of travel, and then headed to visit with family.

Saturday, January 18th, Party Time!

Randy and I scheduled a workout class.  It was fun to see how different, yet the same, the studios are.  Their studio may be three times the size of ours, but ours has more energetic coaches and music that make the class that much more fun.  Truly, if that had been my first class, I'm not sure I would have been as compelled to join.  Our coaches and atmosphere truly do make the workout so much fun!

We came back to eat breakfast as a family, then get ready for family pictures, set up, and party.
We met at the clubhouse at noon to set up.

Allyson worked her artistic talents to create this gorgeous sign to place in front of the clubhouse.

 The table includes many different pictures throughout the years, including a scrapbook page Darwin did in the 1970's before scrapbooking became popular.  Dan had a commemorative plaque made of things that happened throughout the United States the year they were married.

 Jamie helped me make place cards again, and then helped me last-minute when we found out six more people would be joining us.  Because I was in charge of decor, I also volunteered to pick up the paper products, since they were so much a part of my design.  The count before we left was 31.  With the last-minute cancellation of exactly six people (we missed Dan and Karen's family due to influenza), everything turned out pretty much perfect in the end.  Because our car held paper products, decorations, and slideshow, I'd been a nervous wreck for weeks as we saw more and more storms rolling in in all states we'd be driving.  I even asked Randy to search up flights and rental car, just in case.  As soon as we drove into St. George, I felt myself relax in a way that I hadn't been able to in weeks.

Jamie also helped me put together and print out The Story of Us that Steve & Natalie had written, to replace the Menu card we'd done for Keilie's homecoming place settings.  We opened up the party by reading this out.  It was beautiful.

We had planned to meet a professional photographer for pictures, but without Dan's family, we didn't want to pay the price of a professional without everyone there.  It became my honor to take pictures of Jackie and Darwin.

I have been so blessed with in-laws that I can love so deeply.  I was so emotional the entire day, hoping and praying to give them a party that showed just how much they mean to us all.  I love them more than I ever could imagine loving parents that I was not born to.  I am the luckiest girl in the world.

Next it was our turn.  I staged the family, but didn't think to ask if I was proportioned correctly.  I wish I would have taken a step to my right so the spacing was a little better.  Not too bad, though.

 (It's hard to love a family photo 100% anymore when I always see the place where Caden would stand)

I love us!

 By the time that Grandpa and Grandma Griffin got to our picture spot, we'd all been waiting out in the heat and sun for about 30 minutes.  Believe me, it's not lost on me that I'm "complaining" about being hot and uncomfortable in the middle of January!  I got Grandpa centered (he's really slowing down) and tried to quickly get everyone placed.  I see so many things that I wish I could fix (people that I would move to different locations, light posts that I wish could be just outside the picture, but we'd already placed Grandpa, shadows that I wish didn't need to be there, but we didn't want to face directly into the sun, Shelby's hair, Natalie's slight step to her right between takes, etc), but under the circumstances, I'm pleased with this third attempt (on a timer) large family picture.

Grandma Luanne was too weak to join us.  She's been recovering the last few weeks from being hospitalized with pneumonia.  It was wonderful to have Jackie's brother, John, and Aunt Jolene, and Grandpa and Grandma Griffin join us.  Darwin's brother, Kenny, was also able to come to the party, but didn't join us for pictures.

5:00pm-- PARTY TIME

 It was so special to stand and clap as they walked in.  I wanted to cry, but didn't.

 

We ended the night watching a slideshow of pictures throughout their 50 years together.  It was so much fun going through our thousands of pictures to find any they were in.  There were many!  I cannot wait to add more!

We said our goodbyes after watching the slideshow at home, where you could actually see the pictures clearly, and went back to our hotel.  The kids went to the hot tub while I packed and Randy massaged his aching foot.  Being the parent means working while the kids continue to play.  We left St. George with memories of the perfect Anniversary party and thoughts of another party to come!

 My parent's have a monthly 3rd Sunday dinner.  Because Chad's birthday is January 26th, they made it a birthday party for him.  My parents made amazing roast, potatoes, and carrots.  Danielle made rolls, and Brooke brought salad.  We brought exhaustion and excitement to get to be together.

We played Bingo

 Mira was not a fan of waiting outside while we all milled around during dinner and cleanup.

 My Dad did the dishes while everyone played together.

Then we played a Minute-to-Win it game my Mom wanted to try.  Empty soda can with the pop-top raised between a spaghetti noodle clasped between lips.

 Because I became the time keeper, I didn't get as many pictures as I could have.  Shelby and Payton, Brennon and Tyson, Brooke and Chad, Keilie and me, Randy and me, Brennon and Kenyan, Danielle and Taylor (who are the only ones that actually won!).  But I did get the cutest of them all...

Drew and Payton.  Is he not the cutest?!

By the time we made it to bed, I was beyond exhausted.  We left Monday morning with no real need to hurry.  My cousin Mike is dying of cancer, so we hoped to stop in and see him on our way home.  We could have on our way down, but I was worried about weather issues that could have had us driving straight down to St. George in the middle of the night to beat a storm.  We should have, since we found out just two hours before we were pulling into Nampa that they'd flown out that morning to Texas, but everything is 20/20 in hindsight.  We stopped to give my Aunt Tonya a quick hug before getting back on the road to make it home by 5:30pm.  We got the car unpacked, laundry in the washer, dinner in our bellies, and then collapsed on the couch for some Forensic Files.

It may have been an exhausting, whirlwind trip, but it was one of the most amazingly special occasions we've been a part of in a long, long time.  I'd been planning and creating in my mind for so long, it felt sad to have it end, even though it turned out exactly how I had imagined.  It's pretty neat to have Darwin & Jackie celebrate their 50th, my Mom & Dad celebrate their 40th, and Randy and I celebrate our 20th this year.  How grateful I am to have so many examples of happy marriages that have had their ups and downs, but are still going strong through love, support, and daily choices to cherish the one you're with.

Memory Wall

As we prepare for a celebration of marriage this weekend, my heart felt well enough to conquer another project that celebrates.  It was a labor of love, but something that really hurt, too.

Three of the pictures on the wall are mine, all others were given to me to honor The Boy in the Bed.  I'm fairly certain no other family has been as loved and support!  While I do see one small fault with the left side of the wall, I am pleased with how it came together, especially considering it was less than an hours work from trial layout to complete.  Heavenly Father knew I needed this, so he helped me out.  Who knows, maybe Caden was whispering in my ear.

I sure miss my boy.  I still feel an actual pain in my heart each time I think of him, whether happy or sad memories.  It still hurts so much.

After-school club

Tyson joined a club at school that he is really enjoying.  They do not have practice, only games, which only last 15 minutes each.  He actually told me it's hard to know if you've scored a goal, so it's good that his coach knows.  He said he just does his best to score, and finds out if his team has won at the end.  Now that's what it means to play because you love it, not to simply win!

Tchoukball (pronounced Chook-ball)

"Mom, did you see when I made my first goal?"  Feeling massively confused about what I had just watched, I told him I was there when he threw the ball at the trampoline thingy, but I didn't know if it was his first goal.  "Yeah, sometimes I don't know if it's a goal either."  I love that he loves it, even if the only thing I understand about it is that they use their team to get the ball to Tyson, who then throws it at the trampoline thingy, where they all hope it's a goal.  Good news: Tyson's team won!

Memories

I love it when things around town remind me of my childhood and family from so many year ago, and so many miles away.

While waiting in line at Joanne's, I looked up to see this gum rack.  I remember my Mom telling me how much she loved this gum as a young girl.  It made me miss her so much, even though it brought me comfort and happiness to be reminded of her.  I hope I am giving my kids similar type memories, so that no matter where they live, they'll always have something to remember me by.

On Time

Keilie and I had an experience today that actually made me miss Seattle Children's.  It's weird to realize, but even with the hundreds of appointments that Caden had over the course of his treatments, we were rarely kept waiting, either in the waiting room or the actual room.  I recognized it then, sometimes even marveling at it, but it was made even more apparent how amazing that was after today.

Keilie started her ADHD medication again in November.  Upon seeing how much she was struggling, with school and life, we approached her with the idea.  She's always been the one to decide whether she wants to take it or not, but we've always encouraged her to try and and see how she felt about it first.  With her failing grades, which lead to anger and depression about life itself, we reminded her of her previous statements that she could tell a difference in how she focused and how much better she felt while on it during the school year.  She agreed and asked me to make an appointment.

The appointment this morning was to make sure that all was well.  Because the medication suppresses your appetite and can speed up your heart, he needed to check her over and access how it was all going.  The appointment was at 7:40am.  I wasn't certain that we were the first appointment, but I did have my suspicions.  We arrived at 7:35am, was shown back to the room at 7:42am, where the MA did vitals and security questions, and then left in the room with these parting words, "Keilie, you're the first patient of the day.  I haven't seen doctor yet, but when he arrives, I'll tell him you're ready."  By this time it was 7:52am.  Annoyed.

By the time he walked in at 8:10am, I was super annoyed.  Keilie was missing school as we waited around for the doctor to even get to work.  Why schedule a patient for a 7:40am appointment if you don't plan to arrive on-time to work?  It made me wonder if the times we've had to wait for 30+ minutes for a well-child check-up was simply because he was 30 minutes late for his first appointment of the day, and the delay just kept right on going.  I finally had to sit on my hands to keep myself from checking the time every minute-- I do not like being late.  30-minute wait to have him check her weight stats, ask about her heart, order us three more months, and tell us to have a good day and call if we needed him.

While I do not miss much about our experiences at Seattle Children's, the fact that we had maybe 10 appointments where we weren't in and out within our scheduled time frame (for appointments, not things like ER visits or unexpected blood transfusions) is pretty amazing.  One thing that I always think I'll miss, though, is Sue.  I will always love her for who she was for Caden, and me.

Warm nose

(Not a posed picture.  I found her like this) 
Sometimes you just need a warm nose to sleep.

We sure love this adorable creature.

Tubs and Trix

9:30pm last night, Randy semi-jumps up and says, "Will you come outside and help me with something?"  Tucked in tight with two blankets (imagine burrito on the couch), in thermals, sweats, and triple layer socks, I whine, "What?  You want me to go out in the cold?"  Randy, mind made up (I saw that look in his eye, and knew this was going to happen), "I want to see if we can move the hot tub."

Randy and I have not used the hot tub that came with this house more than 10 times.  Honestly, when we were moving in, I was almost startled to see it in the backyard, I'd forgotten about it.  They may have considered it a selling point, but it pales in comparison to what the actual house had to offer me.  If it was housed in a sauna-type outbuilding, I'd appreciate it more.  I love hot, lobster skin-making baths!  But if there is wind or the possibility of chill, either while I am in the hot tub or getting out, it's a deal breaker for me.  It is a rare night that I wanted to get out of my warm clothes and into a swimsuit, walk in the outdoors to open the heavy cover, only to get warm, have to get out and cover up before air touches my water-droplet skin, put the heavy cover back on, and then walk back in the house to peel off my wet suit and dry off.  It just wasn't worth it to me.  What should be a relaxing thing felt anything but.

*Disclaimer: I will miss it when the Wilsterman's come over.  The kids used it a bunch when we'd come home from the pool.  They endearingly called it the "Hot Pool."  Seeing as they only come over a week or two in the summer, it was used maybe 10 times in a year between kids, and Randy and I every year.  The electricity, water, chemicals, and time Randy took to keep everything in check for it, simply to be ready, was just not worth it at all.*

Randy took some quick pictures and posted it on Facebook.  It was basically sold in less than an hour.  Randy, being Randy, started to regret offering it for that price.  "I was hoping to get $1,000 so I listed it at $1,500.  Now I wish I would have asked for more since it went so fast."  I would have paid someone to take it away...

So while I'm adding more layers, inwardly grumbling until I can outwardly grumble in his presence, Randy grabbed the tools that he wants/needs for two people to move an 8-person, 1,000-pound hot tub.  "He is coming tomorrow with 3 friends.  I just want to do most of the thinking of how we're going to move this tonight before they get here tomorrow."  Randy's "thinking" always involves "doing."  Remember that one time where he asked me to help him push the piano over to the door, to "see" if there was a possibility it would fit through the door directly onto a trailer he'd backed up to said door, and we ended up moving an entire piano from one house to the other all by ourselves?!  Well, imagine the two of us, lit by a single bulb in the dark of night, Randy with a moving dolly lifting with his body weight as I quickly placed furniture dollies under two sides, then him putting the moving dolly a third side as I pushed with all of my strength.  The exertion sounds, the grunts and breathes, could put any bodybuilding competition to shame, so loud were we was I.  Awesome.

Eighteen inches.  We moved a 1,000-pound hot tub-- all by ourselves-- eighteen inches.  We would have moved it more, but the wiring needed to be accessed and cut.  Granted, I make it sound like it took hours when it only took about 10- minutes, but it felt like hours as I froze and grunted and grumbled.  My mind was screaming, "What do I care if this guy gets here with his three friends and has a hard time moving this thing?  If we break it as we lift one side and then the other, then we're the ones that end up hauling this thing to the dump instead of selling it.  I don't want to be out here, at this time of night, freezing, so that four grown men have less time working on it tomorrow."  I'm telling you, I know that I am a petulant child when coerced (he never forces me to do it, but I know he's just crazy enough to do it himself, so I always help) to do something I don't really want to do, but it was cold, and I was sick of being cold after and entire day of chill.  Hence the thermals and sweats and two blankets wrapped tightly around me just 15 minutes before this nut-job idea came into Randy's head.

"Honey, thank you for doing that with me tonight.  I'll sleep better knowing I have a plan to help them tomorrow."  And just like that, I was done being annoyed.  "If you would have lead off with that, that it would help you sleep better, I would have done it willingly and without annoyance.  I'll always do stuff if it helps you."  I LOVE helping others, being someone people can count on for help, options, or knowledge, going out of my way to make others comfortable, but I do have my limits.  And that limit is getting cold apparently, which is the very reason that we're getting rid of this hot tub....

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I can't remember exactly how the conversation got to this point:

Tyson: "What?!  Trix has sugar?"

He may be able to do 7th grade math quicker than Brennon and Shelby (without ever being formally taught the principles and steps), but he doesn't know that Trix cereal contains sugar.  Interesting.

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 Notice the furniture dollies near the men's feet.  Randy's idea that they all commented helped out a bunch get get it in place. 

 Notice the lone man in the back, pushing that hot tub onto that trailer and out of his life.

I was ninja snapping my pictures from the warmth and cover of my closet window.  It was super windy, so there was no way I was going to get chilled taking my pictures.  It's nice to have it gone, nice to see the space, nice to not have the feelings attached, just nice.

Drowning in shame

It has finally happened.  It is something that I never thought would happen to me, simply because I rarely ever put myself in a position for it to happen.  It fills me with regret and shame and a bit of self loathing.  I dropped my cell phone in the toilet.

I do not put my phone in my back pocket while I am at home.  Most times it's on a couch, on a counter, on the bed, but never in my back pocket.  So when I heard the "plop," I was startled and confused.  It didn't take long for me to whip around and viper-like grab it out and rush to get it put in rice.  I have owned many phones over the years, but never have I done anything to break them-- I've never even cracked a screen!  The phones were either handed down to a child, or upgraded to a smartphone 7 years ago, at which time the clam-shell phone became a toy.  I am just so mad at myself.

Randy took it into the repair shop this morning as I took Keilie to a doctor's appointment.  If I thought I felt shame last night, it was nothing compared to the shame as he relayed to me that it was a minimum of $60, with no guarantee that it would work.  Just dumb.

Edit: It only cost $20!  They dried it all out and gave us the option of replacing the screen that had been damaged by the water, but we decided not to change it out.  There is a small smear from the bottom up that looks like a thumb swipe that took away the dimness that I need for my eyes and made it full bright.  But it will not spread, will not get worse, and is only a little distracting as you scroll-- not worth the extra $90.  Keilie doesn't understand my joy that I will NOT be getting a new phone.  She doesn't get me yet-- Once I find something that I use and love, I'm loyal to the last possible second.  Brooms, Yukon XL's, phones... I get great satisfaction taking them to their last possible point of use.  It's an obsession, really.

Temper Tantrum

This is going to be one of those posts where you want to slap me and say, "First World Problem," but I am a whiner, so I'm going to write about it.  Grandkids, patience is a virtue, so do as I say, not as I do!

I love the Walmart Pickup app.  I have had many, many great experiences being able to "shop" for things that I need as I look through my cupboards, and pick it up on Monday morning before the kids go to school.  I feel so accomplished, somehow, when the shopping is picked up and put away by 7:30am, even though I wasn't the one to actually go to the store, place them in the basket as I walked aisle after aisle, and then load them into my car.  Walmart Pickup, where were you in Casper when I had five kids under 8 years old?!

As I was selecting a time to pick up my groceries, I chose the 7:00-8:00 slot, because it literally said, "Less Busy."  Done!  I love Less Busy things!  I got a text at 6:55, though, saying that they weren't finished with my order, and to please wait for another text before coming.  So I waited.  At 7:16 I got the text, by 7:24 we were pulling up to Pickup.  The second I saw the scene, I was ready to leave.  All 15 spots were filled, with one car waiting.  But Randy said we should wait.  So I did.

By the time it was 7:45, I was getting antsy.  Truly, the only thing we needed that night was milk, so I told him that we should just cancel the order, go in a grab a gallon of milk, and just go shopping for real tomorrow.  He called them to see what the wait time was.  They said 30 minutes.  This was good enough for him.  I was fuming.  I watched the door like a hawk over the changing digits of our clock.  At one point, they had only one person loading cars.  At another, no one came in our out of that door for a full 10 minutes.  Three times, someone came out with an order, only to walk that order right back in.  I was getting SO grumpy, and told Randy that I was done, that I just wanted to cancel, that this was the worst way to spend a Friday night, that we didn't even need the groceries that bad.  Since it had been the 30 minutes, he called again.  They told him that we were third in line.

Now, by the time they brought us our stuff, they were SUPER apologetic.  They'd let us know that we could just come back the next day, but Randy didn't want to.  They apologized again and again as they practically threw our groceries in the trunk.  I did feel bad for them, but I was also very upset.  I'm fairly certain I burned rubber as I sped out of the stall for home.  From the time we got there to the time we left was an hour and ten minutes!  All for a stupid gallon of milk (and other things, but we didn't need those that night).  As we were cleaning out the last of the groceries, Tyson said, "So, where's the milk?"  I'm not even joking, the rage that exploded in my body reminds me of the fire that comes from Anger on Inside Out.  I was boiling.  Randy called, because he knew I couldn't.  We got back in the car and headed back.

We got our cold stuff within 30 seconds of pulling in, again being apologized to profusely, but I still felt a bunch of stress seeing the other 8 cars that had been there when we left.  I'm pretty sure one or two of the cars had been there longer than we had.  Because corporate doesn't want to lose too much money during this season, they told all employees that they couldn't get overtime.  As soon as the shift ended, they were to go home.  That meant they had to scramble to find salaried employees to come into the department, learn how to operate it, and get the groceries out to the waiting cars-- their hands were tied, they had to go home.  What a joke.  Except no one is laughing!  I still feel so much anger thinking about it!!  And, honestly, it took time for me to fall asleep, because I was still just so keyed up with rage that we waited an HOUR AND TEN MINUTES for a gallon of milk that we had to go back for!  Blah!

New Year's 2019

Ashlee and Russ asked us on Friday night if we were up for visitors from Sunday to Thursday.  We'd resigned ourselves to staying home to give Shelby and Brennon time to claw their way out of the hole of homework made from the Flu, so it was nice to have family willing to come when we couldn't go anywhere.  Shelby was mainly the one that needed the most time, so she buckled down and worked extra hard for two days straight (and I mean two full days of nothing but studying and eating) to get to a place where she knew she could spend all the time with them when they arrived.

We didn't have definite plans for New Year's Eve, other than I wanted to invite someone that had a daughter Aria's age.  Since Caden's passing, she's suffered every time we get together because there isn't someone that really includes her in their games.  Caden was there for her every second, every game, every snuggle, so I wanted to give her the chance to meet a friend of her own.  All other kids have someone (Keilie was going to a dance, otherwise she also feels it deeply with Caden being gone with being so much older, alone, than everyone else), so I thought of a family that we knew that had a daughter in Kindergarten.  I found the perfect one: The Gibbs.  From the moment they walked in the door and the girls were introduced, we rarely saw them again.

We had a bunch of finger food type snackies, and just played games from 6:00pm to 9:00pm when we rang in the New Year with New York, banging pots and pans (enough to break wooden spoons!) and screaming.  It was a blast.  As soon as we did that, I drove Keilie and Ellie to the dance while everyone got their littles into bed.  Randy, Ashlee, Russ, and I rang in the New Year for real in a much quieter fashion as we waited for Keilie to get home.

The next day we had plans to take the kids to Chuck-E-Cheeses with the money our parents gave us for Christmas.  Not only would they have a blast, at Chuck-E-Cheeses, but they would have a blast with cousins!  Love that kind of gift!  However, I woke at 8:00am with a stomach ache that had me nearly passing out from the pain.  I'm not even a little embarrassed to say that I needed to lie my face down on the cold tile in front of the toilet to keep from passing out-- it was bad.  I thought it would be a one-and-done occurrence, but it ended up coming every few minutes until about 11:00am, at which time I truly did pass out in exhaustion and take a three-hour nap.  It was brutal.  So my view of the fun was this...

I'm so sad that I missed all of the fun of the gift from Grandpa and Grandma Burrell!

On their last night here, we decided to get out of the wicked wind (you'd think it would be heavenly having 52 degree weather in January, until you factor in the Casper Wind that chills you to the very bone!) and have some fun in the church gym.

 It started out as Badminton, because, you know, wind, but quickly turned into basketball...

 All was going great, until Shelby jammed her thumb while attempting to catch the ball.  One more having a blast in the Nursery.  *It was funny to see Ashlee react adversely to someone playing the drums, when I've been tuning it out and talking over it for three years and didn't even notice when it was banged* 

 After a small break and thumb ministrations, it was then time for some Ultimate Football.  Ashlee and I left the little kids to watch the fun.

I think we all could have stayed for another few hours, but Brennon's asthma became bad enough that it actually scared him and the Wilsterman girls.  I hate the fear I see in his eyes as he's gasping and trying to fill lungs that kind of suck at being lungs.  It affected them the rest of the night.  We've decided that it will be a tradition to play in the gym if it is too cold (or in this case, windy) to play at the park, and that we'll always play a game of Ultimate Football.

It was a great way to ring in this New Year!  We are always sad to see family go home, and always look forward to the next time we'll be together.  I can't wait to see both sides of our Utah family in a few weeks as we celebrate Jackie and Darwin's 50th wedding anniversary!