Yesterday marked three years since we sold our Bar Nunn house, so I text Nikki to say "Happy Anniversary" and see how they were doing. I am happy to report that they are in the "process" of adding another child to their family in May- filling our old abode with more laughter and lovin.
While giving the rundown on all that has happened since our last texts, she made the comment that I was always so positive. This caused me to pause for a second- Am I? Am I, really?! Have I really been positive since the depression/PTSD slammed me to the depths? And then it dawned on me...in a way, yes.
Things have been mentally hard for me for over a year now. Things have been worse, they have also been better. But that's just it, they are still good. I am still struggling with things, yet I am doing better than when I thought my son was going to die. My mental health is sometimes a little sick, but my son's health is perfect right now. I yell at my kids, just like everyone else, but I have ample time to apologize about it and show them my love in person every single day. Randy and I occasionally argue (white/wheat, seat up/down, who loves whom more, that sort of thing), but our marriage is sublime. We are still struggling (this doesn't even begin to feel like an adequate enough word to describe what it is) with education and every-day school work, but I still get to help them with their homework myself. Randy still travels for work more than I would actually like, yet we are in a great position to be completely out of debt before he turns {whisper} 40 in 2017. Caden has a very good chance of having recurrences with his extremely rare cancer, but we have options and know what we are going to do first to fight if/when it returns. When I look at my life December 1, 2015 and compare it to my life January 31 - July 17, 2014, I can't complain. We know the extreme. Our lives are good. Things are truly grand.
Think Positive: "I'm Positive I am the luckiest girl in the world." Things are Positively Perfect.
Love you ❤️
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