The Randy & Stephanie Dirks Family Est~ 2000
~If you think our hands are full, you should see our hearts!~

Friday, September 8, 2017

Final Scan?

Check in time is 8:00am this morning.  He'll drink the contrast in his customary Apple Juice and then wait one hour to be brought back to IV, lab draw, and then CT scan.  They'll have time to grab some breakfast, but I don't think he even cares.  He's not had an appetite for a few days.  I think the biggest thing he ate yesterday was one fry for dinner.  The appointment with Sue is at 11:30am.

I cannot breathe.  I feel weak from my heart pounding uncontrollably out of my chest since 4:00am.  I couldn't fall asleep.  My Fitbit registered 3 hours and 24 minutes of sleep.  Funny thing, it showed me asleep when I knew I was just laying awake in bed for most of those hours.  I feel like I am going to throw up, yet don't know what I'd throw up-- I have as much appetite as Caden.  It is agony to wait for news that you know is going to stop time.  His symptoms are progressing.  My life is spinning out of control.  My son, my heart, my world-- they're breaking.

22 days until Homecoming.....

UPDATE:

Four new, large tumors, bringing the total in him currently to 8.  Every symptom he's been feeling for weeks, the ones that we could always "blame" on something else, are cancer related.  It was never the boat, it was never the fevered sickness going around, it was never the guitar.  It was all stupid, freaking cancer.  Three are inoperable, making all of them inoperable.  Options were given, then immediately taken away.  We left with only one: "We really like this Hospice nurse.  We called her for you.  She can take Caden.  You'll hear from her next week."  The fight is over.

The End.  Forever.

15 comments:

  1. UnknownSeptember 8, 2017 at 9:55 AM

    I'm so sorry... you are in my prayers for strength and peace amid this storm you are in. Hurricane Irma ain't got nothing on you.

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  2. UnknownSeptember 8, 2017 at 10:38 AM

    I'm so sorry... you are in my prayers for strength and peace amid this storm you are in. Hurricane Irma ain't got nothing on you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. RebeccaSeptember 8, 2017 at 1:38 PM

    I went to the temple this morning and tears sprung to my eyes as I wrote your names. I'm thinking so much of you and your family and praying for peace and strength! We love you guys and are so sorry!

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  4. RebeccaSeptember 8, 2017 at 1:38 PM

    I went to the temple this morning and tears sprung to my eyes as I wrote your names. I'm thinking so much of you and your family and praying for peace and strength! We love you guys and are so sorry!

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  5. Jenn RandallSeptember 8, 2017 at 4:19 PM

    Definitely tears for you today. No words. Just love. and tears. (maybe I feel mad too. WHY? Why the amazing ones you want to watch for years to come??? Or ANY of them!?)

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  6. UnknownSeptember 9, 2017 at 8:00 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  7. MontaySeptember 9, 2017 at 11:50 AM

    Randy I don't even have words... Sending love and prayers for peace and comfort.

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  8. LeahSeptember 9, 2017 at 1:59 PM

    I just heard the news and my heart is seriously breaking for you! Many many love and prayers being sent you way! I hope and pray your family will receive the love and comfort it needs through this, Love you!

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  9. DanSeptember 9, 2017 at 2:49 PM

    Randy,

    You are living my worst nightmare as a parent, as a human. I can only imagine your feelings, the heartache, pain without words. I am so, so very sorry to read this.

    For me, I'm inspired by your strength and faith. Truly admirable, lovely. You seem like wonderful parents and full of love.

    But I know, if it were me, if i were in your shoes, I'd trade anything to not be there. I'd rather it be me than my own child.

    Much love and sympathy,

    Dam Fisk

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  10. Katherine GriffinSeptember 9, 2017 at 7:29 PM

    Randy and Stephanie,
    The twins, me, and my mom are praying for and love you all. This sucks balls beyond all get out.

    Love Katherine (griffin)

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  11. John and Jolene Griffin FamilySeptember 10, 2017 at 4:32 AM

    Randy & Stephanie,
    Katherine put it best...this really does suck!!! I can't imagine the pain and anguish your family's been through! Please know how much we all love you and your sweet family! Know that there are parts of Mesa,AZ, Logan, UT and Clarksville,TN, whose hearts are absolutely broken at this latest update! I haven't been able to stop crying since I got the news. You guys have been an inspiration of faith and sheer determination, to fight with every fiber of your beings for Caden.

    John & Jolene ��

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  12. WendiSeptember 10, 2017 at 7:50 PM

    I just don't have the right words for any of you right now. My heart is breaking and I am cursing cancer even more these days. Always thinking of you guys. I will get in touch with you this week. My prayers haven't stopped and will continue.

    Wendi

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  13. AnonymousSeptember 12, 2017 at 1:23 AM

    I am so saddened to read this. I have been following your blog and checking up on Caden for quite some time. Last i had read he was doing very good. Cancer sucks. I will be praying for all of your family during this time. Caden is my hero. Sending lots of �� your way. Melissa Shreve.

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  14. UnknownSeptember 12, 2017 at 7:02 AM

    My heart breaks for you. Your family is in our prays..

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  15. AnonymousSeptember 12, 2017 at 7:45 AM

    What is there too say? I am SO SORRY! You all are loved by so many, your strength has been seen, your despair felt and acknowledged. Prayers for your comfort now and to come.
    Alesa Myler

    ReplyDelete

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