Again

When beginning this job in November 2012, Randy's first Police Department visit was down in Bend, Oregon.  He has worked tirelessly ever since, finally closing the sell today after 3 years and 10 months!! 

Contracts are signed!

Randy's fourth sell for Tyler Technologies (formerly New World Systems) is in the bag!

CONGRATULATIONS, MISTER!!!  

I LOVE YOU!!!

(And not just because you bring home the dough.  Though I do love me some carbs.)

Cracks

Caden left bright and early for his first day of school...pretty much all year!  It was a bittersweet thing.  It was fun seeing his excitement at going, but felt like something was taken from me, too.  He has been near my side since January, so it feels weird to be away from him for so long.  I have thought about him often, hoping he's having a great time, and hoping he misses me too.  I'm lame, I know, but I just don't care.

Since getting all of the kids registered for their new schools on August 16, we have waited for any news from Keilie's new Middle School.  I got letters in the mail the very next week, letting me know the names of the teachers for Shelby, Brennon, and Tyson.  Caden and I had an appointment on August 17 to make his schedule, so we've known since then all that needs to happen for Caden.  However, we have heard nothing regarding Keilie.  She came to us last night in a panic.  Not knowing what's going on has really added to her stress of starting a new school.  So, we packed in the car and drove over there today.

It was lucky that we got to talk to a Vice Principal that was walking the halls, since I didn't know whom to really talk to about anything.  The registrar was not at her desk, and the line to pay fees was mega long, so I wasn't really wanting to wait in that line just to be moved to another one.  With our luck, the second line would have been a mile long.  However, this woman saw me looking around, probably looking like a lost pound puppy, and asked how she could help.  When I told her that I had filled out the paperwork on the first day I could have, and yet had heard nothing, she agreed that there was a problem.  She found the registrar, who recognized us right away.  With one word, my stomach dropped, but explained everything perfectly for the VP: IEP.

Apparently, since we are transferring to a new school, the school psychologist (who returned to school from vacation this very day) needs to look at Keilie's file specifically, making sure that he puts her in all of the right classes and extra help stuff.  Where I was afraid that they had already labeled Keilie as "one of those children," it just meant that there was still work to be done.  It seemed a bit odd that the VP would say she was glad that Keilie hadn't fallen through the cracks, since we hadn't heard a single thing from the school, but I'm glad that they knew exactly what needed to happen.  I was also there when the psychologist walked over to get the VP and registrar for their meeting, since I was a bit skeptical that they really had a meeting for my own child at the very minute she said she did-- I kind of thought she said that, sending us on our way, and then would scramble to get Keilie a schedule as soon as we left.  Not the case-- thank goodness.

So, now we're waiting to see if Keilie starts school tomorrow.  She said that their meeting would take a few hours, since there was more than one child in Keilie's same situation, but that we'd know tonight if she begins tomorrow, or another day.  I guess I should put away my negative thoughts about it all, just grateful that we know what's going on now.  I should be grateful that we went at the exact moment we needed to be there to actually see that things were already in motion.

(Mentally berating myself) "Calm down, your child will be taken care of, actually getting the best care possible.  Stop being a priss!"

It's hard to think clearly when you've had just four hours of sleep the night before due to a seriously rough time with anxiety over sending kids to school.  I know the end of summer didn't sneak up on me, I've know this day would come, but I feel blindsided just the same.  I'm seriously not ready to send them!!!  I'm truly going to miss my babies!!!

Movie Magic

Movies have always been a big part of my life-- I LOVE watching movies.  In fact, if it is a particularly favorite movie, you can bet I have seen it more than 100 times (While You Were Sleeping).  Also, I usually know within the first few minutes of a movie if it is going to be "a buyer."  We own quite a few movies, ones that we watch over and over.

I vividly remember the first time I saw Rescuers Down Under.  He rescues the Golden Eagle, that you later find out is a mom, and she takes him on the ride of a lifetime.  My favorite part of the whole movie is when she pushes him water ski style off a waterfall, arms extended as if he's going to fly, and then catches him in a triumphant flight finisher.  The music crescendos, finalizing in the most dramatic end that brings chills to the arms, head, and toenails.  I'm not even joking.  I remember watching that movie over and over, wishing that I could have a Golden Eagle of my very own, one that would give me amazing rides all the time.

Jackie and Darwin are visiting this weekend.  Before they even arrived, Jackie told me she wanted to take us to a movie.  We all decided on Pete's Dragon.  Not 10 minutes into the show, Pete is playing with Elliot, running through the forest, jumping off cliffs with his arms extended, when all of the sudden... bam, Elliot flies to his rescue, taking him on an amazing flight into the sunset.

Tyson: "That is my favorite movie ever!  I want a dragon!"

The only difference between our movie envy wants... mine was born from an animated movie, his looked real! And just like Rescuers Down Under, the music in Pete's Dragon had chills from my scalp down to my toenails!  Amazing!!

The premise for today's Pete's Dragon is nothing like the one I grew up with, but it is good.

Thank you, Jackie and Darwin, for giving my children dreams of a dragon of their very own!  It was a fun night!!

Guilt

July 1st was supposed to be Caleb's last day of chemo.  Remember, Caleb is the little boy from Richland and White Bluffs Elementary, that was diagnosed just a few days after school began last year.  Sarah and I had been counting down the days till they would be able to come home for good, me telling her things I couldn't wait for her to witness him do once the chemo left his body.  In the year that they had been doing cancer care, they were only able to come home once.  Since Caden had been doing the chemo schedule that Caleb was doing (first line defense for his cancer: Rhabdomyosarcoma) I knew how much they had suffered...sort of.  Caden did it for six weeks and it was the hardest, most hellish six weeks we had ever endured.  Caleb has been doing it for one year!  So, two days before they were scheduled to come home, I felt a bit blindsided by their news-- they found a new tumor in his jaw that had grown during and despite chemo.  They were not done.  Now, they don't know when they will be.  It was like a sucker punch to the gut-- and he isn't even my child!

Immediately I started to look at my own life, feeling quite bad about things that were bothering me in my life.  At the time, we were in-between houses.  Suddenly the fact that it felt stressful that we were sleeping on mattresses in the front room seemed petty.  Why should I care when we were warm, safe, and free from cancer care in our own home-- things could be worse.  The new flowers on my new front porch almost made me feel sick-- who cares which way the flowers cascade down the side of the pot?  At least your healthy son gets to go whitewater rafting with his friends!  I started to feel ridiculous about things that were "plaguing" me.  It made me look at things differently.

I have been keeping close tabs on their cancer care.  I make sure to send out little texts on the days that he has treatments.  I also make sure to let her know that I am thinking about them when I know it has been a few days.  I just want her to know that I am here.  Today, she thanked me for being her friend, even when she doesn't get back to me in a timely manner.  She explained that she is really struggling with "Cancer Envy."  For so long, they were told that they would be finished with their trial and hardships in August 2016.  So when that day came and they got even worse news than they could have ever imagined (as if hearing your child has cancer isn't bad enough the first time), she felt anger to those that she knew that were done.  I told her that I understood, but not in the way that she did.

You see, I have felt just the opposite.  I can understand why she would be jealous of our lives.  This summer has been one of the best of our lives.  Having been faced with the reality that death could take our child at any time (sometimes it feels like Caden is being stalked by it), has made us appreciate so much in our lives.  So, when she would ask how we were doing, after giving me a LONG text about how hard things were for them, I felt what I can only describe as "Survivor's Guilt."  I almost didn't want to be honest about how great things were going for us.  Forget that Caden has been dealing with cancer for 2.5 years, or that we have had it told to us twice now that his cancer has returned, I felt guilty that my son was having a normal childhood, and hers was not.  Seeing the life that we have lived for the past three months, it's easy to see why she would feel jealous of us.  Our summer has felt like an amazing dream, the most beautiful gift, a miracle.  Someone that was sitting in Seattle, not knowing when their own child would be done suffering, would definitely look at our situation in life (no matter the fact that we are not truly done with cancer care, that bad news could come to us in September that would plunge us right back into the world that she is still living) and wish for even just one day of the life we live.

Just as it is a struggle for her not to feel jealous of us, it is a struggle for me not to feel guilt.  I don't wish for cancer care to begin again- no way- but it is truly hard to tell her the truth when she asks.

The emotions that come because of cancer are hard, no matter where you are on the path.  It is hard to understand for those that haven't been through it, and hard for those that have to explain it.  It's hard for those that are going through it, and hard for those that have been there.  It makes you jealous for those that get to live their lives outside of the hospital, yet makes you appreciate life more fully when you leave the hospital.  I can honestly say that I have been grateful for cancer, yet that makes me feel confused, too.  It's easier to be grateful for it when life isn't made difficult by it.  It's also confusing that we have both said we wished our child had Leukemia. I mean, who wishes that their child had been diagnosed with a different form of cancer, one that still steals lives, but just not as many as the cancers our sons are dealing with?

Cancer is confusing.

Cancer sucks.

Mutiny

These five kids

and I mutinied against Father Time, refusing to follow the norm in preparing for school. We drove 1.5 hours to a water park in Moses Lake, and drowned our upcoming school jitters in sparkling water. 

For the record-- all of my kids tried the FlowRider body boarding. However, it seemed more amazing to watch Tyson do it again and again. Then he walked with Caden to the high dive and jumped in right after him. A yelp escaped my throat watching Caden jump off (he didn't just fall off, he jumped high three times and then propelled off it!) but my throat closed off completely as Tyson walked to the board's edge. That kid has NO FEAR!! 

I'm sad for summer to come to a close. I'm gonna miss doing fun things with my kids all day, every day. Yet, I know how good it is for them to go back to school. They all love to learn. They all get a new challenge this year, as all five go to new schools. Watch out world, the Dirks kids are ready to make new friends!

Keilie Ann- Teenager

It's official: Keilie has crossed the threshold into the teenage years.  I am thrilled for her!  I haven't had time to go and get her pictures taken yet, we've been a bit preoccupied trying to cram one one more week of summer in, but I plan to this week. 

One of the reasons for the delay is something that she chose to do on her special day.  She is making 400 cookies, with a friend, to pass out at the new Fire Station in Kennewick, WA.  And, hallelujah, there were more cookies after the last batch to indulge in one.  Or two.  Or ten.  Who cares, though, right?  It's not like she needs to worry about thunder thighs, muffin top, or any amount of weight gain!  Oh the days of junk food without worries.

Since our day is so full, we decided to do a family birthday breakfast.  While at Denny's, I let all of the kids try the claw game.  Tyson went last and ended up winning a stuffed Watermelon.  On his way out the door, he gave his winnings to Keilie, telling her that he hoped she had a great day.  Oh, how I love that my kids look outward.  Even at six, with all of the siblings green with envy, he didn't keep it for himself.  Such a great example of selflessness and giving.

While Caden, Shelby, and Brennon are at their Advanced Sewing Class tonight, Tyson, Keilie, and I will go on a dinner date to the place she hoped to go as a family-- Old Town Buffet.  Yum!

I love the woman that she is growing into.  I love the caring heart that she freely gives.  I love that she looks for ways to make others feel included, happy, and as if they are the only friend in the world.  I love that she loves babies almost as much as I do.  I love that she wants to do well in the endeavors she puts her mind to.  She is an incredible young woman.  I am so lucky she is mine.

Happy 13th Birthday, Keilie Ann!!!

This picture is one year old, but still one of my all-time favorites of this beauty.

Patriotic

The renters moved into my beautiful home on Friday morning. I was totally fine with it, excited even, for them to be able to start their lives with his son. 

Until...I just drove by and saw that they've taken down the American flag that has been proudly hung for three years on the pole I installed myself with another flag. 

Rip my heart out with a spoon. You'd think they had burned it to the ground with how hurt it made my heart. I thought I was over my sadness about moving. 

I guess not. 

I wish my heart would catch up to my brain. I just want to be done crying over a home we haven't lived in for one month. 

Fresh

We stayed in a Hampton last night to alleviate the need to find beds for everyone that was coming for Daphnee's birthday/baptism. Tyson and Brennon were chosen to take the other queen bed in the room. 

As Tyson was pulling back the sheets, he was also reading this sign

As he was climbing into bed, he was dead serious when he said, "Well, it won't stay fresh when my feet touch then."

I wasn't expecting his funny thoughts, so I bust up laughing. Tyson and Brennon weren't expecting my laughter, so it startled them into laughter. 

And he's correct, they didn't stay fresh. Tyson has the most rank feet ever. Even worse than mine were as a child. Or now, when I don't wear socks with flats. Ew!

All for them

Some dear friends are moving from Richland back to Utah. The friendship actually began at Orientation when Randy began work in Casper, WY for GSK. When they came their first week to church, Randy recognized him just enough (it had been 7 years!) to strike up conversation, interrogating him about how they knew each other. It has been an easy friendship since- we're sad to see them go.

Knowing how hard it is to move, we offered to buy things they didn't want to move, if we needed them. One such item was their swing set. Our new backyard is large enough to accommodate toys!! Wednesday night found me and Randy trying to dismantle this beast. 

We got a few of the parts off and put into the trailer before realizing that we may have bitten off more than we could chew by ourselves. This monster is assembled so well, meant to last until the apocalypse. So when Randy said we were going to lift the swing section off, leaving him holding the fort portion by himself, I became a blubbering mess. 

He held the side next to the swings while I laid down those parts, then had me hold it up while he went to the other side. Once I was sure it wouldn't fall on him, I joined him on the left side of the fort, sweating like a pig from nerves. This is made from heavy duty metal, people, and is freaking heavy! 

So imagine how nervous I got when he said we were going to slowly lower it to the ground, him lowering it with the roof of the fort going behind his back--placing him in the center of the fort. I was a bawling mess, sure it was going to get out of our control, falling too fast and taking him down with it. I had instantaneous visions of one of the bars falling onto his neck, dragging him to his death. Looking at it now, I can see that I was totally blowing it out of proportion, but oh wow did it feel seriously dangerous. Worse than the piano. How do I always get sucked into these situations?! My Mister is going to send me to an early grave. 

We finally got it into our backyard, thanks to three more guys that came to help. They heaved that fort (it stayed in that whole section, because who wants to make it more manageable, I ask you) over our fence, ending our dismantle party at 10:00pm on Wednesday night. 

Thursday at 7:00pm had the swing set  (of dreams or nightmare, depending on which side of the set up you are on) ready for kids. 

They stayed out there until bedtime. I love that I can watch them play from my front room and kitchen. First thing this morning (meaning 6:14am) found them back at it again. In the above picture-- notice Brennon's hat. He is "Captain."

I'd do it all again in a heartbeat for those kids. After all, it's all for them that we do most things anyway. 

Obvious

We have had Ashlee and her girls visiting for the past few days while Russ was in Yakima for training.  Last night I played Clue with McKaylee, Brennon, and Tyson.  Brennon accused Mister Green, so with Tyson on his left, he was first to disprove either the Murder, Weapon, or Location.  To remove the "cheating" aspect of it all, we made the rule that the other players needed to actually cover their eyes while cards were being shown.  However, Tyson didn't understand the entire concept...and neither did the other kids, because nothing was said when Tyson said,

"Mister, Mister, there you are!  Ok, everyone, cover your eyes!"

Hm....I wonder which card Tyson secretly revealed to Brennon...

They left just over an hour ago.  My house is quiet once again, leaving me with mixed emotions on that score.  With 10 kids, two young, vivacious dogs, and two adults always present in a house with hardwood floors throughout, you can imagine the noise.  At one point, we had 7 kids playing the game "puppy" while the real dogs snarled and wrestled playfully in the front room.  Oh the barking!

It has been such an amazing summer being able to spend time with all of the Burrell cousins, with Kenyan visiting in May, and Payton and Audrey visiting in August.  Summertime is made better with cousins!

Hardy-Har-Har

Tyson's amazing (insert hidden wink, here) joke.

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Hot."

"Hot, who?"

"I'm on fire!  Or course it's going to be hot!"

He got the hiccups from laughing so hard.  Looks like we have a Brian Reagan in the making, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Left?

After Taekwondo this afternoon, Brennon came to me saying that it had been a humiliating day.  Thinking he couldn't possibly understand what humiliating really meant, I was unprepared for the shock that his tears and true knowledge of the meaning meant.

"I was pulled up to break a board doing Axe kick and couldn't do it.  I cried in front of the whole class!"

I pulled him close, asking him to explain it in more detail.  Come to find out, Coach was mistakenly making him use his right foot, when left is his dominant leg.  He'd told all of the other kids to choose a leg, but when he didn't tell that to Brennon, he didn't realize that he had the choice.  My Brennon is a very literal little boy. 

Caden said he tried it 10-15 times before falling apart in front of his peers.  Even sitting with me, snuggled in close, I could feel his embarrassment and shame.  Caden and I took the time to tell him that with as many kids as Coach has, most of which are right handed, he just needed to be reminded that Brennon is left handed.  I also took the time to say how proud I was of Brennon.  Not only did he try 10-15 times with his non-dominant leg, he tried his hardest to do what his Coach wanted many, many times.

I read somewhere recently that if you are in a slump, brush your teeth with your other hand.  It rewires your brain, making it easier to make better decisions.  I'm not sure of the scientific truth of this, but my little boy tried and tried doing something difficult with his non-dominant leg.  He has always been the child that pushes himself to hard limits, doing things that others would think too hard.  I'm so proud of my little B-Boy!

After everyone had cleared out, he asked Brennon to come up. 

"Are you left handed, Brennon?"

"Yes."

"Let's try this again."

The board broke the first time.

Little Look-see!

I have been getting a lot of strife from friends and family that want to see pictures of our new home. I'm working on getting this cleaned enough to actually want to take pictures. The paint looks amazing, it really does. So, in the spirit of wanting to show it off, I haven't taken many yet. I'm still organizing spaces that many will never see, because they are behind closed doors. The Master closet is twice the size of our old one, and as such has opened up many different possibilities as to hanging options. Options are never good for me- I have to try them all before making a decision. Hence the hours of organizing that will only be seen by Randy. And he just doesn't care!

However, there is one picture I want to show. The paint in this house was not terrible. In fact, it was all done nice. It just didn't work for us. Shelby moved into a green room, Caden a purple, and Keilie a blue. Nice color options, just didn't work for us. 

Another place that wasn't my fave was in the kitchen/dining. 

They had painted all baseboards white, but the few in the kitchen. They matched the cabinets in the kitchen, so they kept the baseboards original. What you're looking at is the wall that connects the kitchen bay window to the dining room. Blue wall meets brown wall, white baseboards meet natural wood baseboards. Now the entire house is painted the Revere Pewter with bright white trim and off-white ceilings. It is stunning!

This shows the difference between the old color wall and the original color fireplace. 

It now looks like this. Bright and beautiful!

Old bay windows

New bay windows. 

New, fresh paint.

It doesn't still look like this, but it's not ready to show yet. The paint blanket has been replaced by boxes, just waiting to be unpacked into their new home. 

It's coming along, slow, but sure. I don't want to give up our summer for house stuff, no matter how psychotic the clutter and mess are making me. I haven't forgotten our gift of time. The house will come together soon enough, but babies don't keep. 

Plus, who wouldn't want to take time for this cutie, I ask you?! She is doing much better day-by-day. It seems that moving is stressful on everyone, even those that walk on all fours and compulsively lick Tyson's stinky shoes!

Answered

A few minutes after Alan put our old home online For Rent, an application was put in within minutes.  Since a thorough background check is done for each applicant, and knowing there were some questionable things that we'd be able to see, the woman hoping to rent from us wrote us a letter.  It gave some very upfront explanations to the things that were found, telling us about an accident, some medical bills,  and so forth.  Near the end, as she was telling us a little more about their family, she wrote,

"We truly are excited and beyond ready to get moved to Tri-Cities and start this new chapter in life with him. After the three of us visited your home on Saturday. Adam and I literally just felt a weight lifted off of us. It just felt like our little family belonged there together. I could see us making friends in the neighborhood, riding our bikes together, making family dinners in the kitchen and playing in the backyard. We promise to always treat your home with love and respect as if it were our very own each and every single day. We want to thank you for considering us and taking the time to read our letter. God bless you and your family, take care."

As Randy read the letter to me, it was as if a weight was lifted from my shoulders as well, although you'd never know with the river I cried.  I have prayed that someone would come to that home and love it as much as we do.  That someone would love that neighborhood as much as we do with the one entrance, safe loop, and 100 kids (possibly an exaggeration, but it sure felt like it sometimes).  That family dinners would be a regular occurrence in the kitchen that we built with our own two hands.  That that backyard would be played in as much as we played in it, maybe even a game or two more of Duck, Duck, Goose.  She promises to treat my favorite home with love and respect. 

This woman is an answer to my prayers, just as we are an answer to hers.  I love her already.

It's still so hard for me.  Man, I wish it wasn't.  But that letter made it just a teensy bit easier for me.

She's going to love that home!

Work?

I have been working hard to get my house put together, but it sure doesn't look like it. Not in the way that I want, anyway. 

Today I organized my pantry. It has been a struggle to try and fit all that we had in my pantry-of-dreams into the much smaller one that we have in our new home. But, after taking everything out that I had already organized, I was able to reconfigure it all and make it fit. 

Now I need to just take an inventory and fill my rotation systems, and the pantry will be complete...as long as we don't eat anything out of it. 

So now I will close the perfectly organized closet and move on to another unorganized space, slowly emptying the boxes and opening up space. Once that is done, I will finally be able to add character to my walls. Decorating will be my reward for living in what looks like squalor, but is actually an organized masterpiece at work. 

What number?

The orthodontist's office called and left a message for me to call them back regarding Brennon's upcoming appointment.  Although she spoke quickly, I could understand her (seeing as I am a fast talker as well)...until she came to the last four digits of the phone number.  I had to listen to the message four times, and I still didn't understand what numbers she said.  It was either fifteen-zero-zero, or fifty-zero-zero.  I decided to try the latter first.  It worked.

Um... wouldn't it be easier to say Five Thousand, rather than fifty-zero-zero?

It would be easier to understand, that's for sure!

Good times!

The kids and I drove to Mount Vernon to meet up with Aunt Danielle while she was visiting Aunt Ashlee. It was FUN!!

Good food

Fun games- yes he is playing Grocery Store/Restaurant with Austen!

Fun choreographed dance

Including stunts!

Fun times talking with Daddy at home

{her first reaction at seeing his face}

Fun project- painting Ashlee's front door Covington Blue. 

And fun at Deception Pass

LOVE SPENDING TIME WITH FAMILY!!

Natural

While at the grocery store the other day, the store manager asked if Caden's hair was natural color. He gets asked that all.the.time. It truly is like nothing you have ever seen before. People stop in their tracks to watch him go by. They will also watch him from the corner of their eye and then turn when they think we don't notice. It is just a cool look!

I especially like it when he first jumps out of the pool. The way the sun hits it while it's wet makes it really shine. Sparkle, even. 

The checker looked at the store manager and said, "People would pay a fortune for hair that looks like that."

Caden- "I did." 

Only his fortune was not monetary. 

Snuggles

My sweet Keilie snuggled Ashlee's Everly to sleep this morning.

It was so cute, I had to immediately show Ash. 

(Gasp) "Steph, that looks exactly like a picture I have of me holding her!"

Ashlee was looking all cute and smug snuggling a Keilie that never snuggled with me!

Family love is the best! 

Home

Three weeks ago tonight, we signed papers to begin the process of buying our new home. Tonight, we finished the white glove cleaning of our beloved home.

I feel like the Beast giving Belle the mirror- 

"So you'll always have a way to look back...and remember me."

I almost asked Randy if he'd dance with me one last time in our front room. I even thought about it being to the song, "Feels Like Home." And then I remembered- he is my home. No matter which roof covers our head, my home will always be with him. Many projects and memories wait to be made together in our new home. 

Here's to a new chapter in our love story!