18 Years of LOVE

It just so happened that our 18th anniversary was the first time all season that we were able to take the boat out.  I had been anticipating the first time we took the boat out without Randy's co-pilot, knowing it was going to be hard.  It was.  Very hard.  At one point as we were doing all of our previously learned packing techniques and shortcuts, I was near hyperventilating.  I missed my Caden more that morning than I have for a few days.  I kept wondering why we chose a day of celebration as the first time we'd go out without Caden.  I can't say that it was prefect, I can't say that the day of celebration was made better, or dimmed the hurt of going without Caden, but we did have a good time.  I always love spending time with my family. 

Since last year was our first year with the boat, we had gotten pretty good at doing things a certain way.  We now have to relearn a lot of it.  Caden was so confident with the boat, was eager to learn and just do, that we had a little harder time getting the boat launched.  Not much, but it was apparent that we will have to learn how to do things differently.  It made me miss Caden so much.  As we were pushing off, I tried to capture a maiden voyage picture.  My smiles felt forced then, they look forced to me now.  I was really hurting.  I'm still really hurting.

Caden would have been sitting at that wheel.  At one point I was at the wheel, giving Randy a break.  Driving on water is different, so it would have felt weird anyway, since this was my first time, but it felt weird knowing why I was driving.  It was hard to concentrate.  I just wanted to cry.  But I kept smiling, asking the kids if they were proud of me for driving them in such a great straight line.

 It was fun hearing the whoops and screams of the kids as Randy thrashed them around on the waves he was creating, but even that was another sore spot.  Because Brennon still hates the boat just as much as he did last year, only three kids ever wanted to ride on the tube.  We never had to switch out riders, we never had the arguing of who was going next.  I can't believe I'm saying this, but the lack of arguing hurt like mad.  I would give anything to have arguing over who gets more time on that tube.

So Randy stayed at the wheel, and Brennon and I stayed close together.  I was very proud of Brennon, though.  Expecting Brennon to say no, but still wanting to include him, the kids asked Brennon if he was going to try the tube.  "Only if Mom will go with me, and if Dad doesn't make any turns."  And so it was that Brennon and I got out on the tube for a few minutes.  I can't help but admire my Brennon's courage.  He white knuckled it the entire time, naked terror plastered on his face, visibly shaking a few times, but he did it.  My Brennon was a warrior on the water!

 Mira didn't love it, many times I swear she was more scared than Brennon.  This was the first time we brought her along to do more than just cruise the water.  Some of her whines were because she could hear the squeals of the kids on the tube.  She would be pacing around at Randy's feet and come barreling back and practically jump on my lap for a chance to check on them.  It was pretty cute.  We stopped doing as many circles to create bumpy waves when we noticed she, like Brennon, didn't like the cicles, bumps, and speed of Randy's driving.

During one of our bathroom/snack breaks, we decided to try her out in the raft.  Seeing her in her element protecting her babies, we decided to try her out in the raft.  While it wasn't her favorite, she did great.  Brennon loved that with Mira in the raft, Randy wasn't tempted to do a little free-wheeling.  It was smooth and straight, so he and Mira were happy.

Before getting the boat off the water, I knew there was one last thing that I had to do.  We had made the decision to leave something on the boat, something that we haven't decided if it will stay forever, or be moved to Caden's possessions for safe keeping.  But, for now, it's with us on that boat.  But it took some real courage for me to open the compartment that holds something that meant so much to Caden.  The license he earned the very day we bought the boat, the boater's license he got before his actual driver's license.

I picked it up, held and caressed it, and kissed it, silent tears falling while everyone was busy with other things.  My Caden was with us, but not in the way I really wanted.  My gosh, I missed him so much.  This was one of the Firsts that I was anticipating.  And it hurt just as much as I knew it would.  We had fun, laughing and commenting that the boat is one of our favorite purchases of all-time, but it hurt so much I wanted to scream.  It still hurts.  I'm crying as I write this post.  I just want Caden with me.  I want to see his hair fluffed up in the front from being wind-blown as he's driving.  I want to see the pride on Randy's face as he watches his son driving the boat, helping load and unload, and responsibly knowing all of the rules on the boat.  I want to hear the kids beg to be the ones that go with him.  I just want my Caden.

Life has taken us on quite the ride these last 18 years.  Randy and I talked about how much we've seen and done in such a short time span.  We've lived in four different states, each with its own climate.  Tropical Storm's that have buried a major city up to freeway overpasses, wind that takes the windchill to -50 more than once in a season, summers with the most consecutive days over 100, beating records that date back all the way to 1960. We've survived losing money in a Ponzi scheme, one where Randy helped prosecute a man and bring him to justice. We've owned a candle business, makeup business, food storage business, rental business, and most recently three different types of online business.  We've owned land in Island Park, ID, where Randy learned he loves investing in real estate. 

We've finished basements, gutted entire homes, built sheds, and done countless home improvement projects that make each house a beautiful home.  We've bought a HUD condo, and a home at auction.  We've visited more than half of all 50 states, even visiting three of the Hawaii islands.  Together we've visited 7 of the 10 highest ranked National Landmarks.  We've had our credit card numbers stolen, being charged for items we never got to enjoy.  We've had many different types of sicknesses that we thought were big (four kids with hand-foot-and mouth the week that Tyson was born), and another that will forever more top all sickness.  We've benefited greatly from The Ronald McDonald House charity, as well as the Seattle Children's charity.  We were sent of vacation by Make-A-Wish, as well as two vacations earned because he's made Presidents Club for exceeding his quota with GlaxoSmithKline and New World Systems. 

We've been the beneficiaries of COUNTLESS prayers and fundraisers.  We've moved 13 times, four of which these last five years.  We've owned a Razr, dirt bike, snowmobile, paddle boat, camper, and boat.  Randy has worked in jobs that he actually dreamed about in High School, jobs that he really and truly loved and loves.  We lost two babies before they were even born.  We have five of the best kids ever born, currently live in the home of my dreams, have been blessed with a dog that people wish they could have.  And the biggest trial through thus far: we've buried a remarkable child after watching him suffer beyond anything we could ever imagine. 

We have an occasional tense moment, but have never had more than a night of restless sleep being angry with one another.  We truly have the happiest marriage I have ever known.  I am more in love with him than I was 18 years ago.  I still look at him and think, "My gosh, I can't believe he picked me.  I'm the luckiest girl in the world."  

18 years sounds like a long time, the words spoken out loud make it sound like a long time.  But when I really think about it, it feels like only yesterday that I knelt facing my Love, promising that I would love him for Eternity, and sealing that promise with a kiss that I meant with my whole soul.  I truly am the luckiest girl in the world.

Day Camp 2018

I got to spend the last two days with Tyson and Brennon at Cub Scout Day Camp.  Tuesday from 8:00am-3:50pm (88 degrees) with Tyson and Wednesday 8:00-4:00pm (96 degrees) with Brennon.  I was a complainer, but it turned out alright in the end.  I survived the heat and sun.  Barely.  Here are a few of my favorite pictures from both days.

Tuesday with Tyson

 Monday had been overcast and raining, so the bugs were out in full force.  They all thought it was going to be just as bad, so they wanted their neckerchiefs tied around their mouths and noses.  They weren't nearly as bad (although I did sniff one up my nose holes and am convinced it's laying eggs in my brain) so this didn't last long, but Tyson held on longer than everyone else.  The bugs had the right idea-- blazing hot= stay in your homes.

 Obstacle Course.

 Wrist Rockets.

 Leather working.

 The instructor was offering a challenge to win an ugly bunny for the leather strap he thought was best.  He asked specifically for Tyson's name and Troop number-- he was a contender.  We found out on Wednesday that the boy that ultimately won is in our Troop!  We have some Leather Artists in the Hillview Ward!

The Wolves and Bears Skit: Each child asked, "What are you doing?" to someone pretending to sit on a bench.  After all but one kid was "sitting," the last child asked, "What are you doing?"  "Sitting on the invisible bench."  "No, you're not.  I moved that last week." So they all fell to the ground.  Cute.

Wednesday with Brennon

 Brennon's schedule was the same as Tyson's the day before, but for one station: Armpit Fudge.  All ingredients went into a Ziplock Sandwich back and smooshed together in the pits.  They then cut a hole in the corner for them to squeeze the fudge into their mouths.  YUM! {Insert deep gag here}

 Once their fudge was smooshed and sucked, they played a game where they had to "cross the river" stepping on a certain color.  The first person was told a color, then another.  The next kids had to follow on the colors without falling off.  Holding hands made it a bit harder, but much more fun.  The second boy functions at maybe a 4-year old, so they had the opportunity to help him keep with the colors.  It was a beautiful display of sportsmanship.  Very neat.

 Obstacle Course.  I'm proud of Brennon-- he doesn't like this kind of thing.  Like me, we don't like wet clothes.  However, the heat made me want to beg to be sprayed multiple times that day!

 Wrist rockets.  Those clouds look pretty, but had no value.  Not once did they shade me from the burning sun.  But they sure look gorgeous!

 Because one of the shooters broke the day before, one child had to with their turn.  Brennon offered immediately to stand back.  She gave him an extra incentive for being so willing and kind.  My mommy heart was so proud throughout the day as Brennon offered to do things last, or help everyone out, or cheer them on.  He really is a sweet boy.

The Leather Works instructor gave the kids some suggestions for what they could write on their straps.  One was "Zach is so cool," asking whom "Zach" was.  After two letters were done, Brennon went up to him, "So, how do you spell your name?"  He was actually taking the suggestion to heart, in hopes it would get him that ugly bunny!  So, Brennon's leather strap tied around his walking stick says, "Zach is cool."  I am raising that kid, the brown noser!  Brennon the Brown Noser.

I am glad these two days are over.  I am still not feeling 100%, most likely suffering from heat exhaustion.  Not really, but I'm a complainer, so I totally believe it!  I sure love these boys!  Especially when Tyson ran up to me in front of all other Day Campers and said, "Mom, I missed you today.  I love you!" and hugged me tight.  I met the eyes of a few other mothers, pride coloring my face into an almost-smug expression.

Mirrors

I love when I read something that I can relate to in a deep way, such as this:

"Just because a person's had a lot of birthday doesn't mean a person's old.  If mirrors weren't around to prove that I'm not twenty-five anymore, it'd be hard for me to believe, because I still feel pretty young.  It's a shock for me now to look in the mirror.  I hardly recognize the face staring back at me.  It's not the way I picture myself in my mind."  

We'll have been married for 18 years on Saturday.  

I still picture myself like this!

I'm the luckiest girl in the world!

Three-Way Tie

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!

 Keilie got Randy the big card, but allowed her siblings to sign it as well.  There were only two rules: Their names could not be bigger than hers, and they couldn't copy what she'd said.  She joked around with Tyson when he began writing I Love You.  "Uh-uh, you can't write that.  I did, and you can't copy me, remember?!"  Tyson's face went blank, almost fearful that he'd done something really wrong.  Keilie really is so funny.  Tyson rolled his eyes with a little scoff and wrote it anyway, smiling at her playfulness.

We chose out a favorite of Randy's favorite snacks and treats for his "stash."  It was a low-key day, but we like those kind.  We ended the day with a trip to Caden's grave, but found out quick that dusk is not the best time to visit the cemetery that is adjacent to the Yakima river during mosquito season.  YIKES!  In my nose, on my skin, attacking us in droves!  It was horrible.  We're still learning when are the best times for pictures.

I love that I was born into a family with the Best Dad in the World, that I married into a family that gave the top spot a Tied For First quotation, and now have a Three-Way Tie.  I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

Caden green heart Dirks

Keilie gave me a birthday present (May 31, when I turned *gasp* THIRTY SEVEN) that she didn't even realize would be:

An invitation to join her to Rock out with Magic Piano.  

Do you see whom she asked to join also?  Caden.  My heart beat fast, my eyes swam with tears.  He is still a part of our lives, still someone we want to join our games, still someone we want to have fun with.  He is still very much with us.

*Side note: as an easy way to find my family in a sea of texts, I gave them all a different color heart.  One time I asked Siri to call Randy.  "Hey, Siri, Call Randy."  "OK, Calling Randy red heart red heart Dirks.  I had to giggle.  Because I love him so much, he gets two of my red hearts.*

Fog

School let out for us this year on Tuesday, June 12th.  On Monday, Shelby mentioned that it didn't feel like the end of the year.  I agreed with her, not really understanding what made us both think that.  I wasn't completely ready for school to be over with the mounting pressure that comes before the release of school expectations, I wasn't completely excited for summer days, I wasn't dreading anything either.  I felt nothing, like it was just another passing day, just more days adding up without Caden and the feel of our entire family together. 

I have been reflecting over it for a few days now, and I think I know why.  It's because we are still on auto-pilot, we're still simply surviving, we're still in the haze and fog of grief and adapting to our new normal.  Nothing feels like it used to always feel.  Sometimes, everything feels like it's all just nothing.  Time is just moving, sometimes without us really being cognizant of the activities around us.  Finding Nemo's Dory has it right: "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.  What do we do?  We swim, swim, swim."  This first summer without our Caden, swimming is all we have planned to do.  Eight months, yet still SO surreal.

Fence

A few weeks ago, Randy decided that he wanted to sell one of our three rentals on Jason Loop to use the money for other business ventures he wants to pursue.  He put the sale on Zillow at 10:00am, had five calls before 11:00am, and had a signed contract by 6:00pm for more than he listed it, because there are so few homes on the market and the woman wanted the house.  She begged us to consider her, actually, after we told her we had other people that were asking to come and walk through it.  She will be very happy on the Loop.  It's pretty much the Loop of Dreams! 

As we were walking along the perimeter of the fence we built a few years ago, I mentioned that a picket was missing along the corner at the back that covers up the metal pole.  Randy said that after the second time of someone clipping the edge as they turned onto the drive, damaging the fence and driving away, he left the picket off so that the pole could cause damage to the vehicles that took the corner too close.  Mind you, this is also a drive that is reserved for Emergency Vehicles Only, not normal driving.  It's on a dirt path owned by the church behind the homes, not the main entrance to the Loop.  It is not expressly forbidden to drive on, but there isn't really an easy to to access it, so it confuses us as to why it even is an issue with the fence being damaged.  In fact, it was damaged twice within the first month after construction!

I find it so fantastic that we got a call yesterday from Alan about this very topic.  Someone hit the fence!  They were good enough to leave a message on the door, giving their information, which we really appreciate, because this was the scene we drove up to.

We're not talking about someone cutting the corner and clipping the edge!  That is some serious damage!  Our renters tried putting up a temporary fence and blocking it with their garbage cans to keep their dog in, otherwise the corner would be empty.  The guy's insurance is going to pay for it, and the massive damage to his truck and trailer, which we are super grateful for, because this is more than a picket.

We haven't had to even think about this fence for more than two years, maybe closer to three years now.  It just seems so ironic that the very week we had talked about wanting that pole to do a little damage if someone happened to run into the fence is the week that someone actually does.  I hope the fact that this is one of the biggest lots on the Loop overshadows the fact that she may have a few instances where this fence will need some repairs, seeing as we've owned the home for four years now and it's needed to be repaired three times.

Honorary

This week, Bishop Kreutz asked if we were planning to attend the Seminary Graduation, and if either Randy, Keilie, or I would walk to accept Caden's Honorary Diploma.  I told him that we were planning on going, and that yes, Keilie would love to walk.  It was a special night last night.

 It will come as no surprise that I cried.  I really try hard, consciously, not to be sad for the things that Caden will not experience here on earth, but some times are quite a bit harder than others.  Even though he technically would not have graduated this year, it was still bittersweet to hear two graduates talking about their future, and two Seminary Principals talking about all that they had to look forward to at not only Institute, but missions and family life (it was fun hearing him say "dating to play for keeps").  I can't help wishing that we could look forward to those things for Caden.  But I know where he is, I know what he's doing, and I can't help but look forward to the stories he'll have to tell.

2017-2018 Richland LDS Seminary Graduates, with one stunning Freshman girl holding an honorary diploma for Caden Randy Dirks, our remarkable angel in Heaven.

Elementary Good-byes

My Shelby graduated 5th grade and Elementary School today.  I am so happy for her, but still cannot believe that her Elementary Days are gone.  Time is going so fast.

 Her 5th grade teacher: Mrs. Hubbard

 Orchard Elementary's Principal: Alysia Arsanto

My sweet Shelby, the Graduate.  It was kind of a shock to have them pull up the slideshow from their recent trip to the Portland Zoo with the first picture stating: Class of 2025.  It seems distant, but I know it's going to go by too fast.  What a joy it is to have kids growing and graduating.  Very special ceremony for my Shelby Kins.

Leona Libby Middle School-- Here She Comes!

Remember

On Tuesday, May 29th, Keilie walked in the door after school, upset.  "Caden's picture is not in the yearbook."  Randy immediately emailed the Principal, who almost immediately emailed Randy back.  I started to cry, and went to my room.  Both Randy and I felt like it was a crushing blow.  Randy, because he felt that Caden had quickly been forgotten.  Me, because it never crossed my mind that Caden's picture wouldn't be in the book.  I was really looking forward to, and expecting to see Caden and Keilie in the same yearbook again, the first time since Bar Nunn Elementary in 2011.  My expectation was that he had attended the first few weeks of school, so his 2x2" picture would be with his class, his name in alphabetical order, like everyone else in the Junior class.  But it was not.  And it hurt like hades to expect to see his smiling face and find nothing in its alphabetical placement.

Caden Dirks Was Here!

The Principal and yearbook teacher downloaded the pictures from Dorian again as we emailed back and forth the possibility of a reprint for all students that wanted Caden in theirs.  When they couldn't find his picture, I went through Caden's possessions to find his ASB card, which is necessary to purchase school lunch and enter sporting events, certain that he had to have one, since he'd attended as many sporting events as he could the last weeks of his life.  Because I take so many pictures of my kids, I never buy school pictures, which came back to bite me.  I couldn't find his current school card.  "What day was picture day this year?"  September 9th: Caden's last cancer scan day.  Of course!  Of. Course.  Once again, cancer was the cause of our heartache, taking yet another childhood rite of passage away from us, stealing so much from those that want to remember.  There is no "proof" that Caden Randy Dirks was ever a Junior at Richland High School.  Ironic, since this is the cover of this years' yearbook:

Remember Us...

Because Caden always just wanted to fit in, to have a normal childhood, a normal school experience, it felt almost wrong to try and do something out of the ordinary.  I didn't want to submit a home picture of him (even though I have many), because the other kids would all have the generic Dorain backgrounds.  It would be too obvious to have one picture that would so obviously stand out against the others-- Caden never aspired to stand out, wanting instead to blend in, like everyone else.  I also didn't feel as if we needed an In Loving Memory Of page, so I didn't really want to do anything like that, either-- now THAT would stand out.  It just felt as if there wasn't an option that felt right for us to ask for, to push for.  As with every single thing with Caden's Cancer, it was just the perfect recipe for disaster.  It almost feels like everything is always aligned in the perfect order for everything to go completely wrong.  I was sick with heartache and sorrow.  Cancer took away Caden's Junior Year picture, and memories in his last yearbook!

Sunday, June 3rd, Maren Stafford contacted me, asking if anything had been resolved.  When I told her the story, she asked if she could design a sticker to go in the yearbook for the kids that love Caden.  Knowing that we weren't the only ones that loved Caden, I sent over a few pictures from the last few weeks of Caden's life.  She specifically asked if we had one of Caden's Bronco, since many kids commented that they loved it, knowing just how much he loved it.  I cried my eyes out when she sent me the proof, which I got first thing Monday morning.

I could not believe how perfect they were!  Because I was wallowing and suffering in my own grief, I had a hard time reaching out to do something for the friends that loved him most.  And also, I never could have come up with something so incredible.  I cried my eyes out, looking at it over and over throughout that day.

Thursday, June 7th was an anniversary for us.  I don't mean to actually see dates like I do, but I've always associated dates in a big way.  It started with birthdays, of course, which are something that I love.  I remember peoples' birthdays all the time, even friends that I haven't been in contact with for a very long time.  I love birthdays, I love dates, I love numbers.  However, Caden's cancer has given me a TON of different dates.  I remember each day he had a surgery, each day that we found out bad news, each day that we had some sort of celebration.  June 7th, 2017 was the day that we learned that Caden was not going to live much longer, where we first heard the word "inoperable."  As I struggled through the day on this first anniversary of June 7th, barely able to breathe at times, wanting to spend the entire day in bed, I got a knock on the door around 4:00pm.  It was Maren with a box of finished stickers to be handed out to those that loved Caden most.  I cannot even describe to you how it felt to see these stickers in person, to hold them in my hand, to see his smiling face on a day that was a struggle for me, a day that I wanted to forget but continually remembered.  My mind kept going back to the memory of the phone call that changed my life forever:

Sue: "Hey, how are you?"
Me:  "I'm great!"  (I believed with all my heart that the immunotherapy was doing great things, because Caden felt SO well on it.)
Sue:  "Oh, honey, it's not good news..."

And I dissolved into the worst wracking sobs and harrowing sorrow I had ever felt until then.  My son was going to die.  Not if, but when.  Funny how I remember how difficult that phone call and afternoon was, but how little it compares to days that followed.  On this June 7th anniversary, my mind, all on its own, kept going back to the moment Sue said those words to me.  I felt it again and again throughout the day, barely able to breathe at times, never shaking the crushing feelings of the all-encompassing grief.  Only in sorrow do I ever lament that I remember dates so well.

Just when I was feeling grief begin to overtake me again, Maren showed up with a box of stickers.  I do not believe it was a coincidence that she got the stickers on June 7th!!  Her smiling face, her tight hugs and generous love, grounded me once again.  They are so beautiful!!  They mean so much to me.  She designed them, an anonymous donor paid for them,  and they will be available at the Seminary building, in the school office, and this Sunday, June 10, at Seminary Graduation, where Keilie will walk to get Caden's honorary diploma.

The particular day that she showed up on my door, on an anniversary that I was truly struggling with, was no coincidence.   I have a firm testimony that my Heavenly Father was saying, "I know it's hard.  I love you."  It was no coincidence that we were lead to Richland.  Not only did we end up with the #1 sarcoma doctor in the nation, in a top 10 children's hospital and childhood cancer center in the nation, but we also moved into the #1 ward, the Hillview Ward, in The Church of Jesus Christ, of Latter-Day Saints.  We were being carried by our Heavenly Father before we even recognized the road ahead was going to be treacherous and life-changing.

Begging

She's upped her game.  No longer does she just drop the ball next to you and stare at it in hopes you'll play.

Oh, no, she's now charming you with her sweetness, blinding you with her adorable nature, begging to be thrown the ball just one more time.

We may have been able to resist her cute face every once in a while before, but how can we resist this adorable gesture?!

The answer: We can't.

Ambien?

The first thought I had this morning was, "Where is my wedding ring?"  I remembered going to bed with it on, so it struck me instantly that it wasn't on my finger.  I went to my bathroom sink, wondering if maybe I'd taken it off when washing my face the night before, possibly remembering incorrectly that I'd had it on when I went to bed.  It wasn't there.  I went to my pinch pot by my kitchen sink, another place I put it sometimes.  Nothing.  To make a long story short, I began ripping my house to shreds looking for it, because I had a thought: I took an Ambien last night for the first time in a long time.  Remembering some of the crazy things I've done on Ambien, I realized I could have flushed it down the toilet, or something equally scary, without even knowing it.  Remember, I've had full-on conversations I don't remember having, even ordered food from the Walmart pick-up, all after I "remember" rolling over right after taking it.  To say I was a basket case would be an understatement.

By 10:00am, I was in a state of absolute panic.  I'd pulled everything out of my kitchen cupboards, even going so far as to sift through the sugar and flour-- because Ambien induced mania is real, my friends.  I had looked through couch cushions, looked in all nooks and crannies in everything that opens or has space for things to be placed, and even disassembled my Roomba and vacuum, in case I had vacuumed in the night.  Well, the Roomba vacuums in the night for me, but it is not out of the realm of possibilities that I vacuumed myself, since vacuuming is my favorite chore of all I do.  I could not find my wedding ring anywhere!

I sat down with my phone as a reference to remember exactly what I'd done the day before, just in case my memory of going to bed with it on was incorrect.  It proved to be so.  I looked at my calendar, and then read all of my incoming texts from the previous day, remembering what I was doing when I read each one.  And then it hit me, I had taken a walk around the neighborhood, needing to switch my wedding ring to different fingers as they swelled, at times holding it in my clenched palm a few times.  What if I dropped it by accident?!?!

As I prepared to walk the exact route I'd taken the day before, planning to keep my eyes to the ground as I methodically searched, I knelt to pray before walking out the door.  As I ended my prayer, a thought came into my mind: Remember the bird.  After my walk the afternoon before, I sat on the bench out front to cool down.  I was sitting for about 5 minutes before a movement on my lawn caught my eye.  It bird was trying to fly, but couldn't.  It had been still for so long!  My eyes had passed over it many times, never even seeing it at all before it moved.  That bird was dying before my eyes.  I watched it take what I now know was it's last breath, before getting a bit creeped out and fleeing inside.  Instead of walking the entire route from start to finish, ending at that bench, I decided to check the bench first.

And there it was, shining in the mid-morning light, waiting for me-- can you spot it?!  I must have taken the ring off and placed it on my lap, but because of the bird and the creepy feelings it gave me, I forgot all about my ring as I practically ran in the house.  I would have been a mess the longer I walked on the route I'd taken, each minute passing without finding the ring.  Because of the thought put into my mind, I started first at the last place I'd go, and found it right away.

I am embarrassed to say that the whole thing was completely and totally my fault.  I was so distractedly careless!  I should never have worn my ring on my walk, I should never have taken it off when I was walking or resting, I should never have, I should have ____ instead, I should have ___ instead.  But it does strengthen my conviction and testimony that we have the ability to have personal revelation, Heavenly Father does answer our prayers, no matter how insignificant and small, and that prayers do not have to be big for them to be considered magnificent and fantastic.  In a garden that has millions, even possibly billions of rocks, I found my tiny ring, sparkling and winking at me in the blinding light of the sun.  The power of prayer is real.

Nail Polish

I am always looking for ways to help my boys learn ways to treat his bride right.  There are the normal things like opening doors, but there are also many other things that I point out, especially when they can see that Randy does them for me.  In no particular order: I always get the best of the meal, Randy is always asking if I need anything, he gets me things I love without asking, he includes them in surprises for me, snuggles me randomly through the day (which the kids scream in mock-disgust, but we know they secretly love seeing their dad hug and kiss their mom), always asks my opinion first for restaurants, dates, and family activities, does my to-do lists happily, and on and on and on.  They are growing up with a good example-- the best example!

Shelby asked if she could paint her toenails.  I asked the boys if they would be willing to help her.  Tyson immediately balked at the idea, Brennon just asked why I thought he'd want to.  I explained that there may be times when their wives couldn't reach her toes, and that they should practice at becoming good at it, just in case.  Brennon immediately said he'd do it.  Tyson grudgingly said yes, although his demeanor said he was excited to try.

One day their lucky wives will thank me.  Until then, I hope to see more and more of these cute scenes.  I love praising them for being and becoming gentlemen, they love me praising them.  Win-Win!

Doppelgangers

My brother-in-law, Russ, was in San Diego for a training this last week.  While there, he worked with a teacher from Alaska that teaches in the same village he has family (he's 1/4 Eskimo, how cool is that?!) that he says reminded him of me.  There were times he thought she looked like me, but the real comparison, he said, was in her mannerisms and speech.  He sent a picture, so I decided to do a side-by-side.

Because her hair was pulled back, I pulled mine back, going so far as to try and match headbands.  I tried to mimic her-- this was the best of the many I took.  I had to giggle at my silliness.  And complete lack of copying-the-lips skills.

When I sent the comparison picture to our family text thread, my Dad made the comment that it wasn't as close of a match as "Caden to the boy that plays Ender."  We have always said he looked like Asa Butterfield from that movie, so I tried a comparison picture from a few I have saved on my phone.

If the lighting was right, you'd see that Caden's eyes can be just as blue.  But it's only this age group that they look so similar.  I don't think they looked this close in younger years, or even Asa in more recent films.

Naturally, we watched Ender's Game that night.  Because sometimes we just want to "see" our Caden.

Reptile Man

The kids came home in a tizzy.  "MOM, the Reptile Man is coming to our school tonight.  Can we go? PLEASE?!"  Since it was only $1/person, and since we didn't have any plans for the night, we went.  Randy was working, Keilie was babysitting.  I am SO glad we did!!  He brought some pretty incredible reptiles that he, himself, raised from birth, giving really cool facts about each of them, and many different reptiles.  He also wrote a book after four years of research as to whether animals really have feelings.  The answer: Yes.  "If it has a backbone, it has an amygdala, therefore it has feelings."  So now you know.  Really cool.

He'd done an assembly at the school for free earlier, so the kids were really excited to show off the facts that they remembered.  It was almost like they were in on the presentation themselves.  Whenever he'd ask a query, hands would shoot up in the air, each child desperately hoping he'd pick them to answer.  There was a part where he had us listen to a Black Mamba's hiss.  We heard it, but he said it could do better, so he made it look like he was agitating the snake, when in reality, he was grabbing for a rubber chicken that he squeezed into the microphone and scared all the adults.  The kids laughed and laughed-- they'd been scared earlier and knew what was coming.  They felt special to be included in the inside joke.  He really had us all enthralled.  It was a great presentation.

At the end, he had two photo opportunities to earn money.  He had a snapping turtle that he allowed kids to come and touch and take pictures with (for free), but the two most looked forward to pictures were his alligator and snake.  Shelby was near tears begging to be allowed to hold the snake.  I'd come with a $10.00, paying $4.00 for entrance, so I only had one $5.00 bill -- they'd have to share the snake.  And they did.  And LOVED it!

Picture of the printed picture, because you wouldn't get me near that thing!  No, thank you!!  They loved it, and I love that they loved it.  To get a printed picture, it was $5.00.  However, not all that held the snake paid for theirs, using their phones instead.  The line took almost an entire hour, but the kids wanted it so bad, I couldn't say no.  At one point, I think they all questioned if it would be worth it.  From their smiles, I'd say the answer is a resounding, "YES!"