Deja Days

 Just a few more of the cute pictures we've captured of our sweet Deja...

I LOVE that they snuggle now!!!

Look at her wrinkly lips!!!

Had to giggle at them watching Randy snack!  Two well-trained dogs!!

Elder Bagley

I love that their friendship was not broken by death...

Caden really struggled when we first moved here.  He'd left behind three best friends that he'd had since 3rd grade.  I remember a peace that came to Caden once he started to hang out with Zachary, like he realized that it was going to be ok.  As the years passed and his time away from everyone while in Seattle, I worried that Caden would kind of feel left out with everyone else being able to live their life without him.  That never happened with Zachary-- they always picked up right where they left off.  I will forever love this boy for what he meant to Caden.  This is what true friendship looks like.

History

 I have found great enjoyment in helping my kids with their homework.  Truly, I never thought I would ever admit that I was having fun learning about history.  Take away the pressure of a test and I find it to be quite fascinating! Fascinating enough that I have chosen to read Brennon's Washington State History textbook since he's the only child that never asks for my help.  I may not remember all that I've read thus far, but I will NEVER forget this...

One of the picture captions caught my attention.  I had NO IDEA there was a Brennan, Washington!  When I asked my cousin Jamie, who moved to Washington when she was a child, if she knew, she had no idea.  When I asked my friend Jamie, who was born and raised in Washington, if she knew, she had no idea.  When I asked my cousin Brennon, he actually did know because he'd been there for a hike and a great burger.

Looks like we're going to have to take a drive to explore more of our state!  Maybe we'll invite Ashlee and Russ to meet us for the hike and burger!

I am thoroughly enjoying this school at home thing, which is something I never thought I'd say after the drowning depths of depression school at home caused me in 2010.

Little Boy

 This picture screams "little boy" to me.  One holey sock on, one sock off, not a care in the world.  Cutie!

Deja Days

Mira and Deja are getting along much better.  Leaps and bounds better.  It makes me happy.  We've had a few people ask why we made the decision about the dogs so early, so I'll clarify for future generations as well.

We always had plans for Deja to be Mira's friend, so when they weren't getting along well it 1) caused me some severe anxiety, 2) made me super sad from a human's perspective that Deja wasn't getting the love she deserved, and 3) made me realize that Deja had something special to offer a family that needed a dog whose only purpose in life was to love and snuggle.  The second we decided that Deja wouldn't be staying, my mind clicked back into a better place, my emotions righted themselves as much as they can in September, and we all started to get really excited for Danielle and her family because we knew all that Deja had to offer them.  We didn't coerce the kids into making this decision, even though some might wonder why we did it less than a week of her being with us.

We have now had three weeks to love on her, dote on her, and prepare ourselves for her leaving our home.  Because the decision was made so soon, they didn't have much time to think of her as "ours," thus making the possible separation that much harder.  She became "Danielle's," just a puppy we got to love and babysit for a month instead of a puppy that we may or may not keep day after day.  We all, minus Randy, became almost-frantic every time Mira didn't like her because we didn't know the outcome.  They will miss her when she leaves, but they have all commented that Danielle is going to be blessed by her.  And so we continue to love and cherish our time with her, capturing all the fun for memories later.  What we can't capture for this blog is all her snoring, which we love so, so much.

Running on the treadmill isn't as easy with her...

History lessons with Tyson are much more fun when Deja comes to listen.

I think we'll all miss her most during family scripture study each night.

I get my own personal snuggles each night.  She just wants to snuggle close.  Sometimes she positions herself multiple times, each trying to get closer than the last even though there isn't any more space.  She's a joy to watch shows with, even if you can't hear the actors over her snoring sometimes.

School days are so much fun with Deja.

General Conference was a lot of fun with Deja, too!

She took a deep breath, positioned herself this way, and kept right on sleeping hanging half-way off the chair.

Another session she slept like this for most of it.

She really is a great little thing.  Mira is playing more and more with her, rarely growls, never snarls, and more than tolerates her now.  They'll be friends when Mira visits Danielle, for which I am grateful.  Her surgery is scheduled for the 14th, Danielle and Taylor arrive on the 20th or 21st, and they'll take her home to become part of their family on the 25th.  Until then, we'll love her as much as we can, slowly saying goodbye to a fun, well-trained puppy.

3-years

Between session of General Conference, which seemed so appropriate landing on the anniversary now that we know Caden's promise to himself to watch every session if he could, and the Lord helping him do that 3 years ago, we drove out to Caden's grave.  As soon as we turned down his lane, my breath caught.  I literally had a "heart attack."  As we approached, we found that three families had come together to show us some love: Jamie and Cameron Burch, Jason and Tara (Burch) Barrow, and Megan and Robbie Burch.

Shelby struggled with her grief all morning.  Tears flowed freely the entire time we were here.  The boys really enjoyed using the glorified hose pressure-washer-wanna-be to clean Caden's, our neighbors', and Landen Ostrowsky's headstones.

We didn't get them placed in the exact placement, sadly.  Isn't it such a beautiful outward showing of love?!

I used two bouquets of flowers given to me to make his bouquet.  It was second-nature to share the rest of the flowers to spruce up Landen's grave.

It's always so hard to get a good picture like this because we have to look up into the bright sun.  I still love that we do it as often as we can.

While I love all of the expressions shared with us, it's the 3,4, and 7-year olds pictures that struck me most.  Clara drew Caden and Jesus while Caleb drew Randy, Caden, and me.  Jamie let me know that they told the kids that they would be placed on his grave and they made the decision what they would draw on their own.  The innocence and spirits of children are so, so precious.

My 1st year taught me that Heavenly Father knows the hopes of our heart.  Soon after Caden passed away, maybe even the day of, Randy found Caden's journal.  We found an entry where Caden promised himself that he'd watch every session of Conference he could.  He missed the Saturday sessions that year because he was well enough to go to Homecoming, but was present for every session of the Sunday session.  After the last session, he went up to take a nap and came down after asking for his first dose of pain pills.  Heavenly Father preserved his pain and health to help Caden keep a promise to himself.  Conference was always our favorite family tradition, but it means so much more now that we know Caden's promise, Heavenly Father's goodness, and the memories that surround the last few days of Caden's life.

My 2-year anniversary taught me that no matter how much we may have prepared for the earth by the descriptions given, it could not have been learned in a better way than living here on earth.  I'd prepared myself for how it would feel in many different scenarios to be without Caden, but thinking and living are two different things entirely.  I was so scared that I was going to have to go to a mental institution, my mind felt so out-of-control and broken.  I barely functioned through my days, always wondering if I would know if professionals were needed.  Year 2, for me, felt worse in some ways than watching them close the casket door or walking away from his grave after we dedicated it.  I now have a testimony of why we needed to come to earth.

My 3-year anniversary taught me that peace can be felt in the absence of hardship.  As my September crept by, I took stock every day and thanked my Heavenly Father each night that the day wasn't as hard as last year.  As the weeks crept by, I continued to wonder when the wave would slam me to the point of drowning, but it never did.  Aside from one very hard weekend of remembered pain because another little boy had recently been diagnosed with cancer, I tentatively lived each day feeling better.  This morning, I woke feeling well and began my day with a prayer of thanksgiving.  During the prayer, a thought came to me that because it didn't hurt so much this year, it felt like peace.  There must need be opposition in all things.  To know joy, you much experience sorrow.  I now have a better testimony of why we need opposition.  Without that crushing hurt, I felt a peace that stayed with me on what I feared could be a very difficult day, General Conference peace aside.  

How grateful I am for the continued lessons learned, the strengthening of my testimony despite the outcome I never wanted.  I wish my Caden was with me, I'll always wish I could have him here with me, but I see now that he's still helping me towards my Savior as I learn from his death.

Special Delivery

 While watching Conference today, Elder Lund started talking about his son, using one word that explained it all, "was."  The feeling of the story lead me to know that he was talking about a child that had died, probably of cancer.  I was right.  As he gave example after example of his son, it brought to mind many stories of my own.  His son in unimaginable pain dressing without assistance on a Sunday to pass the Sacrament reminded me of the time we raced home from the hospital for Caden to bear his testimony, or go to a meeting for his quorum.  Caden using the last of his strength and energy to go to Seminary the Friday before he died.  So many similarities came pouring in.

While half-listening half-remembering, the doorbell rang.  I was so annoyed!  Who could that be?  I don't want to put aside these feelings!  I can't pause this, and I really, really want to keep listening, keep remembering.  As we rushed to put the dogs out back, my despair at missing the talk was great.  It was tempered a bit by the delivery of gorgeous flowers.  As I opened the card, trying to grasp more of what Elder Lund was now speaking of, words jumped out at me, sending electricity through me in a way I recognize for myself as the spirit.

"Thankful for all the memories we have of our sweet Caden."

The timing of these flowers was not coincidental.  Currently, at that very moment, I was reliving some of my very favorite memories of my Caden.  Heavenly Father used Natalie and the deliverywoman to show me He remembered, knew, and loved us.  If she would have delivered the flowers just 10 minutes before, it wouldn't have impacted me as much.  I would have still loved the flowers, but the "memories" wouldn't have been as much of a spiritual experience.

This event reminded me of a similar experience two years ago, almost to the day.

Mike Stafford had been released as the Young Men's President a few months prior.  He sent Randy and text asking if he and Maren could stop by.  They asked us to sit down, it was that kind of delivery.

"While going through my papers, I found letters the boys had written to themselves, to be delivered when they graduated.  I found Caden's."

With shaking fingers, I opened Caden's letter.  As I pulled out the letter, written on the outside of the triple-folded paper, in his own hand, was written, "See you in a year."  Electricity through my whole body.

Caden was a Junior in High school when he wrote that letter, so it would be in a year that he would have opened that letter.  But the timing of when Mike found the letters and delivered Caden's to us was important.  Had he found it the week he was released, it wouldn't have meant as much.  He found it and delivered it to us on the weekend of Caden's anniversary, literally a year since we'd seen him alive.

Some of the testimony I've gained about the Lord's timing has hurt me.  I would never choose for myself to have my child die, to have him suffer so cruelly.  But other times, like these two experiences, have strengthened my faith and my confidence in my Heavenly Father.  We have seen so many miracles throughout this one trial- before, during, and after cancer care- that have helped me learn that Heavenly Father is mindful, He has a plan, and He loves us more than we can ever comprehend.  Lord, I will follow thee.

To some, the delivery of the flowers would have been a coincidence, maybe even nothing.  But to me, it was a testimony builder for which I will never forget.

Science FUN!

It has been so much fun working with Tyson on his Science work through K12.  Like I did with Shelby a few years ago, and still do with any of my kids that ask,  I read and work with them to ensure they understand the text to better answer the questions.  History and Science have been fun to read, and even more fun to do!

Thursday mid-morning, to better understand aquifers, I looked on YouTube to see if I could understand before we got started.  Tyson and I watched a few videos and then talked about the text.  When it came time to actually build our own model, he was excited.  I admit I was actually hoping the video would be enough because of the lateness of the school-day hour, but it ended up being so much fun to build with him.  Randy got involved too.  It was a fun way to spend our Thursday early-evening with these two males.

Not being as prepared as I should have been with this project, I decided to go ahead and look at the next assignment on Friday afternoon, to be sure we had all supplies on-hand for the following Thursday project.  As I was asking Tyson if he wanted Saturday to be our experiment day, explaining what we needed to do with his next assignment, he tentatively said, "I kind of wish we could do that right now, that sounds like so much fun!"  You know us-- once we get excited about a project, we get right on it.  This time we called two other friends that are also doing K12 5th grade, inviting them to come over in an hour after we grabbed coffee filters, 4 2-liter bottles, and activated charcoal from the store.

Before leaving for the store, we were instructed to make dirty water.  Being good scientists, we measured and weighed everything out precisely.

(Tyson, Cassidy Burch, friends for 8 years, and Jaxson Christensen, his best friend)

I want to draw your attention to the center of the table.  See the glass mixing bowl?  That's full of actual mud at the bottom.  Yuck!

They first poured the dirty water into a 2-liter bottle and shook it up to add air, known as the aeration process.  They then poured the water into a bottle with the top cut off, added alum, and stirred it around for 5-minutes, known as the coagulation process.  For the next 20-minutes, in 5-minute increments, they'd look at the water and make observations.  This was how the water looked after 15- minutes.  It was neat watching the sediments fall to the bottom as they got heavier because of the alum, known as the sedimentation process, but also to watch particles actually float up to the top as well.

They then made a filtration system that included fine sand, coarse sand, activated charcoal, and pea gravel.  At the bottom spout, they attached 2 coffee filters as the final filtration system.

Pouring the water into their filtration.  We talked about using a screen to filter out some of the larger particles that were being poured, but it wasn't in the instructions.  They were then able to see that the sand and gravel actually captured up most of the particles before it got down to the coffee filters, hence the filtration process.

And then we waited.

Look at how brown that water still is.  

Next, we needed to gather 100 ml of water.  We weren't quite sure how much that was, so they decided to use one of our discarded bottles to measure the amount and then place it next to the collected water as a guide.  I thought that was very smart of these kids!

The water above is what was gathered after the filtration process!  From actual muddy water to this!

The next process, the disinfectant process, was one that actually confused me.  I know that bleach is used to clean the water of things, but it's usually a few drops.  They made us put in 15 ml to 100 ml of water.  I feel that if they would have had the kids drop in the bleach, it wouldn't have turned out as cloudy as it did.  But we followed directions, so this is what we came out with.

They decided to gather another 100 ml to compare.

The kids said they had a good time.  It truly was a lot of fun.  I'm enjoying this part of school-at-home.  There are a few bumps, but for the most part, it's going GREAT!!!  Next up-- Pollution!

Bye-bye Blankie

Brennon has decided to retire his beloved blanket.  12.5 years of LOVE!!!  As one that still has their tattered blankie, I know how it feels to lose that part of your childhood because you realize you don't want to stay little forever.  You'll miss it but feel brave for saying goodbye.  I love this blanket for the comfort it has given my little boy over the years.  Comfort enough to ask a hotel in Oregon to overnight it to us three years ago after we returned from Hawaii.  "Um, our son left his blanket behind.  Yes, the thing that looks like a rag.  Could you overnight it to us?  Thank you.  Thank you very much!"