Today

January 31, 2014

The day I will never forget

I went to bed last night thinking, "Three years ago, Caden and I had one of the hardest nights of our lives."  We have since had many harder, but I will never think of January 30th without remembering the night that lead us to the ER the next morning.  I look haggard in the picture above, but honestly, I'm surprised I look that good.  It was an extremely difficult night watching my baby suffer, yet not understanding fully what was happening to him, what was causing him so much pain.  Top three Worst Nights of My Life-- all of which include Caden's agony and suffering.  Plus, we had not heard the results of the CT scan yet.  I was so naive in this picture.  That is Innocent Stephanie.

(Notice his stick think arms, yet how bulged his belly is.  That is the tumor pushing everything around.  We would later find out that the tumor weighed 2.5 pounds)

January 31, 2017

2-hour delay from school because we are getting more stupid snow.  

I'll forget today.  Because it is wonderfully, perfectly, magically mundane.

Life is SO GOOD!!!

Signed

Just moments after we sang to our Shelby girl, we sat down with the couple that wants to buy our home.  The Contract is signed, waiting to be taken to the Title Company tomorrow.  We'll look at putting an offer in on a home on Wednesday, or so.  We're not in too much of a hurry, since they still need to sell their home.  However, it may need to be done soon-- they had a low ball offer this weekend, with their realtor expecting another "real" offer soon.  Things are moving along.  We now have three scenarios that are all acceptable options.

1- The home I mentioned before.  Large home on a large lot with a large shop.  The only drawback to this one is the larger-than-we-would-like mortgage.  We can afford it, but don't really want to.  After living in smaller homes with smallish mortgages, having the luxury of excess money in the bank and security of living well-below our means, it's hard to want something that large looming over us.  This has become our "last resort" option.  Still a great home to acquire, just not our number one option.

2- A home that we have offered to buy many times before on Jason Loop may come available soon.  Randy has offered (dare I say, hounded) so many times, the owner got a little grumpy with him.  I wouldn't have had the guts to call him, but Randy has no fear with these kind of things.  "If you don't ask, you'll never know."  The man has finally said he'd most likely be willing to sell it to us.  We'd buy the home As Is, fix it up nicely and own it.  We'd move into it if we sold our home, squishing into four bedrooms for about a year while we build a new home of our own.  If the sale of this house falls through for any reason, we'd have another Rental on the Loop.  This is the option that Randy wants most.

3- I found a home that was built in 2002.  It is gorgeous.  The only thing that it needs is a fridge.  The only thing that I would want to update in the whole house is one wall that they've painted a hideous shade of orange.  I can't stand the color.  Other than that, I love everything about the home and landscaping.  It is 100% finished, with nothing else that I would even ask to do to it.  The last time we owned a home that didn't need work was 2002-2005-- our first home in Nibley, Utah.  Since then, we've purchased homes that needed basements finished, projects completed to make it more modernized, a new kitchen layout, or this house that needs a complete overhaul.  It would be a dream to move in and be done for.ev.er!  What would we do with all of our time, you ask?  Randy has many ideas.  I just want to sleep.

 Things are moving forward.  We'll see how this thing ends.  When we told them we were having a hard time finding the one house that we wanted to move into, they got a little nervous.

"So, does this mean you don't want to sell to us?"

There was raw, naked fear on their faces.  We quickly assured them that we were most definitely going to sell them.  I hope that I can find a home that I'm scared to have fall through, something that feels as much of a blessing to us as this house feels to them.

Double Digits!!!!!

 From the first day,

the first week,

the first year,

 to the first double-digit day,

 life has been made sweeter

 because you are ours.

Happy 10th birthday to our beautiful 

Shelby Jacquelyn Dirks!!

Random

Tyson has had allergies for a few days now.  It started approximately Saturday, with Sunday being the day I recognized it the most-- it's pretty easy to hear sniffling in Sacrament Meeting.  A couple nights ago, Tyson mentioned that he couldn't hear 'that good' out of his left ear before going to bed.  With all of the sinus stuff that he was experiencing, it wasn't that much of a surprise that his ears were congested.  We gave him a decongestant, Tylenol, and sent him to bed.

Around 10:00pm, we heard him crying from downstairs.  Since he's at the end of the bonus room that is on the opposite side of the house from where we were watching TV, it was some loud wailing.  By the time we walked up to see what the problem was, he'd been crying for about 2 minutes, or so.  He could barely say the words that his ear hurt, for the tears and hyperventilating sobs.

A couple of months ago, Jamie said that one of her girls had some ear issues.  We always have drops and stuff for ears, ever since Shelby started with her 16 ear infections in 6 months.  From then on, we've been well stocked with all sorts of ear remedies.  However, I got on and researched home remedies for Ear Infections to see if I could help her just a little bit more with cutting-edge new ideas.  One thing that came up was to use Hydrogen Peroxide in the ear canal to help bring oxygen to the infection to kill the virus.  I saw hundreds of people say they'd tried it and that it worked like a charm.  I told myself that I'd try it, if my kids ever had ear pain/problems again.  So we did.

We had him lay on our bed with the ear exposed, and just filled the ear canal with a dropper.  We had him lay there for 5 minutes, sit up and drain the ear, and then repeated it one more time.  After just 10 minutes, he said he didn't feel pain anymore.  It didn't fizz as much as some of the other pictures I'd seen- some looked like a volcano eruption of fizz- but with his ears already being compromised with ear infections and tubes as an infant, he may not have had much of an infection to cause that much pain.  The simple fact that he'd turned completely white (not just face, but hands and feet) from the hyperventilating sobs, to going to bed 10 minutes later without pain, is enough evidence for me.

When he woke yesterday morning, I was anxious to hear how he was.  No pain at all!  He said he still had stuff that made it so he couldn't hear all the way, but there was no pain.  We used some of our infection drops one more time, and just left it at that.  This morning, the first thing he said to me was that he wasn't 'deaf' anymore.  Pretty cool.  It could simply be that enough time has passed, that the sinuses and ears have drained, but it also could be the Hydrogen Peroxide.  Either way, I'm willing to try it again, should the need arise.

Typical that I should find this bit of wisdom after I severely need it.  Three of our kids had to have Tubes, with Caden needing them, but not being able to afford them without insurance.  Same thing with Potato Shavings to help pull out Mastitis infection.  I learned that bit of genius after Tyson was born.  I got it twice with Keilie, once with Shelby, and ended up giving up nursing Tyson altogether, because I got it soon after bringing him home.  I just couldn't do it again-- I have never felt like I wanted to die as much as when I was sick with that.  Honestly, it was 'normal' to 'bed ridden, delirious, can't pick up my baby' in just 10 minutes for me.  The one bit of information that ended up working miracles for us was a couple drops of breast milk in the eye after each feeding for clogged tear ducts.  That worked wonders- saving us a surgery, in fact.  I love knowing stuff like this-- medical miracles that can be had from the most random things.  So neat.

The Plot Thickens

When we left our story, the King and Queen were waiting to hear if the castle would be put on contract this week.  The story continues thus...

"Wednesday morning, just four days after looking at the home for the first time, the clients emailed the King with some reservations.

       'Since this is at the top of our budget, we're a little concerned about the siding.  It would be difficult to save enough money to have it replaced.  Is there any way we could work something out?'

So the King immediately got to work.  When he wasn't busy with his other Tyler Technologies duties, he was researching manufacturers, asking neighbors if they knew who built our home castle, contacting the builder and original siding installer (can you believe he was able to track them down?  The house was built in NINETEEN NINETY FOUR!), having contractors come out for bids on the siding, and generally doing what he does best: getting the job done.  One contractor gave us some reassuring news: the siding is in great shape, other than the holes most likely made from weather damage.  He believes he may be able to secure a close enough match, or simply be able to repair it without much work.  The King sent the clients a picture of the newly installed pantry door- which Brennon said looks like a door that could lead to another world, like Narnia- and gave her updates on things from our end.

This morning, the client got back to the King and Queen.

      'If you would replace or repair the siding and throw in the play set, we'd like to sign contracts on Saturday.  You've got yourself a deal.'"

I am still feeling like this is a dream.  Not a nightmare, but one that makes you feel weird when you wake up.  It makes you think, "Man, I know I dreamt it, but it felt so real and unsettling."  Things are not finalized as soon as contracts are signed-- they still have a house to sell.  But with the signing of contracts, it makes it feel more legit.  I guess I kept expecting them to say, "Just kidding!"  Or even to see my face on reality TV with the world laughing at us, saying, "Bwahahaha, they thought they were serious?!  As.If!!"  We'll see what Saturday brings.

In other news, Randy leaned over to me on Sunday during Sacrament Meeting and said, "I'm going to take Brennon out after Sacrament-- his tube fell out and is just sitting in his ear."  Of course I asked him to save it for me to see.

  It still is so amazing to me that something this tiny has revolutionized the lives of three of my children.  One minute they are crying, sick, hard of hearing, and can't walk, to being completely better, never to have problems with their ears again.  Medical advancements are so awesome.  We have had our fair share of medical miracles, some on a much larger scale than others, obviously, but each make me so grateful, and hopeful for the future.

Stay Tuned for the rest of our incredible {1. impossible to believe. 2. difficult to believe; extraordinary.} story.  We're just getting to the good part now.

Pantry

Knowing that we were going to replace the pantry door, we bet Caden $10 that he couldn't punch down the door in three tries.  After seeing Caden try his hardest and not be able to do it, you'd think it would make Tyson reconsider his claims that he 'totally could'.  Nope, he got right up there, put on his concentration face, and tried his hardest each of his three tries.  Each child tried.  All failed.

Today our custom door arrived.  Here is our before...

(This was from Realtor.com, featuring their furniture-- I forgot to get good Before pictures before the painters came in)

After

All we need to do now is paint!  I love the way it brightens up the kitchen!!  If we don't end up selling our home, I can't wait to see this style of door throughout the entire house-- I love the Craftsman style door.  It makes the pantry feel twice the size, simply by replacing that one door.  My goodness, I love seeing transformations that come together in just 10 minutes.  Well, 10 minutes plus painting, that is.

One other Before...

And After...

Accident?!

Oh, goodness, what a weekend it has been.  In fact, I'm not sure you could even make this stuff up, it has been so surreal.  It's crazy town, so sit back, relax, and let me tell you a story that boggles my mind.

"Once upon a time, a King and Queen made a quick decision to buy a castle For Sale By Owner, move their family of seven in just 10 days, all the while trying to fix up their old house to rent, and fix up the new house to live in.  They accomplished what they had set out to do, barely holding onto their sanity by a thread.  Because they had downsized and lived in a tiny castle for so long, they didn't have much to move, but it was still quite a daunting task.  But the King and Queen were excited for the new adventure, and jumped into cleaning, organizing, and fixing up their new, larger castle with fervor.

One night, mere days after they moved in, the King had a crazy idea to put a Make Me Move price on Zillow.com.  It was an outrageous price, one that he would love to have but didn't expect.  He told the Queen about it.  They laughed about the ridiculousness of it all.  Life was good in the land for six months.

Friday afternoon, a knock was answered by one of the Princes of the castle.  "I am a realtor that has clients that would like to see your home.  They saw your Make Me Move on Zillow.com.  Could we come tomorrow afternoon?"  And the whirlwind of the weekend began.  You see, the King had gotten a request from someone that very morning, asking if they could come, so the King thought that they were the ones that had the realtor.  Since it was such a high price the King had put on the house, the Queen decided to ready the castle for a showing to make the King happy, all the while feeling like this was such a surreal situation.  Six months.  Six months was all she had lived from the last frantic move, and now she was readying her home to show after spending most of the previous week inside with the kids for Snow Days. 

The client and her father came to look at the house on Saturday afternoon.  They were not the clients that had the realtor, they had happened upon Zillow.com much by accident.  That meant that they had two people interested in their castle!  This was no jesting matter.  They stayed for 10 minutes and left.  The King, seeing that things were getting real, took the Make Me Move offer off of the website and told his Queen that he thought that was the end of that, thanking her for going along with it, and apologizing for putting her through an entire day of extreme anxiety.  The King had told the woman that his Queen would be a hard sell, that she didn't want to move, and that he never thought anyone would actually take his castle price seriously.  He thought he had warned them off for good.

Two hours later, she said she was seriously interested, that she would like to show her husband the castle, and asked if they could come back on Sunday.  The Queen was ready to run.  She could logically see that getting that much money, so soon after buying, was a great return on an investment.  But she is tired.  She loves this new house.  She has ideas for improvements that she wants to see come to life.  She is tired.  She wants easy when life can be easy.  She wants to make her King happy by making money so "easily."  So she talked to herself a lot over those few hours, slowly coming to terms that this may be real.  It took a while, but she has finally come to terms.  Sunday night, the King said, "Honey, I'm sorry I might have accidentally sold our house."

Monday, while the buyers were talking with their lender after giving a verbal offer the previous night, the King and Queen were looking for a new castle to buy, if this really does go through.  They think they may have found one.  Some people that they know (the ones that gave the Queen the delicious Big Hunk) happen to be moving in just a few short weeks back to Tennessee.  They would sell to the King and Queen at a very reasonable price, giving the King a massive shop and a 1/2 acre of land, while giving the Queen enough bedrooms for her Princes and Princesses to continue having their current room situations.  It would be a blessing for all, should our Heavenly Father see fit for the King and Queen to actually sell after just six months."

My brain is tired, so we'll end the story there for now.  We'll pick back up once we hear word whether this will really happen.  The bank has approved them.  We should hear word whether it will go under contract this week.  Friday, we had no plans for the weekend.  Sunday, we may have sold a home we weren't even really trying or meaning to sell.  Surreal.

Randy had mentioned that we were changing the hinges from Gold to Brushed Nickel and adding handles to the cabinets soon.  Since I had envisioned handles on the cabinets almost immediately, and not wanting to put them on for others without enjoying them, we decided to go ahead and do that project last night.

Before

After

If this surreal situation falls through, I will be happy to stay.  I am not ready to be done remodeling this kitchen/house!  If it actually does go through, I will be happy moving to a new, bigger home.  It just feels so weird.  We may be moving soon because someone is willing to pay us top dollar for a home that still has work to be done.  After looking at homes online and in person, we can see why they want ours-- the market is seriously lacking!

Life is so weird for us right now, I can barely keep up!

Indoor S'mores

The kids have asked many times to light a fire in our fireplace.  Since I wasn't quite sure if it had been cleaned or taken proper care of, I was nervous to do it until we got it cleaned and checked.  However, Randy surmised that it probably hadn't been used much by either of the two previous owners, so he got a log that cleans while being burning.  Not wanting to miss an opportunity to turn something "normal" into something fun, we decided to make indoor S'mores.

It was so much fun!!

Look at those beauties.  

The biggest shock of the night was that Brennon wanted some.  Since they are both chocolatey sweet and almost certainly will make your hands sticky/dirty, I thought for sure he'd pass on them.  Then, when he said he'd have some, I thought he'd take just one bite and be done.  Then he ate the entire thing...and asked for more!  He ended up having two-- which is more than Tyson had, and almost as much as Caden.  Best.Night.Ever!

This is our first fireplace that hasn't been turned on with a switch, so it is also the first fireplace that could accommodate our marshmallow pokers.  This will not be our only night cooking treats over an open flame inside our beautiful home.

Ten

Shelby is most definitely my daughter-- she loves birthdays, she counts down to birthdays, she makes sure she is aware of others' birthdays.  It borders on obsession, like me.  She also loves numbers.  She finds cool things about dates and other things, through numbers.  I love that Caden's birthday is 05/15/01.  Two zeros, fives, and ones.  I also love that my birthday has a cool sound-- five, thirty-one, nineteen-eighty-one.  Anyway, I digress.

Yesterday, before I even had time to really "wake up", she burst into the room, "Mom, today there are just ten more days until I am ten.  This is the last day of double digits on my countdown before I turn double digits!!"

My Rainbow Baby is growing up so fast.

Since we had loads of time on our hands with our 'Seventh circle of Hades' day, and since the shining snow was giving good light, I decided to force myself to take birthday pictures.  I LOVE taking pictures, no matter the reason, and especially for their birthdays, but everything above and beyond the normal activity these days feels monumental and hard.  Hate to admit it, but it's the truth. 

"Mom, we should really try to get ten different pictures, since I am going to be ten, and since there are ten days until my birthday today."

I ended up taking 30 pictures in all.  I didn't get one that I loved every single thing about it, but I did get some OK ones, so I don't feel like doing another photo shoot.  While looking through each with my proverbial fine-tooth comb, Shelby sat right next to me, giving me her opinion of each one.  When I got to one, she gasped and exclaimed, "That one is my favorite of them all."  It's ironic, because when I was doing her hair, she asked if she could have it curled, so it looked shorter than it actually is.  I told her I wanted to highlight how long it has gotten since she donated it {two years ago} next month, so she said I could keep it straight.  As it turns out, it is her favorite thing about the picture. 

I'll show this one, and save the rest for her birthday, now nine days away, she tells me.

My goodness, I love this girl.  She has blessed my life so much.  She makes me so happy.  I love her tender emotions and her fierce personality and spirit.  She is the perfect baby to heal my twice-wounded broken heart.  I can't imagine life without her.  Nine days and counting...

Seventh

We are celebrating barely enduring our seventh Snow Day of the school year.  This is why...

The last two days have given us freezing rain.  Near the house, you can see the normal sidewalk, the rest- that gives the appearance of light gray next to the white snow- is pure ice.  Our driveway could rival that of any Olympic luge. 

 In fact, I'm fairly certain I will receive a call any minute now, asking if they can film Cool Runnings 2 here.  And since the kids don't have school on Monday (regularly schedule day off), we could be extras in the film.

Awesome!

Repent

While playing games on their electronics tonight, Tyson gasped and exclaimed, "Argh!!  Brennon!!  REPENT!!!"

Tender Brennon, with real remorse, "Woops!  I'm sorry Tyson.  I didn't mean to."

Appeased, the game went on for a while longer.

Guess my kids are listening each night as I read them the scriptures.

Stuck

While taking Shelby, Brennon, and Tyson to a friends' house yesterday I asked Caden and Keilie to shovel off a skiff of snow that had fallen on our driveway.  About 20 minutes later, I got a call from Caden that sounded a bit muffled.

"Mom, I'm stuck in the snow fort."

I couldn't breath, I was so scared.  My mind was going a mile-a-minute as I was thinking of all the people to call to help dig him out, grateful that I had asked them both to do it-- Keilie was probably already digging him out at that very minute.

"I'll send you a picture!"

Wait, What?!

He'd jumped on it, falling through the top, and couldn't move.  Oh, that was how he was stuck!!  It wasn't his fault that he scared the heck out of me, but you better believe I wanted to smack him upside the head.  And then I saw the picture- that he himself had edited- with his handsome, happy smile and his dog standing watch, and I couldn't help by smile.  Caden feels well enough to play!

Caden has now taken four chemo pills... and hasn't had one side effect bother him!  That he can feel, anyway.  I am so relieved.  I really wish my mind would just wait to freak out until there is reason to, but I just can't make it do what I want, it seems.  It has a mind of its own.  (Go ahead and think it- I'm a dork.  I just couldn't help myself!)  Things have been going really, really well.  Which has us thinking:

The last time he went on this medicine was after 6 weeks of the worst chemo he's ever had, a major surgery, pain medicine withdrawals, and IV nutrition that was much needed, but super hard on the body.  Maybe his body was just tired.  (That feels like the understatement of the century!) Maybe this time will have better results because he is stronger.  Maybe, just maybe he'll be able to be on it for a while, helping to stop the aggressive growth, so that he can enjoy life, driving, dating, and his amazing white hair that he can't wait to have.  There is hope in my soul today.  I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

Expired?!

After church yesterday, a friend gave me a large bag of mixed Halloween candy that her kids just aren't eating fast enough.  Wanting to clear out the clutter, she gave the bag to me, probably knowing that I could consist on candy alone.  Or she may have given it for my kids, but everyone that knows me knows that I'm going to divide it so that each child gets one piece to my two.  I am not ashamed to admit it.

Mixed among the bag of Dots, Tootsie Rolls (both chocolate and flavored), and suckers, were a few Big Hunk- with a few Fun Size and one Regular size.  Being the greedy hoarder that I am, I squirreled the large one and a few of the smaller ones away for myself, letting the kids have a few (like one or two) between themselves.  Shelby tried one of the Fun Size, telling her siblings that they needed to try it too.  She was commenting that she like the ones that were in the black wrapper more than the ones that were in the lighter, almost-brown wrapper.  She'd taken one bite from the lighter wrapper, said that it didn't taste quite right, and threw it away immediately.  I was reading, so I wasn't really paying much attention to what she was saying.  Serves me right for being distracted.

Bite after bite, I continued to devour my stash.  If you thought my cry face was unfortunate, you should see my candy-snarfing face-- Yowsa, there are hardly words.  With each bite, I could feel myself slipping into the euphoria that is glorious sugar.  As I opened wrapper after wrapper, not caring which kind of candy I shoved into my maw, I pondered in astonishment at the sheer power I can poses to push away guilt and shame.  And then it was time to open the Regular size Big Hunk.  Not a thought was spared to saving it for another day-- it was going into my belly with pleasure.  Immediately!  Or was it...

I took a large bite and started to chew, anxious for the sweet beautiful taste that is Big Hunk to explode over my tongue.  Only it didn't taste quite right.  A few more chews and I was sitting up in my seat, eyebrows pulled together in concentration.  What is this flavor?!  One more swallow and I was gagging; it tasted quite literally like vomit.  Truly, it wasn't my own vomit coming back up, but the Big Hunk going down.  Ew, Ew, Ew!!!  It was dis-gus-ting!!!  As I was rushing to spit it out and throw it away, I started checking for the expiration date, hoping there actually would be one.  My mind started to think back on her conversation-- she said it was from this year, didn't she?! I assumed she meant this year-- wouldn't you?!  At this moment, I was spitting out what I hadn't already swallowed (I still can't believe I actually swallowed!) into my garbage can, searching the wrapper.  And there it was: The expiration date...

08/2012

And then I was gagging from knowledge, not taste.  This candy was probably made FOUR YEARS AGO, and expired THREE AND A HALF YEARS AGO!!!  And. I. Swallowed. It!!!  There may be a little shame.  A little.  Ew!

CORRECTION:

It is 2017, not 2016!!  That means that it was probably made FIVE YEARS AGO, and expired FOUR AND A HALF YEARS AGO!!!  I blame my lapse in mathematical skills, and how long it took for me to realize my error, on the sugar.

Imagination

I love innocence.  I love it when I remember times of being a super adorable little girl, with an actively adorable imagination.  Like the time I convinced myself that the shoe makers had made the mistake on my shoes alone; that everyone else had fake diamonds and mine were the only ones with real ones.  When I was wearing those sparkly diamond shoes, savoring those thoughts, I stood a little taller, walked a little straighter, talked a little more regally, and just knew that I was going to be discovered as a Real Princess.  I was like five, but it was very real, to me.  I wore those shoes until they made my toes bloody.  Then I hid them away until I got a little older, and lost some of my innocence by graduating to the double digit age of importance.

We were watching Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone tonight as a family.  It was after the part where Harry convinces Hagrid to tell him the name of the Wizard that had given him his scar that Brennon said, "Oh, I'm glad he didn't make me say {that name}.  I would be so scared to have mean wizards come and zap me with their wands for saying {his} name.!"

When I said, "Brennon, Harry Potter is not real," he looked confused for just one second, and then giggled and said, "Oh, yeah!" and continued his cute giggle. 

I get it.  Sometimes it is hard to forget when something is not real, when what you're thinking about feels so fun to imagine.  Sometimes forgetting your reality for just a moment can be the funnest, most exhilarating adventure of all.

Mail

We have gotten so much mail for one Keilie A. Dirks, both yesterday and today.  The first was a Welcoming announcement that she had been placed in the High School that is the closest distance to our home: Richland High School- Home of the Bombers.  It told us that if we wanted to transfer to the other public High School within the district, we had to do it a certain way, explained in the letter.  Can it be that time already?!  Today I received three more letters, inviting Keilie to Open Houses for other High Schools in the area.  Can this be real?  Can my second child be headed to High School already?!  (Sniff, Sniff)

While I am excited for her to continue growing and experiencing and living the good life, I still feel like I am being rushed as a parent.  Growing up, there was K-6 Elementary, 7-9 Junior High, 10-12 High School.  Here, we have K-5 Elementary, 6-8 Middle School, and 9-12 High School.  Everything feels like it happens one year too soon, for me. 

So, considering that Keilie will start High School a grade year earlier than I'm used to, and that she is the very youngest in her class (started Kindergarten, turning '5' four days later), and that we don't allow dating until the age of 16, Keilie will attend High School for two full years and three full summers before she'll be able to date.  I sure hope this doesn't turn into too much of a struggle for her.  Still wish every single day that we would have held her back for another year.  Oh well, not much that we can do about it now.

Some cool things to look forward to in 2017-

Shelby will enter the first year of the double digit age era of her life.
My Mister will turn the big 40!
Caden will turn 16, be given the keys to his Bronco and the green light to date.
Caden will be able to attend Trek.
{Keilie will enter High School.}
Shelby will enter her last year of Elementary.
Tyson will be baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

2017 is going to be a COOL year!!!

The Pill

Since the kids went back to school yesterday (after a 2-hour delay), I have been running like a chicken with my head cut off.  I've been getting my house back in order from the days and days of neglect spent playing.  I have also finished the two Christmas presents for our parent's: personalized, handmade calendars.  Funny thing: I started one for my parents in August, just in case cancer came back in September.  When it didn't, I stopped working as tirelessly on it, and bought a second kit to make one for Randy's parents.  And now look where I am- January 13th with them in the mail for next week's delivery.  Just a tad late.  But things are getting back on track.  There's just one thing...

After the snow got to be less fun, and when I could not bear the thought of another moment spent at the table playing games, we pulled out Star Wars and settled in for a few episodes.  Tyson could not believe that the little boy that loves to fly could one day become Darth Vader.  He didn't believe it at first, choosing to argue that it could not be true.  A little while later, once episode one ended, he came to snuggle up to me.

"Mom, will I turn to the 'dark side' someday?"

He was dead serious.  He has really been thinking about this subject.  I wish I could say that it was a fanciful discussion between us, but I just gently brushed it aside, saying that Star Wars is fiction.  However, my mind was saying something else.  Oh, my mind...  Right now it is going through a 'dark side' of it's own.  I'm not quite sure when it happened, but I have been feeling the pull towards depression for a few weeks-- possibly since the first stirrings of cancer talk on Thanksgiving morning.  It wasn't bad going in to the surgery, in truth it may be a stretch to say it goes back that far, but it sure has been bad since coming home.  It's nowhere near as bad as it has been before, but it has me a little scared.  I know where this could be headed...

From the moment I realized what was happening, I sat down to talk with Randy about it.  From then on, he's added a plea for me in all of our prayers.  After the first one, Keilie innocently asked,

"Mom's depressed?  What does she have to be depressed about?!"

You may think that because she's a teenager she said it with a snotty attitude, but she didn't at all, it was a sincere, confused question.  That's the thing that always gets me--  What do I have to be depressed about?  Things are going SO well right now!  He's healed better and faster than any other time, he's been eating like crazy, he's back to his old life.  We all are.  It has been an amazing month since returning home from Seattle!!!  So why do I need to struggle so much?!

Randy took Caden to his chemo appointment today.  He's gained weight in the weeks since our care conference, which is great to hear, but not all that unexpected after the freezer food he's blown through.  While there, Randy was texting me, asking about all of the medications that we have at home, in case she needed to prescribe more for the next couple of weeks.  As I was getting them all out, counting how many pills he has of each of the many prescriptions, I could feel the darkness threatening to choke me. On top of the chemo pill that could cause him heart damage, headaches and lightheadedness, fatigue, diarrhea, and nausea, he will also have prescriptions to help the side effects.  These are medications that I know well.  I'm in my element with this box of medicines that make up a very expensive pharmacy in our home.  With each one, the reality came crashing down on me, trapping me in my worst nightmares-- we're entering cancer care tonight.  Our time of freedom and medical free existence is at an end.

I wish I could wait to freak out until he starts to show side effects at all.  But, gosh dang it, I am afraid of it all.  I have a very real fear of seeing Caden suffer again, even if it is just a vomit session or two.  I just don't want to witness this again.  And since the invisible switch of my mind has been switched back on, everything feels that much more suffocating.

Please pray that this chemo pill will have the desired effect on Caden's cancer.  Please pray that this chemo pill will not make him mega sick, allowing him his wish to 'be able to go to school so I don't get held back again."  Please pray that he'll feel well enough to continue Driver's Education-- it's a rite of passage, and he deserves to get that license!!  And please pray that my mind will be able to quickly process whatever it is that it's wrestling with-- I have too much that I'd like to do, without feeling like I'm constantly drowning.  I don't want to waste what time I have been given with my whole family trying to change my own mind!!!  I'm just so tired. 

Let it....STOP

School was cancelled again today.  We haven't gone anywhere for quite a while now.  The snow just keeps on comin.  And I'm thinking, Let It Stop, Let It Stop, Let.It.STOP!!!  Yesterday it was fun to get outside after a Sunday full of games.

 I found fun Snow Paint instructions on Pinterest: Water in a water bottle with a few drops of cake decorating food coloring.  I would have done more colors, had I had more water bottles, but I did end up with four vibrant colors.  The kids had a really fun time for a couple of hours.

I also tried a Snow Volcano that was an Epic Fail.  For some reason the video won't download, and Randy is not home right now, so it will have to wait to put it on.  I still laugh when I watch it-- all 10 seconds of it.

Before bed, we checked the weather-- no snow was projected, just freezing temperatures.  We woke up to snow.  And it hasn't stopped yet!  I'm thinking that our weather App is not to be trusted anymore.  Not to worry...the kids made the most of it.  While Randy shoveled the driveway, Caden started one of these...

 Our Second Snow Fort of the season.

 This one bigger than the first.

Randy wasn't able to help much- he's got a ton of work lined up for the next year!!- but he did make sure to give the go ahead to play in it, as long as they have two people out there at all times.  They were out there for a while, but they're kind of getting sick of playing in the snow.  There's only so much you can do with it before becoming it all becomes mundane.  And since they left the paint water bottles outside yesterday, we have no idea where they are for today.  Life Lesson, kids: Put stuff away when you are done with it, or you won't have it when you want or need it!

 I am not sure of the Tri-Cities snowfall statistics anymore, but this is the most snow we have seen for more than a decade.  And I just got word that tomorrow's school day is cancelled again...

Awesome!!

Backside Burdens

We felt like we had gotten such a good deal on our dining room table that we purchased just weeks after Brennon was born.  We got six padded black vinyl chairs plus the counter-height (starting trend back then) table for $300, purchased at 3:00pm and delivered by dinner time the very same day.  However, within the year, we were not so enthused-- the chairs were no longer padded, only ever sat on for meals and mostly by young kids, and the vinyl had come apart in the weirdest patterns.  When we moved from Wyoming to Washington, we left all non-essentials behind, coming with only the scratched table with no chairs, and a loveseat.  Other than that, we had nothing to sit on.  Our rental looked SO bare without much furniture.  Since our "high end, furniture store" chairs had proven such a waste and disappointment, we purchased the cheapest chairs we could find for our kitchen table.  We thought it was a good idea.... until this weekend.

With the falling snow the past few days, they ended up cancelling church, as well as school today.  We decided to use the time together to play more games.  We haven't had enough competitive arguing, I guess.  It ended up being SO much fun.  After teaching Caden Cities and Knights on Friday night, we ended up playing a few times with Keilie and Caden on Saturday.  The younger kids were our dice rollers and cheerleaders.  They never complained, just said they wished they were the recommended 12 years old to play. 

With the news of cancelled church, we decided to play the original Settlers of Catan- Expanded version as a whole family.  It.Was.A.Blast!  We played multiple games All.Day.Long.  Truly, the only time spent away from playing Catan was either meal times, or shoveling 4 driveways.  Hence why our 'cheapest chairs possible' are not our favorite purchase right now- our butt bones are quite sore today.  Along with our shovel muscles, but that has nothing to do with the chairs.

I was the banker, helping Brennon whenever he needed.  Randy helped Shelby and Tyson, giving them more and more choices without suggestions as the day wore on.  A typical game played with adults that know what they're doing usually takes about an hour, with the expansion version adding another 20 minutes, or so.  When you have six players, three of which are kids under the age of 10, just learning, playing the expansion version, our games tended to last about 2.5 hours.  At least.  Plus, it takes a bit longer when you have kids accidentally dropping the dice (ended up putting them in a tupperware container to keep them where they should be- and to keep the frustrated annoyance from our hearts) or pieces, a kid that need to eat an entire plate of pizza bites for snack time, twice, or kids that concentrate on building fun designs with their pieces instead of concentrating on the game.  Shown here...

and here...

All-in-all, we played one game with just Caden (I won), 3 games with the kids (Randy won all three, but kept it a secret so Shelby could win 2 and Brennon could win 1), and then one with Caden and Keilie (Randy won) that ended at 10:30pm.  We really enjoyed our Sunday spent as a family, although Caden told us three times that he hated that church had to be cancelled. 

And tears were only shed twice!  You know us-- you know this is a big deal!  Shelby because she slipped off her seat and hit her chin on the table, and another when C.R.D's competitive frustrations burst from his burning, angry gut.  He is my child all the way-- he just wants to win!

The snow came down in the most beautiful way for most of the day, big flakes all over.

 It's too hard to see it coming down in the picture above, so I tried another approach: cute subjects.

 His black coat didn't stay that color for more than two minutes, it was really coming down. 

Mira lost her ball once, so they all donned their snow gear to help her dig for it and find it.  I can't even believe how perfect Jackie and Darwin's gift was this year- we have set snow records here!   And I was in my favorite place to be when it is cold: inside, taking pictures of my treasure.  And, Ashlee, if you are reading this, I used that word and meant it to be pronounced, "Tray-Zures" just to annoy you.  And then we got right back to our games!

Mira loves the snow, but she also love the discarded snow gear too; she alternated her time between this spot, laying directly on the heat vent, or under the table all day.  We had a good day!!  Even Caden, and he didn't even win one game!  Caden, when you read this, know that I just wanted to annoy you, too! 

Caden asked Mira if she enjoyed her day.  This was her response...

 First thing this Snow Day morning, the kids asked to play Catan.  I said yes, but only if they would get me a pillow to sit on.  The game and table set with padded chairs are all ready, so I'm off to play!

Play?!

In an effort to keep Caden as caught up as possible, we asked all of his teachers to compile the work he would miss.  I was thinking about him doing it during the break, but he surprised me by taking it with him to the hospital.  He was actually working on Spanish for a while, but everything stopped the minute they placed that cursed NG Tube. 

In all honesty, there was plenty of time to encourage him to do the work over the break, but with the news of it becoming more aggressive, I felt urgent to play and relax instead.  I also started to allow him to justify that he'll have as many days to make up the work as he was absent.  Then add on the two Snow Days that the district had while we were in Seattle- meaning he could do two less assignments that had been given- and I was justifying pretty much everything under the sun.  That's right, I encouraged my son to procrastinate pretty much every day for a month!

Before starting again this past Wednesday, Caden sat down to start in on a few assignments.  He ended up getting more work done than I thought possible in the time he worked, but he's always been pretty good at Math.  (It's also work that is a review, since he did attend this same Math class last year before he quit in January because of his cancer- remember he was held back)  I freely admit that I felt a twinge of regret and guilt when I realized (the night before) that he would have normal homework due (usually takes him a couple hours each night), along with the missing assignments that he hadn't finished, along with the new 2-hour driving class that will monopolize his T, W, TH 6:00-8:00pm for the next few weeks.  And then I think back on the fun times we had as a family and that guilt and regret vanish in a nanosecond.

He's been really good at bearing down and doing what needs to be done.  Come on, this is Caden we're talking about here-- do we really expect anything different?  However, there are a few Spanish assignments that need to be done, despite his absence from the class where he'd hear the words from his teacher, and learn them in person; now he needs to really research with both the Internet and Spanish Dictionary.  He's laid out a road map for himself, making sure he finishes them by the allotted time given.  He came home yesterday from his early release, grabbed a snack, and buckled down for a night of homework.

Again, we gave him an excuse last night to take a break-- we asked him to sit down and learn how to play our favorite game: Cities and Knights of Catan.  It was a lot of fun.  This morning found him down to business, but once again, someone in the family is having none of his determined hard work and self-imposed exile shut away in his room.  This family member was feeling neglected and jealous of the time he's spent on other endeavors.  He could not refuse the begging and pleading to come play.

     I'm not sure who is more content, Caden or Mira.

I care about education, I really do, but I won't have a problem asking for a cancer perk if the deadline passes for him to be able to turn in these assignments.  I never do this, but times are changing.  I am changing.  I'll sacrifice my pride if it means more time for memory making.  Knowing Caden, he won't let the time pass without completing them anyway, but it seems that the world his family may make it a little harder by encouraging him to play instead.  And you know what?  I feel no shame!

SNOW

We have been having the most amazing Winter.  Since moving here, we have really loved the climate and weather of the Tri-Cities.  It is so much different than both Utah and Wyoming- the two states we have lived in the longest, although there have been many states over the years.  So, each time we have chance to complain of our current weather, we go onto the Weather App and compare to both Utah and Wyoming, most times making our current weather seem like a dream come true.  Such is the case this year.  Many, many, many times we've heard that Casper is the coldest city in the Nation.  Even today, I read that the five coldest cities in the nation are all in Wyoming.  In fact, just for my own record, Casper hit -33 this year.  And, no, that does not include the wind chill, or the "feels like" temperature.

Another facet of our Winter that we can be grateful for is the snow.  We may not have had as much snowfall as Northern Utah has had over the last few days, but we have had our share of snow.  And with Jackie graciously outfitting our kids with winter wear this year for Christmas, we couldn't be more excited about the snow.

In fact, this is the second time we have had enough snow to make a snow fort.  Incidentally, the remnants of the first snow fort are buried under the current blanket of snow.  Having grown up in Utah- The Greatest Snow on Earth- we really love snow.  With the weather in Casper, we'd get snow often, but it always seemed to blow away the next day, feeling much like it was sand blasting the skin off your very face in less than a second.  So, to have it snow and be able to keep it for a while, has been really fun for us.

And by us, I mean the rest of my family.  I love the look of snow (especially before the kids have a chance to trample it), but that's about it.

It always makes me so proud when Randy gets out to work in the snow.  On this particular day, he spent hours doing our own driveway, but also the two elderly neighbor's we have- walks and driveways.  He even did them more than once in the day, since it accumulated multiple in the day.  I love it when I get to share him with others, when they get to see his generous heart in action.  He always volunteers to help if he can, but it's the times that he volunteers without being asked that make me feel the most proud that he's my Mister.

I think one thing that might make Seasons even better, for me at least, would be to keep the temperature at an even 75 degrees, yet still have the changing colors of Autumn, the beautiful snow of Winter, the clear skies of Summer, and the new growth of Spring.  Because thermal underwear under two layers of sweats right now is just not cutting it.  Plus, it makes it hard to want to change out of to go out in public.  So, if you don't see me in a while, you'll know it's because I don't want to change my clothes to look acceptable in polite society.