The Move

While signing with the Title company on Thursday, they told us to expect to get the keys closer to the 4:00pm hour, since there were many homes being funded on the same day.  So when we got the call at 1:30 that it had funded and the deed was being taken to the county, we started to get pretty excited.  At 1:50pm, our realtor called and simply said, "I'll meet you at your new home in 10 minutes."  It was amazing to be able to greet her at her car, and say, "Welcome to our home!"  She gave us our keys, congratulated us, gave me a hug, and we began our move right then.

While Randy started unloading the trailer and building his garage shelves, I started to move my kitchen over.  I had packed up 1/2 of my cupboards into a few boxes and laundry baskets.  Once I had them all unloaded and put away, we went back for another load.  We did this until 9:00pm, load after load, until we needed to put the kids to bed.  Knowing what a big day it would be the next day, I took a pill to help me fall asleep, and went to bed with the kids.  Randy finished the shelves above the 2-car garage before going to bed.  We set our alarms for 7:00am, with laundry baskets ready for our first trip over.

In my mind, we'd have the Elders Quorum help us with all of the heavy loads.  Once the heavy stuff was gone, we'd do the rest as a family, room by room.  We'd compile two bedrooms at a time, take it over and dump it into the room it goes into, and then go back for more-- trip after trip.  After all, that is how we moved from Jason Loop to Canyon Avenue just 7 months ago, all by ourselves- one load at a time, and next thing we knew, we were moved over.  It was all very easy.  I thought I had everything all planned out nicely... until Andrew and Zachary B., Cameron B., Bill D., Cory G., Glenn and Spencer H., Vernon and Cole H., Spencer H., Nate and Bradly K., Alan L., Dan O., Josh R., Mike S., Jackson T., Bill T., and Ross W. showed up.  Things went a bit crazy at that point.

We'd divided our garage into two sides: move to garage and move inside.  At 9:00am, with five trucks/ Suburbans/ trailers backed up to our driveway, men just started grabbing and loading.  In 15 minutes, the garage was near empty, with men going in for furniture.  At 9:20am, Randy had me take the first caravan over.  On the drive, seeing how quickly it was going, how many men were milling about, packing our things, and helping us move, I couldn't hold in the tears any longer.  We are so blessed in the associations and friendships we have here.  I love my friends so, so, so much.

We made it to the house and unpacked each and every vehicle in 20 minutes.  They all got back in their cars and drove back for more.  While we were headed back, Randy was headed over for his first caravan.  As my group and I pulled up to the driveway, there were three more trucks that had shown up and were in the process of being filled.  The one flaw in the whole thing was that, with so many men, and so much to do, they just started grabbing everything and loading it up.  It felt disorganized in the extreme.  They were asking for boxes to load the little stuff that I'd planned for our five kids to carry over on their laps, and when told that we didn't have any, they'd take little trips of stuff with their bare hands.  Seeing the incredible progress, it didn't feel right to just stop and tell them that we'd take it from there.  At this point, I didn't know where the boxes and baskets I'd planned to use for the rest even were.  People were just grabbing and going.  At one point, I said I needed to grab my vacuum to have someone begin vacuuming, and they told me the men had already taken it to the new house.  So, I filled my car and headed over to grab my vacuum for the cleaning party we had planned in 30 minutes.  By 10:30, the house was 95% empty.  All that was left was the cleaning supplies.  If that was all, it would have been 99% empty, but I had forgotten a portion of my pantry.  Gosh, I hate it when things like that are forgotten.  Without boxes, people were helping me take a few cans at a time out to the street.  Embarrassing.  But the house was empty.

Mary M., came early to work on my fridge.  She wanted the 4+ check mark job of the fridge, claiming it the night I posted it here.  Instead of doing just the fridge (which made it sparkle like I've never seen before), she also did the microwave, stove, and oven front, too.  Angel.  At 11:00am, Bri B., Shirlene L., Cindy P., Jen R., Dan, Kristy, Hannah, McKenzie, and Kyrie O, and Rebecca B., all showed up to clean this home to perfection.  We cleaned that place, top to bottom in 1.5 hours, thanks to so many.  I stayed behind to touch up a few area, and just to say goodbye to a home that I was growing to really love.  My last view was one I will always cherish...

  View from my front door.  

Goodbye Revere Pewter walls, my most favorite paint color of all-time.  Goodbye wood floors.  Goodbye white trim.  Goodbye memories of a magical Christmas spent as a complete, happy family.  Thank you for being such a wonderful home for us to grow in love.  You will be missed.

As I was wiping the last room down, polishing it up nice, Liz showed up for the keys.  It was her turn to start the move.  I know they are going to love that house!

When I returned to my new home, after breathing deep the whole way there, I could not believe how exhausted I felt.  I had been literally running from place to place, job to job, to get everything done.  Polishing the entire bottom level as we were leaving left me a serious sweat-ball mess.  It was not pretty.  Or fresh smelling.  Ew!  But it was worth it.  I walked in to my new home to: beds already assembled, Washer and Dryer hooked up with laundry being washed, and kids that were screaming in excitement that their rooms were coming together just how they wanted them to.  It was a blast!  I only have two pictures right now, because they are the ones that were finished first.

 Brennon and Tyson's room.  It is considered a bonus room, but since we just came what I would consider a "true" bonus room, this one is just a large room, to me.

 Shelby's.  The lighting is bad in this one, but I love that the bed she wanted fit so perfectly into the room she chose.  She wanted it to be able to sleep in a fort each night, with sheets that she hangs down for more cave-like comfort.  Cutie.  "Mom, look at all of the room that I have to dance in!"  And, boy does she get jiggy wid it!!  "Work it, girlfriend!"

This is to the left of the front door, what some would use as a Formal Dining room.  We'll use it as the family's office.  Randy's work office will continue to share our room, since he needs it to be mega quiet while he works, and I refuse to have my kids walk on egg shells in their own home.  Banish Randy, not the family, I say.  I hated the brown walls at first, but they are kind of growing on me.  One day I'll take them back to their original color, but I'm not rushy.  It's the orange walls I'll show you soon that you'll all agree need to go as soon as I can have our painter come out and do it for us-- The trim work is so nice, that this is one job I don't want to do myself.  Once the orange room is painted, we will be done with any remodeling that needs to be done.  The roof vents were fixed as we were moving in.  The Gutter guy came today, most likely started next week.  Our windows are under warranty, so they are going to install all.new.upgraded.windows on May 3rd.  For FREEEEE!!!  We will have a brand new house!!!!!

Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday were spent from sunup to sundown getting this place organized.  We don't usually work on the Sabbath, but we are on a very real deadline- we need to get this house done by March 24, in case Jackie comes to live here while we move once again to Seattle for six weeks.  It's hard enough jumping into someone's life, taking care of kids in difficult ages that enjoy arguing, and then adding on an unorganized mess.  One more day like we've been living, and I will be 100% done with unpacking.  I just have a little left on my pantry organization, Randy's entire office, and then hang pictures.  We'll see if I get that far.  I don't mind if it don't, but decor always makes a home feel like ours.  Without a doubt, this is my most favorite home we have ever lived in.  This is a dream home for me.  It was built in 2002, the year we were looking to buy our first home, and this one has everything that I wanted back then, and since.  There is not one thing that I would change about it.  I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

The move may not have gone exactly as I had planned in my head for hours and hours, but it worked out alright in the end.  Everything is coming together as if by design, and we're getting stuff done with energies we don't know where they're coming from.  I'm positive that we'll be done with it tomorrow.  From moving to unpacked in five days-- I guess we really have perfected the art of moving.  Note to Randy:  I've made you up a certificate that reads, "To Randy Arthur Dirks for completion of the Master Movers course.  Because of your dedication and hard work, you graduate top of your class, with honors."  You passed.  We don't need to take this course again.  Let's stay put so you can work on the Bronco with Caden.  Less than 2 months before he's 16 and that car is his!  Get it done together!!!  But, let's just stop moving for a good long while, kay?!  I'm going to bed.  Wish I could sleep off this exhaustion for a week.  Alas, one more productive day, then a rest day before Scan day on Friday.  Eye before the storm.....

Grade?

We have internet!!!  I'll come on later and tell about the move, but I had to write immediately about something that has made me happier than our new home.

At the beginning of this current school year, Caden's transcript from the previous year showed that he hadn't earned any credit for the last half of the year from the Stem school (Delta High) he'd attended half of the year before.  We weren't that surprised, since he'd legitimately missed it.  Not wanting to have to try and cram, and truly expecting to find a tumor in September, he was placed back in 9th grade again.  He's done so well since.  However, every time someone asked him what grade he was in, there was a pang of sadness that he wasn't a Sophomore, that he was still just a Freshman.  He understood why, but it didn't make it any easier.

Thursday, both Caden and Keilie brought home papers and pamphlets to register for next year's classes.  (Side note: *Sniff, Sniff*  Keilie is registering for HIGH SCHOOL!!!)  When they got home, Caden was all excited to show me that his High School Transcript showed two things: 1.  That Washington state still had him graduating in 2019.  2.  That he did, in fact, get credit for that half year that he had missed.  As we started to map out his classes and credits, we were astonished to find out that, yes, he may be able to really graduate with his class, the Class of 2019.  I emailed the school counselor, telling her about some of the things we'd found out, and asked if we could meet personally with her this week.  We've been on pins and needles, hoping that we were right.  That day was today...

Congratulations, Caden.  Class of 2019!!!

As long as he takes one class during the summer, a class that is free through the school and takes only three weeks instead of a semester to complete, he will graduate on time.  In one 30-minute meeting, Caden essentially skipped a grade.  Freshman at 7:45am to Sophomore at 8:15am.  His classes will stay the same for the remainder of the year, it's only the response that will change when asked what grade he's in.  He left that office beaming.  I left with misty eyes.  Such a good morning!!

I'm not quite sure why it took Delta High so long to get his credits entered, they had the entire summer to do it.  This whole thing would have been resolved at the beginning of the year, had they not taken so long to record everything.  Oh well, he's rocked his grades this year, and his GPA reflects his hard work.  It all worked out for the best.  I am once again mother to the most amazing, courageous, handsome, smart Sophomore- Class of 2019!

Absent

It is always around this same time of year, after a winter full of absences and Spring Fever just around the corner, that the school district starts to really drill it home that Attendance Matters.  Believe me, I really do think that school is important, but I do believe that there is a time to send your kids to school, and a time to keep them home.  I also know that there are times you'd give anything for the normalcy of attendance, but school falls to the very last thing you think about. 

Caden sent me a text picture yesterday, joking around that he'd missed a few days of school.  In all of Keilie's Richland School District attendance, she's only missed 16 days of school.  In all honesty, a good percentage of those days missed were because we checked her out of school in 2014 to visit Caden in Seattle.  Caden's Days Absent number was a bit more than Keilie's.  7.625 times more, to be precise.  Since November 2012, Caden has missed 122 school days.  With one more planned for one week from today. 

I care.  But I really don't.  It's funny, because Caden has cared more about school in all of this than I have.  Remember when he took his homework to work on before his MAJOR SURGERY in December?  Where he could have used it as an excuse, he just buckled down and did what he needed to do.  Or when he told the ER doctor that he'd been doing his homework on the beach when he was coming out of anesthesia for his broken arm.  Here is a boy that cares about school, but can't seem to stay in it.  This, like many other things, is an example of the Caden that refuses to let cancer define him.  The Caden that is getting 5 A's and 1 B+, despite being absent so often.

"I fight for my health every day in a way most people don't understand.  I'm not lazy.  I'm a warrior."  ~Unknown.

The End

The story has now come to its end.  We signed papers this morning to close on both homes, the one we are selling and the new one we'll move in to tomorrow afternoon.  Because a day had to be given for things to fund for all homes, someone chose Friday.  Just like the selling of these homes, everything is a domino effect.  The first house (our Buyers' home in Ephrata, WA) funds will be wired first thing tomorrow morning.  After finalizing everything with that one, they'll move onto our current home.  Once things are funded for the sell and purchase of this home, they can start on the purchase of our new one.  They told us that because it is a three-way transaction, we should expect it to fund around 4:00pm, at which time we'll get the keys to our new home.  We'll have our trailer already packed with small items that we'd planned to move directly from one home to the other, with the Elders Quorum helping with the big items on Saturday at 9:00am.  This is real.  Our story is coming to a close!

(Our New Home)

I'm not sure exactly what happened this afternoon, whether I am getting a little bit of a cold or if it is an adrenaline crash, but I could not hold my head up a second past 4:00pm.  I took a 4.5 hour nap, waking because my alarm went off to put the Elementary kids to bed at 8:30pm.  I feel drugged, without taking any drugs.  I am just so tired.  But after 62 days of ups and downs that are still too surreal to quite imagine, I guess it would make sense for my body to say, "Enough.  It's done.  Let's get some deep rest.  You've got a lot happening, beginning tomorrow."

*May 2016, Randy won a home bid at auction.  We bought a home in horrible shape, working furiously to gut it and fix it up, to begin renting it June 2016.  Because of this auction house and the incredible renters market it was at the time, it propelled us into buying our current home, and renting out my most favorite home ever purchased.  "Happy 15th Birthday, Caden.  We bought a house."

*August 2016, We moved into our current home on July 21 (just 10 days after making the very rash decision that we wanted to buy it), renting from Brittany and Spencer until the purchase went through and funded.  We finally closed on this home just a few weeks later, around August 15th, or so.  "Happy 13th Birthday, Keilie.  We bought a house."

*March 16, 2017, we signed on our new home, ready to begin moving in tomorrow!  "Happy 2nd Birthday, Mira.  We bought a house."

Caden had just surprised her with the news that we would be moving in the above picture.  Look how cute Mira is, looking back at Caden, in shock at the news he just sprung on her.  "What?  We're moving.  Yes!!  I'll go anywhere with you, Master!  So long as we're together."{Said in a Scooby Doo voice.}

She was still in a bit in shock here.  Caden had to tell her again, it was just so hard to believe!  "Yes, Mira, we're moving!"  Look at that face- so trusting of her Master.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Mira!!  You'll never understand the joy you have brought into our lives.  You truly are the most perfect companion.  Our lives will never be the same.  You've changed us.  For Good.  

It's weird to think that this crazy and surreal chapter is coming to a close.  It almost feels like it should end with a, "And they lived Happily Ever After."  But our story is not finished to its end.  Our new chapter's page is mid-turn.  We can't see the next Chapter Heading, but we know it's going to probably be a page-turner chapter.  We'll begin that chapter March 24th, 2017- Scan Day.  So I'll end this chapter in the only way I can,

"And they will continue to live their glorious lives Happily Ever After."

The End.

Hopes and Dreams

Tyson has been showing some anger issues recently, some that have ended with broken or disrupted property.  The last straw came when he came to me on the Monday after the Honesty fiasco Family Home Evening, showing me that he'd kicked the wall and broke a plug face plate.  He was repentant, and listened intently as I gave him examples of what he could and could not do.  He giggled when I very seriously asked him if he'd ever seen his dad kick the wall when things weren't going his way.  It was funny to him at first, but he did recognize that Randy rarely looses his temper in ways that breaks things, and that anger should not abuse or break anything.  Randy raises his voice, like the rest of us, but he doesn't use violence in anything.

Sunday was a day of tears for Tyson.  It seemed that everything was just not going his way.  I had a migraine after church, so I spent the evening in my dark bedroom.  Tyson came in, crying about something, and just laid on me, sobbing.  I rubbed his back, played with his hair, tickled his neck, and just listened.  It finally came out that since the scan on February 17th, he's felt "real scared" that Caden is going to die.  The tears of sadness that had dried just moments before changed to tortured tears of sorrow at the thought of losing his older brother.  We talked together about how great Caden is, how he is not only the best big brother, but that he is a great son and example; He's a boy to look up to.  We talked about trying our hardest to talk more openly about our worries, so that they don't fester into fears that drag us down.  All the while, I kept rubbing his back and kissing his forehead.  After he'd cried himself out, he just laid on me, letting his breathing calm to normal.

I changed the sensitive subject to something fun-- saying names backwards.  I didn't tell him what I was doing, I just had him figure out what I was saying.  Nosyt= No Sight.  Nedac= Knee Dac.  Yblehs= EE Bless, with a huffy breath milliseconds before speaking the S.  EilieK= Ee like.   Ydnar= Eed Nar.  And, lastly Einahpets= Ee Nah Pets.  We laughed, trying to figure them out, and then worked hard for him to recite them to the family, without telling them what the words really were.  He was excited that we made up a little secret, just the two of us.  Because light is not my friend when I have a migraine, I stayed in my bed, but listened to the peals of laughter coming from just below our room.  When the fun had run out on our names game, I heard tiny footsteps coming up the stairs, my door opened and closed quickly, a dip was felt as Tyson climbed up on the bed, my weighted baby blanket covered me once more, and asked, "So, what else should we talk about?" 

With my baby giving me warmth, telling me his hopes and stories and fears, my heart felt so full.  I'd have cried, if it didn't make me want to chop my head off for the pressure.  So I contented myself with the smell of his head and the feel of his cheek as I tickled his face.  I love tender boys that want to snuggle and talk.  Turns out his anger and fears just needed to come rest with mommy- he's been more himself since.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tyson got home from school on Monday, asking if he could quickly work on the extra math packet that his teacher sends home as a challenge.  Since it is part of his nightly homework (although, not really turned in, just to work his mind) I told him he could do that first, if he'd like.  He finished his three pages quickly, and then excitedly pulled a book from our Homework Caddy.  Keilie had given him permission to read the Graphic Novel she'd checked out from the library.  I had read a few pages, and felt that it was ok for him, even though it was checked out from the Middle School Library, not the Elementary.  At 4:30, with everything else expected of him completed, he sat down on the front couch and started to read.

7:36- "Mom, I finished this book in one day!!"

 "No, Tyson, you finished that book in three hours!!!

I understand that it is a graphic novel, that there are more pictures than words on a page.  But this little boy read a 214 page middle school book in three hours.  By choice.  He's 7.
"Mom, can you check out the next one from the Richland library for me?"  You better believe I will!

Finally, a child that will love reading as much as I!  Knowing him, he'll surpass me in knowledge soon enough.  I know that I am horrible at grammar and sentence structure-- maybe I'll go to college to learn how to write good..... just kidding, to write well.  Wouldn't that be great, Tyson and I sitting side-by-side in a Creative Writing class, learning together.  Life Goal!  And, I can say with perfect honesty: "I would love to see my son get a better grade!"  I want him to excel in ways that only he can dream.  His mind amazes me!

Crafty

I love to decorate.  I love looking through different magazines, watching remodeling shows, following decorating blogs, and scrolling through Home Decor pictures on Pinterest.  I never begin decorating until I've envisioned the space, and I never purchase anything without knowing exactly where I'm going to use it.  I love to wander through decor stores, but I rarely make rash decisions about decor.  Candy/cookie/carb aisle rash decisions are another story, though.  I haven't been as crafty since cancer care because I haven't had much time, energy, or emotion to do it, but I still love to imagine a home decorated with everything I love.

However, as soon as I saw this project on my cousin, Natalie's, new website, I felt a deep need to have it.  I knew it would be a picture that I would use forever more in any home that we live in.  I'd love to say that I will live in this new house forever more, but we all know what it means that I am married to Randy Arthur Dirks-- he never settles!

I ordered my project {here}, received it in the mail last night, and giddily worked on it and finished it before bed.  I am in heaven.

Isn't it gorgeous?!  Each and every item she and her husband, Bryan make and assembles is a finish-it-that-day craft-party package.  My package came with every single item needed to finish this beauty in just 2.5 hours, most of which was dry time.  It would have been an absolute blast to do it with friends, but I still had fun from start to finish.  The printed instructions were clear and precise, making me feel that I would have no problem doing it on my own.  I am very happy with how it turned out.  I can't wait to showcase it in my new home, the home that we should get the keys for in just THREE DAYS!!!  If you are looking for cute home decor that you can make with a bunch of friends, check out her {website}.  It is full of CUTE stuff!!!  Thanks, Natalie, for my new favorite decor item!!!

Hopped up?

Because this blog is used as a family journal, I have always felt like I needed to be completely real in all that I do and say on here.  I want our families to know my kids, since we've lived away from them the better part of our marriage and child rearing years.  I also want my posterity to know the ups and downs that have shaped the lives of those that brought them into the world, and to know that through everything, their ancestors tried to look for the good in everything, while also realizing the hard times for what they really are-- hard times.  I tell a very vivid story in all that happens, whether it is a soaring high, a harrowing low, or the magical mundane of our new normal, the every day lives of our beautiful family.

So it made me laugh when I got a face-to-face call from my dad (he was in another country, mind you) asking if things were really as good with my back as I had said on here.  I laughed, telling him that I was just as stunned and amazed about it as he was.  Things really are miraculously wonderful with my back.  Truly, in just three visits, I was practically pain free.  I have still been doing the exercises, and only feel a slight pulling sensation every once in a while, but it is more of a sore feeling, not pain.  He was just as amazed about it as I was.  It is weird for me to think that the raw truths of the hardships could be easier to believe than the exuberant words of the healing.  It really is incredible to believe (even when I am the one living it) that it only took a few low-key exercises, done in a certain way, with a certain intensity a few times a day to help me in such a short amount of time.  But, I promise, all of the words that are written on this blog are raw and real and truthful!  You may not be a personal, day-to-day acquaintance or friend, but the words that you read are from a girl that would most likely be your friend.

I had another appointment with my physical therapist today.  When he walked in, asking how I was feeling, he was just as astonished to hear my excited voice telling him how much better I am after the visit I'd had on Wednesday.  As I was telling him how well things have been going in all that I do (cleaning, packing, Nursery, and just daily life) he stopped, looked me in the eye, and asked,

"So, you're not, like, hopped up on drugs, right?"  I started laughing, thinking he was totally kidding.  "So... you're not, right?!"  His face was dead serious-- he really wanted to know.  Even telling someone to their face, it's hard to believe!!  I just laughed, promising him that I was perfectly serious-- things are going SO well for me!

So, here's the truth: I'm just a girl that likes strives to be happy.  I'm a fierce protector of all I hold dear; I would do anything and everything for those I love most.  I like to tell a good story- to make others smile and laugh- but I try to be honest in all that I do and say.  I do not like confrontation or awkward situations, even if I am simply a bystander.  I say yes to others before considering what it may cost me to deliver-- I just want to help.  Once a friend, always a friend.  I recognize this life we have been living has been hard to understand these past few years, I know our story, at times, has seemed fantastic, but every word of it has been real.  Some have asked how I can do it, how have I endured so much and can still be sane, how I could even get out of bed.  To this, I say: With the love of so many beside me, both in heaven and on earth, how could I not?

I really am the luckiest girl in the world!

And, NO, I am not hopped up on drugs!!  :)

Can I play?

On a cold day in October 2008 I heard a talk that has forever altered my life.  {Come What May, And Love It} by Joseph B. Wirthlin.  Reading it once a year, at least, I've actually leaned on this talk and the precepts it teaches many times.  One of the lessons taught in the talk came in handy for me today: Learn to Laugh.

Two Christmases ago, I was asked to play my flute in a very large women's choir.  People came from all over (including Ash and Russ from Mount Vernon) to hear this choir.  I was excited, but I was nervous--  I haven't really played my flute often over the past 20 years, but I was anxious to pull it out with the excuse to practice for this performance.  One of the songs {Beautiful Savior} was the only song the other flutist wanted to play.  Every single time I heard the song, I cried-- it touched me so deeply.  On one hand, I wish I could have been the one to play it.  On the other, I'm glad that I didn't have to worry that the emotions that I felt every time didn't make it so I screwed it up for everyone by crying while trying to play.  A few weeks ago, the chorister for our Ward Choir asked if I'd be interested to play a song with them-- I said yes, before even knowing what song it would be.  I gasped when she gave me the music-- it was the song I had wanted to play with a choir ever since that long-ago night.  I was a bit of the preppy-cheerleader-jumpy-clappy-giddy-Stephanie Dirks, mother of 5.  Not to worry, I wasn't in my uniform with pon-pons while I cheered next to the Nursery room-- Sadly it was already packed.  I know, I know, totally missed opportunity, right there.  We'll hope for a "next time" to whip that bad-boy out! 

Since receiving the recordings from that night two years ago, I've listened to this song more than one hundred times.  When I got the music, I practiced it along with that recording more times than I could correctly estimate.  I had to begin again and again many times....because my tender emotions overcame me many times.  This song has an affect on me!  But in time for our performance today (Ash and Russ came down to see me play it, even) I was ready!  I had listened to and practiced this song so many times, I could have probably played the song with my eyes closed.....  Except, maybe not.

From the beginning beat, I needed to wait just six measures before beginning my solo.  Just a few counts before I was to begin, a completely random thought gripped my mind, leaving me wondering, "Oh, my gosh, do I know how to play the flute?!  Do I know what fingers pressed down make an A?!"  I missed that A, but picked up the next note with only minimal error.  In fact, the huffy, rushed, anxious breath of the first note I played (second note written) may have even made it sound more breathy and soft, like it was meant to sound like I'd played that one note before.  Boy, did I have to work my brain hard to remember the right fingering.  Phew... made it through the first portion of my song.  If I could play that one line, I was sure I could do better from there on out.

Then came the second line.  And like the first, it begins with an A.  And again, I thought, "Oh. My. Gosh. What am I doing?!  I don't know what I'm doing.  Heavenly Father, I know I've played this, wait, do I really remember ever playing this, or was that a dream......HELP ME, PLEASE!!!!!"  And, like the first one, I skipped over that A, and went straight to the second note.  I'm fairly certain that no one knew I'd missed the note.   Throughout the rest of the song (man, it felt like we were singing it triple time, because my mind was working overtime trying to remember that, 'yes, I do know how to play the flute.  Remember, you have practiced this song like a million times already.  Pull yourself together, girl!!!!!') I gained more and more confidence as my brain-to-finger neurons started to fire away.  Finally, I was able to lose myself in the song, to be swept away by the feel of the growing beat and the sound of the notes, and give everything I had to something that I had prayed for.  I was playing my dream song.  I was blessed to be asked.  I wasn't going to allow my brain to get all nervous on me now.  I was going to end this song with everything I have.  My Heavenly Father would feel how I feel about Him, through this song.

And then it came: the emotions that make my nose tickle and turn Rudolph glow-in-the-dark red, which makes my eyes tear, which makes my heart feel like opening up to join in musical celebration-- I was going to cry.  I took the deep breath needed to carry my notes, praying to Heavenly Father with a different request, "Let them feel what I am feeling without letting me join in the tears."  As we stopped in perfect unison, ending the most beautiful song I have ever personally played, I allowed myself to feel just a small amount of emotion-- tears came to my eyes, but never fell.  I would not allow a scene where they watched my tears instead of felt their hearts.  I did it.  I played the song I have prayed to play for years.  I may have made two mistakes (When I got into the car, it hit me-- ah, right, right, right, that is how you play an A!) but it ended up being incredibly wonderful-- everything I had hoped it would be, despite my mistakes.

By the time I sat down in my seat, grabbed my case, and began cleaning and putting away my flute, I had to internally laugh at myself.  What had happened up there?!  I hadn't felt nervous.  I didn't feel like I was rushed up on stage.  I didn't feel that the pianist was playing it too fast.  I even knew the exact place to come in, without the suggested point from the chorister.  I was mentally ready for this piece.  I could not wait to add my addition to this gorgeous arrangement!!  And at the exact moment I have my chance, that is the time my brain says, "Hey, let's she how she handles this fun situation!"  {Jedi hand swipe}  "You do not know how to play the flute.  3,2,1 GO!"

I had a serious mind blank that almost cost me something I had prayed for, worked hard for, and invested more emotion that I even realized.  But, when time was tough, I mentally laughed and told myself, "Steph, wake up!  You've got this."  And then I skipped the next A.

I'm not going to remember this performance with disappointment, but with humor and love  It wasn't the perfect I wanted it to be, that I'd practiced it to be, but it was the perfect that allowed me to add my own words to Elder Wirthlin's.  "Not everything will be the perfect that you want, but the perfect that you get can be loved with a different, sometimes more humbling intensity."

I'm going to laugh that I actually had so many confused, scared thoughts in such a short amount of time before I was supposed to play.  There are musical numbers that you are nervous about that you end up doing much better than expected.  Then there are musical numbers, like today, where you feel like you could almost close your eyes and play perfectly, but mess it up.  With these musical number situations, just like in life, learn to laugh at the mistakes that will make you better the next time, and

{Come What May, And Love It!!}

I'm still laughing, remembering my split-second confusion, "Do I know how to even play the flute?!"

Check

From a very young age, I have loved to be able to see progress.  I think one of the reasons I love to clean so much, is because it is an instant gratification thing: It's dirty, I clean it, I look at the fresh space, I'm gratified and happy.  Check.

In addition, cleaning also allows me use of one of my favorite things in the whole wide world: Checklists.  You better believe that when I make up a checklist, I add every.single.thing to be done, so that when I look back on that checklist when completed, I see a massive row of perfect little check marks.  It is not just a 'wipe down countertops,' it is 'wipe down countertops __ __ __,' because there are three countertops in my kitchen, naturally.  I give myself a check for each task, sure, but if I can get away with giving myself more checks, you better believe I'm gonna find a way.  It's a quirk, something that makes me me, and I love it.  I'm such a dork... please be my friend.

I'm getting to the point in my packing that I can't do much else.  Since we still have a week (maybe even less, fingers crossed!) I am not going to really start taking down my kitchen yet.  Plus, since I've already taken the time to visualize and mentally organize/map out the new kitchen (Thank You, Julie Morgenstern, for your Organizing From the Inside Out book that has helped me with each and every one of our 9 moves since I got the book from my friend, Natalie Messick, in 2001!!) I may just move it over on the day we get the keys.  The new house is only 1.8 miles away, anyway.

In an effort to make sure that I have everything in order, I thought I'd sit down and put together the cleaning list that I'll use after everything is moved out, before our new friends move in.  Since I'm going to ask friends to help clean, if they can, I wanted to make sure that I knew exactly what we'd do in order to quickly doll out jobs that need to be done, but to also have the correct supplies saved back from the move for each job.  I feel that it would make everything run smoother and get everything done quicker if I wasn't trying to think under pressure on the day of.  So, I sat down last night to make my Master list.  And let me just say: because it is ingrained in me so deep to make a place for every single check I can come up with, it was almost like pulling teeth making just one word tasks.  Microwave, Fridge, Oven, etc.  I mean, come on, the fridge alone has at least 4 checks for the front alone-- two doors and two handles!  In the end, I have 16 Task lines to clean the entire house, top to bottom.  In fact, I blazed through it as quick as possible, and then printed it quick, before I could add more check mark lines.  Hives, I tell you, it felt like I had hives, I was itching to add more lines!!!  Again, I'm a dork.  Please be my friend.

Things are coming along nicely.  It is nice to have a distraction.  It has helped, but not made me forget all-together.  When the kids came in for family prayer this morning, Caden excitedly said, "One week till the move," where my first thought when waking was, "Two weeks till the scan."  I hope I can fill my life with enough check marks to help pass this time. 

Journal/Blog: Check!

Physical

We got a call from our Buyers last night.  Apparently their Buyers are going to sign papers this Friday, they'll sign papers on the following Monday.  I'm not sure why they are doing it on different days, and neither are they.  Then they told us that it wouldn't "close" until the end of the week that we are hoping to sign.  Randy was confused.  They were confused.  Signing papers is "closing," so we're all just confused as to what their realtor is even talking about.  So Randy suggested that they call the Title company, instead of listening to the realtor.  Since everything hinges on the sell of their home, we're hoping that through gentle insistence, that we can get this thing done soon.  Then came talk about closing earlier than the 17th.  My hopes are up!!  Apparently things are not done being uncertain, but this is in a good way.  Fingers crossed that we get into our new home earlier than expected!
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I had my third appointment with the physical therapist yesterday.  And let me just say, I have never felt more grateful to go to the doctor as I did yesterday.  I mean that for myself, personally, since I am always grateful taking Caden to his doctors. 

They started me out on an exercise ball, gently working different muscles for my exam.  Since it wasn't the therapist that I have seen the other two times, he went over my notes with me before we began.  While working through my first treatment, he got my body in a position that had me do a little gasp-- we were stretching the very spot that has hurt me the most the last 7 months.  He stopped the motion, asking if I was alright.  I told him that I wished he could do it a little harder, that I was certain that if he could pop it, I'd feel better.  He told me that he'd done the necessary work to be able to actually do the adjustment (Chiropractic work can only be done by a certain license in Washington.  The other PT I see does not have that ability, so he could not adjust me last time, even though we were doing the exact same exercise.) and that if I verbally asked him, he could correct it.  He hadn't even finished speaking the words, before I was begging, "Please, just do it!"  And so he did.  And the relief was so acute, it left me a pile of jello on the table.  No tears, but only just-- It was the most amazing relief in the world.  It gets better.

After the adjustment and work on muscles around that area (he told me that the exercises I'd been doing have really been beneficial, to which I whole heartedly agreed), he had me turn onto my stomach.  I sighed relief again while rolling over-- the pain was SO MUCH BETTER!!  Making sure that I was still asymmetrical up my spine, he hit a spot of muscles next to my lumbar spine on either side that have caused me problems even back into my early High School memories.  These muscles are like steel rods going down my back.  They could be massaged all day, every day, and still cause me pain.  They never ease up.  Ever.  So he had me turn onto my back, and while placing his fingers on the exact muscles, asked me to engage the muscles.  I seriously could not think how to do that.  He told me that since they had been disengaged for so long, the larger muscles in my glutes had taken over, compounding the problems that I was now having.  It wasn't the exact result, but because they haven't worked for so long, it didn't help either.  While lying on my back with my knees to the ceiling, he had me softly push my left foot to the ground-- it engaged the very muscles that have hurt me for more than 20 years!!  He told me that if I would do that "exercise" five times a day on each side, I'd reengage the muscles, and I would not have that pain any longer.  Laying on my back with my knees up and simply pushing my foot to the ground is all I needed to do to be rid of the pain that has plagued me the most?!?!  Something so simple couldn't be the answer, could it?!  It gets better.

As I was singing this guy's praises, he told me to stand up, asking where my lower cabinets come in reference to my body.  "How do you spit after brushing your teeth?"  He took my thoughtful contemplation as me trying to answer his question, but my mind was excitedly screaming, "Is this guy going to tell me how to correctly do the chores that I may have been doing wrong?  Can he be answering the prayers and questions I have had for weeks?!?!"  He WAS!!  He told me how to correctly spit after brushing, how to vacuum, sweep, rake, load the dishwasher, pull clothes from washer and dryer, and how to stand after sitting for extended periods of time.  He told me that it is the little things that we don't even think about anymore that can play a major role in our well being.  I kept thinking, "I knew it.  This is what I've been saying all along.  I knew that I needed to strengthen certain muscles in my back, I just needed to know how.  I knew that I must have been doing things wrong, if my back wasn't getting better.  I just needed correct instruction to change."  That is what I got yesterday.  I now have 8 exercises to strengthen my back muscles, my bones were adjusted in the correct spot for relief, and I have knowledge to correctly do things that I do every single day (minus the raking bit, I'm never going to do that again) that have been causing me pain. 

I walked out of that office feeling lighter than I have felt in a really long time.  I felt less pain, sure, but I also had tools to continue working towards a pain-free back.  Since I've had near-constant pain since 1996, it seemed almost impossible that I'd ever be pain free.  But after this appointment, I believe it.  To this guy, he may have just been 'doing his job,' but to me, he gave me the world. 

I'm the luckiest girl in the world. 

Goings on

Each day, when the kids come in the door from their school day, they ask if we are "for sure moving."  I do feel more certain that all is going to go through, but there have been so many ups and downs with the whole thing I always tell them that it looks like it, but we can't say definitively yet.  However, unlike before, I have really started to pack up our house.  Each day I work from sun up to sun down trying to get ready.  I may not always be in motion with it all, but I am always thinking of it.  There are times that I sit down, thinking of each piece of furniture, visualizing where I'm going to put it in the new house.  I also have drawings of our kitchen cabinets and drawers, having spent time visualizing and planning where each and every bowl, plate, utensil, or appliance is going to go.  Organization makes me so happy!  I'm glad that the kids don't have to do a lot to get ready for the move-- after all, we're the ones that made the decision.  However, it's been fun to hear them exclaim shock or happiness when they notice how much work has been done.  Those exclamations are dwindling-- our house is becoming so bare.

Brennon came in two days ago to find 6 boxes packed and on our kitchen chairs.  With my back, I have been very careful with all that I do.  I make sure that everything is on a height that won't risk too much, leaving them where they are until the kids or Randy come home to stack them in the garage for me.  With the six boxes pretty much at his eye level, he asked in concern, "Mom, what happens if we get our whole house packed and then we don't move?"  My first thought was: Hawaii!  I think I would leave everything in the garage and run away with my family to Hawaii for a week.  Or two.  Or forever.

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I have now had two appointments with my physical therapist, with another planned for this afternoon.  After each, I've come home feeling more crippled than before.  Truly, if I tried to stand up straight, it felt as if my entire body weight was focused on the spine at my belt line, crushing the sacrum bone to dust.  I was Quasimodo for those two nights.  But the morning after each, I've awaken feeling much better than I expected I'd feel.  I still lay there, assessing how I feel, nervous to get out of bed to be disappointed, but hat hasn't happened yet!  I now have 7 exercises to be done multiple times a day, and at the beginning of each session/rep, I feel myself stretching them farther, or holding them longer without feeling like I wish I had to stop.  I am getting stronger each time.  And it feels amazing!

When he told me that he could have me feeling much better in just one month, I did an epic eye roll in my mind-- I'd heard that before!  But, after just two appointments, and the level of decreased pain I have felt, I am starting to really hope that just one month is really all it is going to take.  I'll continue with exercises after, just to keep it strong, but I think he will make good on his word.  Pain has made me a cynic.  I'm going to have to work on that.

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After finishing our homework, chores, and activities last night, we sat down as a family to watch Moana.  While watching the previews (I still do that, even if the movie is 30 years old), the new Beauty and the Beast preview had us all saying how we couldn't wait to see it.  When it popped up that it was expected in theaters on 3/17/17, Caden asked if we were going to see it opening night, like we had for Cinderella.  (Just as a side note: Randy is the one that initiated us going on opening night for that one.  He told me he wanted to days before, not just the day of.  It made it even funner that he wanted to see it {almost} as much as I did.  He still says how much he likes that one.)  When I told them that we were hoping to close on that very day, planning to move in either that afternoon or the next morning, I told them that I didn't think it would be that weekend.  And then it hit me.... that was just TEN days away, NINE today!  I'm so excited!!  And, who knows, maybe we'll see it on March 23rd, to bolster us for the scans the next day!  

Life is GOOD today!!

Truth

We have had an incident this weekend with theft and lying.  I have been asked not to go into much detail about it on here, since these posts are printed into our blog books, but let me just say: 1- I am still incredibly angry and embarrassed about what happened.  2- When the truth finally came out a full 24-hours after we found the stolen item, revealing that I had been blaming an innocent child, I felt like the Worst Mother Ever! 3- It gave us the lesson topic for tonight's Family Home Evening: Honesty.  When the truth came out after the lesson- the one where we were emphasizing in a not-so subtle way to the wrong child- next week's lesson became quite clear: Judging.  Like I said: I feel like a HORRIBLE MOTHER!!!

Anyway, the lesson tonight included a blindfolded Brennon, an obstacle course (set up by giggly, conniving Shelby and Tyson), and a "Lying" Caden and a "Truthful" Keilie.  I put Brennon at the "starting line," telling him that he'd have to choose one to listen to, to make it to me across the room safely.  Shelby and Tyson did a countdown, with Caden and Keilie vying for Brennon's attention before the "GO" was called out.  As time went on, with Brennon following only Caden's (lying) suggestions, Keilie began getting emotional that Brennon wasn't listening to her.  After Brennon bumped into the opposite wall, thanks to Caden's lies, Keilie was almost in tears. We were able to talk about honesty from many different angles- not just about being honest, but about others wanting to trust you are being honest.  It worked out with a deeper moral than I had planned.

Parenthood is hard, sometimes.  I want to believe that each of my kids will only ever tell the truth, but I'm glad that we can use the mistakes as a teaching tool for later use.  I also hope that my kids never put me in a position like this one again.  There was good reason to think that one child was lying, but it turned out to be because of another child's lie and attempted cover up.  It felt awful to tell a child that I couldn't believe them- the evidence was very damning- and then have to whole-heartedly apologize later for ever doubting and blaming them.  It wasn't the act of apologizing that was difficult, but that there was anything to apologize for.  I wish I could take back my words of disappointment, disbelief that made a child cry themselves to sleep because their mother didn't believe their pleading innocence.  Being Judge and Jury in parenthood is not my favorite.  I wish I could fire myself-- I'm not cut out for that line of work.

Daily 64

We have been working on emptying our freezer and pantry for the upcoming move.  Many nights, we've given the kids multiple options for dinner.  Because it is Sunday, we made an effort to make a single meal to sit down together for.  Chicken Alfredo.

Tyson was the most excited about the meal.  I actually didn't know he liked it that much.  At one point, he asked if seconds meant that he had to have more peas.  "No?  Good!  OK, can I have more, please?"  I don't blame him-- peas make me gag deep.  I have never liked peas!  Each time we have them, I have to mentally tell myself to swallow, breathe, don't gag.  Peas make me a great example of eating vegetables, even when you loathe them.

While inhaling his seconds (he is like Randy-- hardly savors his food), he commented that he hadn't finished his cup of water at all, but others had finished theirs with their first helping.  I told him that I do most of my drinking in-between meals too.

"Well, I drink a lot more when the dinner is gross.  If it is yummy, like this one, then I don't drink a lot.  But if it gross, I drink like, a whole gallon or something."

Ultimate Life Hack: If you want your kids to drink their healthy-choice, 64 ounces of water each day, just make a disgusting dinner!  If you need disgusting recipes that your kids have to gag down and complain about, I'm your girl. 

You're welcome.

Closing

Randy has gotten a few calls from our Buyers, recently.  A few days ago, Randy told me that their tone has changed.  My first reaction and instinct is to go on the defense.  With all of the ups and downs, it is easier for me to take on the "it is going to fall through at any moment" attitude, rather than risk my wounded heart waiting for it to happen.  I am just so tired.  Randy has had to reel in my anxieties and lashings out a time or two.  Or twenty.

Where their tone used to be a resigned, "Well, we wish we could buy it with some equity." or "We thought we would be saving more money going without a realtor." it is now a determined, "We are going to do everything in our power to make sure this goes through.  We really want that house."

The couple purchasing our Buyers' own home in Ephrata were able to come up with the required funds to pay their closing costs.  They had the home sold for $165,000 with the Sellers (our Buyers) paying closing costs.  Since it only appraised for $160,000, the Sellers said they will not pay closing costs, to recoup some of the money they lost with the appraisal.  This is what made our latest wait so long: It's not easy coming up with $3,500 in a few days-- especially when you didn't plan on paying it in the first place.  I know that everyone was doing what they could, that it was a stressful situation for everyone involved, but I only cared about us.  It was a long wait.

First we heard that we would be closing on the 11th, which meant that I had a little bit of work to rush for that closing date, but I was excited that it wouldn't be too close to the scan.  Then we heard it would most likely happen on the 16th.  Looking at the positive: that gave me a few extra days of organization, so that the move could be quick.  A few hours later, it changed to the 17th.  At this point, I'm just going to pack everything as if we were going to close on July 4th, around the time the kids will get out of school.  Just kidding.  But, for real, it feels like it will never happen, that it will continue to be pushed back and back and back.  And with the looming March 24th scan to see what that "funny" spot on his February 17th scan is, I'm thinking that we may be moving in mere hours after finding out that it really is a tumor, like I have thought the entire time.

Gah- Is everyone as done with this house fiasco as I am?!  Surely I can't be the only one that keeps asking, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!"  It's kind of sad to see bare walls again.  With all of my decor packed away, it makes the home feel a little depressing- not like my home at all.  I'm ready to be done with this all.

SI Joint

After my appointment with Dr. Burrup on Monday, I got a call from the Physical Therapist that he referred me to.  Today was my first appointment.  As the doctor came in, asking about my history, he started having me do all sorts of "tests" to see what was going on.  I did a number of "tests", ruling out neurological issues, and broken bones.  I never thought it was any of those things, so I wasn't too shocked when he said it wasn't that.  At one point, he had me face away from him, and while putting his fingers on the top of my hip bones, he had me lift each knee to the ceiling.  He gave an audible "Ah, there it is," and had me do a few more "tests" of a similar nature. 

"Stephanie, you have Sacroiliac Joint Dysfunction."  And then he gave me three exercises to do at home-- 10 reps, holding for 10 seconds each, three times each day, to begin my treatment.  In 15 minutes of meeting with him, I had a diagnosis and exercises to help strengthen my muscles in my hips, glutes, core, and back.  I got more useful information in those mere minutes, as opposed to seven months and over 25 appointments with the chiropractor.  I burst into tears in the parking lot.  We already know I'm a crier, but this time it was tears of hope.  He told me that I'd learn all necessary tools in a month, but that the treatment would only work if I was willing to continue them diligently at home.  After months of actually wishing my back would just break-- believe me, I'm ready to be diligent!

I came home and began some serious research.  I have read so much about it, but still don't feel as if I know exactly what to do.  I'm glad that someone that has a doctorate will be able to help me-- it still feels very overwhelming.  And, gosh dang it, I've had 4.25 days of exercising, and I don't have a six pack core or a healed back-- What's up with that?!

I have also received the radiology report for my x-ray-- in addition to the SI Joint stuff, I also have Lumbar Lordosis.  Basically, I have too much of an inward curve in my spine near my belt line.  It makes sense, since this is the area that I have often wished would just "pop back into place," or "break."  Both are most likely caused by childbearing.  I blame the kids.  The money to get me back to normal will now come out of their inheritance.  Sorry kids, you are now poor.

I'm glad to know a little more about what is causing me so much pain.  I'm glad to know that I will be equipped with the necessary tools to work towards a better, hopefully pain-free life.  Let's do this!

Brennon's Day

Both yesterday and today began with a flat tire- finding it yesterday, taking it to the shop today.  I had so many plans thought out for Brennon's birthday.  I was going to make him a cake, using the decorating skills I'm still trying to grow.  I was going to get him a few more little gifts, including a large box of cereal from Costco-- wrapped, even.  But as I was pulling out of the garage, I felt a little tug in my driving just as an alarm sounded in my car.  I had a flat tire.  I pulled back into our driveway, parked the car, and changed my plans to stay home all day.  Randy told me the funniest joke: You could fill the tire with our air compressor, and try driving it to Perfection Tire.  Yah, right, like I was going to attempt to do that with him out of town all by myself.  He's such a jokester!

When Brennon got home, I had the presents wrapped, even though I was disappointed with the lack of boxed cereal.  I had imagined that he would have probably shed a tear or two, maybe even been struck speechless at the sight of that glorious gift.  Alas!  He could not wait to open them.  He asked to see his cake just seconds after he was told we wouldn't be opening any presents until his dad got home... in three hours.  Strike two for the flat tire-- his face was super sad when I told him that there was no cake, but that I had an even better surprise planned.  "Well, since we can't do anything for a while, can we maybe go to Walmart and spend the money from Grandpa and Grandma Dirks, and Grandpa and Grandma Burrell?"  Strike three, you're out flat tire!!!  "Oh, yeah.  I'll just wait, then."  His sad face and expressive eyes kill me.

I text Randy, asking him to stop by Krispy Kreme on his way home.  The kids were outside when he arrived, so we locked them out, and set up a second-rate little home party.  It was a normal family party, but I had expectations to make it even funner that were dashed by that stupid tire.  But, true to Brennon form, he gasped and cheered and thanked us for his birthday.  I love my kids.

And true to Mira form, she got super hyper and pouncy chasing that remote control car, making the whole gift funner.  It's a fast one, but not as fast as she is.  She was running laps around it, making the kids squeal with delight watching her both chase and run away from it if it got too close.  And, oh, Brennon's giggle!  He's always had a fun belly giggle, so hearing it so loudly after a day of waiting to celebrate was music to my ears.  The night may have gotten a late start, but it was worth the wait.  We spent the night putting together Legos while the battery for the car was charging, then running the battery dead while taking turns driving the car off sweet jumps and chasing Mira, and playing KerPlunk as many times as we could fit in.  Our house rang loudly with laughter, cheers, and true to Dirks' form, arguing over who gets to play with mom, or who gets to go first, or who gets to sit where.  You get the idea.  It was an amazing night spent celebrating the life of my sweet B-boy.

 I had forgotten, but look at that-- doughnuts on his first birthday, and his 9th!

These are just a small sample of the hundreds of photos I have of this sweet boy.  He was my hardest infant, by far, but he has also brought me intense happiness and joy.  I can't imagine my life without his sweet face, stubborn consistency (vanilla ice cream, really?!), cute baby lisp and whistling S's, or his stories that take a year to tell.  He is the sweetest little boy that ever lived.

Happy 9th Birthday, Brennon Wayne!!  

You are most loved.

Sunny

When we found the tumor in January 2016, I asked a friend whom she would recommend to take our family pictures.  Without hesitation, she recommended {Sunny}.  For the past year, this picture has been something that I have looked at often.  It has given me strength during some dark times.

With this new revelation, I wanted to update our picture once again, so I asked Sunny if she had time.  I understand that both sessions were during the dead season (it seems that we always have our cancer fights during the winter), but she has been able to work her magic to make them perfection once again.  These are in no particular order as to favorites, because, to be completely honest, I can't choose just one-- she is that good.

So, without further ado, I present the Randy and Stephanie Dirks' family.  Brought to you, courtesy of Sunny Wright Photography!

 Families Can Be Together Forever

Caden Randy- 15

Keilie Ann- 13

Shelby Jacquelyn- 10

Brennon Wayne- 9 TODAY!!!!!

Tyson Darwin- 7

Believe me, it was a challenge to post just one of each of the kids.

 Caden with his miracle, Mira.

Caden is disappointed with these pictures because of the visible bald spot.  He's got two on his head-- mysteries from the surgery in December.  They actually appear larger, because the hair is growing into them white (side effect of the chemo- he's so excited), and the surrounding hair is coming in white, which makes the dark hair appear further from the head, enlarging the circumference of the circle.  But, to me, they are perfection-- truths of the situation and monster he's fighting.

My heart is so full.  Not only because of these GORGEOUS pictures, but because we get to spend the evening together, celebrating Brennon's birthday.  This has not happened, without serious cancer hardships, for many years.  Birthday pictures coming tomorrow, since the celebrations last two days this year.  The tears I have shed today have all been happy tears.  I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

Sunny, thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Your gift as a photographer, example, and friend, is a treasure without price.  There will never be a day that these are not looked at without gratitude and love.