4:00AM

This morning Tyson came into my room at 4:00AM on the dot.  He couldn't find Brennon.  I've long known that we may eventually have a problem with the boys sharing a room and a queen size bed.  Not only do they wake each other up at all hours of the night, they depend on each other to go to sleep.  It's pretty much known that they have to go to sleep together or not at all.  So, I took Tyson back to bed.  It was pretty alarming to find Brennon gone.  I instantly started a barrage of thoughts that had my heart racing, 'What was he wearing, When was the last time I checked on my kids, Did I lock the doors, Did I lock the car so the garage door opener couldn't be used?' I was starting to get pretty panicked.  I raced downstairs after checking to make sure he didn't go in with Keilie- this happens sometimes with both boys.  I had thrown a large blanket on the couch as I was headed to bed, so I didn't check the couch immediately.  When I noticed that all looked the same as how I left it, my breathing started to really accelerate- Where was my son?  And then it happened, a little foot lazily came out from under the blanket on the couch.  My breath hitched as I ran to the couch and lifted that blanket- I found him!  He happened to be burning with fever, so I left him to put Tyson to bed.  Tyson would have none of it, he was sobbing for Brennon.  Afraid that he would wake the other kids and start the morning off at 4:15, I ended up telling Ty I would sleep in his bed with him.  I, however, got no sleep after that!  Although I knew my son was safe here in my home sleeping fitfully on my couch, I couldn't shake the pit in my stomach.  I can NOT imagine the fear that doesn't release it's hold on a mother who truly can't find her child.  I have smothered all of my kids today with love.  Because, as of this moment, my "Mommy World" is as it should be.