Worth it

True story! I'm just confused as to how Pinterest captured my picture in the wild when I've been stuck indoors for 5 straight days!

I have been thinking of this quote for a few days now. I realize it means our mortal existence, but it can be applied to other things as well.

*Marriage, for example, is not always easy. You swoon, and date, and put forth your best self right at first and then BAM-out comes the gas, snoring, belching, compulsions, and selfishness. See, not easy, but worth it in the end. 

*Childbirth-Need I say more?! Nope!

*Raising those children- Slit-your-wrist-threes comes to mind. Or potty training. What about sassy-mouthed-mess-makers?! I haven't had a teenager, but I remember being one. Yikes! And yet, looked how wonderful I turned out. Ahem, did I say that out loud?!

*Chemotherapy...

While yesterday wasn't as full of outside stuff, we still had the same problems here at the hospital. Caden threw up two more feeding tubes. He had it shoved in his nose 5 times the day before and 4 times yesterday. Each time with more tears, more begging, more anxiety, and more dread. By the time that fourth one was violently being expelled from his stomach, I had already snapped. When the nurse came in, I looked at her with what I imagine as crazed eyes and said he would not get it again. Please, it was for my benefit as much as Caden's. I was broken by the end of the 24th and past numb last night. And through it all, I kept thinking this would all be worth it in the end. Chemo is HARD! Watching your child SUFFER is hard! I would not wish this in anyone! But in the end, it's going to be worth it. 

One of the nurses told Caden that she wanted to see how it felt, so one night she did it to herself. She looked him in the eye after it was placed and told him how strong he was, how proud she was, and that he was her hero for handling it so well. I asked him if he wanted me to get one to better understand how it feels. He vehemently rejected that offer. I asked him why not, to which his reply was, "Because you help me through it. You KNOW how bad it is. You don't need to feel it to know." Again, this boy surprises me with his maturity. I don't know why it is always such a surprise-he is Caden Randy Dirks after all!

And then he gave me a mischievous smile and said that he would let Randy get one.