Moments

I am so glad we chose the medicine plan that we did. Even though he hasn't thrown up as much as the other Rounds, he has felt moments of nausea. I can't imagine what this Round would have been without the drugs. Because with as many as he's getting, still being able to feel nauseated, it would have been an absolute nightmare! So far, he's had three throw-ups and one dry heave episode this morning. Usually day six is regularly scheduled meds without nausea, so today's episode was a little unexpected. It must be the accumulation effects they've talked about. Who knows what the next few days will bring. There is no normal with Cancer. 

One thing that has been drastically different than all others is his eating. We have spent countless dollars at the vending machines trying to boost his calories any way that we can. With things that have an absolute count, he's been getting more than 2,000 calories a day. This does not include the meals that are brought to him. He just eats and eats. I think we both are more than determined to prove that he does not need that feeding tube. I can say with certainty that if they make him get it again, he's not the only one that will have a psychotic break. This is as important to me as it is to him! And just like the other morning where he did everything in his power to wake me without coming right out and asking, we've been walking around the halls at 6:00AM. It is a different experience walking when all is quiet and sleeping. It always makes the walk just a little sweeter when we can quiet our voices and just be together. 

It was on a different walk that I had one of the most tender moments with Caden. I will never forget the time he told me he wouldn't want me to take his pain. He told me he didn't care about the pain, he cared about me. This time his thought was promoted by another patient. Or patients. We've both noticed that there are a lot of babies this time around. It's bound to happen when you're on the birth-12 year old floor, but this time there are more. There is also a little girl here that I've loved from the moment I saw her just a few days after we arrived. She has been here every time we have been here and we've seen her many times at RMH. She is simply adorable. Her name is Stephanie but they call her Stevie. I could not be more proud to share her given name, she makes it look adorable. She walks up and down the halls saying Hi to everyone she meets. She knocks on your door to say her hellos. I don't care where I am in Caden's room, if I hear her coming, I run to get a glimpse of her sweet face. She was riding her bike, her mom trailing behind her with her IV pole, when Caden, thoughtfully, said, "I'm glad I'm the one that got Cancer. I would not want anyone else to get it. I would have a hard time if I had to visit them."  We talked about how different it would be for both of us. He told me that he would have had serious anxiety if he had to watch Tyson walk around hooked up to the IV pole. He actually got a little teary-eyed. We both did. However, it wasn't the thought of Tyson being in Caden's place, but that during a time when Caden was feeling at his absolute worst, surrounded by his absolute worst days, he was still able to feel compassion for others. He actually said he was happy it was him. Because he cares about others, not about the pain. 

Cancer is ugly. Cancer is life-changing. Cancer hurts everyone so different, those that have it and those that watch. It takes people that don't deserve it. It steals so much more than life. During these last few months, we've witness Caden suffer through the battle of Chemo. We seen his war, cheered each battle, and prayed for a victory over death. But, through these tender moments of conversation, when Caden's spirit talks to my heart, I realize something much greater. If Cancer were to take my son, like so many others that didn't deserve it, it wouldn't mean that he lost the fight, that Cancer had won. Cancer hasn't conquered his love, his compassion, his humor, his wisdom, his spirit, or his faith. It hasn't stolen his smile, his laughter, or the curiosity that makes Caden so wonderful. And just like the words from Cinderella, "And through it all, he's remained ever-loving and kind." Cancer will never win! Because Caden has already won.