Blessings

Tyson, in humble prayer: "Heavenly Father, please bless us to be OK without Caden.  And please bless Caden to be OK without us."

Things have been busy since Tuesday.  At times it has felt like we haven't stopped running, even in sleep.  But we are all doing well.  I mean it.  There are times when things feel heavy, there are times when we cry and cry and cry, but mostly, we feel peace and even happiness in our home.  Things may change after Thursday, when friends and family say their goodbyes and move on with their lives while we try and learn our new normal without him, but I will take this time of peace with reverent gratitude.  As we have watched our warrior fight and fight for his very life, suffering pains of every kind that would break many, it feels almost surreal that we will never have to watch his suffering again, which is why I believe the sorrowful agony of his passing has not fully hit us yet.  We miss him, but we are just so grateful that he will never hurt again that we feel almost grateful that he is in Heaven.  I say that now, on this side of the funeral, but I can say it with honesty.  My son will never hurt again, and for that, I thank my Heavenly Father.

I have the honor and privilege to do just one more earthly thing for my son tomorrow: I get to dress him for the last time.  When the funeral home came to take him from our home for the last and final time, they slayed me with the words: "Transfer of care."  I wanted to scream at them, to rage, "This is my son.  He has been in my care for 16 years, and in my medical care and every worry for almost 4.  Heavenly Father sent him to me!  He is my responsibility, my charge, my child!  He will never really be in your care!"  But I knew that wasn't true-- they, like Seattle Children's, could do for him what I cannot.  However, tomorrow, I will be able to care for my son one last time, to dress him gingerly and carefully, to kiss him and hold him and do things the way I know he likes.  To tell him privately things that I have been pondering in my heart from the moment he left my arms.  To care for him, one last time, in the way that only a mother can.  What a blessing it is to be able to serve our children.