Adult

While talking with Greg, our Hospice social worker, a few weeks ago, he "educated" us on the different funeral homes in the area.  Aside from finding the plots that we wanted (honestly, just five days before he passed), we were still pretty clueless at the time everything was needed, eventually just going with the one adjacent to the cemetery.  As he conversed about each director that he'd personally met with, giving us suggestions and business cards of each, he brought up that one of the funeral homes-- he couldn't remember which-- charged by height for their services.  I had never known such rage as I felt when he said, "Caden qualifies as an adult at this one."  If I would have been talking directly to that funeral director, I would have have no problem screaming at them.  1) Caden has always been pretty small for his age, both height and weight.  2) Caden will never have the privilege of making it to adulthood.  Shame On You! and How Dare You?! with flame red face and finger jabbing shoulders, too!  By the time our appointment came to meet with our director, I was ready for a fight.

While meeting at Einan's, our own director needed to leave the room a few times, in search of different papers and pricing sheets.  "I'm so sorry, I could have been more prepared.  To be honest, we don't work with children that often-- which is good, of course!  But it means that I am not prepared with the sheets I need to know how much of a discount you get off of all services."  Einan's gives discounts based on age, with the younger children getting the greatest discount.  As he handed me the discount price sheet, I felt myself exhale, my shoulders loosen. We had unknowingly chosen the right funeral home.  No one was going to look me in the eye and tell me me that my child qualified as an adult.

We have known for four months now that we'd have to design a headstone for Caden.  (Side Note: It was four months almost to the day from the day we heard "inoperable" to the day Caden went to Heaven)  He'd joked around a few years ago with his siblings that he either wanted a life-size statue of himself, or an eagle.  We told the cemetery that we were ready to make an appointment finalize it all, but they recommended that we wait for a few weeks, because "the things that we'd put on it the day after his passing may be different that what we'd put on it a month after."  We didn't agree, but we did as they recommended.  Besides, really, the only thing that I truly wish we could change is the second date-- October 4, 2017 was just too soon!  The day we designed it, things went pretty smooth, just as I knew they would.

As we waited for the proof picture of the design we had chosen, Randy went online to see if we were getting the best deal.  He found a monument maker in a town about 45 minutes away that could save us about $400 dollars from our current quoted price.  When we approached the cemetery, asking if they could price match, I again felt myself stiffen.  I wanted easy again.  I wanted them to just do it all, no middle man, no possibility of hidden prices, no fuss.  "We don't usually give discounts on headstones, but under the circumstances, I'll see what I can do."  Two days later we got our answer: Yes.  They were able to come within $100 of the other company.   It should be placed within 4-6 weeks.

Funerals are expensive.  How grateful I am for these two companies, these two men, for realizing and acknowledging that our circumstances warrant a discount from the adult price.  A parent should never have to bury their child.  And they should certainly never be told to their face that their child qualifies as an adult.  That child will never be an adult!  Oh my gosh, how that hurts my heart.