Spotlight

I got a call from Brother Hales yesterday, asking if I would like to put together a Senior Spotlight poster board to display all next week in the Seminary building.  I was SO excited at first, getting onto the computer immediately to choose out 50-60 pictures of Caden.  I held myself back and only ended up printing off 95.

As I was cutting the pictures down to size, getting everything ready to start laying them out, I was still pretty excited.  It felt like everything came together so seamlessly.  It took much less time than I thought it would to get them all laid out in a way that looked good, and used as many of the pictures as I could use.  After placing the last picture on, I stood back to make sure it looked good... and burst into tears.  This project was no longer fun and easy.  On one poster board was a glimpse of the life my boy lived.  There will never be more than this.

I cried and cried all night.  I warned the kids that they couldn't touch anything until I got them all glued down, but I honestly didn't know how long before I'd get to it-- my heart was heavy.  I contemplated asking someone to come to my home to glue them down for me.  But the more I thought about it, the more I knew I needed to be the one to finish this project.  How grateful I am for something to do to commemorate Caden's "graduation."

It took me two hours to get these all glued down.  Tears flowed freely at both the beginning and end of that time.  I just cannot believe that my Caden is gone.  I cannot believe that he won't walk across that stage to get a diploma next month.  I cannot believe he's not planning on going to BYU-I with Zachary in September, or filling out papers for his Mission.  I cannot believe that there will never be more faces and smiles of this beautiful boy.  It started out as such a fun idea, but it hurt more than I can admit.  My son, my friend, my beautiful boy died.  I love you, Caden.  I love you, I love you, I love you!!!