Run!

I have never really wanted to run, not really.  Whenever I heard that we were running in gym class, from Kindergarten through High School, I always wished I would have been violently ill that morning.  I grew up watching my Dad run often, and my Mom power walk her way through 5K's and 1/2 marathons-- even winning in her category a few times!  I remember my Dad telling me many times, as I questioned his decision, that he hates running while he's doing it, but that he feels so good when he's done.  I thought he was nuts.  Their outdoor stuff is in addition to both of them going every morning to the gym.  I have grown up with excellent examples of physical health.

Throughout my adult years, I've had spurts of physical activity that revolved around babies.  I'd balloon up during pregnancy -simply because of my genes, not necessarily what I ate or how sedentary my days- and then work really hard to try and lose the weight after and between.  I cared more about my weight than I ever really could about anything else.  Then cancer care happened, and I was simply trying to survive.  So many meals were actually from the vending machine so I wasn't gone from him for too long.  The only time I ever thought about physical activity was when we were needing to get Caden moving, or when my anxiety at seeing him suffer made me want to run.  Other than that, my mind was solely on him.  I hit my absolute highest weight, sans pregnancy, ever.  And I didn't even care.

After Caden's passing, I found myself walking and walking.  Not to lose weight, but to heal my mind and heart.  I knew the sunshine would help just as much as the activity itself, so I decided that's what I'd do with my time.  At times it was more of an internal obsession, something that I didn't have much control over due to my anxiety, but for the most part, I was just happy to head to bed each night completely exhausted, brain too tired to have thoughts.  The pounds came off simply because I was walking more than 10 miles every day, and since I wasn't home to snack, I was only eating 3 meals a day.

September found me struggling within myself more than ever before in my life.  Suddenly I was looking for an outlet for my mental and emotional issues.  I found it in the most unlikely place-- Orangetheory.  I had told myself for years that there was no way I would ever try it, and then I did.  I told myself there was no way that I'd ever pay that price for the gym, and then I signed up for the most expensive package.  I told myself that I would never want to train for Ragnar, and then I said yes to Ashlee because I needed to be working towards a goal.  And I've been working ever since.  Every single day I challenge myself against myself.  I never worry about what anyone around me is doing, I am focused on myself and my performance every single minute of the workout.  My mind is no longer on my weight, but on my strength.  It has been amazing to feel that switch in myself.  I have been focused on my weight since I was in 2nd grade.  To not even care to step on the scale each day has been amazing for me.

Saturday, Randy suggested that we do a family activity.  We'd go to Shelby and Brennon's school to use their outdoor track.  We'd time ourselves running the mile, and then work over the next few weeks to get better.  We set our own goals, and made sure to help them make realistic goals.  We talked about proper hydration and fuel, laced up our sneaks, and started our timers.  I have only ever gone for a run outside once or twice in my entire life.  I have run on a treadmill for years, happy with my ability to run for an entire hour before finding Orangetheory.  I was hoping that I'd see results from the last 4 1/2 months of work, but I just didn't know.  Running on a track/outside is much harder than running on a conveyor belt driven machine, so I hoped I'd be able to stick close to my faster Orangetheory base pace, and not revert back to my slower pace from Gold's Gym.  I took a deep breath, and started running.

Tyson is our runner.  He loves to run.  I was hoping that I'd be able to simply run without stopping, not really trying to beat anyone.  So imagine my utter shock and surprise when I not only beat my base pace, but beat Tyson's time!!!  Where I used to be a 12 minute mile, I was now a 9 minute, 45 second mile.  And it felt incredible!  Randy came in at 10 minutes and 24 seconds, which he was surprised and delighted about.  We went back a little later to try one more time, without the kids, and both beat our time.  We're seeing results, it's working, and I am thrilled!

I can't believe I'm saying this, because I've used the word "never" when talking about running, but I am excited to keep at it.  I understand more what my Dad meant-- it really does suck to run.  It's not something that I seriously enjoy while I'm doing it, but I LOVE the victories I can celebrate doing something I never in my childhood could have imagined I'd start this late in my life.  It feels incredible to say that I am stronger at 38.5 than I have ever been in my entire life.  Here's to many more outdoor runs, more victories, and more time spent with my Mister getting STRONG!