Scared

I have never enjoyed being scared.  Never.  Which makes the purpose of this post so funny.  Funny enough to have me laugh at random moments, when the thought pops into my head.

Backstory: My first memory of being scared was on Halloween night 1987.  I was six.  My mom took us to a house just down the street from our home, I remember hearing a loud movie playing from inside as we approached the door, and all of the sudden the door opened super fast and a WOLF growled at me, eyeing me as its next meal.  Totally!!  I felt the flesh being ripped off the very bones of my left arm...

Needless to say, the scary neighbor heard one little girls scream Bloody.Murder and burst into sobbing tears.  Then...he heard her four-year old little sister screaming at the top of her lungs, "HEY!! Don't you scare my sister!!!"  Ashlee grew three feet in my eyes, that day.

Fast-forward to July 2000.  Before moving down the Houston, Uncle Jerry and Aunt Veniece flew us down, gave us a tour and run-down of our responsibilities, should we choose to accept their generous offer, and showed us around town.  They took us to a nice restaurant, PF Chang, and introduced me to my very first Lettuce Wrap.  To.Die.For!  I think I may have actually said, "Where have you been all my life?"  It may have intimidated my new, hot husband a little.  And then they took us to a movie.  I heard the words What Lies Beneath and had no idea what it was (who has time for movies when you just get married, I ask you).  I heard Harrison Ford and Michelle Pfiffer and actually sighed.  "They will make an incredible love story together."  Little did I know!  I spent a majority of the movie with my fingers in my ears, eyes closed, face smashed into my new, hot husband's stomach.  I cried when the theater screamed.  New, hot husbands shirt was a wrinkled, snotty, wet mess by the end.  Not pretty.

That night, after washing off the remnants of my mascara face (black alley hooker eyes, I'm telling you) I was walking to our room, when out from behind the door comes an arm that grabs me- hard.  I was already hyper alert from the heinous scary movie, and literally felt all strength leave my body.  I was a hot mess of tears (and maybe a little bit of pee in my pants) and soft, soft lady-like sobs.  Please, I was a bawling, snot-nosed crap-face baby.  I made my thinks-he's-so-funny husband feel like pawn scum.  He has never scared me like that again.  It's almost grounds for divorce, people.

However.... I do have an amazing scream.  I could probably do voice-over screams in scary movies.  For real.  People should pay me for that amazing talent.  Randy has actually been trying to get me to use said talent.  He wants me to drive down a darkened street and scream out the window at people walking at night.  It gives me a case of the giggles to think about.  I just can't do it.  Although I do think it would be funny to see them jump (cause it's not me that is the scared crier this time) I just can't do it like that.  I have no problem doing it to our kids during scary parts of a movie (yes, I am that type of mom) but I can't do it to complete strangers being good to our environment by walking.

And then comes today.  Randy, Caden and I were driving around dropping off his Eagle Project blankets and finalizing things for school.  We were stopped at a Stop Sign.  And out of my closed lips, just as he's about to make a left-hand turn, comes something that scares Randy enough to have him SLAM on the breaks.  "Clear!"  The funny thing: I wasn't even expecting to say it like that, with that much force.  It just kind of slipped out.  And made it that much funnier.  I could not contain my giggles.  I find myself to be so funny.  After the shock, and the RaGe, Randy actually started laughing, saying it was pretty funny.  I am laughing about it, even now.  I just didn't even mean to be that funny!

I can understand why it can be fun to scare people.  Just not scare me.

If you ever want to hear one of my Tiger Screams, just come walking with me on the path near my home, after the kids have gone to bed, as the sun sets and the street lamps come on.  It's quite a treat for all.