Wednesday's Warrior

I know that Caden is "The Boy in the Bed," but I think I'm also going to remember him as my "Wednesday Warrior."  Tomorrow he gets his second-to-last dose of Vincristine, the "easy" chemo.  It is so freeing to know that it will take less than 30 seconds to administer the rest of his chemo, though the side effects will take the most time to recover from.

Although we know that tomorrow's day will be short (2 hours), it is still something that causes him great anxiety.  As the clock ticks down to his appointment, Caden becomes more and more subdued and withdrawn.  He keeps his eyes closed more, stops talking, and just moves around when and where we tell him to.  He also asks to be pushed around in his wheelchair more (thank you again, Howard and Janelle).  Once he is cleared to go "home" he doesn't want to do anything but come back and go to sleep.  No talking, no eating, no nothing- just sleep for the rest of the day.  Things will gradually get better a few days later...and then the countdown begins again.  Wednesdays have become my least favorite day of the week.  With how great this last week went, I hope that we can just continue how it's been.  It has been such a nice reprieve from the hardship, but it almost makes it harder the next time he does throw up and struggle.  It is my expectations that are dashed.  Is it so wrong for me to want my child to be spared the misery?

The day after Sue told him the news, and we got to explain further that he didn't need a feeding tube, Caden revealed to me that the reason he had put on jeans was because he was concealing a second pair of comfy pants under them.  He was always looking for ways to have extra weight on his body.  He asked us at lunch that day how many calories were in his burrito, laughing at himself for having forgotten that it didn't matter anymore.  He asked again at dinner.  Still, days later, he has to remind himself that calories, and extra clothing, and even prayers that they won't make him get one are not necessary.  He truly was suffering mentally and emotionally thinking of that feeding tube.  Had I truly known what it was going to do to him, I would have refused it day one and not even allowed talk of weight in front of him.  I understand why nutrition is important for him (he is a teen-aged boy, after all), but emotions play a large roll in healing, too.  He has been emotionally drowning in front of my eyes.  Oh, how I hate cancer.

We are hope, hope, hoping to be able to go home after our appointment with Sue on Friday morning.  It seems that this week has flown by because he has felt so well despite the intense chemo, yet dragged on because I wanted to get our family together to bask in the good mood his "health" brought.  Everything, it seems, is a give or take, good or bad, happy or sad situation right now. 

One countdown we are all looking forward to is Brennon's birthday, Baptism, and birthday party on Monday.  It will be so much fun to have: Randy, Stephanie, Caden, Keilie, Shelby, Brennon, Tyson, Darwin, Jackie, Wayne, Rachelle, Sherry, Ryan, Steve, Natalie, Allyson, Carson, Hudson, Ashlee, Russ, McKaylee, Daphnee, Austen, Aria, and Everly at our home.  We'll miss the others in our family that couldn't make it up, but we are going to party like it was 1999!!!  And, believe me, I graduated in 1999, so I am the most qualified to bust out the moves and get the party started right!  Danielle, this one is for you:

COWABUNGA TO THE RABUNGA!!!!!!!!!