We came home one hour too soon! We heard that the Lights could be seen at Midnight and we came home at 11:00pm, in bed by 11:30pm. Oh well, when has not getting what we wanted and hoped for ever stopped us from having fun together?
Dr. Jones was concerned at yesterday's appointment. The nurse put the blood pressure cuff on his wrist and had him put it to his heart, like normal, but the reading was very low. I told Caden to sit up, but the nurse said that doesn't matter. I wanted to counter: "Well, for the last three and a half years that we have been in cancer care, we've had to wake Caden to roll over so that the readings were more accurate. There has never been a time it hasn't risen." So, instead of the new-technology gadget, she used the regular cuff and stethoscope. Weird how sitting up raised his pressure, don'tcha think? She gave a little "hm" and didn't look me in the eye again.
The pressure may have risen, but his beats per minute were still severely slow. In fact, when she tried to count them while touching his wrist, she could barely feel them. So she got another gadget for a third reading. Still slow and weak. Dr. Jones said that it may be caused by the break-through pain medications that he's needed the last two days (new pain, new place, email out to Sue now to see if the tumors we know about could be the cause, or if it is possible that it is new growth), or it may be that he needs IV fluids. Caden was adamant that he wouldn't go to the hospital for fluids-- he said he'd just drink more electrolytes himself. Dr. Jones didn't press it, but he did tell me all symptoms to watch out for, saying it wasn't medically necessary to send him, but that we couldn't just get away with only water intake any longer. So we bought 12 Gatorades and got started before we made it home. I think the only reason he didn't press it too much was:
"Caden, what do you plan to do after this appointment."
(Slight exaggerated pause, not rude, just incredulous) "Lay in my bed." Because this radiation is taking everything out of him. He is freaking tired, not really able to be upright for more than a few minutes. Even his head is too heavy after just minutes upright sometimes. There should be a medical term for radiation fatigue. Nothing seems to fit the magnitude of just how tired/exhausted/drained/fatigued it can make you. Epic feels too minimal, even.
The steroid helped stop the out-of-control weight loss, but he still lost a bit. He lost 6 pounds the week before and only 2 this week. I expected him to maintain, since he's eaten considerably more this last week than the week before, so it was discouraging, but not a major blow. With the slow heart rate, the weight loss was a non-issue. We'll stay the course with all medications at this time. Including the fast-acting break-through medications that he's been needing more and more the last few days. I hate cancer pain. My gosh, it scares me to think that Caden may never go another day of his life without some form of Morphine. I hate cancer so much, it hurts.
Me: "I can't wait for this end. Only 6 more treatments and then you can start to feel better!"
Caden: "Yeah, but it's still better than chemo."
My Caden, teaching me again. If he can still look on the bright side, I guess I can too.
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