Calming

We meet with Dr. Jones every Monday, directly after his treatment.  Most of the time it is simply to go over symptoms and side effects, but today we were able to get some worries calmed.

Because his pain began almost the moment we were done with the first treatment, and because he's been in constant pain ever since, I found my mind worrying many times over the last week that it is not working, that we are going to find out that it will never work, and that we may even need to end radiation this week and simply move straight to the "make him comfortable until the end" stage of our care.  After all, things have been going faster and faster in that direction since November anyway, why should this be any different than anything else we have tried? 

"The moment the beam hits the cancer, it starts to kill it.  Because of this, the body naturally sends white blood cells to the affected area, causing the area to swell with inflammation, which is most likely the cause of the pain, not the tumor itself.  Unfortunately, we can't predict how long this swelling will last; it is different for every person and cancer.  Out of the thousands of patients I have seen, there are only.......two?... that have been resistant to radiation.  As long as the beam is shot at the cancer, it will kill it.  It's because the rest of the body can't handle more radiation that we don't use it for an extended period of time.

Also, we do scans before each treatment, so we can see that they are not growing.  If we had seen any growth, we would have stopped before now.  The tumors have not grown.  They are not the cause of the pain."

We didn't even have to ask, he just provided this information when Caden said he's been in constant pain since beginning radiation.  I felt myself relax ever-so slightly.  I don't think I will be anxiety free until he's done with radiation on July 25th, but I do feel slightly less manic knowing that this is truly expected to stop the growth of the tumors, possibly even shrink them, and kill the cancer cells that were rapidly multiplying undetected in those four tumor areas.

I also understand about the white blood cells/inflammation gathering around the tumors-- after all, it was the inflammation around the first recurrence tumor in his lungs July 2015.  Without that inflammation, they wouldn't have even been able to see the actual cancer at that time, allowing it to grow another three months.  I can't even think about a massive tumor in his lungs-- it scares me to even think on it for a second.

And, like all cancer fights, Caden's weight was an issue today-- he lost 6 pounds this week.  It was us that was calming some worries when we told Dr. Jones that Caden may be eating less than normal right now, but he's eating more than other times he's fought for his life.  We'll encourage him to eat more throughout the day, but from what we've been through before, he's doing OK.  Not great, obviously, but OK.  Radiation causes nausea itself, but when it is administered as close to the stomach as his is, you're going to have more-- that's just the way it is.  Super glad they didn't spring a Nutritionist on us today!

Caden actually felt well enough to go to the pool tonight.  He didn't do anything but stand in the pool, but even that felt like a dream.  As soon as he said he wanted to go, it felt like we were racing to get there, scared that he'd stop feeling well the second we got into the car.  I almost told the kids that they didn't even need their suits, that they could just jump into the pool in their clothes, if that meant we got there quicker.  It was wonderful to be out of the house as a family.  My gosh, I love us! 

Thank you for your continued prayers!!