Randy's Funeral Talk

I would like to tell you a few stories about him that are near and dear to my heart and some of the gospel doctrines that have brought me peace.

Being here in the chapel reminds me a lot of Caden. This is where we took the sacrament every Sunday and where Caden passed and blessed the sacrament. People would come up to us and tell us how impressed they were with the reverent manner in which he passed the sacrament. He always took his priesthood duties very seriously.

In January 2014, we had a family home evening and decided to start a financial fast in February. Well, January 31st was the day that he was put on life flight to Seattle Children’s Hospital. I’m going to read from Steph’s account from Day 4 of our Cancer Journey, which was February 3rd.

Today, Randy went to grab some lunch while I stayed with Caden.  Caden found him gone when he woke up and asked where he'd gone.  I told him that he'd gone out to lunch, to which Caden replied in a huff, "He better not have gone out to eat.  It's February and we are doing a Financial Fast!"  That's Caden. He’s laying on a hospital bed with a tumor the size of a grapefruit, and he’s worried about the financial fast.

Later that day, with tears in his eyes, he apologized to us for ruining the financial fast. He cared about things like that.

A few weeks later, after he had started chemo, he was partaking of the sacrament on a day that he was particularly nauseous and wasn’t keeping anything down. As soon as he swallowed the bread, he threw it right back up. He got himself composed, with tears in his eyes from puking his guts out, he asked, “Does it still count.” That sweet boy. That was his biggest worry at the time.

I remember a day in the hospital while we were waiting for Caden to be taken back for one of his many surgeries. The Anesthesiologist was there. It was on a Sunday, and I knew that in a few minutes we were going to be brought the Sacrament by the local Elders Quorum. I asked the surgeon if it would be alright if he ate a very small piece of sacrament bread. He said no, and that he can’t eat anything. As soon as he left the room, Caden incredulously asked me why I would even ask that, of course he was going to take the sacrament. The sacrament came minutes later and there was a really small piece for him on the tray. I assumed he would take that small piece since he wasn't supposed to have any. Oh no, he took the biggest piece on the tray just to prove a point.

As you can image, the hospital can get pretty boring. One way that Caden would often spend his time was by looking for the perfect gift to take back for each sibling, whether it was something from the craft cart, or a lego or stuffed animal from the pile of gifts that you all had given him, or buying it from the gift shop with his own money.

One time, his Second cousin Anna was in the hospital, and he found a stuffed animal to give her just because he knew it would make her happy and bring a smile to her face.

Caden really was the perfect gift giver.

He always had to buy a Christmas gift for each sibling from his own money. It was very important to him, and he put a lot of thought into it. Some of you may know about the gifts with personalized messages engraved on them that he took months to put together. I will let his siblings tell you about each of those very special keepsakes. He was able to give each gift just hours before he passed.

Some of you know that he drove a ’77 Bronco. Well, he was proud to be able to drive that. One Saturday morning, just before this year’s April General Conference, I asked if he wanted to take the Bronco to the dunes. He said, “absolutely not,” because he didn’t want to miss that session of conference even though he could have watched it later. We just recently found out from his journal that he made a goal years ago to never miss a single session of General Conference. Another goal we read about in his journal is the goal to read the scriptures every morning on the bus. The reason he wanted to read on the bus was because he hated the foul language, and it was a way to counter that.

He had a testimony of prayer.

There were many, many prayers answered during our cancer journey. One of them was that he would be able to find a miracle cure. After years of trying different Chemotherapies, just to have them fail, we knew that our biggest hope was an immunotherapy. There aren’t a lot of them out there yet, and your cancer has to have that specific protein the immunotherapy targets. We had sent in pieces of the tumor for testing, but they always came back negative for having the targeted protein.

This March, we learned about a brand new one that had just opened up for a phase 1 clinical trial in children. This drug had been tested in adults with amazing results. As soon as we got home from the hospital, Caden asked his siblings to pray that he gets into the trial. Our prayers were answered, his tumor had the targeted protein, and he was to start the trial in 10 days. We were so excited and hopeful. 8 weeks later we found out that, while on it, two more tumors had grown.

This may be hard for some of you to hear, but I know it was the will of the Lord that Caden pass away. He had good medical care. He was given priesthood blessings. His name was on the prayer rolls in many temples. He was the subject of thousands of prayers for his restoration to health, and I know that there is enough faith in him and this family that he would have been healed unless it was the will of the Lord to take him home at this time.

We read in DC 42:48, "And again, it shall come to pass that he that hath faith in me to be healed, and is not appointed unto death, shall be healed."

“A unique challenge for those who have lost loved ones is to avoid dwelling on the lost opportunities in this life. Often those who die early have demonstrated significant capabilities, interests, and talents. With our limited understanding, we lament the things that will not be accomplished and the songs that will not be sung.” Quentin L. Cook 2011.

Caden lived a successful life, a life worthy of the celestial kingdom. Don't be sad just because he lived a short 16 years. As Quentin L Cook said, we must strive to avoid dwelling on the lost opportunities in this life. We know that life is eternal and he will still have the opportunity to marry in the temple, go on missions, and have a family.

The Prophet Joseph Smith said, “…why it is that infants, innocent children, are taken away from us, especially those that seem to be the most intelligent and interesting. The strongest reasons that present themselves to my mind are these: This world is a very wicked world; and it … grows more wicked and corrupt. … The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again. …
“… The only difference between the old and young dying is, one lives longer in heaven and eternal light and glory than the other, and is freed a little sooner from this miserable, wicked world. Notwithstanding all this glory, we for a moment lose sight of it, and mourn the loss, but we do not mourn as those without hope.” Teachings; Page 196-19

Last week on October 4th, at 1:30 in the morning, Caden sat up in bed and asked to see his brothers and sisters, as well as the Bishop. We brought them down and called the Bishop. Caden gave his siblings the personalized gifts that he had purchased for them in June to remember him by. One by one hugs were given to all as he told them he loves them and that he is going to die. (He said this without a lump in his throat or tears in his eyes, which told me that that he was, for the first time, truly at piece with death.) Bishop Kreutz came by, and we sent the kids out of the room. He had previously told us that he wanted to talk to the Bishop and confess a, small to us-big to him, lie that he had told years earlier. Caden said he wanted to "make sure he was worthy to baptize Tyson next weekend and be worthy of the Celestial Kingdom." The Bishop arrived and assured Caden of his worthiness and readiness to serve missions for the Lord on the other side of the veil. There came a point that he was confused about what he was looking at, so I asked what he was seeing. He said that he sees all of us in the room, but he is looking down at us from above. He went back to sleep and the kids went back to bed. His breathing slowed gradually, and at 4:35 AM he became one of the Lord's angels in heaven.

One of the Latter-Day Apostles - James E. Faust - April 2006
“I would like to say a word about the ministering of angels. In ancient and modern times angels have appeared and given instruction, warnings, and direction, which benefited the people they visited. We do not consciously realize the extent to which ministering angels affect our lives.”
President Joseph F. Smith said, “…our fathers and mothers, brothers, sisters and friends who have passed away from this earth, having been faithful, and worthy to enjoy these rights and privileges, may have a mission given them to visit their relatives and friends upon the earth again, bringing from the divine Presence messages of love, of warning, or reproof and instruction, to those whom they had learned to love in the flesh."

Remember that Dallin H. Oaks taught us that, “Most angelic communications are felt or heard rather than seen.” October 1998. The scriptures teach us that "Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost.” 2 Nephi 32:3

It is my testimony that Caden is one of those angels in heaven ministering to us by that still small voice of the holy spirit.

Just a couple of days after Caden passed, Stephanie spoke with his Oncologist who we’ve come to know quite well. She said, “Steph, you know I don’t mince words. I just have to tell you. IT DOES NOT HAPPEN LIKE THAT.” She went on to explain that from a medical standpoint it does not happen that way when a child dies of cancer. It usually drags on for weeks and sometimes months after their last good day.

For the months prior to his passing, every time she spoke with us, she could not believe that he wasn’t experiencing more pain and discomfort. She told us that he will not feel well enough to go to Homecoming. After all, that was more than a month away and he should already be needing morphine. She told us that it was truly a miracle, the way it happened.

I testify that it was a direct answer to our prayers. We specifically prayed that he would have many more good days and very few bad days. We were blessed with so many miracles throughout his entire cancer journey. The way he passed, without much suffering, was a miracle.

When Caden did pass away, what shocked me the most was how bad it hurt. I didn’t know that level of heartache existed on earth. That really took me by surprise, because I knew his passing was coming. Before he died what hurt the most was when I had to watch him suffer.

There were times that Steph and I said that the sting of death would be easier than having to witness that suffering. I was wrong. I honestly thought it would be easier and that I would be comforted by the fact that he was able to enter into His rest and never suffer again. I didn't realize that I would have a huge hole in my heart with no way to fill that hole and miss him so dearly.