"I wonder if we are ever truly blindsided by misfortune. Or, somehow, somewhere, in the form of empathy or worry or a premonition deep within ourselves, do we feel it coming?"
Months before the first of the year, Jamie and I went for a long walk after the kids were in bed. As we picked up our pace, talking about anything and everything, our conversation turned to a mutual friend. Her little boy had been born early due to a birth defect picked up on an ultrasound- Down's Syndrome. With this came a defect in his heart. He had had many surgeries during the first two years of his sweet life. The week before I met this amazing mother, she'd gotten the fantastic news that he did not have to have another heart surgery. News like that needs to be celebrated with a whole day of girl-time shopping at Ikea, of course!! Life seemed to be good for our friend...until everything changed in September. Her son was diagnosed with Leukemia.
Although I hadn't gotten together with her again, I had thought about her and her adorable son often. As Jamie told me of the new diagnosis, I felt a burning in my heart and a falter in my pace. How could her family manage without mommy for six months? How was she handling this new challenge without going insane? Why do kids have to get sick? How horrible would it be to watch your child to through treatment of cancer?
I thought about that scenario many times over the next few weeks. I found myself talking a little sweeter to my kids, kissing their cheeks a little more frequently, and just loving the moments of their lives. I found myself missing Randy a lot more when he was out of town, wanting to sit just a little bit closer, and found such enjoyment in just holding his hand. My life was altered because of her story, my life made sweeter as I put myself in their shoes. And then it happened to me.
Another memory I have includes Caden himself. Summers in Wyoming tended to make it above 100 quite regularly. Man, we had such extremes there. 100+ in the summer, -50 with windchill in the winter, yikes! Not my favorite!! One such summer found Caden a bit shaggy. I admit that I don't remember to get my kids' hair cut as often as they need, sometimes. Case-in-point when people asked us if Tyson was a girl. So when Caden came to me scratching his head, cursing his shag, I wasn't surprised to hear him say he wanted me to shave his head. He held the clippers in his hands, making me do it right then. He said he wanted it as short as possible, so I grabbed the "one" and went to work. One massive pile of hair, one massive smile, and one shaved-short head sent a thought through my head. "Well, at least we know Caden looks good bald."
Lastly, with the faith that we are here on earth to be tested, Randy and I look at times in our lives with a different view than some. We are grateful for times of plenty, times of prosperity, and times of peace, however we know there needs to be trials. So, a few months before the first of the year had us analyzing what might come. Life had been going so well. We were in a good groove in our new town, new schools, new friendships, and new job. Where I had been plagued with headaches in Casper, I'd found relief with a doctor in Richland. We were all healthy and happy. We knew something was coming for our family, something that would bring us out of our present comfort. We had NO idea it would be so paramount, but we felt a trial was coming.
Each of the examples here (and believe me, there have been a few more) fit right into that initial question. Empathy, premonition, and worry (although I would categorize it as worry as much as expecting). In this "misfortune" it could be said that we were not "blindsided" per se. Apart from the fact that cancer is a far cry from the pneumonia we thought he had, I'm just sayin. However, in my heart I believe it to be a tender mercy. We believe that we will never be given a challenge that we could not handle. But I know my Heavenly Father placed these people, these thoughts, and many other things in our path to prepare us for the blow. The rug was pulled from below our feet, but our landing was made soft from our Saviors love.
Not all of our trials have had this much foresight, but even the placement of this question right now is proof that we are being taken care of. Because I can see the love and protection we have been given- even now as I type in the hospital after a particularly worrisome weekend of dangerous fever and virus. Trials are not given to make us miserable, they are given to show us the way back to Him. The One that loves us most.
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