Identity

Shelby did this for me for Mother's Day this year. It was a nice comic relief after a particularly hard few days with Caden. I love that I "cook" hot pockets better than anything else. Hot pockets!!! Wanna know my secrets?! Place them in the microwave sleeve, place them on a plate, microwave them for only one minute and thirty seconds and enjoy. You are now a Master Chef!

Shelby and Tyson love Hot Pockets more than anything else. They will choose them anytime they are asked what they want to eat. In fact, Shelby has known how to make her own for about a year now. I ofttimes come down to find her eating one for breakfast. So, what I found this morning should be no surprise. Tyson was trained by my chef-in-training (a.k.a Shelby) to make his own Hot Pocket. 

In some ways I love the independence that comes with growing up. They get their shoes on, buckle their own seatbelts, are doing more chores, and starting to understand reasoning behind our rules. Our house is staying cleaner, particularly in the mornings. There was an extended period of time (try five years) where we had to lock our pantry with a key each night and have a chain and padlock around our fridge handles. This was not because of weight, but because we had Costco-size bags of cheese spilled downstairs in front of the tv, or entire boxes of cereal spilled down the stairs as they were headed to their favorite show. It was a rough few years of anger at their disobedience that resulted in drastic measures. And hideous decorations for our fridge. 

I know it is partially a biproduct of what we have just endured, but I have been feeling a sense of urgency to memorize everything involving my kids. I have thought this many times before, but it feels different now. In just two years my identity will be gone. For the last 13 years my identity, the thing the defines me, that makes me feel important and special, will be gone. Tyson will go to all-day school and I will be left at home alone. I can joke about how I have always aspired to be a stay-at-home-mom without the kids, but the truth is I have always just wanted to be a Mom. I know that will never end, but my job description is. It has already begun to change little-by-little, day-by-day. And I am sad! 

I have always heard that I will miss the sounds, the responsibility, the action, and the chaos that is little kids, but I feel as if it is coming too soon. I know life will be a different kind of chaos before they are out of my house. I mean, come on, Keilie is going to Middle School this year and Caden goes to High School the year my baby goes to Kindergarten. I'm at the cusp of the teenage years! But I feel an ever-growing urgency to remember the giggles, memorize their smiles, enjoy their arguments, and appreciate their innocence and lives. 

Who knows what I'll do when I have five kids in all-day school. For now, I'm going to revel in the fact that I get to do the only job I ever wanted. I get to be a Mom.