Paths

Growing up, I went to Elementary Kindergarten through sixth grade, Jr. High seventh through ninth grade, and High School tenth through twelfth grade.  I may have known there was another way to do it back then, but as I sit here right now, I don't really remember.  That was the way that it happened for me, so that is the only way that mattered.

When Caden started Kindergarten, Casper had full-day.  I was excited for him to be able to go to school, he was ready.  He loved everything about learning, and order, and socialization.  The same could be said about Keilie, but only about socialization.  When I asked her about her first day of school, what she liked most, her reply was "Carrying the lunch tray during lunch time."  Awesome!

Shelby's Kindergarten experience was quite a bit different.  She began Kindergarten full-day, but we moved 2 months later to a school that had half-day.  Since she had been going to the half-day Preschool at the Elementary, her transition to full-day school happened already.  So, when we moved to Richland and their half-day Kindergarten, Shelby asked me why she was going back to preschool.  For her, half-day at the Elementary was Preschool.

Last year during Brennon's registration and orientation, they asked us if we would vote to have full-day Kindergarten implemented.  I was all for it.  In fact, I put a few exclamation points after my YES.  They told us that they were just testing the waters, seeing who would be for or against the change.  There weren't enough Kindergarten teachers to fill all of the Kindergarten and Preschool classes, so they were trying to swing one of the schools in the district to start full-day.  As it turns out, none of them did.  So, Brennon started full-day school this year.  Leaving Tyson home by himself with me all day.

For years now, I have prepared myself for Tyson to go half-day to Kindergarten in 2015 and then begin full-day in 2016.  That was the plan.  Not one that I liked, but because I'd prepared my mind, I was ready for the change that comes with all of your children going to full-day school.  My life as a stay-at-home-mom was going to change.  I was resigned. 

And then came the news, a few days ago, that Richland School District was going to vote on making the change to full-day Kindergarten next school year.  It was ironic to me that once upon a time I wanted full-day, had even added extra emphasis on my YES, and now was scared of the change.  I am not ready.  I needed more time with a child at home.  My kids are growing up and I am being left behind.  The vote came in last night.  Unanimous.  Full-day begins in August. 

And just like that my world is different.

From my own experience, I felt rushed when my Caden and Keilie left Elementary after fifth grade, instead of sixth.  I feel rushed knowing that Caden is going to be enrolling in High School this year, instead of the extra year in Jr. High, like I am used to.  That is the only way I know, this is new territory for me.  The memories my own kids will have of school are completely different than my own.  And because they are my own memories, I think they are the ones that are correct.  Just as my own kids will think their school experience was the right way to do things.  I just feel rushed.  The years are slipping by too fast.  I'm scared.  Terrified, really.  What am I going to do when they are gone from 7:30-3:30?  The possibilities are endless.  And completely too vast to feel safe.  From the moment August 2000 that we found out I was pregnant, I knew what I was to do.  I knew my purpose. 

I realize that I'm still going to be a mom, that that will not end because they aren't with me in the mornings, but my "job" is changing.  In essence, I'm loosing my job in 7 months and don't know what I want to be when I grow up. 

The saying is completely true, life happens when you are busy making other plans.  And, sometimes, it knocks the wind out of your sails.  I stand at a fork-in-the-road of my life.  I wonder where it will lead me.