Heart

This week was such an amazing week!  Because Caden didn't take the Pazopanib, we quickly noticed a HUGE improvement with everything.  He ate more...gaining 1.2 kg this week.  January 20th (the Deja vu, 'you have another massive tumor' day) Caden weighed 46.6 kg.  As the effects of cancer and chemo ravaged his body, we started to worry about the feeding tube cut off at 42.6 kg.  Remember, that was when Caden put his foot down, saying he would never have another feeding tube as long as he lived.  That was when he was plunged head first down the slippery spiral of undernourishment.  March 9th (Surgery) he weighed 36.6 kg.  That is a difference of 20+ pounds in just 6 weeks!  Today he is 42.6 kg again!!  Caden ate this week.  Not once did I have to ask him!  Peeps, a massively hungry teenage boy was living at our house this week, thanks to no chemo.

Because of the seriousness of the heart findings, Caden took it pretty easy this week.  He walked, but we weren't trying to keep up his endurance regiments.  Mostly, he stayed close to the couch.  However, there was a difference in the whole aura around him.  Gone was the fatigue that had been plaguing him, gone was the winded marathon of the stairs, replaced by a boy that probably could have ran a marathon, but for the heart findings.  All of this energy, thanks to no chemo.

There was more jokes, more laughing, more engaging in family activities, more happiness, more excitement, more of just everything.  It was an amazing week that culminated by an amazing weigh in that brought him up to a weight we have been waiting to see on the scale for weeks.  It was fantastic!  And it only got better.....

Our appointments today were put together to give as little wait time in-between each one.  Labs were drawn first, echo 30 minutes later, with Sue just 30 minutes after that.  Usually we have labs drawn and then have to wait around for an hour for them to finish.  This way, everything felt like it was going super fast because we just kept moving around, it was nice.  However, when we finally got in with Sue, the report for the echo hadn't been submitted by the head radiologist.  Sue did her check-up, Nutrition came in and partied with us- telling us that we would do another week of the 12-hours of TPN, and that if all went well we would stop soon- and then we just waited around.  About 2:00, Sue said she was going to go call Radiology.  This had me a bit worried.  The last time she didn't get a report right away, she called down while in the room with us.  That was when we heard that the tumor may have attached itself to his liver.  Her leaving the room this time had me thinking that she was concerned enough to leave so that I wouldn't get bad news while she was on the phone.

When she walked back in 15 minutes later, I noticed her solemn face and felt my stomach burn instantly white-hot.

(Perplexed) "Caden, your heart is healed.  I can't believe it.  I am so surprised!  I just can't believe it!  In all of my experience, this has never happened.  Your heart is completely fine!"

And the partying decibles were bumped up by 4,005 whatevers!  Caden's heart has not been damaged by toxic amounts of chemo!  His heart corrected the problem and is totally fine!

So.....here's the dilemma.  We have just come off of an AmAzInG week without chemo.  Caden was a "normal" teenage boy, free from ANY effects of cancer.  Well, effects that can be seen with the naked eye, anyway.  So, do we choose the option that would allow him freedom from side effects, yet would allow the aggressive cancer free reign of his precious belly?  Or, do we gratefully give him a smaller dose of the drug that will make him a little sicker each day, yet hopefully stunts any growth?  Which sickness do we let win?  Which daily life does he want right now?

We let Caden choose.

"It wasn't that bad going on Pazopanib.  It was a lot easier than either of the other chemos I have tried.  I choose chemo."

So he will now take 400 mg. of Pazopanib, instead of 600 mg.  He has another echo in two weeks.  That's right, we do not have to travel to Seattle for two whole weeks.  It is going to feel like an eternity since we have made that drive, on May 25th.

So here's the teensy bit scary part: If that echo shows even the slightest change in the direction it went last week, he is done with Pazopanib forever.  That will be proof that his body can't handle this drug.  Sue was giving me all of the possible scenarios, should we be forced to be done with Pazopanib, before the results came in.  Now I know that she was preparing me for what she thought was going to happen.  As it turns out, Caden's heart healed itself.  Again, he stunned Sue.

Again, he became our Miracle.

I heard these two quotes by Chris Belcher today, quotes that spoke to my heart as we drove to a kind of scary appointment:

1- Don't allow your heart to be hardened by hard times.

&

2- There is a purpose in your suffering.  You are being changed, remodeled, stretched, and polished for Eternal Glory.  If we trust in and choose Christ amid our difficulties, our hard times will become Holy.

My heart is so full.

CT Scan on June 8th, to see if we still have the upper hand in this game we call cancer.  Can you believe it is almost 3 months since the surgery?  Unreal!