Streaks

I'm not sure why, but with the new cut I notice my gray hairs so much more. Maybe it's because I am still super critical of the cut when I look at it, so I pick everything apart about it, who knows. So when Randy jokingly said, "I'm not sure who has more white hair, you or Caden," I rolled my eyes and smiled. By the way- Caden's hair has started to change. Where before you could see it coming in dark, now it just looks really blonde. We have been told many times that it will eventually be mega white, so the blonde is just the beginning. He is going to look so regal with the stark contrast between his golden dark skin and white hair.

Last night as we were playing duck, duck, goose with the kids, I quickly sat down next to Shelby, grateful not to be it again. 

"Mom, you are starting to have some sparkly white streaks in your hair now!!!"

My first thought was that if my nine year old daughter notices them that much after I had just been running like the wind, maybe they are even more pronounced than I can even see. I started to think maybe I would just grab a box of dye and just cover my whole head. 

And then I remembered a conversation I had with Caden two years ago. As soon as Caden was cleared to swim after his first major surgery, we were at our membership pool. As we were driving home, Caden asked me if we could stop by Target and buy him a Surf Shirt. He told me that some of the young kids would swim up to him under the water and then swim back to their friends and tell them to go look at Caden's scar. He was embarrassed and humiliated. 

Long story short: I cried telling him that he was my hero, that he was so many people's hero, and not to let a few young kids change how he felt about himself with their ignorance. I told him that I would buy him one if he really wanted, but that I wanted him to remember that I was proud of his badge of courage and strength. He cried, hugged me long, and told me he didn't need the shirt. 

I am not comparing my gray hairs and my own experiences with those of Caden, but I realized that I am weirdly proud of these "white streaks."  In a way, they are my own badge of courage and strength. This go-round was so much more emotional and hard than the last intense fight. In truth, he was still doing chemo at this time 2 years ago- his surgery was May 7th, and then he did two more Rounds of chemo after. This 6 weeks of chemo felt longer than the entire 6 months last time. 

So I am not going to grab a box of dye to cover them up. I am not going to try and hide them just yet. They help me remember (as they sparkle in the sunlight) that I fought a hard fight, holding the hand of my hero.