Light

I'm not quite sure why my mind and heart make something big out of small things sometimes, but it does.  I knew I was going to place Caden's solar light back at his grave again the very first day it was allowed by the cemetery, but it felt especially important that I do it when it was dark.  Honestly, I don't really know why it was as important as it felt, but even though there was plenty of time and thought about it all day, I waited until it was dark to take it.  Maybe it felt like I was bringing light back to the darkness.

When I arrived, there was a gift waiting for me: flowers from an anonymous friend.

I noticed that the water in the vase was a bit low, so I decided to bring a water bottle the next morning when I stop by the cemetery after dropping Keilie off at school.

The sprinklers were on, so I had to be stealth as I ran to the grave, poured the water in speedy quick, stood back and snapped a picture, and then ran like the wind to escape the sprinklers.  I would sacrifice a lot for a good picture, but wet clothes is pushing it.  I don't do wet clothes.

I had my suspicions as to the anonymous friend.  Because the rules are so strict at the cemetery, and because she actually witnessed my absolute devastation at my flowers being taken off the grave in April, Jamie had "hypothetically" asked about the flower situation on Saturday.  Maybe it was wrong to ask her, since she may have wanted it to stay a secret, but I asked.  And I was right.

Jamie: "Since the cat's out of the bag..."

I have the best support system in the world.  Still to this day, friends are sending us cards, texts, emails, messages, flowers, and cutting our lawn for free to prepare for the party we're hosting in Caden's memory tomorrow.  People have offered everything from chairs, tables, and garbage cans, to purchased items, to setup and clean up of the party.  Anything and everything is offered, with no thought of how they'll make it work, it's a simple and emphatic YES to everything.  I'm sure we've had countless personal and temple prayers as well.

A week ago I changed our featured image on Facebook to a picture of Caden with the surround that said I was "Going Gold for Childhood Cancer."  Hours later I found that friends and family alike had changed their own pictures to "Go Gold," some dedicating it in memory of Caden.  It had been an emotionally difficult day for me, so when I saw the outpouring of love and support, I couldn't help but burst into tears throughout the day.  My eyes were swollen and red through the day, raw by the time I went to bed and cried myself to sleep.  Such a simple act, yet it was felt deeply.

We're hosting a Pie Night tomorrow.  The entire ward family and friends within Richland have been invited-- it was actually announced in church!-- as well as family and friends in Utah.  I know our home and yard is going to be packed with love and laughter, and maybe even tears, tomorrow night.  I cannot wait.  "If you don't do it for yourselves, do it for everyone else.  We all want to support you, but sometimes we don't know how.  Do it for us."  It's the best thing we could have done.  It gives me something to look forward to on a day that I don't think I could manage otherwise.

I'm the luckiest girl in the world.