I got a call on Monday night at 7:30pm, "informing me that my child was marked absent from zero hour.... present a signed note upon returning..." Well, since it was clearly after school, and the class was first thing in the morning, email was the only option I thought I had a my disposal. Here was my thought process:
Ask Keilie details about what happened from the time she got out of the car. Give the teacher as many details about the morning, so she would know that Keilie had been there on-time and throughout the entire class, ask if there was anything else I needed to do to help get this taken care of. I ended the email with a simple, "Steph," super informal, friendly-like.
As I was dropping Keilie off on Tuesday morning, I got the email back from her teacher: Yes I will take care of it
Tuesday night as we were getting ready for bed, I told the kids that they didn't need to wake early, that they all had a dentist appointment at 9:00am. Keilie was seriously worried, because her zero hour class is one where she needs to let people know if she's going to be absent, because they need someone to cover her shift at the school store. Being 8:30pm, again without a real good way to let her know, I told Keilie I would explain it all to the teacher in an email.
Tentatively: "Um... please don't."
Confused: "What? Why? How would I be able to let her know that the shift needs to be covered if I didn't email her? I don't have her phone number. I want to give her enough notice to find someone as soon as possible, instead of waiting until the class has actually started."
Tentatively: "Yeah, well she talked with me about how offended she was with your 'strongly worded' email yesterday."
Worried: "Well, mom, she's kind of a sensitive teacher."
Sensitive? This woman awakened some very real self-conscious fears in me. I do not like confrontation. I do not like making people work because me. I do not like making others feel bad about themselves, or feel as if they've done something wrong. I would go out of my way to make others feel heard and welcome and happy, even if it was truly hard for me. I got the kids into bed and went back to read the email, tears running down my face. I could not read that email in a way that I felt was strongly worded, but it's because I know the intentions of my heart.
I have worried all day over how this woman thinks of me. I want her to meet me, so that we can work to be friends. I don't like knowing that someone doesn't like me, that someone thinks I am mean, that someone could even think that I would send something like that at all. It was a tiny mistake! A nothing mistake! If she would have done something on purpose to hurt Keilie, you better believe there would be words, but this was such a small thing, nothing whatsoever to be upset about, even a tiny bit! I was so honest and conversational (or so I thought), that I felt as if this woman would read it, feel what I was saying, respond back in kind, and there would be a friendly, easy avenue of communication open between us that I have with the Elementary staff, and beginning with Middle School Staff, and a few different from the High School. It kills me to know that there is someone at that school that thinks I am like that, that I am one of {those} people.
If there were going to be strong words, it would be because of the ideas she put into Keilie's head about me. Paraphrasing words: Strongly worded and offended. I am so in my girls' corner that I will email teachers for a great many different reasons, whether it's to let them in on the fact that her brother died, or died a year ago and would they watch out for her and let me know if they thought it was too much and that I needed to come get her. Or let them know that we were going last-minute to Hawaii and would they please compile all homework so that she could be prepared when we returned. Or to let them know that Keilie really liked a certain class, and that I appreciated all their work. I email them all the time for big things, little things, and nothing things to say thank you. I am happy, funny, light, and kind. I appreciate the time and money they take to teach my child, so I frequently just say thank you, you're making a difference, I appreciate you. They're like my friends, because they take care of and care for my babes.
And now this-- she made Keilie mistrust me just a little bit. She made Keilie embarrassed for me just a little bit. She made Keilie look at me as not one that is in her corner, but one to be weary of-- What is she going to email next?!. I had to prove to her that I didn't do what that teacher told her I did. It hurt. I hope I can mend the gap in the bridge with a treat that Keilie will take to her tomorrow. Because when I emailed her to let her know Keilie would not be at zero hour this morning, her reply was just as curt, with no grammar, punctuation, or friendliness.
I will find someone to cover her shift
Weird to know that a Stephanie in the world is mad at me. I hope one day that she'll be able to sign her name Steph, that she'll see that signing our name that way is a friendly gesture, one that isn't strongly worded or confrontational at all, friendly. I inadvertently hurt someone, and I hate it.
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