Spirit Speaks

 I have spent the last week pondering something in my heart that I continue to feel such gratitude and wonder over.  It's one of those things that I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I am grateful for cancer care's lessons.

Because it had been five years since my last women's health exams, I scheduled a mammogram right along with my other exams.  It was scheduled for Tyson's birthday, but the machine was down, so they rescheduled me for November.  But we scheduled a surprise trip to New Orleans, so I rescheduled it again for December 2nd.  "Your results will be available on Friday."  Because I'd scheduled it simply because it had been five years since my last one, I wasn't expecting them to say that I needed to come back in for more tests.  As soon as I read those words, I felt an electric shock run through my body.  As my mind did two things at once by re-reading the letter from the radiologist as well as taking a temperature of my reaction, I realized that my body was reacting to the shock that it wasn't, "Everything's great, see you in a year," but my mind and heart were untroubled.  I thought, "I know the Spirit would alert me, even if just a tiny pin-prick of awareness that something wasn't right.  I know what it feels like to get the 'nudges' so I can prepare myself for what's coming."

I read the words at 1:14pm and immediately called to schedule the diagnostic imaging.  Isn't it always the way that they'd closed at 12:30pm because it was a Friday.  Monday morning at 9:00am, I called in.  I'd had an entire weekend of it being on my mind, but not feeling nervous in my heart.  As soon as I hit the send button, though, my heart started slamming in my chest.  I was so confused as I waited for them to pick up as I pondered in my head the reaction my body was having just because I was calling them!  I kept reminding myself that I knew Heavenly Father would have allowed me to feel even the tiniest unease if anything truly was wrong.  Other than my slamming heart, which ultimately made it so I sounded scared out of my mind when she asked me to give her my name, birth date, and address for security purposes, I hadn't felt nervous one bit.  I knew in my soul that nothing was wrong.

Because it was diagnostic and not simply screening, I was able to get in that afternoon.  I did my normal chores and teaching that morning, astounded that I was nearly late, having lost track of time teaching.  I showered and left in just enough time to arrive right on time, which by my standards was late:)  Again, I began shaking like a leaf.  Enough that I could barely sign the paperwork.  Again, it was as if my mind was reminding myself, convincing myself, that I knew deep down that nothing was wrong.  Throughout my life, the Spirit has given me little indications that things were wrong.  If something happens, I can always look back and see things that should have or do alert me.  My reactions to this scenario were truly my physical body!

As always, the staff was super friendly.  "I'm going to compress you with love!"  Because this was diagnostic, it took about five minutes more than the screening imaging.  When she was done, she invited me over to the screen.  Because I now have some experience with such imaging, I knew immediately what they were concerned about-- a small, soft-white circle that looked as if it could be connected to a blood supply.  But even as I was looking at it, I knew it was going to turn out to be nothing serious.  I knew.  But that didn't stop my body from zinging again when they told me that, yes, the doctor would like me to get an ultrasound, things just didn't look safe enough to say it was nothing.

As I lay on the table, freezing and exposed, I felt a calm come over me.  My Spirit finally convinced my body that everything truly was going to be ok.  My heart stopped racing, my breath caught, I warmed up.  The ultrasound tech walked in and asked if I was ok, and for the first time since reading those unexpected words on Friday, my body was ok.  I'm not gonna lie-- I don't revel in women's health exams, and this was no different for my modest sensibilities, even if they were super gentle, super kind, and super efficient.  The moment she placed the paddle on my skin, I started talking with her as if we'd been friends forever.  I felt such relief that my body wasn't freaking out!  We had a great time, laughing even.  When she told me she was going to show the radiologist my scans, I wrapped myself in the heated blanket.  Not because my body was shivering with fear, but because it was cold in the room and I was in a state of undress.  It felt amazing to recognize the difference between my physical body reacting to fear and the peace I feel knowing that my Heavenly Father will always prepare me.

It's a small cyst.  I didn't feel relief hearing those words, because I'd already felt peace when I walked into the ultrasound room, even though an added test should have freaked me out.  Because of cancer care, I know, I KNOW how the Spirit speaks to me, prepares me, guides, and carries me.  How grateful I am for this knowledge.

I compiled a list of all first and second-generation cancers, just in case and for possible future needs:

Paternal:  Father- Cervical Spine, Uncle- Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, Aunt- Skin, Grandmother- Skin

Maternal:  Grandfather: Prostate, Aunt- Cervical, Cousin- Melanoma (passed away April 25, 2020)

Family:  Son- Undifferentiated Embryonal Sarcoma of the Liver (passed away October 4, 2017)

I may not have a family history of Breast Cancer, but my closest generations, not to mention the siblings and family members of my Grandparents, show that we have a lot of cancer risks.  An interesting fact or coincidence: All of the Burrell genes who have had cancer are A+ blood-type, that includes Caden.