Faith

It has been the best few days!!  I have loved every minute since first hitting the road on Wednesday afternoon.  I've refilled our pantry for the next babysitter, cleaned up a few things around the house, and spent oodles of hours just sitting with my kids.  I've decided that one of my favorite things is just to sit and listen.  Listen to their words, listen to their laughter, listen to their joking, and even listen to their arguments. Kids are just real!

I have had a few people ask how I do it.  How do you keep it up?  How can I be so positive?  I've thought a lot about it.  I've said before how I know it's because of the many prayers on our behalf.  I have always known that our prayers are heard, our Heavenly Father knows us individually.  However, I also have Faith.  Faith is like a seed, if planted it will grow.  This song has played through my head all day today, so I feel I should write about my Faith. 

My testimony and knowledge of Faith began as a child.  I borrowed from my parent's Faith.  When I was just a baby, my Dad was diagnosed with Cervical Spine Cancer.  My sisters and I have grown up hearing the stories of how people came together to Fast and Pray for my Dad through such a hard time, how he came close to death, and some of his own experiences of agony.  I've reflected over the past few years how different my life would be without my sisters, without the powerhouse that is my Dad.  It's not something I like to dwell on.  Just a few short years later, my little sister Keilie was diagnosed with a liver defect.  The irony is not lost on me that my son was diagnosed with Liver Cancer.  My parents struggled with some of the same things we are struggling with right now.  Keilie's main care was in Omaha, Nebraska, so they were constantly juggling time with their older kids (4 & 2) and their baby in the hospital far from home.  They watched as their child was pulled down a road of suffering that was beyond their control, ultimately holding their baby as she passed from their arms to our Heavenly Father's; just 18 months old.  My Faith was begun before I even knew what it meant.  I watched by example as my parents thanked their Father in Heaven for their blessings.  Thanked him for the trials that made them stronger.  Instilled in us that Faith is not always easy, but always worth it in the end.

As I grew and started to find my own Faith, I always knew I would put my trust in Him.  Through our many moves, through our other trials, I have always just known that I would be watched over.  Things are not always easy, I'm not exempt from trials because I have Faith, but I am able to endure them with my head held high.  Just a few months ago, Randy and I were looking at opening a Craft Store.  We talked with some friends that opened one in St. George, Utah, knew that we wanted to do something similar, found a lot for manufacturing, found a retail building, had loans going through-- the works!  We had a business plan all put together, started looking into things more closely, and got more and more excited about our new adventure.  Through it all, I prayed that if it was meant to be, things would continue to just fall into place.  Randy prayed that if it was not supposed to happen, something would happen with the loan.  And something happened- things just started to fall apart.  We had our answer-- no.  We were seriously sad that we weren't going to be able to open this business.  It would keep Randy closer to home, eventually have him home more, and be a family business that would include our kids in a few ideas.  We thought it was going to be perfect.  And then everything just stopped.  We wondered if we would ever find out why it wasn't supposed to happen.  And now we have.  We had a projected open date of March 1st.  Can you believe the stress we would be in right now?!  Sometimes our prayers are answered in the way we want them to be.  Sometimes they are not.  Sometimes it takes longer than we would like.  Sometimes we won't see the answers until much later.  And sometimes the answer is just no.  No matter the answer, I know that my story will have a much happier ending if I just follow, and have Faith in, my Heavenly Father.

When my kids look back on their childhood, I hope they see the Faith that I have, the love I have for my Heavenly Father, and begin their own journey of Faith.  Because I know that my Redeemer lives, He loves me, and He will give me exactly what I need.  I know this because He already has.  

My life is not perfect, but it's perfect for me!