New normal

As we walked into the hospital this morning with all of the kids, I reminded then that they got to live "A day in the life of Caden." I soon realize that that was not true. Although they spent 8:40-3:30 in the hospital, it was actually a fun-ish day. Uno, Spot It, Mad Libs, and coloring kept us playing together, which was not always how it was. All-in-all, I think they got a glimpse into just how hard it can be to do that day-after-day. 

All Scans look great! We got a clean bill of health for the next three months. It was enlightening to see what Scan Days are going to be like. I wasn't worried, but it's good to have today out of the way. 

With all of the medical information out of the way, Sue began talking with us more as a friend. She began telling us how our "new normal" might be. While looking right at me, she said, "You are going to find yourself with a lot more time than you are currently used to. And with all of this new time, you may finally be able to process what you just went through. And it's quite possible you may lose it. It's what we call post traumatic stress. You're not crazy! It's normal!!"

Still looking only at me, she continued, "Life needs to begin slowly. Don't try to just jump into everything all at once. You may feel a bit lost in this new normal. It's ok to feel lazy. It's normal."

Looking to the boy on the bed, "Don't be hard on yourself. For the past 7 months, you've basically sat on your butt. You muscles are lax. Your body is taxed and tired. You will not be able to jump into activities that previously were easy. Take time to come back. Be forgiving of this amazing body you have."

And then she began explaining about a "syndrome" that she named Scanxiety. For the next three months, life is going to go on. But sometime in October, we're going to have to go back to Seattle Children's for another Scan. The results of that Scan will determine the following days, whether they be happy or stressful. The Scan will cause anxiety. Scanxiety. Even though it wasn't like that today, I already want the results from the next 10 Scans to be favorable! I understand that fear. "It's normal!"

All I know for sure: Caden has been cancer free for 18 days, we have a free three months to play, and together is our heaven on earth. Here's to our new normal.