We're back!

 The day we signed Keilie up for Orange Theory was the day they announced that all gyms in Washington were closing down again for "4 weeks."  12 weeks later...

It's not as convenient anymore, since we have to drive 15-minutes in the opposite direction to pick Keilie up, then 15-minutes back to the gym, trying to arrive early to be able to do the treadmill first, but we think it's worth it for her mental health.  

I sure hope we can get her into a psychiatrist soon.  We are going through the proper medical channels, but it's not fast enough for my mommy's heart.  It was confirmed by the cognitive-behavioral therapist that she does, in fact, score high on the bi-polar evaluation.  She showed it to her colleagues, asking their opinion, and they all agreed that Keilie needs more help than they can give.  She needs some serious help, as I've known for months as things have progressively gotten worse and worse.  The rage.  The lies.  {Shudder}  

It's a hard thing to watch your child go through something so far out of your depths of understanding.  I watched my sister struggle as a young child, which is how I recognized bi-polar in Shelby, but I wasn't around during her teenage years.  When I told her about it, she said she'd wondered for a long time, had recognized and related to Keilie, but I always had an answer for how it fit into ADHD.  I hate, hate, hate that I thought ADHD was the "answer" to all of her struggles, so I was placing all hardships in those symptom categories.  It's a hard pill to swallow that I wasn't doing enough when I thought I was doing all I could.  She's suffering-- truly suffering-- with something that cannot be seen, cannot be cut out, cannot be ignored, yet is as life-threatening as cancer.  It's a horrible thing knowing you cannot change your own mind, but even I don't understand the depth of her sorrows because I've only struggled with depression.  This is so much more.  And it breaks my heart.