Alternate

It is no secret that I have weird dreams.  Since High School, I have had dreams that felt very real, to the point that one time I actually screamed out so loud in the real from a dream that I woke myself into semi-consciousness and scared myself because of all of the screaming.  Once I realized that it was me, and that I had scared myself, I shakily laughed myself enough to relax.  Kind of.  It took me a while to go back to sleep, since Randy had been out-of-town.  I'm sure he is grateful he missed that- can you imagine being awakened by blood-curdling screams?  I can.

Two nights ago now I had something so weird happen, that I can't seem to let it go.  It just feels so weird still.  Sunday night, after the stressful Nursery debacle, I had a hard time falling asleep.  I passed the two o'clock hour awake, finally falling asleep only to be up for good at 6:00am.  I barreled through the day not feeling the slightest bit drowsy or exhausted the whole day.  Come 8:00pm I knew I was going to have a hard night again, despite the fact that I had had only four hours of rest the night before.  I am still just so keyed up from anxiety-- I wish it would stop.  I decided to take some pills- which I hate if Randy is gone, seeing as I am supposed to be the responsible adult in the house- so that I could have a better chance of giving my body some much needed rest.

I noticed they were starting to work at 10:39PM.  I told myself I would watch the rest of my show- which had about five minutes remaining- then head to the bathroom one last time and go to bed before the pills made me dizzy-tired.  Once that happens, I have a hard time falling asleep, because I feel so weird and just think and think and think and think about how weird I feel, instead of falling asleep.  The next thing I know, I am jolted awake in complete black darkness.

As my mind was coming back to reality, it was grasping at anything to explain the black.  Did I pass out?!  Did my kids find me asleep and turn off the light?  Where is my phone, I had it right here.  Oh, wait, I put my phone right here (reached my hand to the nightstand and found it immediately).  Oh, that's right, I did go to the bathroom.  I did turn out the light.  I remember laying down just like this.  Gosh, that was weird!  How long have I been sleeping?!?!

Here's the weird part: it was only 11:00pm.  It had only been 21 minutes from the time I felt the effects of the pills to the time I woke with a jolt and felt out of it enough to wonder if I had blacked out, forgetting everything that had happened leading up to that point.  I had finished my show, gone to the bathroom, climbed into bed and slept just enough to bring me to 11:00pm and then my mind went nuts.  Am I Gwyneth Paltrow on Sliding Doors-- did I just enter an alternative universe?!  Is this the life that happens when I take pills, even though I don't want, but need to?  Would my life be taking a different course had I not taken them?

See what I mean?  I am not a responsible adult when taking sleeping pills.  I know I should not take them when Randy is gone, but I just needed rest so much.  My greatest fear is that our house will catch fire on a night when I happen to take them (which is truly not often, just extreme cases) and I won't be able to help my sleeping babes.  They will probably have to help me, with Caden and Keilie taking my arms, Brennon and Shelby taking my legs, Tyson taking my huge cranium, and One, Two, Three, HEAVE me of the house.  Who knows, I may even be the one that starts the fire, and then falls asleep immediately and not even remember doing it!  I need a night nanny...for the "adult" of the house.