Cray-Cray

It was Crazy Hair Day at BME on Wednesday.  In keeping with the No Bullying theme of the week, they were invited to be Crazy without fear of bullying.  I love it when they do fun stuff like this.  Tyson and Brennon wanted the hair that the other had last year.  So, Brennon wanted the four side-to-side mohawks that Tyson sported last year.  Only...

 Once I did the first one, he thought it was so funny, he asked to keep just the one and then part it down the center in the front.  He laughed and laughed, so I knew it was a success for my little Brennon!

Tyson wanted the "screws" on his head, only...

 His hair is much longer than Brennon's was, so the "screws" didn't quite turn out.  We're keeping his hair long to add to the effect of his Halloween costume.  It was still a Crazy hairstyle, but it didn't look as cool as Brennon's did last year.  He still liked it, though, just not as much as Brennon liked his.

Shelby asked to do the same as last year.  I was glad, too, because we were short on time trying to get her out the door early for Kids of Steele band. 

She did not come home with these still in.  To get these "knots" you have to twist and twist, so I bet that her head was pretty sore after just a few hours.  Cutie.

That night, I got to do another hairstyle that I am not used to, something that I had to try and "learn" from seeing many pictures. Keilie had the Halloween Youth Dance that night, and wanted to be Rosie the Riveter.  This is what I came up with...

She looked so stunning!!  I kept staring at her, with this hairstyle that is no longer used, and thought that she could bring it back in style with her beautiful face, smile, and spunky attitude. 

It was a fun day of "Crazy" hair at our house.  I love days like this, where I get to be the "cool" mom that does their hair how they want.  I love it when they get the giggles because the style they had envisioned in their mind becomes a reality on their head.  I sure love my kids.

It should also be noted that Caden chose a lame costume for the dance: An Eagle Scout.  He wouldn't even let me make him into a Zombie Scout.  He just put on his uniform and went.  Lame!  He told me 'no' three times-- I may or may not have begged and begged and begged.  I think he loved the fact that he won out on the "argument."  Whatever, teenager!  Even though the costume was lame, he still looked freaking handsome!  Lame, but handsome.

Brighter

While looking for a large whiteboard for Randy's newly organized (you read that right, organized!), we stumbled across a deal that has me grinning ear to ear, still reeling with excitement.

 LED can lights!!

First off, they were $10 for a box of two.  Our entire house has 15 can lights.  To simply replace the covers that used to look like this...

It would have cost $10 just for the covers, not to mention having to replace lightbulbs.  This way, we got TWO for $10, and we won't have to replace lightbulbs or change them out for TWENTY YEARS!!!  So, upfront it cost us half what we thought we would spend, plus we don't have to spend money on bulbs.  This was a stellar find!!  And get this:  Keilie did two of them.  That's right, my 13 year old daughter was able to help with this update!!  It took Randy and Keilie 20 minutes to do all 15 lights, updating this house by at least 20 years.  I was giddy at the prospect, but became even more so when we turned them on...

 This was sitting in our front room, looking down the hallway to our dining room.  To give you an idea of how bright these new lights are...the lights in the front room were on, yet it looks dark where I am sitting.

 Looking into the dining room from the kitchen.  Do you see that stack of black can light covers on the table?  It is a resounding, "Bah-Bye Beasties!" for those babies!!!  I bet you didn't notice the covers first, though, when you have a cute little first-grader doing his homework in the picture!

And finally the kitchen.  From the first time we walked into this house, we knew we were going to update this kitchen.  First it was just going to be painting them white and having a cabinet guy make us all knew Shaker door fronts, but I think we both agree that it needs to be a complete gut job with cabinets all the way to the ceiling.  However, until that happens, these new lights and paint make the house feel like a newer-build.  I'm not even joking!  It is so bright and light in this kitchen, it almost masks the hideous 90's cabinets and pinkish countertops.  Almost.  It makes me more excited to do the kitchen reno, but helps me like the kitchen space a little more, and hate the wait a little less.

The upgrades that we have already done have made this house look even better, I can't imagine how grand it will be once we do the siding (we have sketches drawn up for this one, with colors for stone and Hardie Board almost selected- going for the Craftsman look, baby!), kitchen, and landscaping.  This house is turning into my favorite pretty quick.  We fit so well, love the location, and are making it our own. 

The perfect recipe for our own little slice of heaven on earth.

Pins?

It happened again-- I was told a story/scenario and given time to process what I would do, before something happened in my own life.  While talking with a friend about her son's broken elbow, she told me that he had had to have six pins placed...and that they would be removed while he was awake.  I remember recoiling from it, holding my heart to stop the burning thumps.  Awake?  And it wouldn't hurt?  Are they crazy?!

And then Caden broke his wrist the very.next.day.

And had two pins placed just 5 days after I had talked with Kristin about the very subject.

However, I was not prepared for what the pins actually look like.  In my mind, they take tiny, itty-bitty little screw-like things and put them in to stay forever.  My question after seeing them: Why do they call them pins, when really...

They are freaking tent stakes!!!  I asked him if he could feel them once the soft cast came off and he was allowed a little moving room.  "No, although it looks like I should be able to feel them."  I totally agree!!!

His next appointment is November 4th.  Knowing what I know, I will not be going to this appointment.  Just knowing they are going to pull those babies out makes me almost faint just typing it.  I am taking myself out of the running to upstage Caden as the patient again.  I just can't be there.

Quick Math

Shelby was working on Dreambox with Brennon and Tyson sitting close by, watching.  It was a three-part problem where the first two answers each totalled 56.  About three seconds after the second '56' came up, Tyson exclaimed, "If those two answers were added together, they would equal 112."  Not 5 seconds could have passed from the time the second '56' popped up and his own addition.  He just knew it in his mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was trying to help Tyson memorize the **Third Article of Faith for the Primary Program in Sacrament meeting this afternoon, so I told Tyson that for each time he read it 20 times, he would earn a Lemon Drop.  After about 10 times reading it, I would erase a word.  He learned it within about 15 minutes.  After all was done, his Lemon Drops collected, he said,

"I have 5 Lemon Drops, which means that I did five times 20.  I read it 100 times!"

Again, not five seconds could have passed while he was doing this kind of math in his head. 

He is 7 by just 10 days and he can do this kind of complex-for-first-grade math in his head!  Man, this kid amazes me.

**We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.

Growth

Six months of growth. I'm SO glad it's getting longer! Still never regretted my choice, just never liked how the Pixie looked on me. 

Junie B.

I got to go with Tyson today on my very first ever Field Trip as a parent-helper.  No infants, no sickness, and no cancer care to keep me away!!  We even rode a bus and everything!  {And let me just say: things have not changed in the 20 years since I have ridden a big yellow school bus.  They look the same, feel the same, and even smell the exact same as I remember!}  The entire First Grade of BME got to go to, Junie B. Jones, The Musical, put on by the local Children's Acting Organization in the Tri-Cities.

 I know it is hard to see, but those huge blocks spell out Junie B. Jones.  They were used as seats for the "bus" and seats for their "class," Room 1.  It was SO beautiful.  However, once the little girl (about Shelby's age) walked out and started to sing, things got even more so!  I knew it was going to be a live production, but I didn't realize that it was going to be all children.  Even the adults were played by older children.  It was fun, imaginative, and oh, so wonderful.  The perfect way to bring Junie B. (my favorite chapter books to read to my kids-- she is SO funny!) to life, right before our eyes.  I loved every minute of it.

While there, I asked Tyson if it was cool that his teacher shared the same last name as Junie B.  With confusion, he asked, "What?"  Ummm.... Sweetheart, it's Jones!  With shagrin, "Oh, yeah!"  A little while later he leaned over and said, "Jones should be said 'J-wons,' because o-n-e spells 'one,' so J-o-n-e-s should be said 'Jwons.'"  Very true, son, very true.

I had the best time seeing Tyson associate with not only our small group, but with his other classmates and teacher.  I do a lot of volunteering at home doing projects that are easily transported to-and-from school in their backpacks, but this was a FUN first time leaving the school, riding on a bus, and seeing something for the first time with my child.  It was a great day! 

Alternate

It is no secret that I have weird dreams.  Since High School, I have had dreams that felt very real, to the point that one time I actually screamed out so loud in the real from a dream that I woke myself into semi-consciousness and scared myself because of all of the screaming.  Once I realized that it was me, and that I had scared myself, I shakily laughed myself enough to relax.  Kind of.  It took me a while to go back to sleep, since Randy had been out-of-town.  I'm sure he is grateful he missed that- can you imagine being awakened by blood-curdling screams?  I can.

Two nights ago now I had something so weird happen, that I can't seem to let it go.  It just feels so weird still.  Sunday night, after the stressful Nursery debacle, I had a hard time falling asleep.  I passed the two o'clock hour awake, finally falling asleep only to be up for good at 6:00am.  I barreled through the day not feeling the slightest bit drowsy or exhausted the whole day.  Come 8:00pm I knew I was going to have a hard night again, despite the fact that I had had only four hours of rest the night before.  I am still just so keyed up from anxiety-- I wish it would stop.  I decided to take some pills- which I hate if Randy is gone, seeing as I am supposed to be the responsible adult in the house- so that I could have a better chance of giving my body some much needed rest.

I noticed they were starting to work at 10:39PM.  I told myself I would watch the rest of my show- which had about five minutes remaining- then head to the bathroom one last time and go to bed before the pills made me dizzy-tired.  Once that happens, I have a hard time falling asleep, because I feel so weird and just think and think and think and think about how weird I feel, instead of falling asleep.  The next thing I know, I am jolted awake in complete black darkness.

As my mind was coming back to reality, it was grasping at anything to explain the black.  Did I pass out?!  Did my kids find me asleep and turn off the light?  Where is my phone, I had it right here.  Oh, wait, I put my phone right here (reached my hand to the nightstand and found it immediately).  Oh, that's right, I did go to the bathroom.  I did turn out the light.  I remember laying down just like this.  Gosh, that was weird!  How long have I been sleeping?!?!

Here's the weird part: it was only 11:00pm.  It had only been 21 minutes from the time I felt the effects of the pills to the time I woke with a jolt and felt out of it enough to wonder if I had blacked out, forgetting everything that had happened leading up to that point.  I had finished my show, gone to the bathroom, climbed into bed and slept just enough to bring me to 11:00pm and then my mind went nuts.  Am I Gwyneth Paltrow on Sliding Doors-- did I just enter an alternative universe?!  Is this the life that happens when I take pills, even though I don't want, but need to?  Would my life be taking a different course had I not taken them?

See what I mean?  I am not a responsible adult when taking sleeping pills.  I know I should not take them when Randy is gone, but I just needed rest so much.  My greatest fear is that our house will catch fire on a night when I happen to take them (which is truly not often, just extreme cases) and I won't be able to help my sleeping babes.  They will probably have to help me, with Caden and Keilie taking my arms, Brennon and Shelby taking my legs, Tyson taking my huge cranium, and One, Two, Three, HEAVE me of the house.  Who knows, I may even be the one that starts the fire, and then falls asleep immediately and not even remember doing it!  I need a night nanny...for the "adult" of the house.

"Halloween" Nights

For our Monday night FHE activity, the kids wanted to watch a fun Halloween type movie.  So far we have watched Blackbeard's Ghost, Flight of the Navigator, and Hocus Pocus as a family, to ring in the beginning of the Holiday season right.  Last night they wanted to watch James and the Giant Peach-- it's been a few years; enough that Shelby said she remembered some parts, Tyson and Brennon none.

I had been compiling a Trunk Emergency Kit during the day (we had the most amazing Relief Society meeting on this subject-- I recaptured the preparedness bug!), so I didn't get a lot of house work finished that I had wanted from my to-do list, even making a bit more mess trying to find things for the Kit.  I asked the kids if they would mind if I only listened- since I had seen the movie and didn't really care to see it again- and cleaned the main level while they watched.  Immediately Keilie said,

"You mean we get to watch a movie while you do all of the cleaning?  OF COURSE, you can!"

The kids all laughed and laughed.

Joke's on them!! They thought they were getting the better end of the deal, that I wouldn't really want to work, but the truth is: We all got exactly what we wanted!  I'm good to go a few more years without seeing/listening to that movie again.  Not one of my favorites.

Next in our "Halloween" Que: Matilda.

Talents

Last night we had a FHE lesson on Talents.  I had taught Brennon's class on this topic a few weeks ago and knew I would be doing it with my family for FHE sometime soon.  It went even better with our family than it did with the 8 year olds-- and it had gone seriously well with the 8 year olds!

I first read the story from Matthew 25 about the Master that gave three Servants 5 talents, 2 talents, and only one talent, based on their abilities.  We had a discussion about it and then told the kids that we wanted a time to brag about ourselves, listing all of the talents that we knew we already possessed.  We told the kids that accurate spelling was not required, that they could just write and write and write about themselves.  Even little Tyson was furiously writing for the 7 minutes that we took, although at one point said he couldn't remember what he had written, because it wasn't spelled right.  I did help brainstorm a few ideas while they were writing, hoping to jog their memories.

Then we went around the room in a circle and had each family member say one talent that we recognize in each other.  They could add it to their own list, or acknowledge that it was one they already had written down.  We love verbally lifting each other up often, but this was the first time we had done this for "talents", instead of "one thing we like about that person."

After, we went around the circle reading our talents lists aloud.  It was really great to see them be able to boast the talents that they believed they had.  They all said them with pride, no embarrassment at all.  It was really nice for them to feel safe to say they were good at so many things, without worrying about anyone putting them down for being boastful or cocky.  We helped them recognize that the talents that they have are things that need to be used and shared, that we should not be afraid to share our talents.  We also taught them that just like the servants in the scriptures, they needed to use them or lose them- thus bringing the judgments of our Heavenly Father, whether joyous or censure.

Last, we talked about talents that we didn't yet possess, but that we wanted to work on.  They had to put at least one, but were welcome to make a list as long as they could imagine.  These are things that we are going to try our hand at to see if we can make it into a shareable, true talent.  I told them how as a child I had always wanted to learn to do a running roundoff backhandspring, that I had entered tumbling for that, and that alone, and that I had never gotten it down, no matter how hard I tried, or how much I really wanted it.  I just couldn't.  But it didn't mean that I couldn't work on other talents, or that I would never be good at anything.

The kids listened.  They took it seriously.  They loved to brag about the gifts that our Heavenly Father has given them, recognizing them as strengths to help themselves and others.  It was an amazing discussion around our front room.  At the close, Keilie chose We'll Bring the World His Truth as the closing song.  As we gathered around the piano (one of my talents), it felt almost magical as we each sang out, "And we will be the Lord's missionaries, to bring the world His truth."  With our talents used and sharpened, our family plans to proclaim that, "He Lives, He Loves us, and He wants us to come home."

So I challenge you now: Make a list of every talent that you possess, whether big or small.  When they are all written down, you'll see how long it is and how blessed you are, what you need to try harder to use, and maybe even think of things you'd like to work on to acquire.

It was an amazing night filled with love, acceptance, pondering, and learning.  A perfect night to end a stress-filled, heaven-approved two hours in Nursery.

New Calling

I got called as the Junior (18 month-2 years) Nursery Leader two weeks ago.  The first week was pure chaos.  I didn't realize the sheer number of children in that class.  I thought there were five.  There are 11!  I had done a lot of research throughout the week and had organized and worked really hard to make it a good class for those two hours.  All that went out the window pretty darn fast.  This week I did more and more of everything.  It was better...sort of. 

It was MUCH better than week number one, but it was still quite exhausting.  Trying to keep that many mostly non-verbal kids happy at all times, engaged in learning activities and lessons, sitting when they are supposed to, eating only their own food, drinking out of their own sippie, trying not to take toys that someone else is playing with, 4 poopy diapers, crazy antics when a child was weepy or for a distraction, and many others that I have forgotten or suppressed deep in my mind, left me shaking when I got home from an enormous adrenaline spike that lasted for two hours.

I'm grateful for the two women that are my assistants.  There truly is no way I could do it on my own.  For my safety and the kids'.  But the mental, emotional, and physical exertions and energies that are necessary for this calling had me near tears the second I got home.  And it is only week number two.  I sure hope this gets easier.  And less anxiety filled.  If I could just snuggle with happy kids and watch them play happily for two hours, that would be great.  Adding on teaching them and weepy emotions is a whole other situation.  And 11.....YOWSA!!!

Wish me luck!

We got a pool!

So, I woke up on Tyson's birthday to this...

 and thought, "Awe, the Heavens weep because my baby is turning 7!"  And then I realized that it must have been pouring down rain all.night.long!  It was scheduled to rain all day, so I was waiting for it to overflow the crawl space grates and just start filling our "basement" with water.  I swear I have PTSD when it comes to water issues.  So glad we don't have to worry about two sump pumps (one going off every 30 seconds) to keep water from filling up our house anymore!  Miss Bar Nunn, miss the house and friends, don't miss the water issues!

The water was naturally flowing from our yard to our next-door neighbor's yard that is lower than ours, with ours being lower than our back neighbor's.  When Randy got home, he went out to dig trenches to divert the water away from our house, and away from our next-door neighbor's yard as much as possible.  When he was out there, he figured out the real problem: it was not just Tears from Heaven, but a pipe bursting in the yard behind us.  It happened in the yard of a vacant house, so it wouldn't have been noticed on that side of the fence that water was erupting spontaneously from the ground.  Since we are lower than them, I just thought it was natural water flow.  And, since it was raining, we didn't recognize it for what it truly was-- this was our first real rain storm while living in this house.  Two hours after the water was turned off by Kennewick Irrigation District, the ground no longer held standing water.  It's good to know that we won't have to worry about this if it rains for a whole day and night, and that our ground has some pretty good drainage.  Plus, we don't have to pay for the broken pipe and labor.  I can handle that!

Volunteer

Pretty much the day that we got Keilie's Fundraiser collected, counted, and turned in, the Elementary sent home a fundraiser for their Jog-A-Thon.  Each kid skipped the daily after-school hug with a plea for money.  I truly felt like I wanted to run for the hills-- I was done with Fundraisers!  If I would have known what the kids were going to be doing to earn that money, I would have paid big bucks.  BIG BUCKS!

I had already signed up to volunteer on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at the Book Fair from 8:30-10:30, and then had signed Randy and I up to volunteer at the Fall Carnival from 5:45-6:30 tonight, so I didn't really think about signing up to volunteer for the Jog-A-Thon.  When Tyson's teacher sent out a plea last night saying that she didn't realize she didn't have her class's two volunteers, I agreed to just stay after the Book Fair.  I'm so glad I did, otherwise I would have missed the marvel that is a Jog-A-Thon.

It was mega windy here (almost Casper wind) but they still had the kids run around a track for an entire hour!!  I'm not kidding, they just kept running, and running- stopping each round to have me mark off their round on a card they had round their necks.  I knew Tyson was a runner, but it surprised me that he kept going and going.  He tied the top runner in his class at 3.25 miles in one hour.  GO TY!  Crazy thing-- Brennon beat him by half a mile!!  My kids are runners-- even if they have asthma and it is super windy and cold!  It was a fun event to watch.

Tonight, when we walked into the carnival, Keilie begged to be a volunteer (which was good because they were under "staffed").  All volunteers got to wear these stylish blue aprons- real classy-like, I'm not even joking.  Soon after we got placed near our game station, I heard Keilie gasp a huge gasp.  In her hands she was clutching a $20 bill that she had found in her apron.  Of course she is the one that got that apron-- she is SO lucky!  Bonus: BME made an extra $20 tonight...seeing as the event was completely free!  Carnival games that either gave out tickets for them to buy little trinkets at the end, or candy and toys all for free.  Such and amazing, fun night!

I'm all volunteered out.

Until Friday for my regularly scheduled volunteer time in the room 18 classroom.

Oh, and today is Caden's day to be throwing up.  Love me some stomach bugs that linger... NOT!

Tyson Darwin

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TYSON DARWIN DIRKS!!!

We surprised Tyson with a birthday party last night the second he walked in the door from school.  It's a year of surprise parties for my kids, I guess.

 I made a Funfetti cake with Orange frosting, since Orange is his favorite color.  I purchased the easy candy lettering...I've learned my lesson a few times when it comes to writing with frosting.  Keilie actually told me that she could have done a better job one time.  She was 7.  She was right.

 We gave him the option of waiting to open his presents on his actual birthday, or opening them immediately.  Like any other seven year old presented with presents, he chose immediately.  I'm glad too...

 Because it gave Randy the opportunity to get down on the floor and play with him.

 I am still in shock that my baby is seven.  It seems only yesterday that I was sitting sprawling most unladylike in a quiet hospital at 3:30am, snuggling the last baby I would ever have.  Randy had just left to drive down to Denver to pick up Ashlee from the airport (still sad she missed it by that much), so it was just me with my sweet baby, the largest of the five at 8 pounds 9.5 ounces, getting to know each other through carresses and kisses and words.  I love my sweet Tyson.  He is the perfect child to bring our family to perfection.

Mindset

We have had a stomach bug going around our house.  Keilie called yesterday at around 10:30 saying she wasn't feeling well, so I went to go grab her.  Ashlee and Russ left early on Sunday due to Daphnee throwing up, so I figured she had the same thing.  She came home, got into a hot bath for an hour and then took a two hour nap.  Around 1:30, the nurse called to tell us that Brennon was complaining of a stomach ache.  Not five minutes after he walked in the door, he was throwing up all over the front room.  It was nice that we still had the rug removed from Ashlee's visit (Deacon peed on it last time, thus causing Ashlee stress and embarrassment- so we removed all anxiety), but it meant that as soon as he started, it splashed all over the wood floors.  Awesome.  A few hours later, Keilie was throwing up in the same fashion, throw up splashing all over.

I find it so weird that all of the times that Caden was throwing up with chemo, I not once felt like even gagging.  I would hold the bucket, many time getting it on myself or feeling the warmth of it through the thin bucket, but not once did I ever feel even a tiny portion of nausea.  However... I almost lost it at least twice with each child yesterday.  It was touch-and-go there a few times. 

Maybe it's a mindset.  Maybe, subconsciously, I don't view chemo throw up as disgusting, just incredibly sad- it's not as if it doesn't stink, or sound and look awful.  But, there is a difference.  I would never hope that any more of my children (or anyone, for that matter) have to endure chemo, but I wish I could have the mindset and strength that I have when I'm caring for a vomitting chemo child. 

17 years

It is so hard for me to conceive that when a doctor expertly and precisely performs surgery, it takes pain medicine as extreme as Morphine to help.  However, when you break a bone clean through, or get pins drilled into the bone without opening the skin, it only takes ibuprofen every six hours to help- most times taking it proactively, instead of necessity.  One is intentional while the other is complete accident.  It stands to reason that the one that is a choice should be the one that doesn't hurt as much, right?!  At least that is how it should be, in my mind.

I was slightly worried having little Aria here without him having a hard cast.  She loves him so much and just wants to be with him.  The fact of the matter is, he loves her even more and wouldn't want her to stay away; love strong enough to watch a couple episodes of Sophia the First, just the two of them.  As it turns out, I should not have worried in the least- they were both careful enough to play. 

We all had such a good time together.  Ash and I got to go shopping together in the morning without kids or time restraint, and then the adults went on a double date to Texas Roadhouse (is there anything as divine as those rolls?!) and to the movie, Masterminds.  We came home and researched all of the truths of the movie after cleaning up the mess that is bound to happen when two teenagers (one with a recent surgery) watch 8 young kids (11 months- 9.75 years) and two dogs for four hours- I'm sure Hurricane Matthew could not have done a better job.  All-in-all, I think Ashlee had a great 33rd birthday.

I love having family so close.  I'm even more grateful that Caden's accident didn't deter them from coming, nor produce feelings of guilt for going out on our planned double date.  It was an amazing 38 hours!  I think my heaven would be an entire city that consisted of both mine and Randy's extended families having homes close together.  Dirks Drive and Burrell Boulevard would be coveted streets to live on, that's for sure!

And as a parting thought: Today is the 17th anniversary of our First Date!  Still such a fun memory to reflect on.

1:00pm

His wrist is worse than the last x-ray.  He goes in for surgery today at 1:00, unless they call him in sooner.  They'll give him a block from the shoulder all the way down that will last for approximately 24 hours.  She said it was like an epidural, in that he'd be able to look at his left arm but not be able to make it move.  Plus it lasts longer, for which I am grateful; working with the bone is never pleasant.

We joked with him that he must miss IV's and anesthesia so much that he looks for ways to get them, but only because we're nervous.  It's not the procedure I am worried about, but the recovery.  I do not want him to feel any pain.  Ever.

Oh, the joys...

5:00PM
Surgery went as well as Dr. Sampson could have imagined.  Caden needed an entire adult's size IV pain medicine after he came to.  The nurse said he would never have believed that a 15 year old boy could have that much without it causing him to sleep for a few hours; Caden asked if he could walk out of there.  As Caden was getting himself into the car, step and all, the nurse exclaimed again that he'd now seen it all.  It made me a bit sad, to tell you the truth.  It's a testament to how much Caden's body has had in the last two years, enough to make it so that an adult's size dose barely touches his pain.  He's resting (and drowsing) on the couch.  I'm glad the procedure is over, but will be most glad when the pain is no longer a concern.

Now to look forward to Ashlee and her family coming.  It's Ashlee's birthday tomorrow, and we're gonna party like it's 1999.  Or like we're in a drug induced euphoria.  Whichever.

First Try

I love that my kids are still so involved in Taekwondo.  I love that at the end of October they will all four test to move up from Green Belt to Purple Belt.  I love watching four kids in matching white uniforms (called Dobokes) walk out the door and into my car.  I love that one of them is a beautiful, blond-haired girl.

Last night, Shelby was all excited.  "Mom, I broke the black board on my first try.  It is the hard board, and I broke it, first try."

Tyson, ever the human lie detector, "No you didn't, Shelby!  Mom, she is lying.  She did it on her second try!"

Deeply offended and completely on the offense, "Tyson, I broke it the first time on my second try!"

I had to laugh, remembering Batman on The Lego Movie after he had thrown his bat stars like 12 times trying to depress the button to allow them entrance into Lord Business' domain, "First Try!"

Let this be a lesson: You can always do something right the first time, as long as you remember how many tries you've taken.

First Time (Fifteenth Try) 

Specialist

We went in to the hand specialist today thinking we were getting his hard cast, and that's all; six weeks of cast and we were home free.  It did not turn out that way.

While his assistant was checking us in, she was going into Caden's medical history with great detail.  My mind kept thinking, "Is this really necessary if all he's getting is a cast?  Does she really need to document every surgery he's had in the past almost three years?"  I never let her hear that I was annoyed, but I kind of was.  Turns out: he needs that information catalogued.  As she was leaving the room, she said, "He'll go over with you why he thinks surgery is an option."  Wait, what?  No one said anything about any surgery.  He already had it set in the ER!

When he walked in, he spoke with Caden a little bit about how he was feeling with his recent cancer stuff (she had even documented the last dose of Pazopanib that he took in May) and then got down to business.  Let me just say: I may not have it 100% correct, because I was in a bit of shock.  I really didn't think surgery would even be talked about at this appointment.

Because Caden is so close to the end of his bone growth stage, he doesn't have enough time for the bones to "fix" themselves.  If we were to leave the wrist the way it is set right now (the ER didn't do a horrible job) he would probably lose mobility in the wrist for good, possibly needing surgery later on.  If he was younger, the bones would grow around the fracture and correct the problem.  But because of Caden's age and the evidence that Caden's bones are near the end of their growth, he doesn't think that will happen.  In this, we're trying Caden as an adult.  He actually said that if Caden were his child he would do surgery tomorrow.

Caden wasn't quite ready to go into surgery, so we took the next proactive option.  We had it put into a hard cast today, with follow-up in two days; the doctor wants to see him first thing on Friday morning.  Caden is not allowed to eat that morning, just in case.  They'll take the cast off for another x-ray and go from there.  If there is evidence that the bone is growing together better than the post-'conscious sedation' x-ray, then we'll just go ahead and re-cast the arm and let it heal for six weeks.  However, if it looks like the aforementioned x-ray (again, it is not a bad set, just not great because of Caden's age), he'll go in for surgery to have pins placed either Friday afternoon or Monday.  If he was just one year old, there would be no question- he'd just get pins. 

I went into that appointment thinking this was going to be a breeze.  Now... not so much.  Everything feels more hectic when surgery is involved.  It still feel easier than the other factors in Caden's health, still feels like there is a clear-cut end date and finality, just not as easy as I previously thought.

One thing is certain:  I'm sick of having to wrap his left arm up for him to be able to shower.  First the PICC and now this.  Lame!  But, looking on the bright side- at least he is feeling well enough to play outside!  It feels nice having "normal" childhood ailments to worry about. 

White

I had plans to surprise Caden with his Family Home Evening activity of choice- raking the leaves at Sacajawea Park.  Shelby had tutoring from 4:00-4:30, so I planned to have dinner prepared, eat, and head out by about 5:00 for the most time possible to play.  Things did not work out...Caden ended up breaking his wrist.

At around 4:05 or so, Caden came in the sliding glass door calling out, "Mom.  Mom."  His tone was off, but it almost sounded as if he was joking around, ready to say in his fake, excited voice, "Mom, I found the most amazing thing ever out there."  When he walked into the front room, where I was sitting helping Tyson with his homework, a few things registered in my mind all at once: He was whiter than I had ever seen him- and I've seen him pretty white when he's needed blood transfusions and just come from 11 hour surgeries.  And he was staggering, ready to fall.  My first thought was that he was dying.  He was just so white.  It still startles me to think about.

While he was lying on the floor, breathing super weird, telling me he was blacking out and that his left arm hurt, I was praying while taking his watch off.  I started to gently massage his harm from his forearm up, trying to figure out what he was so catatonic about.  When I had made it to almost his armpit, he whispered, "My wrist."  And then I saw it.  And I knew.

Randy was pulling into the driveway at this exact moment, grabbing the last of his things to head out for dinner in Spokane with his boss.  I quickly walked out (I am proud to say I was pretty calm at this point) and told him that I thought Caden had broken his arm, that he needed to come in quick to look at it.  I walked back in, ready to grab the ice that Keilie was bringing him.  I was even more proud of her level head- it was a very surreal and scary thing for all of us.  I'm telling you, he looked white as death.  Randy took one look at it and told Caden to get in the car.  At this point, Caden was in denial, telling Randy that he was fine, that it wasn't broken.  Sure, honey.

I'm so glad that Randy was home.  Once he left for the ER with Caden, leaving me to settle the kids for the night, my realization of the situation set in- I started to shake uncontrollably.  It wasn't the fact that he had broken it, but how white he was.  He had walked from the swing set on the opposite side of the house from the sliding glass door all the way back to me on the couch that is on the wall that almost touches the swing set.  When he made it to me, he finally allowed himself to relax, almost giving himself permission to pass out.  He is such a strong kid! 

I made sure Shelby had a ride home from tutoring, made sure Keilie understood the instructions (you can do anything, watch anything, eat anything, have anything, just don't let anyone get hurt while we are gone!) and headed for the ER myself.  By the time I got there, they'd put him in a room, gotten the x-ray, and given him some pain meds.  This is how he looked when I sat down at his bedside.

 And then the wait began.  I arrived at 4:44pm, and things didn't really start happening until about 6:30pm.  The doctor came in to talk with us about anesthesia risks, and what they would do.  He would have conscious sedation, meaning he would "feel" it, but not remember it.  He would close his eyes as if asleep, but not be completely out.  He would "act" as if in pain, but he would not remember a single thing.  Because of the amount of pain meds and other things that Caden has endured this year alone, they needed almost three times the amount of sedation they thought they would, without giving him more than was allowable.  The doctor asked Caden if he was ready to go to Hawaii, just as he was nodding off. 

Once "out" enough, one of the doctors pushed the bone back in place.  Caden didn't really open his eyes, but in a very pained/slurred voice, said, "OW.  Stop That Right Now!"  It took maybe 5 seconds and they were already putting his arm under the massive x-ray machine they had in there to check and make sure it was set.  It wasn't- he had to push again.  This time, Caden was a little more "upset."  He started to thrash around a little more, kicking his legs with a little more vigor.  Again, a few seconds of pain and then the x-ray.  It was good this time.  While they were trying to wrap it up, Caden was not happy.  They looked to me to come in.  As soon as I grabbed his good arm and placed my hand to his face, saying it was done, he relaxed into his bed.  It felt amazing- my son knows my voice, he trusts me.

As he was coming out of it, the doctor asked how he was doing.  "I was doing my homework on the beach."  We all laughed and laughed.  He may have gone to Hawaii, but he took his studies with him.

 It was a stressful night, but not as bad as others we have endured.  Yes, he went to the hospital, yes he had a sedated procedure, but he slept at home that night.  A broken arm feels so easy, so curable.  The 6 weeks that this will take to heal are going to be easy-peasy.  We will still be able to do many things as a family, we will still be able to party in our three month window.  This almost feels as if it is nothing.

I'll breath a little easier once he gets his hard cast on.  I'm just so nervous to even have it bumped.  Because one thing I know: I never want to see him that white again.

Needless to say, Caden still has not raked the leaves at Sacajawea Park.  His fault, not ours this time!

Strength

In between Sessions of General Conference yesterday, we decided to go to Sacajawea State Park and enjoy the changing leaves next to the river.  We were not disappointed.

In fact, Caden was so inspired, he begged us to go back to rake the ninety-seven millions of leaves into a massive pile and do some jumping.  And then he had one of his epic teenage tantrums when Randy said no, insinuating that he was 'horrible father of the year.'  And we laughed and laughed.  And still said no.

On the way home we passed a broken down van just as the elderly woman driver got out to check the cause- a flat tire.  We took a detour to come back and help, thus giving Randy an excellent time to teach Caden his first flat-tire lesson.

It was an amazing feeling watching Caden lean in to listen and learn, anxious to do some of the work himself.  As I watched him lift the spare while Randy took the flat tire to her "trunk," I couldn't help but feel such pride for my men.  For their physical strength as well as their strength of character.  Randy is an excellent example, Caden and excellent student.

I am the luckiest girl in the world.