Ligaments

One of the reasons I was most put out about not having an appointment time yesterday was because I really needed that appointment.  I have had back problems for almost as long as Randy and I have known one another.  We were in a bad accident (one that we probably should have died, to tell you the truth) in April 2000, just days before Randy proposed to me.  My feet were on the dashboard when we swerved off the freeway and into a ditch, going 80 MPH.  We were traveling Southbound, yet the sheer force of the accident propelled our car to end up in the ditch facing North.  We walked away from that accident, miraculously, but my back has never been the same.

I've had times where my back didn't hurt for a long time, and others where I have problem after problem after problem.  A couple months ago, I raked some leaves and a couple days later couldn't get off of the floor.  Truly, I hurt so bad with even the tiniest of breaths, I needed Jamie to come and help me off of the floor.  I couldn't roll over.  I couldn't sit.  I couldn't stand.  I couldn't walk without help.  I was prostate on my back for an entire week, it hurt so bad.

Since that week of my own personal agony, I have been taking everything very seriously when it comes to my back.  If I have a day of extreme cleaning, I take multiple breaks laying on ice.  I do not do any heavy lifting.  I do not do anything that could compromise my back-- I am scared to get to that point again.  I am 35 years old and had to have help getting off of the floor.  I can laugh about it now (Help!  I've fallen and I can't get up!!), but it was the worst pain I have ever been in.  And I had Brennon without an epidural.

After Jamie got me onto the couch, and after I could finally talk after crying so hard, I was put in touch with two chiropractors via friend requests.  One told me to wait a few days, and then come in to see him.  I said that was fine, since I couldn't move anyway.  The other said I needed to come in immediately, that he had tools to help get the muscles to ease up.  Tricia, the friend that had called her own chiropractor, sent me a text.  "You have an appointment tomorrow.  I'll be there to carry you in to see him."  And she did.  I have been seeing him on a regular basis (minus the month of cancer care) to try and get my back in better shape.  My spine was in a bad way.

Two Sundays ago, while sitting in Sacrament Meeting, my back started to hurt, for no reason at all.  I was just sitting there, and then BAM, my back was bothering me.  It just so happened that the next day I had an appointment with the chiropractor.  He helped 'pop' the spot that was bothering me, so I thought all was well.  However, I walked out of his office, stepped off of the curb, and felt it 'pop' again.  He had told me before that it was normal to get an adjustment and then have it take a few days to settle, so I thought this was one of those time.  I came home to lay on ice.  And have pretty much been on that couch the whole week.  Not like the 'Raking Week,' but kind of worse (in my mind, anyway), since I hadn't done anything to warrant that kind of pain.  So, when I saw that I had an appointment on my calendar for yesterday, I was grateful, because my back had been hurting the entire week, getting worse and worse by the day.  I almost started to cry when she told me that it was for next Monday.

I came home deflated, made Tyson his stupid lunch, took it to him, and came home to lay on ice again.  My back was to the point that I had about 30 minutes of standing/walking/being upright before I needed to lay down again.  While laying on the couch, the morning came crashing down around me, and I started to cry.  I felt horrible about how I had treated my baby, horrible about the fact that I can't be a little more flexible sometimes with my strict schedules and time anxieties, horrible that I would have to wait another week in pain.  I cried myself out, and made a call to ask if they could squeeze me in.  I don't usually make "emergency" appointments-- I just don't want to be a bother, I know people are busy, but I had reached my threshold.  I needed help.

While in the appointment, I almost passed out from the pain.  It happened the first few times I went to see him, actually.  And the snot-faced tears and whimpers of agony I have had in his office-- it's a wonder I can even show my face in there at all.  I guess it just goes to show how desperate I am.  Anyway, he did all of the adjustments that he's done before, but the pain remained, just as severe as before.  When I told him I had walked out of there in pain the week before, he told me that I should have walked right back inside.  Except, he had told me many times before that it was normal for adjustments to take a few days.  My mind can't decipher when it is alright to be in pain, and when it is alright to go back in!  I don't know what is "normal" pain after and adjustment!  So this time, I kept telling him when and what would ignite the pain.  It was surmised that I have ligament damage, that it is worse than just spasming muscles.  He worked on me for 30 minutes, with each "exercise" or "adjustment" more excruciating than the one before.  "Stephanie, I need you to breathe.  You are going to pass out!"  "Ummm....... I KNOW!" I was screaming in my dizzy mind.  But the pain was almost too much to bear-- I almost wanted to pass out.  I have thought many times that I would endure any amount of pain if he could just 'pop' me back into place, that I would endure enough pain to pass out, if it would just help relieve my never ending back problems.

"Stephanie, you are one.tough.woman.  When you put your mind to something, you go for it!"

As I was walking out of his office, sporting a new "belt" that helps keep my hips immobile, I looked him right in the eye, "So, to be clear, I am walking out of here in extreme pain.  This time, this appointment, that is OK?"

"Yes."

So I came home to lay on the couch with ice.  Apparently my day could, and did, get worse yesterday.  And, guess what, we're most likely going to be packing and moving in a month and a week!  

Awesome!!