Conversation?

Jamie told me about a product while we were working out at the gym on Wednesday.  I hadn't heard of it before, so she sent me links to look at it later that afternoon.  After looking it up, I told myself that I was going to talk with Randy about it.  I forgot for two days..... or so I thought!

While at the gym yesterday, I remembered about the product while we were on the same gym equipment, remembering that I had forgotten to tell Randy about it.  In an off-hand comment, I told her that I'd forgotten and that I needed to remember to talk with him when I got home, to which she replied that she'd read the articles I'd sent her on Facebook.  I haven't been on Facebook since Caden passed (really, for the last few years), so I didn't know what she was talking about.  She continued to tell me that I'd sent her something the night before in reference to the product.  I hadn't, and since I hadn't spoken to Randy about it, I thought our shared Facebook account had been hacked.  She had me read the articles, which were sort of about conspiracy theories of people that were put on "naughty lists" because they'd spoken out or questioned the product, so it really got me worried that we'd been hacked.  Then I noticed that the time stamp was 10:43pm, a time which I was certain that we were in bed and I knew-- we.had.been.hacked!  I started to feel really, really nervous, so I asked her to call Randy right then and there.  What I heard next still has me in knots.  I just can't believe this happened!

"Honey, did you send Jamie messages on Facebook last night?  I think we've been hacked!"
"Yes.  We both did.  You don't remember?"

He proceeded to tell me that I'd brought up the product while we were getting ready for bed, telling him all about it in great detail.  We got onto the website together, looking at before-and-after pictures, then Randy started looking for hoax possibilities and articles.  Apparently he showed me a few hoax comments, telling me that he was sending them to Jamie.  At this, I rolled over and stopped talking to him.  He sent them, and we went to bed.

Here's how I remember it: I took my sleep aid tablet that was prescribed to me and filled on the night of Caden's passing.  We watched one more episode of the show we're watching on Netflix, then we headed for bed.  We talked for a little bit about how the pharmacist was mistaken about timing when he wouldn't let me fill the prescription the day before, because it hadn't been a whole month.  We prayed and I rolled over, the universal Stephanie sign that I'm going to sleep.  That's it.  No conversation.  No before-and-after pictures.  Nothing.  Just rolling over and then waking the next morning at 6:20am to take Keilie to school.

I've been taking this medication for an entire month, each and every night.  Today is the exact month anniversary.  (My gosh, I miss Caden)  I do not even have the slightest recognition that I even talked with him about any of it.  I completely thought we'd been hacked.  It was on my mental to-do list.  But I already had.  And I do not remember.  It makes me feel so weird.  It makes me feel so off.  It makes me wonder what else I've done and just don't remember.  Honestly, the possibilities are endless; from simply having a conversation, to more sinister and dangerous possibilities-- it feels SO WEIRD!

Randy asked if I thought I still needed the prescription.  The answer is: yes.  I am still having the hardest time turning my mind off.  It's been a problem for a while now, but it has been much worse the past month.  There is no difference between nap time and night time-- I am completely exhausted, yet I cannot sleep.  The prescription turns off my brain for me.  But, honestly, I now questions whether I should take it anymore.  I have an appointment next week with my doctor.  I'll ask him about it.  It may have been the anxiety of selling the Bronco that day that spurred it all.  Who knows.  No matter the cause, it feels so weird knowing I did something that I simply cannot remember doing.