Last Gifts

Caden always cared about giving gifts-- that is one thing that we will always remember about him: he was the best gift giver.  After our news in June, my Aunt Debbie sent Caden a letter giving him the idea (and some money) to get his siblings something to remember him by.  When he first received the letter, he read it, folded it back up without saying a word, and set it aside.  Because I didn't want to invade his privacy (even though I knew generally about the letter before he received it), I didn't ask him about it, wanting him to come to me if he wanted.  After all, I didn't know how to form and speak the words, "Hey, so you have this money, what are you going to buy for your siblings as a last remembrance?"  Honestly, the whole thing was too much for me to even think about.

A few weeks later, Caden came to Randy with an idea for his brothers.  Without really telling me about it, they went to Sportsman's Warehouse and got things rolling for Brennon and Tyson's.  They bought the boys the Swiss Army knives he wanted, took them to a local engraving shop, and then came home to order the boxes that Caden wanted to keep them in, since the store was out-of-stock.  Once the boxes arrived and the engraving shop was finished, Brennon and Tyson's gift were "assembled" and set aside, pretty much without me being involved.  It's weird, because that was when it really kind of became real for me.  My dying son was buying his last gifts for his siblings.  It was unbearable for me to imagine.

Because Caden loved researching and multiple options (he is Randy's son after all!) he got onto Etsy to find a necklace for his sisters.  He found a place that gave a free jewelry box with each engraved necklace, perfect since he wanted something special to hold each gift in.  And then came my involvement (against my mental and emotional capacity, to be honest)-- Randy asked me to join them to give my opinion on wording for both the necklace and the box.  As I pulled up my chair next to theirs, I could feel my heart start to burn, my mind go blank, my stomach start to twist and burn, and my eyes start to tear up.  I did not want to even think about this, not then, not ever.  Randy got a little frustrated at me (not so Caden could see, but when you've been married as long as we have, you noticed little subtleties like that-- it wasn't super noticeable to others) for not giving my opinion quicker, but honestly, I was trying harder than ever not to break down. Because this was so hard for me (even now, I can't think about what it felt like without crying), I am still so grateful that Randy was the one that helped Caden so much in getting these gifts.  He was so strong while I was breaking.

(An actual picture from one of their research sessions at the computer)

We thought he might give them for Christmas.  How grateful I am that they were ready on that special, beautifully spiritual, brutal, heartbreaking early-morning of October 4th.

I need to apologize now for some of the angles of these pictures-- the reflective surfaces made it difficult to capture what is inscribed without seeing mostly myself, my camera, or bright exposure.

(Keilie/Shelby, Families are Forever. Love, Caden)

Thank you for giving him the idea, Aunt Debbie.  Treasures without price.