Promises

Our friends, the Ostrowsky's, came to visit us on the night that Caden passed, giving us gifts and cards, and our inside joke, Big Hunk candy bars.  It was wonderful to have them in our home, loving and laughing.  They knew what we were going through-- their son passed away unexpectedly in December.  Our stories have intertwined many times over the last almost-four years, with each of us giving something the other needed at differing times in our plot twists.  They took our kids to play within days of Caden being diagnosed, we helped where we could when Landon was flown to Seattle (Caden was recovering from another major surgery), and on and on.  But, I feel as if I have so much to still give to these wonderful people that shared their experience meeting Elder Neil L. Anderson in June-- they told us that night that we could do Caden's temple work.  In all honesty, it had never even crossed my mind that we ever would, really.  He was 16!  At their words, I had electricity zing through my veins-- my child, my son needs his temple work done!

From that moment, it was a constant thought in my head.  Truly, some of my napping problems stemmed from thinking and thinking of making arrangements for the session.  It was pressing down on me, this need for my son to make covenants and promises with his Heavenly Father that he could not do on earth, just like the hundreds of deceased peoples we'd done the same for before.  "For the dead" has become more than just words for me now.  I will never view them so distant, nor take them for granted again.  Randy and I felt the same urgency to get it done during the Holidays.  Then we found Caden's actual temple recommend in his wallet-- it was current, but would expire November 2017.  It then became more than just something we wanted to get done before the end of the year, but before the end of November.  Bishop contacted those that he needed to, getting us the printed card two weeks after he passed.  It was then possible to do it whenever we wanted.  Our/Caden's day came November 11th, 2017.

Because of the sacred nature of the temple, I won't go into much detail, other than to say it was one of the most sacred and beautiful and special days of my life.  Randy held Caden's card, I held Caden's recommend.  With each completed promise I wept, thinking of all that my son was gaining and accepting for his missions in heaven.  The Spirit was so strong and beautiful.  Oh, the peace.

As I waited for Randy to meet up with me, I felt a growing anticipation and anxiety to be with him, to hug and be near him, to cry with him, to rejoice with him.  A friend that was instrumental in helping us decide to do it sooner rather than later, hugged me with the question, "Are you waiting for your son?"  She knew.  I was.  I knew that when Randy entered where I was waiting, Caden would be next to him.  To feel my son next to me was something to yearn for and anticipate with my whole soul.  It is so confusing to wish he could be next to me every single second, but be so grateful and excited that he can finally serve a mission-- he wanted to so badly.  My heart filled to overflowing the second I glimpsed my Mister-- Oh, how I love that man!  I am the luckiest girl in the world.

While my heart was overflowing with love and joy, it also broke just a little bit.  With these promises, these covenants that we helped Caden to make, we also finished the absolute last task we could, and ever would, for our son.  There is nothing else we can do for him.  Sure, we can remember him, but that is not a conscious choice, that will be as natural as breathing.  But to actually serve and give of ourselves for my child, there is nothing left to do.

Caden's headstone arrived on the 15th at the cemetery.  I rushed over to make the final payment, giving them the go-ahead to lay it as soon as they could.  We're anticipating it being laid today or tomorrow.  Once the cement cures, everything will be finalized.  Everything will be real.  Our son is not coming back.  Our son really is in heaven.  Gone from our eyes, never from our hearts.

Caden, I love you.

I love you.

I love you.