Shoe

A couple times during the week after Caden's passing we'd find Mira carrying around one of Caden's shoes.  She has never chewed on a shoe, simply liking to carry them in her mouth.  It's a Mira thing to carry things around in her mouth.  It's been a few weeks, but yesterday I came down to this...

His room is always open, so she has access at all time to get it.  Once I noticed that she wasn't really caring about it anymore, I took it back up to his closet, wanting to keep his things just-so.  When I got back from the gym a few hours later, this....

Caden must have been with us yesterday, knowing that it was the day that his Bronco would sell. Honestly, it was so unexpected that it would happen so fast and on that very day, just hours after the inquiry, it felt almost like a blow.  That shoe is a reminder that Mira misses Caden.  I wish I could smell as well as her, that I could still smell Caden on his clothes or pillows.  I would sniff and sniff and sniff.

Seeing the Bronco in the garage as a daily reminder that he isn't here was hard.  I'm not sure if having the empty space in the garage is any easier.  This is all just so, so, so painful.  It's hard to find the silver lining where that Bronco is concerned, since his passing.   

**I wrote this before going to the gym on 11/3/17.  When I returned from the gym, the shoe was downstairs again.  That's two days in a row now.  It's still downstairs-- I'll take it back up when I put the kids to bed tonight.